What I Learned About Myself in 2017/BLOG 2

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Hey Family!!!!

Well, I wanted to hit 100,000  views before the New Year, but I was busy so I didn’t get a chance to hit my blog like I wanted, but its okay.

Like I mentioned in my other blog, I have taken inventory of my life and my short comings and I see where I need to do better.

I have this BAD habit of having a DEEP desire to “help” people. When people come to me and they want to talk about a situation or anything going on with them, and I’ve been down that same “street” before, I want to help them. But it always seem to back fire on me.

I think I put too much time and care into it more than them. As long as its bad, they want to talk about it all day and night with me, text, call, anything to get my attention, and I give them that energy. Because I understand, I care. I get it. But then when something happens and they go back to the same ole ways, they don’t want to talk about it. Then days later, its back to all day and all night conversations about it. Its so funny. Because I am really being nice and caring. I INVEST TOO MUCH TIME INTO SUPPORTING OTHERS. I’m at the point were we don’t never, ever have to talk about THEIR situation again. Most times I don’t want to anyway. I do it because I know what its like to need someone to listen. But I’m done with that.

I know how it feels to be in certain situations, and having experienced it myself. I only try to give good advice if I have been through it, anything else I’m just a listener. As soon as they feel that things are going great for them in that situation, and I don’t say a word, they always have to test me, to see if I’m still readily engaged. And my face will continue to be TWISTED. Nope, don’t want to talk about, cant take  the advice YOU asked for, lets cut the whole head off!

That has STOPPED TODAY!

I have done so many people this way, now that I realized it. Not spending this year listening to other people’s story. Your situation… YOUR PROBLEMS.. I TAKE MINES TO GOD… FOLLOW SUIT

I’m about to BLAZE MY OWN TRAIL! WATCH ME!

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What I Learned About Myself in 2017/BLOG 1

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This year I have purposely taken the time out to get to know myself. I did that by paying attention to the things I like and to what I don’t like. It has helped me to give attention to those things that are important to me, and to leave those things that are not. I am really proud of myself, because I took the time to focus on ME. I’m always, always loving on others and being their biggest cheerleader, when I learned that I need to find out what it is that makes me ……La’Crease J. Walker.

I had to ask God, why do I love being alone so much? My friends always ask when are you going to do lunch or dinner? I love my friends and I would love to go and eat (( are you kidding me)) I realized that I’m more of a listener than a person who have something to share. I find myself having to be in the mood to listen, and when I think about that sometimes, I just want to stay HOME. I believe that I am just so boring and wonder why people always want to be around me. I am funny and very silly, but still I’m very boring.

For as long as I can remember, I have always had company at my place. I love to cook for my friends, and love to talk junk and laugh. When I started driving at 32, I no longer wanted to have company over, because I wanted to be out and about. I didn’t want to go over to anyone’s place,  I wanted to travel. I wanted to go to concerts, and plays. No one wanted to do that. They wanted to sit up and play cards, drink, or go out clubbing. I had a car, I didn’t want to sit in my house anymore and that’s when I had to start regrouping  myself. God showed me that when I had company everyday (( and there is NOTHING wrong with that)) that I was training people how to treat me. I did enjoy my company. But things changed in me when I started driving. And that’s okay too.

Then there came a time when I wanted to travel and go to concerts. I realized many years later, that those same people didn’t want to go to the concerts I liked. And that was cool too. I was traveling to Atlanta and Chicago a lot with OTHER friends. I went to Universal Studios in Florida 2 times stayed a whole week, that wasn’t with my card playing friends, it was with others. I traveled to New York 3 times with other friends. I went on a cruise this year for a week, and when I wanted to go back for next year, there were problems with friends. Its always so important to find like minded friends to do the things you like to do in life.

As time when by, I had to learn to travel alone. I will hop in my car and go to Atlanta so quick by myself. I’ll ask once, maybe twice, but after that I’m gone. I have went to so many plays and concerts alone. I go out to dinner and the movies alone. I got tired of begging people to do things with me, if they couldn’t go I had to branch out there and do it alone.

One thing that I notice about myself… is when I do go out with friends to a movie, dinner, concert, or anything else… I HAVE A BALL!!! I have always, ALWAYS. ALWAYS had fun.

So for 2018, my goal is to do more with my friends. I love my friends. I’m just a NERD right now and it has nothing to do WITH THEM AT ALL…. it has everything do to with MEEEEEEE. I promise to initiate dinner, movies, a concert or play with them. I have figured out why I was “crazy person” with them, now its time to realize that they love me and I love them and time is ticking for all of us. And at the end of the day, I can go home and BE ALONE! That’s the great part!

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Took Me Long Enough.. But I Got It!/BLOG

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As long as I can remember I was ALWAYS that little girl that felt that if me and my family was going to the park, why not ask if my friend Michelle could go. Not knowing that it was family day. Meaning that my parents only wanted our family to go, and that was it.

For the life of me, I couldn’t UNDERSTAND why my friend couldn’t go to join in on the fun. I thought…. all we were doing was going to the park to swing and play! That never made sense to me. As a child, I didn’t realize that parents have a reason for doing what they did. Maybe they didn’t have the extra money to buy her snacks, maybe they had just enough just for us. Maybe it wasn’t enough room for her in the car, because they were picking up groceries on the way home. Maybe, we were going out to dinner afterwards and there was only enough money for our family. No matter how my parents explained that to my little mind, I still couldn’t understand why my friend couldn’t go.

Which takes me into my ADULTHOOD.

I know, I know a lot of people, and that my personality is big. I get that about myself.  I remember this one time, me and my friend Gloria was going to the movies and out to dinner. I hung up with her after making our plans, to call a few OTHER friends and invite them to go with us. In MY mind, I felt…. Well, they wanted to see this same movie, why not invite them. So, when we got there, Gloria asked me….. who invited them? Even though she knew them, and liked them, she just wanted it to be HER AND I. I couldn’t understand that. In MY mind…. (( going back to that little gurl)) I felt that if we all wanted to see the SAME movie, why not invite them? I did that to my friend so many times that it saddens me to this day. It saddens me because I didn’t get it. I didn’t get the fact that everything is not for everyone. Its OK, if she only wanted to be with ME. She wasn’t being selfish, like I thought. Its a time for a few, and its a time for all. I couldn’t get that. 

Thinking back I DID that quite often. Not only that. But I trust people too easily. Again, growing up we lived in a house where if you laid something down, it was there when you went back to it. We were taught, if we go visit someone, and they have money or anything that DIDN’T BELONG to us, laying around.. DO NOT TOUCH IT! DON’T GO NEAR IT! So, when I was grown and moved out. I lived by those standards. But what I didn’t know was that not everyone was taught that. Man, I had so many things to learn that was taught differently in my home. I had a hard time adjusting to how things were in the world versus how I was raised. I feel like crying right now….. tears.

I got hurt so many times trusting people. Believing that everybody was good. Picking up strangers on the way to where I’m GOING… got side tracked several years. Sent me spinning. I should have been to where I was going.

My mentality WAS that if I’m going to the same place you’re going… “lets hop a cab and split it”..  ((( in my Andre 3000 voice.. John Legend -Green Light))) never knowing that it was okay to pay the whole fare BY MYSELF!  I don’t need to ride with you. And I’ll still be good!

I realize that where I’m going, everybody can’t go. Same for others, I can’t go everywhere with them either.  Even if we’re going the same way, you have to take your own car. You can’t ride with me, because just like my friend Gloria where ever I’m going they may just want it to be me and them. I learned that you can’t tell everybody everything, because in the pureness if me telling my story from my heart, my same story will be heard differently by someone else. I had to learn that too. But you know, that will NEVER happen to me again. What I know.. I know.. My friend is MY friend, Where God wants me to go.. I’m going alone.

I’ve lost too much time, messing around with people who don’t mean me any good.. And oh, I know how to fall back. I just didn’t know if I should.

That Chapter is OVER FOR ME….. I’M ready to RECEIVE LORD!

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Focus on ME/BLOG

Today, I decided that I was going to focus on ME. I listen and help a lot of people with my Spiritual advice, but I feel that I have neglected myself. Not in a bad way, but enough to say…..Okay, its my turn.  I’m going to listen to ME.

There are things that I want to accomplish, and things I want to do. I am traveling more and I love that about myself. Already I’m paying on my trip back to the Bahamas. I’m also going to Jamaica, and Mexico. I’ll be leaving for Atlanta next month, and I plan to go to Vegas for the first time next year. I’ll be 50 this year, and still haven’t made plans. I don’t want to have a party. I know a lot of people and there is no way I can afford to host a party that huge, people would be left out, I just don’t have the money for all of that. So, I just may do something for family and that’s it. Traveling is everything to me. I enjoy packing my suitcase, buying new outfits and sandals. I enjoy everything associated with it.

Its so hard making new chances when it comes to myself. Why? I don’t know. I have very high self esteem. I don’t talk about others, I uplift and encourage all.  I’ll feel as if I’m being selfish, because I’m so use to helping out others. Well its too late because I’m already in the process of working on me and my body. YesssszAAAAAAAA

I’m closing for now, chat later.

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Higher Is Waiting Hardcover – November 14, 2017

Losing yourself in a MAN/BLOG

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Hey!

I was talking to one of my closes friends a few days ago about how she should make it her business to be around couples who are doing well for themselves  ((mainly husband and wives)) so that she can see how it LOOKS to be happy. She’s going through a WHOLE lot with her on and off again children’s father, and it kills me to see her this way. I believe with all my heart that she has lost herself in this man, and just don’t know how to get out. She’s a beautiful person, sweet as pie, but she allows herself to be mistreated and FINALLY she’s starting to see his true colors.

I know what its like to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t value you or what you bring into the relationship to take it to another level. Yes, I had my faults too, but in the end, I saw that he just wasn’t for me….. and that’s okay.

Coming to the conclusion that someone is not for you, is one of the hardest things for women. They know deep down in their hearts that the man they love is not for them, but they stay and HOPE things change. At some point, you gotta say this is it. That time comes when you start to feel that your self-esteem is low and not building, you cry easily, your feelings are  hurt, you find yourself wondering what he’s doing (( especially if he has a history of cheating)), you’re checking his FB page for new women or subliminal stats, going through his phone and texts. That’s not how you live life. That’s not how a good healthy  relationship should go.

If you haven’t seen your man in a few days, and  he see’s you, he starts going thorough your phone, watch out for him! Because if he feels you can and will do something sneaky within those days you both haven’t seen each other, then he needs to be VERIFIED as well.. Um cuse me! Again…… this is NOT how healthy relationships grow. Not good.

Look at Donald Trump. You see the way his wife pulled away from him as they exit the plane? Clearly a sign of manipulation going on in the relationship. She is not happy in that marriage. She probably feels that now he’s the President, he exercises even MORE Power, and feels there is no way out without retaliation from the public and especially from HIM.  Relationships and friendships should be happy. Yes, there will be problems, issues, misunderstandings and things of that nature. But to help in the loss of self-esteem, is not something ANYONE should experience.

In closing ask yourself.. DO I LOVE ME? What is it about me that allows him to treat me this way? What am I doing over and over again to allow this to continuously happen? If I leave him, what do I THINK he will do to me? Am I scared? Ask God to show you a pattern of his behavior. Tell yourself, that YES its going to be hard at first, then ask yourself can you eventually get over him? Tell and REMIND yourself that YOU WILL have to give up something (((( money, car, nice home, comfort, sex with HIM, security ))) for your PEACE. If you want to talk to me about your situation please feel free to email me DIRECTLY  longnosenikon@gmail.com  

I am LACREASE, and I dont have to do anything else!

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I challenge you to get to know YOURSELF… all over again!/BLOG

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Hey

Today I decided to call off from work. Its been a while since I did that, because when I do I feel so guilty. But tonight I’m glad I did. Today was one of those days where I’m feeling some kinda way. So many questions to God and things that I have learned about myself. I really needed this day off.

I challenge you to get to know yourself, think about YOU, realize and come to some conclusions about things. Think about consequences YOU had to deal with because of YOUR immature decisions.  Its okay. Cry, laugh, and think about things in the past. I did and I’m glad. I want to share them with you.

  • I find myself often asking God, why do we have to stay “down here” with people who just want to kill and hurt others? Yes, I know Jesus will come for us, and I look forward to that day. But I still ask, because I often wonder if I could survive if some of the things that happen to others, would happen to me. That’s so scary to me.
  • I realize that once upon a time.. I cared what people thought about me. I cared about the wrong things. Recently a coworker came to me and told me that she was pregnant with her 3rd baby, at 19. She was feeling some kinda way, because she and her kids father were already having a hard time with a baby sister while they work, not to mention the fact that she was embarrassed, and ashamed that she was pregnant again. I was so happy she came to me, because of my experience I was able to help her come to her conclusion. I was so glad that I am a person who can share my experiences (( because I revisited them and healed)) with others, and I don’t GIVE A DAM about what people think ANYMORE. I told her how I had my daughter at 19 and 3 months later I was pregnant again. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone except her dad. I was ashamed and VERY AFRAID WHAT OTHERS WOULD THINK OF ME. I decided very quickly that I would have an abortion. I was especially afraid of what my parents would think of me. At 3 months I had an abortion and never thought about it again until I was in my 30’s. I shared my story with my co-worker and told her this: This is YOUR baby, yes you may be ashamed, but at the end of the day….. if you decide to have an abortion it will be with you for the rest of your life. You can raise this baby, you can do it. When you lay eyes on your baby for the first time, you’re going to ask yourself…. how could I ever consider killing you? I told her don’t care or worry about what the next person has to say about you, because at the end of the day this is your baby, YES THE ONE GOD GAVE YOU. And with that, her baby boy will be born sometimes this summer. Amen!
  • I realize that I enjoy being alone more that I ever thought. My personality attracts a lot of people. No matter where I go someone always have a story for me. I don’t mind because God wired me up to be a listener and a person who gives good GODLY advice. I’ll be 50 this year, and with my age comes a lot of experience and WISDOM. With that being said.. so when I’m home, I like to chill out. I don’t talk on the phone unless its my parents or my siblings. (( and I have the nerve to have the iPhone 7 PLUS)) I hate talking on the phone. So I write a lot and that’s my personal therapy. Now don’t get me wrong. I LOVE being around people, I love  going to the movies, or my favorite mall. I love get to gethers to play cards, laugh and talk junk. I LOVE to travel, and I LOVE ENTERTAINMENT. Its just that when I’m HOME… that’s my place of PEACE.. AND I LET NO ONE DISTURB THAT LIFE!
  • I’m very territorial when it comes to my daughter, my family and a few friends.
  • I HATE when women talk about other women. I just HATE it. What they don’t realize is, when you do that, you’re only making your OWN self esteem go down. What you think about others, you FEAR others think about you. FLAT OUT! Stop that. Build! Find something about her that stands out in a good way and focus on that in your mind. Trust me, she has something way more valuable than you. God made her differently.
  • I love about myself is the fact that I don’t have to look cute everyday. I can throw on some clean clothes and just run my errands looking ruff in the face. And, I know that I can throw on some clothes and as soon as I hit the outdoors MEN ARE STARING AND SMILING.. I love this about myself. LOVE IT. I DO ME DAILY! ME ME ME… now do YOU YOU YOU!

Take a inventory of yourself and discover you all over again!

I AM La’Crease and I don’t have to do ANYTHING ELSE!

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La’Crease’s Ramblings/BLOG

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Last night I was in bed thinking back on some of the things I did as a teenager and in my 20’s and early 30’s and some of those things shock me. But you know I was Thanking God that I have lived long enough to ask for forgiveness and to change my ways. Just think had I died in the mist of  that mess. Some people do. They don’t get a chance to ask God for forgiveness, because  they were still doing wrong before they died. To me that’s one of the hugest blessings, that you can receive. To live long enough to repent of your wrong doings.

When I was dating my daughters father, we would be upstairs in his room when his mother was at Church all day. We knew she didn’t want him to have company when she wasn’t home, but we, being teenagers did it anyway. Well, she use to come home and I’d be up stairs. Even though she never came up there, she would holler up the stairs to let him know she was home. That’s when we knew he had to either sneak me out of the house when her bedroom door was closed, or I had to jump out of his bedroom window and he’d catch me at the side door. LOL Yea….. thinking back on that.  The person I am today, FIRST of all, I would never be in another woman’s home without her consent, for NO REASON. For TWO, I’m not jumping out of nobody’s window!!! We both laugh about that to this day, and we’ve shared this with our daughter, who knows the person I am today and she CANNOT BELIEVE that I jumped out of a window. LOL LOL Me either!!!!

I remember another time, one night I had lots of company over playing cards and drinking with my friends. I knew my landlord was coming over the next morning to collect rent. I lived in an upstairs flat and my friend lived downstairs. I would often leave my door unlocked because it connected to hers and we had kids that loved to play together. Well, after I let my company out that night, I meant to lock my door. I was so drunk that next morning. I woke up to my landlord standing over me trying to get me to wake up!!! I had puke all over the bed and floor, I was HORRIFIED TO SEE HIM. When I share this story with people for a life lesson, they always ask… was he trying to do something to you? And the answer is NOPE, not at all. He was trying to wake me up, because my door was wide open.He thought something was seriously wrong with me. I learned a GREAT LESSON that day. I don’t ever remember getting that drunk again! I was done with that life!

A few nights ago, I had this craaazy dream that I was at my mothers house, a house that’s not in real life at all. But I went to go see her, and when I got up to her apartment, I looked out of the window at my car as I always do. After a few hours had passed, I looked out again and it was gone!!! I was horrified and crying at the same time. We went to look around and to see was it any broken glass anywhere and it wasn’t, So we went back in the house. I couldn’t stop looking out of the window hoping that it would be there, or that I would wake up. Well, after a few hours had passed, I looked out the window again and it was there! In the very same spot. I told my mother and we went to look in it. We were so surprised that it was very brand new in the inside. The car looked the same on the outside, but it was clean inside out. Brand new stereo system, new seats, it even had a sun roof, it was beautiful.I took it for a ride and everything. In the dream we found out that a group of guys were going around taking people’s cars and fixing them up brand new, just to be helpful. They had done many others the same way, be we didn’t know about it. I was happy that everything was nice and new, but hated the fact that I thought I wasn’t going to see it again. Wow, I have the craziest dreams~!!

Talk to yall later

Cree