Losing yourself in a MAN/BLOG

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Hey!

I was talking to one of my closes friends a few days ago about how she should make it her business to be around couples who are doing well for themselves  ((mainly husband and wives)) so that she can see how it LOOKS to be happy. She’s going through a WHOLE lot with her on and off again children’s father, and it kills me to see her this way. I believe with all my heart that she has lost herself in this man, and just don’t know how to get out. She’s a beautiful person, sweet as pie, but she allows herself to be mistreated and FINALLY she’s starting to see his true colors.

I know what its like to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t value you or what you bring into the relationship to take it to another level. Yes, I had my faults too, but in the end, I saw that he just wasn’t for me….. and that’s okay.

Coming to the conclusion that someone is not for you, is one of the hardest things for women. They know deep down in their hearts that the man they love is not for them, but they stay and HOPE things change. At some point, you gotta say this is it. That time comes when you start to feel that your self-esteem is low and not building, you cry easily, your feelings are  hurt, you find yourself wondering what he’s doing (( especially if he has a history of cheating)), you’re checking his FB page for new women or subliminal stats, going through his phone and texts. That’s not how you live life. That’s not how a good healthy  relationship should go.

If you haven’t seen your man in a few days, and  he see’s you, he starts going thorough your phone, watch out for him! Because if he feels you can and will do something sneaky within those days you both haven’t seen each other, then he needs to be VERIFIED as well.. Um cuse me! Again…… this is NOT how healthy relationships grow. Not good.

Look at Donald Trump. You see the way his wife pulled away from him as they exit the plane? Clearly a sign of manipulation going on in the relationship. She is not happy in that marriage. She probably feels that now he’s the President, he exercises even MORE Power, and feels there is no way out without retaliation from the public and especially from HIM.  Relationships and friendships should be happy. Yes, there will be problems, issues, misunderstandings and things of that nature. But to help in the loss of self-esteem, is not something ANYONE should experience.

In closing ask yourself.. DO I LOVE ME? What is it about me that allows him to treat me this way? What am I doing over and over again to allow this to continuously happen? If I leave him, what do I THINK he will do to me? Am I scared? Ask God to show you a pattern of his behavior. Tell yourself, that YES its going to be hard at first, then ask yourself can you eventually get over him? Tell and REMIND yourself that YOU WILL have to give up something (((( money, car, nice home, comfort, sex with HIM, security ))) for your PEACE. If you want to talk to me about your situation please feel free to email me DIRECTLY  longnosenikon@gmail.com  

I am LACREASE, and I dont have to do anything else!

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You are the CEO of your life!

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Hey Family!

I’m sitting here on this lovely day, I really need to be at a park this morning, we have some rainy days coming and I wanted to be near water on Belle Isle. But Summer is just around the corner and I promise myself I will be there more often than last year.

As many of you know I am deeply into the growth of  women, when it comes to Life Lessons and Experiences. Seems like there is not a day that goes by when someone needs to talk to me and ask for advice. I’m very, very, to the point and honest with my answers. That’s what people LOVE about me, but sometimes when I dish it out they have a problem with my truth and honesty. And guess what? I don’t even care.

I was speaking with someone recently and they began to tell me that whenever she hits her boyfriend and fight him, he wont hit her, but, he will push her and leave marks on her body. She justifies the fact that she fights him, but he will only push her. I told her, one day…. one day… ONE DAY, he will not stand for her putting her hands on him and he’s going to fight back. She doesn’t believe it. That’s where the LIFE LESSON will come in at. I can tell her all day, but she’ll NEVER believe me, because it HASN’T HAPPENED to her YET. This is the part of my job, where I can’t help. She has to learn the lesson herself, and I hope that it doesn’t land her in the hospital.

We.. MEN AND WOMEN have to pay attention to the signs of any and all things. People are so afraid of being alone. They cannot see themselves alone. They rather deal with fighting and arguing, instead of saying… look we cannot get alone, lets go our separate ways. This is why so many men and women have self esteem issues. They stay in relationships that they are not suppose to be in.

Why is it so hard to leave? Fear of being alone, and seeing that person with someone else. SO WHAT!!! Especially if you’re not getting alone. Who wants to wake up arguing everyday, holding grudges and CONSTANTLY talking about the same issues day after day after day? I just don’t have that kinda time. Many people don’t like the thing of meeting someone new, getting to know new families, dating, meeting the kids and those kinds of things associated with meeting someone new. But its better than being in a relationship that clearly isn’t going anywhere right? Some will say, they just don’t want to put the time into it, so they stay.

I have plenty of things to say about this topic. Stay tuned.

I am La’Crease… and I don’t have to do ANYTHING ELSE!

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MY story of FORGIVENESS-RAPE/PART 2/BLOG

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Later on that night he called me and told me how good it was seeing me again, how pretty I still was, and how he told his family that I came to see him. We caught up on a lot of things, and still I couldn’t fix my mouth to ask him the REAL reason why I agreed to talk, not to mention, meet up with him face to face. I made it a point to talk to him several times a day just to get my nerve up to ask him everything I wanted and needed to know.

And that day came.

He was telling me how he was still very angry with the mother of his daughter because when he was in jail, he found out that his daughter was molested and raped by the mother’s boyfriend. And that even though he talked with his daughter over and over about it, she can’t seem to get passed it. That seem to bother him. I’m wondering because he couldn’t do anything about it being locked up, or because HE WAS A RAPIST HIMSELF? Which opened the door for me to walk right in.

I asked him… if he remembered the night he RAPED ME. He told me yes he did, and that he thought about it, and prayed about it over, and over, and over again while in jail. Told me that he was very sorry, he was young, and asked for forgiveness. I told him that I had forgiven him, but there are a lot of questions I wanted to ask . He told me that I could ask him anything I wanted to know.

My first question was… why did you do me like that? Why did you leave me bleeding in my own back yard and walked home afterwards?  His answer was that he was very young ( 19) I was 17. He told me that I use to tease him. I can look/think back on my personality back then and disagree.  I did brag a lot about being a virgin at 17, and not having sex like the other gurls my age. I was proud of having a boyfriend and not being sexually active. He took that as me teasing him, but it was only boasting on myself. I UNDERSTAND  now with a (((young person’s mentality))) how it could have made him feel some kinda way , BUT THAT DID NOT, AND WILL NOT EXCUSE WHAT HE DID TO ME.

As a 48 year old woman. I GET THAT.. even if I don’t agree with it. I get the mentality of a 19 year old man, who was in the presence of his gurlfriend everyday, and for several years never had a chance to touch her. When I asked him how could he leave me bleeding at 1 am in the morning, laying on the ground in my own back yard? His reply was…. “I thought you were on your period.”  Truth was he broke my hymen. I was bleeding heavy. I had to go in the house bloody, and hoped my parents wasn’t awake (( they weren’t)). I was shocked and devastated at what he did to me. We were really close, and saw each other everyday. We were that couple, everyone knew us.

I asked him what else did he remember from that night, it was my way of knowing, if he remembered it, or if I was helping him. What shocked me to the HEART…. was that he remembered EVERY SINGLE THING THAT HAPPENED THAT NIGHT!!! EVERYTHING!!! EVERYTHING!!! EVERYTHING!!! EVERYTHING!!! And for some strange reason.. it made me feel so GOOD. Still to this day I cannot describe the feeling that I have to know that he did. He went back in his mind and told the story to me just as it happened, just like I had remembered it. He apologized so many times. Told me how he never stopped thinking about me through the years, and how he hoped to see me again.

He began to explain how much he really loved me, and how he wanted me to be his wife and to have his children. When I asked him if he could take back that night, he told me that he hated the fact that he raped me, but he was glad to have been my first. At that point, it really pissed me off to hear him say that, and because he was happy about it. He seemed to feel that he deserved to be my first because we were boyfriend and gurlfriend for several years. I wanted to curse him out and hang up, but I’m much older now and I UNDERSTAND not AGREE… that people have their own truths, and no matter how I FEEL about it, this is HIS story and his feelings.

That night as he threw me on the ground like I was a man, and raped me, I felt my SOUL leave my body. I was in so much pain, that I looked to Heaven for comfort. My dad was calling my name and I couldn’t even answer him. All I could hear in my mind was, “you’re not a virgin anymore, you’re not a virgin anymore, you’re not a virgin anymore.”  I laid there and cried in my mind but tears ran down my face. After it was over, felt like God sent my soul back to my body, and I was able to get up and walk in my house.

I HATED him after that. After school I use to go see him, I stopped all of that. I was done, he violated me and shut me down. After about 3 weeks, I wanted answers. I went up to his job to ask him why did he do that to me, and all he could say was he wanted me, and then said ”  You were bleeding so much, I thought you were on your period”. That was it, I never wanted to see him again.

Part 3 Tomorrow!

I AM La’Crease (( I don’t have to do anything else))

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Bill Cosby/ Tell your own STORY/BLOG

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So… I read that Bill Cosby went to court several years ago and admitted to giving women  the drug Quaaludes so that he could do what he wanted to do.

I’m sadden by this information but not shocked. I’m not shocked because he’s a man/human and we all make mistakes. I know this was done when he was younger, and with the mentality he has NOW, he’s probably ashamed  and embarrassed by his actions. Because I’m sure he doesn’t do those things anymore.

 I know he felt this secret would be sealed forever, well at least until he passed on, that would leave his wife with all the MESS in her lap to deal with. Can you imagine all the people who are going to delete his number out of their cell phones? There will be ones who will call him to show support even after knowing/reading the court documents ARE TRUE. And that’s cool. Then there will be ones who will shy away from him altogether. Sometimes I think God allows these things to happen, so that we can see for ourselves WHO WE ARE. I learned that people are quick to forgive you if you ADMIT your wrong, and ask for forgiveness. But when you deny, and make folks look money hungry when they’re telling the truth all along, people aren’t quick to forget that.

After and during The Cosby Show he was looked at as almost perfect when it came to family life of being a husband, a dad, and a role model. But you gotta remember your PAST WILL catch up with you. Somebody somewhere knows YOUR TRUTH. When faced with the questions… be honest, no matter how hard it is. People will forget all about the good you’ve done and said, and focus on the lies you told, and the things you covered up. People love to remind me of how I use to be, when they can clearly see that I am 30 years past all of that mess. It doesn’t bother me anymore…..because I TELL MY OWN STORIES!

Here is how it will affect everyone he’s connected to. His cast members will be hunted down and ask millions of questions. His adult kids, wife, and colleagues will also be asked questions. If Bill Cosby was MY friend…. I would love to tell them NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS HOW I FEEL ABOUT MYYYYY FRIEND….while keeping it moving!!! I’m BOLD like that. Sad thing about this… Bill Cosby will have to break his silence soon, or it would just look like arrogance on his behalf. People looked up to him, they listened to him. And even though we all fall short (( I know I do)) one thing I do know…. when you come clean and be honest… its easier to move past it. He will have to face the music with the lawsuits, even have to come off money, but at least he’ll be free from his past. Amen?

I AM La’Crease (( and SHE doesn’t have to do anything else))

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Catfish the show….INTERNET STALKERS/BLOG

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Hey Yall!

I’m a huge fan of Catfish the Show. I’m attracted to it because its so scary and it could happen to anyone! Its sad that people purposely live a life to deceive others over the internet. These people wake up everyday and have to come up with new stories and new conversations. As I watch the show and study the person doing the “catfishing”…. I can’t help but notice that there is always something going on with them. It could be loneliness, abandonment issues, attention, boredom and the list goes on. Sometimes they get so caught up in the lies they tend to believe it themselves. I also noticed that many of them never intended for the “catfishing” to go on so long. My thing is this…. what fun or “feeling” does someone get from this? Its time consuming, and not only that, but they become a person that’s not even REAL. How could that person leave the house and go on with life as normal and be connected to someone in the world as another person ?
That’s sick to me! SICK! SICK! SICK!

These people study their catfish on line, either on a BLOG  FB, Twitter, Instagram and other social outlets. They know everything about them and will do anything to stay connected. Some use God’s name and Scriptures or whatever is important to that person to keep their attention. Its so sad how long they will allow themselves to LIVE THE LIE. Hurting other people is so wrong. I just hope that the catfish would get help and figure out what ever it is that’s in them that causes them to put time and energy into deceiving others. You are SICK! STOP IT!

Be Blessed

I AM La’Crease

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Being OUTSPOKEN… A WRONG AND RIGHT TIME/BLOG

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I was talking to a friend last night, and our phone call conversation trigger several thoughts about being OUTSPOKEN at the wrong time. This is a subject that’s very serious to me, and I speak in COMPLETE BOLDNESS when it comes to it. I touched on this in the last blog entry…. but this one.. I’m going in.

Everyone who knows me know that when you call me, email, text, or we talk FACE TO FACE…I’m going to give you the real. I don’t add sugar to my conversations, ONLY salt.  I’m not going to short cut you, or baby you. I can feel when you’re leaving something out, and I can tell when you’re adding to it.I ask a lot of QUESTIONS… you already know. Many people come to me for advice because I can see the bigger picture. I use Godly Wisdom, and not worldly tickles. I’m not her. Period.

If I feel you’re holding back the complete truth, I’m going to shut down the conversation completely, and keep it moving. I will NOT hold a conversation with anyone, who doesn’t tell the full story…. it’s a waste of my time. I will never again hold 1 and 2 hour conversations just to listen * especially if the story is stupid and doesn’t need to be told* just because you want me to listen and not comment. FIND ANOTHER FRIEND FOR THAT. FIND A FRIEND WHO WILL LISTEN ONLY.. IM NOT HER…… AT ALL… PERIOD. I don’t have time to say.. “yeah, um um, I understand, right, yes, okay… all through the conversation without any input. I refuse to spend that kinda time on those conversations…. phone a friend who will. I’m not mad or anything… I’m just not that friend. PERIOD.

Listen.. as Christians we have to learn when to speak and when to fall back. When to stay in our own lanes, and when its okay to share lanes. Its very ignorant to be “OUTSPOKEN” on the wrong things. Its very ignorant to tell a friend… those shoes are ugly, where you get that ugly red hat from? Why you have on those pants, the style is ugly. When are you going to comb your hair? What time are you getting in the tub… I smell something? But then…. when its time to pay a bill and negotiate with someone.. you can’t do it. When you need to tell someone to stay out of your room, you can’t tell them. When you need a neighbor to turn down their music you can’t knock on their door. When you need to get pass someone and you can’t say excuse me, you rather wait until they notice you’re standing there. When you need to ask for a loan and SCARED of hearing NO.. or I DON’T HAVE IT. Instead of being able to ask these things… the excuse is ALWAYS…. “I don’t want nobody telling me NO… and If I say it, its going to come out wrong”. What is that? That’s stupid as hell to me. You can open your mouth and put your 2 cents into everybody else’s conversation, but don’t know how to work your own lane.

You can tell someone what their job is, and what they need to do, when they need to do it and why…. but you can’t knock on a neighbors door and tell them the’re too loud watching a Football game? That &&&& is retarded to me!!  You rather tell a friend their shoes are ugly…. IN THE NAME OF BEING HONEST. * because/whether they asked.. OR NOT”… but wont use that same honestly…. to knock on someone’s door and ask them to turn down their TV because its too loud.

As Christians.. we have to learn how to talk to people. The only reason why you feel its not going to “come out right” is because you catch attitude from people when they get mad at you for being in their business when you wasn’t invited. So now that its your business and its time for you to be a Boss, you can’t. We have to learn how to look at people in a non confrontational manner when speaking to them about an issue that would other wise cause conflict. We have to learn how to use voice control and direct eye contact with others. We have to usher in a Spirit of Peace when we speak. We have to go to God and ask him to calm us down before we ask a question or deliver a message to someone who may not take it well. This is a part of growing up, getting off milk and eating meat. You cannot be afraid “it won’t come out right”.. but at the same time… claiming how outspoken you are. Stop speaking when not asked., stop being so opinionated on things that doesn’t matter. Learn to pay attention to how things come on * a friend told me this*…. many times when you need an answer or something done, you need to learn how not to offend, so that the person can get it. That’s the whole key….. for them to GET IT. Stop feeling as if you have to say everything since its true….. when its not your story, important or necessary to say. Ask God to calm your storm before going to someone if you feel its going to lead to an argument or debate. Take YOU out of the situation and get things done people!!!

I know “outspoken” people who will tell you how dirty your car is….. but scared to ask the cashier for more ketchup because 1 isn’t enough. SMH!!!! 

If we all told what we know of one another, there would not be four friends in the world- Blaise Pascal

Be Blessed!

Daddy’s Little Gurl/BLOG

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Just a moment to share how important it is for a daughter to have both parents in her life. I grew up with both parents married before I was even born… and I’m the oldest. I never knew how important it really was.. until my daughter turned 12. Her dad was always in her life, and it became a joy to watch them talk, laugh and enjoy each other as she became an adult.

For the Christmas Holiday they went to Ohio, where he was born to enjoy family time. She stayed for 2 weeks, but he was back and forth. I love how she talks about him and the love they have for each other. They are so much alike its funny. He says she looks like me and built like me. I say she acts like him, talks like him, and loves to dress like him. Not to mention some days, she’s his twin!!! I can see him clear as day in her. He always speak well of me when they’re together sharing stories of our teenage years. That’s funny because I do the same thing when I’m with her. LOL

But there is one thing.. I tell her time and time again. Make sure that when you decide to get married and have a family that you chose a good man who loves you, and not for foolishness because YOUR DAD DOES NOT PLAY when it comes to you and his family. I tell her this all the time, and she knows this to be true. He may love his women.. but he’s not a fighter, he’s not into debates and arguments. He’s straight up and will not play about his 2 kids (son). He’ll want to meet him, grill him, look him in the eye and baaaaaaaaby have that talk with him. I told Nesha…  make sure he come correct….because your daddy… IS NOT HAVING IT… So.. please don’t bring trouble to his door step by way of a nothing man who mean you no good.

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That’s another main reason why I love their friendship/relationship because she knows he mean business.  She knows this. Even though she’s a classy gurl…. these men can be tricky. It also makes me smile knowing that her dad will make sure she’s okay…this is one area of her life….. that is out of my jurisdiction. Her dad has her back!!! She betta chose wisely. Because her dad loves her, treats her like a Princess, and adores her dearly . * Click on the photos for a closer view*

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Be Blessed!