I have NO room to JUDGE/BLOG

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I was just in the bathroom thinking as I always do… too much sometimes. About all the mistakes I made in my teens and in my 20’s and early 30’s. The things I did, said. I will continue to give my advice, and I will always TELL THE TRUTH AND I DON’T CARE HOW MAD A PERSON GET AT ME… (( cause at the end of the day that’s YOUR story and NOT LACREASE ( mines)) .Forgive me.. but I say that with GREAT ARROGANCE! FRFR Because at the end of the day, I’m going to my apartment, CLOSE MY DOOR,  cross my legs turn on the TV, and that will still be YOUR story.

I came to the BIGGEST CONCLUSION…. looking back at MY life. I have absolutely NO ROOM AT ALL PERIOD… to JUDGE anyone ever!!! I really had my share of making bad decisions. I’m also happy that I can share them with others going through the same things. All I ask is that you TAKE WHAT YOU NEED FROM MY CONVERSATIONS and ADVICE.

I ask that you go down memory lane of all the things you did wrong IN YOUR EARLY DAYS, and ask yourself…. DO I HAVE ROOM TO JUDGE? Just remember this is NOT your story anymore, you are only a coach to someone.

I AM La’Crease and I don’t have to do ANYTHING ELSE

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I challenge you to get to know YOURSELF… all over again!/BLOG

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Hey

Today I decided to call off from work. Its been a while since I did that, because when I do I feel so guilty. But tonight I’m glad I did. Today was one of those days where I’m feeling some kinda way. So many questions to God and things that I have learned about myself. I really needed this day off.

I challenge you to get to know yourself, think about YOU, realize and come to some conclusions about things. Think about consequences YOU had to deal with because of YOUR immature decisions.  Its okay. Cry, laugh, and think about things in the past. I did and I’m glad. I want to share them with you.

  • I find myself often asking God, why do we have to stay “down here” with people who just want to kill and hurt others? Yes, I know Jesus will come for us, and I look forward to that day. But I still ask, because I often wonder if I could survive if some of the things that happen to others, would happen to me. That’s so scary to me.
  • I realize that once upon a time.. I cared what people thought about me. I cared about the wrong things. Recently a coworker came to me and told me that she was pregnant with her 3rd baby, at 19. She was feeling some kinda way, because she and her kids father were already having a hard time with a baby sister while they work, not to mention the fact that she was embarrassed, and ashamed that she was pregnant again. I was so happy she came to me, because of my experience I was able to help her come to her conclusion. I was so glad that I am a person who can share my experiences (( because I revisited them and healed)) with others, and I don’t GIVE A DAM about what people think ANYMORE. I told her how I had my daughter at 19 and 3 months later I was pregnant again. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone except her dad. I was ashamed and VERY AFRAID WHAT OTHERS WOULD THINK OF ME. I decided very quickly that I would have an abortion. I was especially afraid of what my parents would think of me. At 3 months I had an abortion and never thought about it again until I was in my 30’s. I shared my story with my co-worker and told her this: This is YOUR baby, yes you may be ashamed, but at the end of the day….. if you decide to have an abortion it will be with you for the rest of your life. You can raise this baby, you can do it. When you lay eyes on your baby for the first time, you’re going to ask yourself…. how could I ever consider killing you? I told her don’t care or worry about what the next person has to say about you, because at the end of the day this is your baby, YES THE ONE GOD GAVE YOU. And with that, her baby boy will be born sometimes this summer. Amen!
  • I realize that I enjoy being alone more that I ever thought. My personality attracts a lot of people. No matter where I go someone always have a story for me. I don’t mind because God wired me up to be a listener and a person who gives good GODLY advice. I’ll be 50 this year, and with my age comes a lot of experience and WISDOM. With that being said.. so when I’m home, I like to chill out. I don’t talk on the phone unless its my parents or my siblings. (( and I have the nerve to have the iPhone 7 PLUS)) I hate talking on the phone. So I write a lot and that’s my personal therapy. Now don’t get me wrong. I LOVE being around people, I love  going to the movies, or my favorite mall. I love get to gethers to play cards, laugh and talk junk. I LOVE to travel, and I LOVE ENTERTAINMENT. Its just that when I’m HOME… that’s my place of PEACE.. AND I LET NO ONE DISTURB THAT LIFE!
  • I’m very territorial when it comes to my daughter, my family and a few friends.
  • I HATE when women talk about other women. I just HATE it. What they don’t realize is, when you do that, you’re only making your OWN self esteem go down. What you think about others, you FEAR others think about you. FLAT OUT! Stop that. Build! Find something about her that stands out in a good way and focus on that in your mind. Trust me, she has something way more valuable than you. God made her differently.
  • I love about myself is the fact that I don’t have to look cute everyday. I can throw on some clean clothes and just run my errands looking ruff in the face. And, I know that I can throw on some clothes and as soon as I hit the outdoors MEN ARE STARING AND SMILING.. I love this about myself. LOVE IT. I DO ME DAILY! ME ME ME… now do YOU YOU YOU!

Take a inventory of yourself and discover you all over again!

I AM La’Crease and I don’t have to do ANYTHING ELSE!

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At First Site Chemistry/BLOG-REPOST

In 2014, I  went on several interviews searching for the right one for me. I was called to a 10:00 am appointment and when I walked into the lobby I was feeling GREAT and CONFIDENT.

I  checked in, then sat on the couch and waited for the person to “come out” to get me. As I soaked up the lovely atmosphere, and beautiful interior decorations, I noticed a glance at me. I didn’t pay it any attention because I was busy looking around the place, but when he looked over at me for the  2nd and 3rd time…. I paid attention. I said to myself…… “is this man looking at me?” As I begin to focus on him.. I noticed that he was fine as hell, TALL… handsome, sexy, thick, pretty white teeth, suited up, pretty eyes, sexy lips, goatee, and very humble. I sat there trying to ignore him, because I know how my body respond to what I’m thinking and seeing. A INTERVIEW was the WRONG place for this. I kept trying to ignore his glances, until I realized what he was doing.

I realized …..he was interviewing. I thought to myself…. “I hope he’s not the one doing the interviewing for me.” I’m finding myself staring at him. He’s so dayum fine …he catches my eye. I found it hard to turn away. I was nervous. I can’t be interviewed by him because I know me… I’ll be nervous. Oh my GOD.. I thought to myself.. this is not happening to me. Not today. Not this time in my life. Not for a interview! So… I sat there. I tried to convince  myself that he wasn’t the one to interview me, that maybe there were several interviewers. I had to have went over this in my head about 20 times.

He kept looking at me, so I decided that I was leaving. Nope, I wasn’t about to be interviewed by this man. He was NOT going to intimidate me.  He was NOT going to have me saying stupid stuff and giving dumb answers. Nope not today. Now had this been one of my ruff looking days, I may have taken the stares differently.  Because in my mind, I’m thinking Ok Cree….he thinks you’re cute today, just wait till he sees you looking good. But on this day………………… I was looking good!!! My face was MAC FLAWLESS ** in my Beyonce voice**… skin beautiful, eyes locking, lips poppin, hair on point * no wigs or fake hair*, smile… SMILING, eye lashes batting, smelling good,  had on my all black outfit with my boots…. couldn’t tell me nothing as I left out of my apartment.

I sat there…. I made up my mind that I was leaving. Wasn’t going to put myself through this.. I’ve been down this STREET a time or two of being CHEMISTRY intimidated and not able to get out of it. I stood up, grabbed my purse… just then I remembered that I parked valet and didn’t have my keys. Dayum.. I said to myself and sat back down. I decided that I was going to stay. That I was going to get through this interview and have full control. I fought myself all while he was still interviewing.  There aren’t many times a woman look into a mans eyes and feel a certain way on first site. Its a feeling that paralyzes you. But I must admit its one of the sexiest minutes to be apart of. But dang…. why couldn’t this happen while at the grocery store, mall or restaurant somewhere…… NOT AN INTERVIEW.

He stands up and shakes the hand of the person he just interviewed and the person leaves. My heart is pounding as he’s walking towards me to get to the desk to ask “whose next”. We make eye contact and we speak at the same time. I knew he was coming for me. I felt it. I was in trouble. He goes to the desk and the gurl points at me. “DAMMIT” I said in my mind… he IS the one going to interview me. I embraced myself as he walked towards me looking me DEAD in my eyes, trying to “download” my every thought in my head…..through my eyes. We smiled and its a wrap for me…. I already know. He walks toward me and says ” LaCrease Walker?”…. Yes, I said as I stood up to shake his hand. He walks in front of me and says lets go over to this table * the one he was at while doing the other interview*. I was SO nervous… I started to say… “YOU KNOW WHAT?” I’m good on this job, it was nice for you to call me. I’m outta here. But I didn’t.

He sat in the chair and I sat on the couch. There was also a table there that had all of my information on. I couldn’t turn my mind off of how FINE he was up close. As he looked at my resume, I was trying to calm down. I knew that if I got up to leave, that yes, I would miss out on a good job opportunity, but at that time, it was better than sitting there without my brain..  He looked good from afar, but up close OH MY GAWD!!!! I kept telling myself…GURL….. get it together. It was silence as he looked down. He knew what he was doing. He was loading up on me, when he came up from my resume and asked that first question… I knew he would take FULL CONTROL. After he asked the question… he sat back and had his way with me. Looking me so deep into my eyes, downloading everything about me. Reading me, taking mental notes. Just dogging MEEE out.  All I could do was try to stay focus. The chemistry was so deep..so ALIVE. So in my face. Then he asked more questions. Still staring me in my eyes as I spoke…so sexy and so sensual. I felt my body reacting to his stares. I tried to redirect my thoughts, but he kept staring and thinking. I know my eyes started telling him what my thoughts were… I couldn’t even help it.

 

Whenever he spoke about the company… that was my time to regroup my thoughts and get myself together. I kept having to have these pep talks with myself, because I didn’t know how much of these intense stares I could take. I just wanted to walk out in the middle of  one of HIS QUESTIONS. I didn’t have anything to lose. He didn’t know me and I didn’t know him. Just as I got myself together, there goes another question. A time for me to talk while he download my thoughts. THEN…… in the MIDDLE of me answering a question… he stops me and says… “Take off your coat”.

In my mind…..I’m like this is NOT happening to me!!! This is not. I told him that I was fine. He insist. He wasn’t going to ask another question until I did. The way he said it.. it wasn’t in a sexual way… or out of order…. NOT AT ALL… LET ME BE CLEAR…to him….. it only made sense to “get comfortable”… since I appeared to be ” NERVOUS”. I didn’t  want to do it…. if I ever had a chance to get out of it…. IT WAS GONE NOW. I stood up and the space between his chair and the couch I was sitting on… placed me right in front of him.. LIKE RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. I began taking off my coat… I tried to turn my head as I did it.. but our eyes locked and I PROMISE ON every TRUTH IN ME…. this man took off my coat for me!!!!  His eyes told my coat to come off… AND IT OBEYED  I had never in my life FELT ANYTHING SO INTENSE. When I took it off and sat it on the couch.. I felt NAKED! I am a very shapely woman, and for the first time I didn’t want it seen. Its funny now looking back on it… but it wasn’t then. …. I don’t even remember the interview after that. LOL Whenever he spoke and shared things with me about the company, I reloaded trying to get “the POWER” back that he  was “stealing” from me. Didn’t work.

When it was my turn to answer the questions… my mind started failing me again.. worse every time. I starting thinking about kissing him, laying on the couch…all of this sexual stuff started coming to my mind. I’m saying to myself… “Guuuuuuuuuurl if you don’t knock it off and get it together!!! I couldn’t even help it… I was under a spell. The way he was looking at me.. he knew what he was doing. I was weak and he knew it. He controlled the whole atmosphere and  was loving it. FINALLY …. the interview was over. YES!!!! He said.. I’m going to set you up on for a second interview. I was happy about that. He told me what time to come back in 2 days. I got to my car sat in it….. and almost needed a cigarette. I don’t smoke cigarettes, weed, anything… don’t even drink.. but I needed a hit of something that day. I was in a daze all the way home. I kept hitting my wrist asking myself…. what the HELL JUST HAPPENED? The experience was GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAT!!! But ….. not at a INTERVIEW!

I thought about that man all day and all night. I couldn’t even sleep the meet was that INTENSE. I had a plan for him.I was going to “get that ass back”. When I go back… I was going to be in CONTROL. I was not going to let him take over my mind, sexually and mentally again. I didn’t sleep for 2 days thinking about it. I remembered what he said…. he kept saying how he loved my bubbly personality. This time… I was going to be about BUSINESS . I LOVE that about myself. I can give you BUBBLY, SMILES, LAUGHS, FUNNY, JOKES, COMMUNICATION, SEXY, everything… but when I put on my BUSINESS FACE…….YOU WILL NOT be able to figure me out… because I’m in control of MEEEEEEEEE. I LOOOOOOOVE  that in myself.

The day and hour came for me to go back for a second interview… I walked up in that Hotel like  I WAS PART OWNER.. lol * Sure did*… Had on my BUSINESS face like………..who WANTS TO SEE ME AND WHERE THEY AT?  Guess who comes out to greet me.. looking BETTER THAN THE TWO DAYS BEFORE… GOOD GAWD…. um um ummmmm. One look into my eyes  as we shook hands to greet……and he said….. “You don’t seem as bubbly as you did before”… I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF IN MY MIND. The nerve!!! HAHAHA YES ITS WORKING…. He said you’re okay? I said YES… I’m good!!!!:)  I’m saying in my mind as we lock eyes… “what you want me to sit around here naked in the second interview too?” NOT GON HAPPEN BOO.  I was so happy I had my POWER back. He was looking good though… but I was ready for him and his PARALYZING STARES.

He directs me to the same area we were in before. But this time I sat in the other chair that sits a table and couch. He leaves to get the person who wants to meet and interview me . They both come back, but only the guy who is doing the interviewing sits down, he left.  We got to talking about the job, then about his friends, dogs, homeless people, being sick.. kids, everything. We WERE KICKING IT.. I was so comfortable… I felt so good. He was so cool. I knew I had this job.  I was looking forward to working with him. After a while, it wasn’t even like I was in a interview. It was like we were friends that had a lot in common.

Then…………here HE comes…. didn’t he PARK his FINE ass on the couch.… sat and stared at me THE WHOLE TIME while I was being interviewed. I’m saying to myself.. GOD MAKE HIM LEAVE!!!!! Make him go do something else! I’m thinking why is he sitting in on this persons interview?  OMG..I cant take it. He got me. He got me good.  He watched my every move, heard every word I said.. analyzed me, captivated me, sexually intimidated me, took off my clothes without ONE touch, downloaded all my thoughts, made me apart of his atmosphere, and took all MY POWER away. I tried to ignore his presence… I tried to pretend he wasn’t there. I tried to believe this wasn’t happening to me. I tried to stop looking at him. He was loving it. He knew exactly what he was doing. I had no control. The guy who was doing the interview was so into his story and life.. he had no idea “I left the building.” He had no idea what was happening. He had no idea, that whatever he was talking about I couldn’t hear him.  This man sat there and stared at me like I was dinner and left overs.

After that… didn’t even matter. I was butt naked again.. in his presence. I just let myself go. What the hell I thought to myself… he won! My thoughts took over….. my body REACTED. At one point… I tried hard to get back FOCUSED…. but it was like little kids in my head with markers, crayons, pencils and ink pens… coloring and scribble scrabbling all over my thoughts.

Then came time for paper work. We had to get in the elevator ALONE together.. and oh boy…. NOT THE ELEVATOR…. so personal… so sensual. The chemistry…… can’t even explain. I will say… that I LOVED  the experience.. I LOVED how I felt… I LOVED the attraction and chemistry between us… but it was the wrong place.

He hired me, came time for Orientation, he announced to me and the others that he was leaving for another job….I didn’t know how I felt about that. But one thing I do know, all the other women who were hired started talking about how FINE he was whenever he left the room. 🙂

Looking back, I would NEVER trade this experience in for anything in the world, its not often a WOMAN feel this way on first glance.

*photos are not of anyone in MY story… just a visual*

Digitalino Regular

 

 

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Balance/BLOG

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Back in the day, I would be the LAST person to write on this subject, because I had the biggest attitude in the world. My own mother told me.. ” If you don’t change your attitude someone is going to kill you one day.” For some reason I believed her. I had a FUNKY attitude.

Today… I just can’t walk around like that. I can’t do it. I see so many young gurls walk around with their faces disfigured from frowning, from being mad and angry. So, one day I said God, why is it that I’m connected to these frowns? Am I being paid back for how I use to be? Sometimes I can’t stand to see it, but he always remind me that I was once that same way. I have to deal with it. Thing is…. these days, I most likely know why they are having these issues.

For me it was the stress of my daughters father, my job, whether it was low paying,  or not enough hours, transportation, or babysitter. It was bills, friends getting on my nerves, falling out with neighbors, deciding what to cook or simple as not getting enough sleep. Didn’t matter I always had an attitude. I was mad at the world.

I realized that I didn’t have balance. I didn’t know how to balance my family, job, friends, bills, male friends, any of those things. I didn’t have order. Each day came and did what it wanted to do with me and I had no control. I didn’t have a “to do” list, I just got up out of bed and lived.

Today, I am so well balanced. Of course Im going to always feel that I can do more with my time, but I finally learned how to balance. Its so important. You have to have God time, that’s where your strength come from. You must spend time with your family, your siblings, parents, and friends. It has to be a balance. But whenever you do, make sure you spend time with yourself.

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A Few Quick Words For The Men/BLOG

Men know your worth. Stop looking for women to LIVE with because you’re tired of sleeping on your parents couch or in their basement. Find a job, save money and get your own place. I know you may want to go out with your friends and spend money, but when you are tying to do things on your own, you sacrifice.

Its so not cute when a man finds a woman to live with, and when, she gets mad she wants to throw him out. He maybe the type that says “I’m not going nowhere,” because he REFUSE to go back to his mothers basement.Then he /she has problems.

Some men purposely look for women to take care of them. Some have no intentions of marry the woman he’s staying with, because his only goal is to “get himself together.” But in the meantime, the woman have developed feelings and this will make her feel she was being used in the first place. Then, if they’re not careful babies will soon follow.

Then we have those men who are doing well for themselves, they move a woman in with them and mistreat them. They look at them as fixer uppers. Because a woman who has her own thing going on, and enjoying life, will see no reason to give up her place to go and live with him.

Men you are leaders, make choices that you can live with later and not be a problem to you. Make sure you are doing well for yourself before you enter a woman’s life. Make sure she’s doing well for herself too. If you’re not mentally and financially ready for a relationship, do not move in with that woman. Get yourself together first.

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A few QUICK words/BLOG

Women know your worth. Stop letting these men treat you any kinda way. Stop it. God loves you and he is NEVER pleased when you allow someone to mistreat you. He won’t do you that way BECAUSE he CREATED you, don’t allow anyone else to do it.

Take time to be alone. Stop saying that you HATE to be alone. Stop saying being alone makes you think of your past. Maybe you need to face your past. The more time you spend alone the less drama you become apart of. Invite God into your space. Feel HIS LOVE.

Listen to others their trials and life lessons. Stop feeling that since this is THEIR story, it won’t happen to you one day. LISTEN to them, learn from them so if that storm do come your way, you will have knowledge of it and watch it past right over your house ((life))

Stop judging others, the more you judge someone else, THE HARDER YOU ARE ON YOURSELF!!! Because what you see in them, you will surely see in yourself and then START TO FEEL SOME KINDA WAY. STOP that!

Find out what it feels like to LOVE and be LOVED. Once you get a glimpse of REAL LOVE, you won’t tolerate anything else.. I PROMISE YOU THAT. Ask God to show you that kinda LOVE, be persistent with your prayer about it. Allow him to wrap his arms around you.Embrace it. Feel it. Enjoy it, and DONT EVER FORGET IT.

BlackFat

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Hello I AM…/BLOG

Looking back over the years…. I’ve changed. I’ve changed a lot, and whole lot. The things I use to do, I no longer do them, and when I think about it, some are funny and some… I just kinda want to forget. But, I won’t because it all has made me the woman I am today.

For as long as I can remember I’ve always been the LIFE OF THE PARTY. When La’Crease walks it, its ON AND POPPIN. LOL I would give card gatherings, we would have drinks and talk junk all night over the table. No arguing or fighting, just family friends and fun. I gave a lot of back yard parties that was so popular, I would give them twice a month during the summer. I remember going to see the male dancers with my friends 4-5 times a week, taking lots and lots of photos. I still wondered how I worked 9-5 and still went out nightly. I had lots of male friends, plenty and many who loved and adored me. Most of them are still alive and a few still close to me.

I was always the one who people came to for advice. I remember as a teenager, I asked God for wisdom to help others in finding the truth and even though no one knew my prayer, they all came to see me. And I was happy. For years and years people would get mad at me for having someone else over because they needed to talk to me. I would cook for them, we would talk for hours and hours. I enjoyed that people listened to me, and that they made positive changes from our talks. But after so many years of doing this, it took a toll on me. I was changing, I was tired of talking to people day in and day out when I needed to get my life in order. People wanted all of my time, talking on the phone all day, all night. Then there were those who wanted to come over and talk face to face. OMG, I said that when I moved in my new house on Cadieux all of that would come to an end. And it did.

I hated talking on the phone, and I HATED COMPANY. I was done with the Therapist Life. It was time to do me!  I had a lot of male company .. but God put an end to that too. LOL I started reading my bible more going back to Church, I was done with everything and everyone. I needed a break from it all.

I’m a NERD now. LOL I love going to work and coming home to an empty apartment, being able to shower, change clothes and go the the Detroit River Walk alone. I love going to Belle Isle a huge park surrounded by nothing but water. I love planing trips and I’m also going on a cruise for a WEEK! I don’t have the time and energy to sit and listen to stories all day. I don’t have the patience for that. I don’t even watch TV because program after program can take up your time. I have  certain shows I watch and that’s it. I enjoy peace. I enjoy the company I keep. I enjoy going to the movies alone. Thing is, if I announce that I’m going somewhere, someone would want to go with me. For years I went everywhere with everyone, I’m just not that person anymore…. ALL THE TIME. Now don’t get me wrong, I have several weddings and bridal showers next month , game parties, a pamper session with my sisters,  and I still will listen to a friend who needs me. But, to spend all of my free time listening to others… that’s A NO NO!

I was always afraid of how others saw my change. People are use to being around me, and now I want to be alone, people don’t take that well. They think its them. Its not, its me. I’m always the listener in the car, over the phone, in person, Ughhhhhhhhhh, I’m tired of it. The only time I get to listen to my own thoughts is when I’m alone.

The best thing about this change is, I have options to be alone or go with a HOST OF FAMILY AND FRIENDS WHO LOVE BEING AROUND ME, AND I LOVE BEING AROUND THEM…. Is it selfish of me.. YALP…..After spending so many years “doing others”, it feels good to DO ME!

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