This post is a long time coming. Before I even start I have to Thank God for seeing this day. So many nights and days I cried, and he sent this one person who I use to work with, to tell me to move on with my life and not worry or focus on the relationship my daughter’s father had with her. I had heard that so many times, but when she told me in her own way….I got it.
When Neishia was born, me and her dad was very close. But as time went on, we grew apart. I was trying to understand mother hood and he was just getting to learn himself. We were both 19 by the time Neisha was 2 months old, everything fell apart. I was very close to his mom, aunts, sister, and all his cousins, so I knew that Neisha would know her family. I was so busy chasing him, and hoping that we could get back together, but he was out doing his own thing. After a while, I was bitter and very angry. I turned into a monster, and was very jealous of his freedom. He would come over and spend time with us, and buy the things Neisha needed. I was so in love with this man, it didn’t make sense. Looking back on this, I said I will never LOVE ANOTHER MAN like I loved him. It was a sin, I was so gone. SMH. LOL I can laugh about it now, but I was dangerously in Love. What bother me the most about myself back then was that I kept him from his daughter many times. That was my way of getting back at him. I was so ignorant. My parents use to tell me that I was wrong for doing that to him, and that one day I would pay for it.
Her dad was always around, but not as he should have been. He loved women. Thats one thing that bothered me about him. He was good-looking and he knew it. All the women wanted to know who was La’Crease. Everywhere I went women were coming up to me saying “you’re toes baby momma”! He loved them, and they loved him. By this time, I had to cut off sex with him. I had finally figured out why women stay connected to men……..in was in the sex. Read cha bibles. LOL After I cut that off with him, I was able to finally move on. Lord knows that was one of the hardest things that I had to ever do. But after he did one more thing that devastated me to my heart, that was the last straw. He crossed the line and I was done with him. I had never in my life felt a pain in my heart so deep. I will never forget that day, and that pain. I can easily forgive someone. I didn’t hold a grudge against him, but he kinda stayed away on his own.
I remember him telling me that he was getting married. I was happy for him. but I knew him better than anyone. I went to the wedding and the reception. I never really had a relationship with his wife, but I’ll never forget the times when I was low on food, utilities were about to get cut off. I called their house and his wife told me that $15.00 a week is enough to take care of Neisha’s needs. I guess I was bugging them. I was so mad I didn’t know what to do. She also told me that the reason why he quits his jobs is because child support takes most of his money. That pissed me off, because they were living good and I was struggling. I cried so many nights. One day he bought Neishia a bed and put everything up except the bed post . I was on FIYAH!. He told me to get my man to “put it up”. I was done with calling their house. When I got on my feet, I promise to never call him and ask for a dime. And I never looked back. Neisha was his only child until his wife got pregnant and had a son. I was happy for Neisha, because she was the only child and she needed to have siblings. His wife loved the fact that she had his baby, and that he was in his life. I grew up with my parents in the home, so I would have been happy too.
One day he told me and Neisha that they were moving to Atlanta. It didn’t really bother me, because Neisha was just out of high school and by this time, they had started to build their own relationship. She was cool with it, and so was I. They left. But a few years later, he came back to Detroit. She didn’t come. I knew something was up then. He called Neisha and told her he was here for a while. I saw it all coming… SMH thinking about it. LOL I know that man all to well. As soon as he got her, he came to see Neisha. Oh the Love they have for each other is amazing. I hate that he is not with his wife anymore, and that he doesn’t see his son like his son is use to seeing his dad. But when you live in different cities, somebody is going to lose and someone is going to win. He loves his kids something deep, always have. God does not like ugly and that’s Real Talk. I wont go deep into that, but you can read in between the lines.
These are the days that I have wanted all my life to see. Never thought they could happen. Mar’Neisha and her dad are so close that it brings tears to my eyes. They text each other every day allllllllllll day. They see each other 3-4 times a week, and talk on the phone daily. I never in a million years thought this day exist. I love seeing them together, playing and laughing, sharing secrets, taking pictures, loving each other . They call me a “hater” because I’m always talking about how they act like they hate to leave each other. I love the way he looks at her, you can see in his eyes just how proud of her he is. He admires her, and compliments her, motivates her, and adore her. She loves him and they are always hugging. If anyone told me that I would see these days, I would have told them to get out of my life, it’s a LIE!! LOL I enjoy seeing them together. When she comes in the house from being with him, she’ll say “ma…my daddy says he loves you”. I know his love for me is because we share a daughter together….nothing more. I respect the fact that he is still married and that his wife is still #1 in my eyes. I just wish that his son who is about 11 could enjoy the same love that Neisha is getting from their dad. No kid should be without their father. But at the same time, I can’t help but to think …how would Neisha and her dad’s relationship would have been if he had stayed in Atlanta. In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy Neisha’s and her dad’s relationship. Something that was always there, but took us to both grow up and realize that it was NEVER about me and him being together, but being together for Mar’Neishia.
She works for a JUDGE @ Frank Murphy Hall of Justice Court house.
Lord, I Thank you for seeing this day. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Lord. My prayer has been answered. Thank you!