Day: May 30, 2006

The Seven Deadly Dating Sins      

   

I wish I had a dollar for every time I’ve come across a woman who thought her new relationship was progressing when seemingly out of nowhere it fell apart. Her man was mysteriously gone, and she was clueless as to why.

From what I’ve observed as a relationship therapist, during the dating phase men may be almost totally silent about something that bothers them until the very moment they can’t take it anymore and abruptly pull the plug. They may never explain exactly what caused the sudden change. They simply disappear without a trace, and the women are left wondering, Why didn’t he just say something?

 

 By Dr. Ronn Elmore~

1. Too Intimate Too Soon

CeCe always prided herself on keeping her wits about her when the heat was on, but it had been a while since she had been with a man who was so attentive. Even though it was only her second date with Errol, she felt as if some of her long-lost sense of romance and passion were being reawakened. Before she knew it, she was caught up in the moment doing what she knew better than to do. Afterward she remembered staring at the ceiling until dawn wondering why she had given in. Errol called the following day (thank goodness) and sounded, well, casual. CeCe began to obsess over everything, from the tone of his voice to the regularity of his calls and even his facial expressions. She couldn’t stop wondering what he really thought of her and whether their relationship was going anywhere, Errol liked her but began to feel that the cost of having sex with CeCe was too high. He wasn’t ready to declare a long-term commitment to her. It was too early in the game to be pinned down. Their budding romance died on the vine before it ever had a chance to bloom.

What went wrong: Premature sex tends to bump expectations up to a higher level when there’s no relationship to base them on. Sure, you get the physical pleasure, but there can be a tendency to overplay the emotional content of the act. It becomes nearly impossible to return to the early stages of building a relationship incrementally after you’ve shared your body- and, at least momentarily, your heart- with him. You’ll probably find him too much of an emotional risk; he’s likely to feel its too much work to live up to the expectations he thinks you have now.

Solution: Have your limits firmly set in your mind before he rings your doorbell for that first date. You’re less likely to get lost in the moment if you think ahead to the morning after and how you’ll feel if he gets the idea that it doesn’t take much for you to compromise your limits. If you have no intentions of ending up in bed with him, consider confining your date to very public places.

     You must also understand that men are wired differently from women.  After intense physical or emotional intimacy, men typically move to reclaim their sense of independence. They instinctively move away from you, a little or a lot, in preparation for moving closer to you. It’s their built-in cycle: independence, intimacy, independence…………..

 Dating Sin # 2 tomorrow!