My Vent!

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Hey Family!

Wow what a month!!! So, I guess this will be my “vent” blog. I know I can’t be the only one going through something like what I’m about to write about. Sometimes I dunno how to feel about how I feel. Or even if I’m “right” about feeling the way I feel.

I’ve always been the kind of person who attract a lot of people. I think its because of my easy to get along personality. I don’t like drama, I’m honest and will be truthful with you, I’m everyone’s therapist, and I’ve always enjoyed good stories and real life lessons from different people.

Sometimes I feel people want too much from me. Since I turned 32 ((( now 51))) I have really, really, chilled from having company over. In my 20’s I had my good friends over and cousins and we would have a ball. I’m still close to EVERYONE of them, and they seem to know me well. I enjoy cooking collard greens, fried chicken, corn bread, corn on the cob and I would invite friends and family over and this would become a daily for me no matter what I’m cooking. I’m not that person today anymore because people have burnt me OUT! They expect for dinner to be made for them every day!!! Never bringing anything, always expecting. No company, NO DINNERS! DONE with that life forever!

I’m done raising my daughter, my only child. Most people I know, are still raising kids. My problem is, they seem to feel that just because I’m live alone that I have all day to talk to them over the phone, go places with them. I ENJOY having a empty nest. I can do whatever I want! These are the same people who cant wait for their kids to be grown and gone, so they can be alone, but seem to think I want to be bothered all the time. I enjoy my quiet time. I can cook whenever I want, eat what I want. Sleep all day, and jump in my car and go anywhere I want. I am far from lonely when all people want to do is call my phone, hop in my car, and sit on my couch while I listen to their stories all dayum day. I’m good! Done with that life forever!

I’m a Virgo, if you know anything about us, you know we love to be alone and do our own thing. We don’t need company, we dont need friends, we LOVE to be alone. YEs, we enjoy family and friends, and we often link up. But don’t make it seem as if I need company just because my house is empty, and STOP FEELING OFFENDED WHEN I TELL YOU IM GOING ALONE! Like tomorrow, I’m going to the movies in the morning ALONE, now if I mention it to anyone on any day, first thing out of their mouths is, “why didn’t you ask me to go with you”? As if I’m lonely, or ESPECIALLY acting funny and didn’t want to invite anyone. I’m grown, my daughter is gone and I can get in MYYYYYYYYYYY car and go anywhere I want to go. I don’t need company to go with me, and I shouldn’t have to feel that I’m “acting funny” for not inviting anyone. It pisses me off so bad. So now, I don’t tell anyone where I’m going, I just go. Now! They say, you don’t go anywhere…. NO THAT’S NOT IT, ITS THAT YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT IT, BECAUSE YOU WOULD WANT TO GO WITH ME! **rolls eyes**

If I’m having a conversation about what we made for dinner, and I’ll say. I made collard greens, fried chicken, corn bread and corn on the cob, they would say…… ” Why didn’t you bring me some’? It would be in a tone where they feel that just because its MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and me alone eating dinner, that I made enough for them and who ever else. No! I made dinner for me to eat for 2 days. I don’t make dinner for 7 people just “in case” someone ask for a plate. Now, here is my thing. The good person in me what to cook dinner for others like I use too. But then people started depending on me. They wanted me to do it every week, or every time I made dinner. They would ask me what did you cook today? After a while, I was like wait, the very thing I enjoy doing for others, has turned into a burden for me. They expect for me to cook food daily, and when I would say I didn’t cook yesterday they were disappointed and made me feel some kinda way. So, I had to stop that altogether. DONE!

I love to drive and have no problem jumping in my car and going where I need and want to go. I have a friend who always get into debates with her sisters about whose going to drive where. Now me on the other hand LOVE to drive. I will again, jump in my car and go. But when I’m with this friend she always wants me to drive. It makes me mad because just because I enjoy driving doesn’t mean I want to drive because SHE wants and need to go somewhere. So, I stop dealing with her when it comes to going anywhere. You either want to go or NO!  But as for meeeeeeee, I have the get up and go when it comes to me going where I want to go. I dont like that back and forth, I drove last time, its your turn. NOOOOOOOO, I’m going to drive my own car to the same place and you drive yours. I hate pettiness~!

Now, again, I’m going to the movies tomorrow, If I ask people who want to go, but didn’t go, their answer would be, because the drive is too far. Yes, its a 35 minute drive, but I love to drive, but if that’s the reason why you didn’t go, then you really wont be riding with me EVER! Here is why. When people see that you love to drive and is willing go whenever, they expect for you to always call them to invite them. These people will NEVER drive to see a movie because they dont feel like driving. I love to go alone, so I’ll never be asking anyone again unless its my mommy and daughter. Or I’m in a group setting.

I’m learning a lot about people and myself. I laugh sometimes, and sometimes I shake my head.

You { Murderer }

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Looking Back On My Younger Self/BLOG

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Good Sunday Morning Family!

I finally had some good rest last night. I found out Black Panther was on Netflix so
I watched that for the 50th time. Took a nap, woke up, made me 2 Bologna sandwiches for dinner. I was planning to make spaghetti, but I just didn’t feel like it. I’m glad I didn’t with all that sleep I was getting. Not to mention I still haven’t finished the Bobby Brown story. I tried to watch it at least 7 times days before, I just couldn’t get into it. I’m off tonight so I guess I’ll finish it.

Every now and then I love to look back on my younger days and think about things that I would have done differently, or to ask myself why did I do things that way. As I look back on my pregnancy, I wish I had been kinder to my daughters father. I was so mean to him about any and everything. I was angry that he had gotten himself a car, and was working a lot and couldn’t spend more time with me.  Looking back, it wasn’t all that serious for the things I was mad at him for.

I can’t help but wonder why I was so angry? I was so mean to him that my parents use to say, you’re going to run him away. But looking back on it, I was angry at my past situation. I was angry because when I was 17 I was raped by my ex boyfriend. I wasn’t ready for sex at all. Wasn’t even thinking about it and my ex boyfriend knew that.

I met my daughters father just after my 18th birthday. Looking back I see that I carried that hurt and pain  of being raped into my new relationship. I kept it a secret, and never told anyone. I didn’t know that my pain was the reason why I was so mean to my new boyfriend and to the people in my life. I was mean to everybody. Even though I wasn’t ready to have sex, I had it with my new boyfriend because I didn’t want my ex to be the last person in me. (((((Wow, that was hard to write.)))) But it was my thought process back then. About 4 months later or sooner, I got pregnant.

I’m so glad that I got to deal with that rape and got to ask the man who raped me, questions that I always wanted answered. He answered them all. Here is that story if you want to go back and read it.

Part 1 https://lacreasewalker.com/2015/10/07/my-story-of-forgivenesspart-1blog/

Part 2 https://lacreasewalker.com/2015/10/07/my-story-of-forgivenesspart-2blog/

Part 3 https://lacreasewalker.com/2015/10/08/my-story-of-forgiveness-rape-3blog/

https://lacreasewalker.com/2015/10/08/my-story-of-forgiveness-rape-4finalblog/

 

Looking back on your younger self can help you understand why you do the things you do.  Why you react the way you do. Why you think the way you do. Why you feel the way you feel. Looking back has helped me dearly to be able to live a better life.

Today, look back on your life and ask your younger self, how can I be better today than I was “yesterday”.

*Vampire Kiss*

My Birthday/BLOG

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Hey Family!

My Birthday was Sep 3 and I turned 51! Wow Thank you Jesus. I remember when I was younger saying how old 50 was. Now that I’m that age, I am NOT old… I AM STILL YOUNG AND LEARNING! This is the age where you just start to LIVE! And I really mean that.

You come to a place and time in your life where you know what’s important, who is for you. You watch what you say and do because at this age you don’t want to pay for any silly immature consequences. You are slow to speak, and LOVE to keep quiet and just watch it go down ((( cause aint nothing you can do about it anyway))). This is the age where you want more of God, less of the world and more PEACE. You don’t want to fall out with anyone,  I’m not mad at anyone, want to argue and debate, just  go to work, come home and enjoy the rest of my days in PEACE AND LOVE. This is where I am in my life.

Now look, I have one child. My daughter was born on my Birthday Sep 3. She turned 32. So, a week before our birthday she told me that she was taking me out to dinner along with her boyfriend. I was happy and couldn’t wait for the day.

That day came and I was talking to my mother on the phone, I had planned to go see her (( she lives directly around the corner from me)) and then when it was time to go to dinner, I could leave from her place. She told me that she wanted to going with us, but felt that me and my daughter should go. Then she said, well, I’m going to get off this phone and lay down for a few. I told her okay, well I’ll see her the next day for my birthday.

Not long after that, my daughter texted me and asked me did I mind of grandma and granddad go with us, and if I could pick them up. I was excited because I knew my mom wanted to go. My dad even said he would go. I called my mom and she said that my daughter asked them to go with us. I was happy. I love my family because we always get together. Then, I jumped on the phone and called my Sister Peedie and ask her what she and her husband doing? She said they had just finished eating pizza and that they were relaxing for the evening. I said okay, well talk to you later.

Time came to pick up my parents and we were on our way. My daughter called me as we were driving to say,  stay in the car until we pull up so that we could be seated together. Okay cool. She and her boyfriend arrived and we all got out the car. As my daughter opened the door for us (( somehow I was first, I’m usually last especially with my parents)) which leads to the first sitting area, I walked in and my whole family was sitting there smiling and looking at me. Took me a second to realize what and who I was seeing.

There WAS MY SISTER PEEDIE, HER HUSBAND, MY NIECES THEIR BOYFRIENDS, MY NEPHEWS, MY BROTHER HIS GIRLFRIEND I WAS SO SHOCKED AND OUT DONE Plus my parents, my daughter and her boyfriend, 16 of us. They planned this for a month!!! I remember just staring at my sister Peedie cause she just told me on the phone that she had dinner and was relaxing for the day.  Took me a second to realize that she was actually there. I had tears in my eyes to see MY FAMILY!! My daughter got me good. They all got hugs and kisses and my sneaky daughter I’m going to get her! And lots of MONEY AND GIFTS!!! That was truly amazing what my daughter did for me, and its her Birthday too! WE sat down together had dinner, drinks, and lots of laughs. Thank you Jesus for my family. I truly appreciate it and enjoyed myself.

Well, I’m down to my last 2 days of my 10 day vacation! I had a good time. I went to dinner, to the movies, hung out at the park talking to my sister and relaxing on the Detroit River several days, went to my first NFL game to see The Detroit Lions play LIVE and had FRONT ROW SEATS, washed clothes, cleaned up, relaxed, shopping tomorrow and to the DETROIT RIVER, then back to work on Friday!

Thank you Lord for another YEAR

Komika Slick

 

I Survived Because……/BLOG

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In 1997, I was a Cosmetics Coordinator at Arbor Drug store. I remember so clearly when a guy came up to me and started talking. He was good looking, tall, goatee, pretty teeth, great conversation, and had the prettiest eyes you ever want to see on a man. After we introduced ourselves, we exchanged phone numbers. Back then, we didn’t carry cell phones, but we did have pagers, whenever I paged him he would call right back. We would talk on the phone at night for hours and hours and hours. That was the one thing I loved about him. He spent a lot of time with me and gave me the attention I needed.

One day he wanted me to meet his sister, her husband, and kids. I knew he liked me seriously when he wanted me to meet his family. I was nervous when I met them, but once we got to talking, it was clear that his family was a very Spiritual one. They went to Church, and you can tell in their walk, that they were good people. That was the thing that attracted me to him. He loved the Lord. 

One day I received a phone call from the county jail. It was him. I accepted his phone call, and was shocked to learn that he was locked up. He told me that the reason why he was in jail was because of a drug charge years prior. All I wanted to know was how long he was going to be locked up, and when can I go see him.

One night, … it was after 2 am in the morning, I was sleep. My phone rang, and It was his SISTER. She said LaCrease, I’m sorry to wake you up, but God told me to call you. That got my attention, so I sat up in bed and listened to what she had to say. She went on to say… I know you’re a Christian, and I know how you feel about my brother, but I can’t rest until I tell you this. She said my brother is not in jail for drugs years ago, he’s in jail for stealing in the mall. I was shocked and  ANGRY!!! I wonder why would he lie like that. She said no matter what you do.. please DO NOT tell my brother I’m calling you with this. I told her that I PROMISE. I told her that I would never cause drama in her family like that. I Thanked her, and hung up the phone.

I was DONE WITH HIM!! DONE!

About 4 months had passed and he was STILL IN JAIL. By this time, my feelings for him was over.I knew he was getting out soon, and also heard he had a girlfriend. He lied, and anytime a SISTER CALL YOU AND WIRE YOU UP ABOUT THEIR OWN BROTHER… BELIEVE HER!

One day RIGHT AFTER I MOVED out of that apartment where he knew I stayed. I went to the store, and as I was leaving, I glanced over at the Detroit News and saw HIS picture on the FRONT PAGE. I was SHOCKED, AND NERVOUS AT THE SAME TIME. I grabbed the paper and went to pay for it. When I got to my mom’s house I couldn’t put it down. Never in a million years did I expect this man to do what he did. I was nervous and out done at the same time. I started thinking about how I knew he was still stopping by my old apartment and I was glad I was gone. He never knew where my parents stayed and I was BLESSED ABOUT IT!

I read the paper IN PURE HORROR!!! I found out this man…… strangled his girlfriend, KILLED HER,  wrapped her up in a hotel blanket, put her in the trunk of her OWN car, and SET IT ON FIRE! He did all of this AFTER he got out of jail. She was a 3rd grade teacher here in Detroit.

He was on the run! Took them a long time to catch him, but they finally did. In court his Sister (( same one who called me)) said… “he made a lovely life swindling the ladies, he did what he was good at………. conning women.” Wow. looking back 19 almost 20 years later. He never asked me for a dime. Never showed me any signs of this behavior at all.

This man got over $7.000 from this woman, he also took her jewelry worth over $4000.00 to the pawn shop and got money. He was with his other girlfriend when they did it. IT CAME OUT IN COURT, when he was with me… he was married to 3 WOMEN AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!!!!! I never knew that at all. When it was all said and done…. He’s in jail FOR LIFE. NEVER TO COME HOME AGAIN.

God ALWAYS protect HIS. He will send people into our lives to help us see what we can’t/wont see. But we have to be willingly to give up what we think we NEED. 

Sisters and Brothers, if you EVER receive a phone call from a FAMILY member about the person you’re seeing. Stop and really think about it. Of course its hard to hear and believe. File it in the back of your mind because if you ever need to “remember” it, you know where to find it.

Listen to those people that was here before you. Don’t be so far “gone” into the relationship that you turn a death ear. God place people in our lives to give us “EXITS” when we need them. I’m glad I listened to his sister because shortly afterwards, his behavior starting fitting the description of what she told me about him.

I SURVIVED because…. when HIS sister CALLED me……. I listened.

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Women Do Better/BLOG

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I speak and listen to a lot of women tell their stories of life lessons. I know for me, at one time or another I was naive when it came to other people. I grew up in a two parent home and we all trusted each other. We never stabbed each other in the back, or even fought for it was not allowed. But when I moved out on my own at 22, I had to face a lot of things I never saw growing up.  Things I wasn’t taught. Things I didn’t see among my friends. Which made me naive to a lot of things that were going on with others in the world. It cost me a lot. Had many cries and loss through the years,  but I’m convinced it has made me stronger for what’s ahead.

With so much social media these days, I don’t understand why WOMEN allow themselves to be mistreated, abused and be flat out gullible. Its so easy to find your own situation in a video, in a FB conversation, even on the job talking to others. Why is it that women wont do better? Why is it so hard to get out of a relationship that is toxic? Why women don’t love themselves enough to want more? Do women put themselves in a situation that causes her to stay because she won’t make it without his financial support? Do women like or enjoy drama? I say drama because in order to deal with physical or mental abuse there has to be something in them that has the tolerance for it.

My prayer is that if you are reading this and this is your situation that you get out and get help. Its all about PEACE. Get somewhere and learn yourself. Find out what you like to do and do it. Love yourself. Stop being WEAK! Find your strength. Let your Yes mean YES, and your No mean NO. Tell yourself you will no long deal with anything that is not of God. Speak with boldness. Walk with your head held high. Give eye contact. Speak clearly and know what you’re talking about. Its Okay to laugh and smile, but take serious conversations SERIOUS.

I can go on and on, but I promise to write more on these types of subjects.

Be Blessed

Just Sayin Regular

Going Home To See The King/BLOG

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Hey Family!!!

Today ((May 29, 2018)) we laid my aunt to rest. When I tell you my auntie LOVED THE LORD, went to Church every week, and she served her community WELL! Believe IT! All of the things the people spoke about her, only made me cry tears of joy. People were saying how they never seen her upset even when she was whooping her grand kids. LOL That is so true, because she wore a permanent smile on her face. She was one of those ladies in the neighborhood that said ” Come on in here baby, are you hungry?”

My aunt had 9 kids (( adults now)), ALL by her first husband who passed away from Sickle Cell Anemia. My aunt got remarried in 1998 to a wonderful man of God name Glenn. One thing I loved about them, that if you looked at them, you can see God’s presence resting on them.

My aunt found out she had advanced Cancer in February, she said that she was at Peace with God and that when it was time for her to go, she wanted to leave. ALL of my cousins are doing well, so she left here knowing that they were close and had each other. I sit up at night and imagine the conversation she had with God. First of all, I know she asked him to forgive all of her sins known and unknown. She cleared her path. Can you imagine knowingly about to die, and all you can think about is that fact that you’re on your way to SEE THE KING? Are you kidding me! I love my whole family and especially my daughter, but she knows that when God calls me home, I’M OUT!!!!

So today was a good day. My aunt knew her time was coming quickly. She had time to clear the path.  Ask God TODAY, NOW, AS YOU ARE READING THIS, to forgive all your sins, known and unknown. One thing I know ….. my aunt is going to see Jesus face to face. Her work here on earth is DONE!

AMEN!

 

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My Daughter Blessed Me Today/BLOG

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Hey Family!

So, today my daughter asked me to pick her up from work because she had something for me. When I read the text, for some reason I skipped over that part, I was too busy thinking about having to get dressed.  She could tell from my text that I did not want to get out of the bed from my nap. ((LOL)) So when I got to her she couldn’t stop laughing. She said I know you were sleepy, but I have something for you at home. I laughed because she knows me so well. I told her that I thought she was playing about having something for me, and that I never paid that part any attention.

Once we got to her apartment which is directly around the corner from my apartment she went in while I waited. As she’s walking back to the car, I’m looking at watching me with a smile on her face. I didn’t know what was going on, and why she had something for me. She’s always giving me money, or buying me something, so I couldn’t figure this one out. As she gets in the car, she hands me this bag which is cute and small, not to mention my favorite color green. I opened it up and its one of my favorite perfumes in the world. Si!  By Giorgio Armani. I was so happy and so grateful!!! I could not stop laughing and looking at her. She amazes me. Always thinking about me. I hugged and kissed her.. then she says.. ” didn’t want to get out of bed today huh?” LOL She is sooooooooo funny!

Just then she hands me over a card and I’m wondering where is all of this coming from? I opened the card and this is what it read.

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I’m normally a cry baby, but this really shocked me! Then this falls out

She put $500.00 in the card!!! Thank you Lord! Thank you Jesus. As you can see in the background there are 2 money orders. I’m paying off my credit card debt and she knew that I had 2 more payments for the one and I’m done. She paid them for me. Not only that, but she put some money on my cash app card for FOOD ONLY! She made it clear that it was for food only! She told me that she wanted me to spend the money all on me, and next week she’s going to give me more than this. Not only that, but she also is paying my home Wifi bill. This is too much for me. She’s very persistent and would not ever let me give it back to her.

Now the LESSON IN ALL OF THIS…. READ CAREFULLY

I went home sat on the bed for HOURS thinking why is my daughter so good to me? For one, I’m good to my parents. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my parents. They also live around the corner from me. I take care of them and they’re always expressing this same thing to me. But I do it because they took care of us. I’m 50 years old and to me, I can NEVER EVER do enough for them. I have to get this in my head, because this is how my daughter feels about me. She’s my only child.  But as a parent I feel that was my job to take care of her, not be paid back later. In my mind, I want her to do her, I’m good. In her mind, she’s good, she wants to do me. My parents feel the same way. The point…Take care of your kids family, and they will take care of you.

I wrote a post not long ago,

https://lacreasewalker.com/2017/09/02/god-told-me-that-i-was-getting-in-the-way-with-my-foolishness-pt-1blog/   https://lacreasewalker.com/2017/09/03/god-told-me-that-i-was-getting-in-the-way-with-my-foolishness-pt-2blog/

about the time when I was in my early 30’s of how I was partying a lot, drinking, talking on the phone all day, having male company over at night, neglecting the time I spent with my daughter and GOD WAS NOT PLEASED WITH ME!!! HE knows I take pride in paying my bills on time and paying it off. But they were all shut off for non payment this time! I knew he wanted to talk to me, so I waited for him to speak for over 2 weeks. What he told me blew me away. He said that the person that NESHA is to be, I am getting in the way with my foolishness. Right away I stopped talking on the phone, cut off sex, and got back into doing things with my daughter. I knew one day God would show me what he meant by that. Everyday he shows me through her. She is amazing. She’s very educated and she’s the Director of her Department doing well for herself.

God told me for my OBEDIENCE ((I did it right away)) that I am seeing fruits from it. Now I understand. Now I get why she takes care of me the way she does. God places it on her heart. I don’t need anything and I’m so grateful to God. Take care of your kids while they’re young, this way they will take care of you and it will all be from their hearts. Just as I do my parents, my daughter do for me. I love her! Thank you Jesus! Thank you!

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Chopin Script Regular