People ask me all the time…. how do you stay so positive, and in such a good mood. First, I say, being a Christian is hard work. In my mind its do it, or die. I have to constantly remind the everyday people that I work with, that I haven’t always been this person. It took LOTS and LOTS of hard work…. not to mention many testimonies. My parents use to tell me daily you need to change your attitude!!! I didn’t realize that I was angry, until I moved out on my own and started experiencing my own trials. Looking back on those days, I don’t see how I even came up with the energy to be that way. Being mean is hard work. LOL It takes lots of facial muscles, angry thoughts, video footage that play daily in your mind of beating somebody up who disrespected you, to be this way. Its not cute, and I hope that if you are this person, you need to look in the mirror at yourself, and find out why are you this way. And ask God to help you change into the person he designed for you to be.
I often ask God why is it so hard to reach these young gurls that I minister to, and why do I have the passion to stress it so deeply? He said it because you were once that young gurl, and you know they have it in them to change, and that’s where my desire comes from the help them. Its really hard work, because you know that they hear you, but how long will it take for the “medication” to set in. When I see young gurls being fast, and giving their bodies to these boys/men, it does something to my heart. If I could give them a glimpse of their lives when they’re my age, they would pull up their panties and hot tail out of site. I wish that I had someone to talk to when I was their age, this is why its so important for me to reach them. Some will listen to me, some won’t. That’s okay, if I can reach that ‘some” I’m good.
I love the fact that I have so much patience with my gurls,, but none with adults. LOL How did that happen? I can go over something 2000 times with my gurls, but will only willing to go over something with an adult 2 times. One day this gurl came through my line, and I was asking her how many months she was, and when was her baby due. She told me that she was going to have an abortion. I turned off my light at my register, and talk to her so deeply. I told her that I had an abortion with I was 19 years old by my daughters dad, and that was the worst mistake that I ever made. I begged her to re- think about it, and it may seem as if times are hard, and they will be, I told her to ask and believe that God will be there to help her, to comfort her and to guide her. I cried, she cried I talked to this gurl till she and I both were blue in the face. She left the store.
I remember sitting in subway one day taking my break ( we have a subway in my store), and this gurl walked up to me, I didn’t recognize her as she walked towards me. She looked me dead in the eye and said….. Do you remember me? I said Ah….. boo I don’t. She said I’m the gurl who you talked into NOT having an abortion, here is my baby, OMG I LOST IT, I CRIED AND CRIED. The baby was almost 1 years old, she said that she’s so glad that I TALKED TO HER. And that she looks at her baby everyday and can’t believe that she even THOUGHT about aborting him. I hugged them both and just Thank God that he used me to do this. I am not ashamed of the things that I did in the past, I have asked God for forgiveness and is NEVER afraid of what anyone think of me. Ever. I refuse to go through stuff for free. Meaning, someone will learn from my mistakes, I will not be afraid to tell the story. There was a time when I wouldn’t tell a thing about my past. I am very private when it comes to me, but when it comes to my mistakes, I have no problem sharing.
This is one of the reason why I HATE secrets. Secrets have kept a lot of people from knowing the truth. People get so caught up in the fact that others will know what they did, they chose to hide it, and it end up coming out later and really hurting others.
Everyday I have this vision of living in this huge house in Atlanta, and 2-3 times a week we meet( My Raisingurls) and have our meetings ( at my home). Sometimes with their parents, but most time just me and my (a) co-heart. Its like I’m obsessed with this thought. I see us cooking in the kitchen, making cookies for the seniors, helping them grocery shop, me raising up Leaders for the next generation of young gurls. I see all kinds of breakthroughs in this vision. This will come to pass.