Today is one of those days where Im quiet trying to figure out where my head is about life. Got up this morning was suppose to go and work out, but me and Neisha went to bed around 5ish lol we were so sleepy. We had a plan. We said that we were going to set our phones @8am, go to the gym get on the treadmill for 30 minutes, then go to the grocery store. Come home and go back to sleep for a few hours. So we slept on the couch to keep from sleeping hard. Dont you know when that phone went off, we looked at each other and went back to sleep. LOL We were sleeeepy!!! I got up about 12, and I havent been back to sleep yet, but its 1:24 am and Im there!!!
I have a relationship with God that when he speaks to me I know his voice. Lately I have been really peed off by the media and how they really dog out Tyler Perry, Tameka Raymond, and now my Tweeter gurl Shaunie O Neal. It bothers me so bad, people dont know what others are going through. And I know this comes with the success. But why do people have to be so mean, and so into their business. If people take shots at celebrities who they don’t see, just imagine what they do to those who they do see. It’s really a shame and ignorant to Judge people so harshly as they do. Some of the articles Ive read, I know it has to be sad for God. And you know….. Im guilty myself.
Yesterday I was so angry at this guy on Twitter that I posted something to him very mean, then I blocked him. Someone else read it and reposted something to me. At that point I knew that I was out-of-order. I made a promise to myself that I wouldnt post anything negative to anyone, just because I don’t like what they’ve said about someone. Im tired I can’t and dont have the time to post to everyone who doesnt see what I see in a Tyler Perry movie, or who constantly diss Tameka Raymond for divorce. I can’t do that any longer. I have so many things in my life that I can spend that time on, and if the post bothers me Im just going to click out of the window no matter how bad I want to post. Im finding myself acting JUST LIKE THEM…….. and thats a NO NO!!! OH NO. I will not behave that way again. Im not proud of some of the things that Ive posted, I can’t take it back, but I can show myself some respect, and self-control by moving on. So thats a what Im going to work on with God’s help.
Last night I had a dream that the guy who molested me was out of jail, sitting next to me on a bench. I noticed that it was him and I just looked at him. He’s a very dark-skinned man, but he seem lighter this time. He’s always had white teeth, in the dream he kept smiling at me saying… its been a while do you remember back in the day. And I was soooo nervous, I tried to ignore him. But he kept looking at me asking me questions about in the past and smiling just like a sexual predator UGHHHHHHH. I don’t ever had to worry about him because he’s locked up for GOOD!
Then FLASH FORWARD TO REAL LIFE, a long time friend told me that she married the guy who raped me when I was 17. Yes she MARRIED HIM!!!! MARRIED HIM! MARRIED! She doesnt know what he did to me. All I need is for him and her to come thru my line one day and I will probaly walk off my shift. He would remeber, but she wont have a clue. Ughhhh the site of him will make me turn purple probaly. He’s locked up and will be home soon. VERY SOON SMH
Can you handle this….. I can’t 😦