Learn From My Words/BLOG

Image result for talk to much

Being a writer… you have to be careful of how you word things…

My Momma always told me, that my mouth was going to get me in trouble someday

Sometimes I come off too strong and offend others

I NEVER EVER EVER curse people out, but I can put together a def defying sentence

 

 

Only God can get me out of this one

Chopin Script Regular

 

Advertisements

Took Me Long Enough.. But I Got It!/BLOG

Image result for everybody can't go where god is taking you

 

As long as I can remember I was ALWAYS that little girl that felt that if me and my family was going to the park, why not ask if my friend Michelle could go. Not knowing that it was family day. Meaning that my parents only wanted our family to go, and that was it.

For the life of me, I couldn’t UNDERSTAND why my friend couldn’t go to join in on the fun. I thought…. all we were doing was going to the park to swing and play! That never made sense to me. As a child, I didn’t realize that parents have a reason for doing what they did. Maybe they didn’t have the extra money to buy her snacks, maybe they had just enough just for us. Maybe it wasn’t enough room for her in the car, because they were picking up groceries on the way home. Maybe, we were going out to dinner afterwards and there was only enough money for our family. No matter how my parents explained that to my little mind, I still couldn’t understand why my friend couldn’t go.

Which takes me into my ADULTHOOD.

I know, I know a lot of people, and that my personality is big. I get that about myself.  I remember this one time, me and my friend Gloria was going to the movies and out to dinner. I hung up with her after making our plans, to call a few OTHER friends and invite them to go with us. In MY mind, I felt…. Well, they wanted to see this same movie, why not invite them. So, when we got there, Gloria asked me….. who invited them? Even though she knew them, and liked them, she just wanted it to be HER AND I. I couldn’t understand that. In MY mind…. (( going back to that little gurl)) I felt that if we all wanted to see the SAME movie, why not invite them? I did that to my friend so many times that it saddens me to this day. It saddens me because I didn’t get it. I didn’t get the fact that everything is not for everyone. Its OK, if she only wanted to be with ME. She wasn’t being selfish, like I thought. Its a time for a few, and its a time for all. I couldn’t get that. 

Thinking back I DID that quite often. Not only that. But I trust people too easily. Again, growing up we lived in a house where if you laid something down, it was there when you went back to it. We were taught, if we go visit someone, and they have money or anything that DIDN’T BELONG to us, laying around.. DO NOT TOUCH IT! DON’T GO NEAR IT! So, when I was grown and moved out. I lived by those standards. But what I didn’t know was that not everyone was taught that. Man, I had so many things to learn that was taught differently in my home. I had a hard time adjusting to how things were in the world versus how I was raised. I feel like crying right now….. tears.

I got hurt so many times trusting people. Believing that everybody was good. Picking up strangers on the way to where I’m GOING… got side tracked several years. Sent me spinning. I should have been to where I was going.

My mentality WAS that if I’m going to the same place you’re going… “lets hop a cab and split it”..  ((( in my Andre 3000 voice.. John Legend -Green Light))) never knowing that it was okay to pay the whole fare BY MYSELF!  I don’t need to ride with you. And I’ll still be good!

I realize that where I’m going, everybody can’t go. Same for others, I can’t go everywhere with them either.  Even if we’re going the same way, you have to take your own car. You can’t ride with me, because just like my friend Gloria where ever I’m going they may just want it to be me and them. I learned that you can’t tell everybody everything, because in the pureness if me telling my story from my heart, my same story will be heard differently by someone else. I had to learn that too. But you know, that will NEVER happen to me again. What I know.. I know.. My friend is MY friend, Where God wants me to go.. I’m going alone.

I’ve lost too much time, messing around with people who don’t mean me any good.. And oh, I know how to fall back. I just didn’t know if I should.

That Chapter is OVER FOR ME….. I’M ready to RECEIVE LORD!

Image result for driving a one seater

 

Chopin Script Regular

 

 

 

God Told Me That I was Getting In The Way With My Foolishness PT 1/BLOG

Image result for trusting god

 

I was in my early 30’s when I was temporary SHUT DOWN ..by God.

Growing up we would have our water, lights and gas shut off and then turned back on, and I hated that. I said that when I “got grown” I’m going to make sure that I pay my bills off once it comes in the mail. And I made good on that promise. All my adult life, I hated to “pay” on a bill because it would catch up with the next month, and seem like it would be double. All my friends use to ask me why not just pay on it, but they didn’t know  the promise I made to myself and why once I was grown. Still till this day, I do NOT pay on my bill, I pay it off COMPLETELY.

One day, my car went down, I had to get a ride to work with my co-workers. Then right after that, we all lost our jobs due to selling of the plant we worked. So, that meant if I didn’t find work soon, my  home services would be cut off. Well, even though my cable was still on, my lights and gas went off because they were on the same electric company. Oh, I was DEVASTATED! I had NEVER in my adult life experienced all of my services being disconnected at the same time. It was cold outside and I couldn’t let my daughter stay in the house with me, so I took her to my parents house and let her stay over there until I heard from God.

I knew he wanted my attention. I have a relationship with him and I KNOW when he needs to speak to me. He knew how I paid my bills, he knew that if everything was turned off, that he would get my attention. He knew how to shut me down, and I KNEW he wanted to speak to me. I lost my job, so I got up in the daytime when it was warm to call around for job openings, and at night I would lay down to think and try to hear from him. My daughter missed her daily routine of how we did things at home and even though she enjoyed being with my parents, she started doing bad in school. I didn’t know it at the time, but I knew her behavior had changed and I didn’t like it one bit.

Nights turned into weeks, and still no word from God. I remember asking people who I knew could help me get my services turned back on, and they turned me down. I was SO MAD AT THEM. I remember writing it all down, so that I would never forget it. Weeks turned into a month and even though it was warming up outside, It was still cold at night, and I had not heard from God.  I wanted to hear from him to see what this was all about so that I could get back to my normal life. What was my normal life? Well, let me share.

There was a time  when it was all about me and my daughter, we would go to the movies weekly, go shopping, out to dinner all the time. Her dad took her to Disney World- Universal Studios- Island of Adventure, and I took her twice… yes a total of 3 times as a child. Her cousins would come over and spend the night, and she would go over to their house. By the time she was 13 years old, she had been to New York, New Jersey, Atlanta, Philadelphia, Chicago, Cincinnati, Florida…  several times with her dad. She loved to travel.

We slowed down going to the movies,  Church every Sunday,  dinner,  and doing things we were use to doing together. It was only her and I.  I was preoccupied doing other things. I started drinking all the time with my friends, having male friends come over at night when she was sleep, talking on the phone all day.  I was going out every single weekend, making sure I was looking good, going shopping EVERY FRIDAY I got paid…. I was something else. So, when my services were shut off, and I KNEW that paying bills was important to me, this was something bigger than paying bills. This is how God got my attention… I knew it….and I was listening.

Days and weeks went by, turned into a month and I was praying, crying, wondering, scared, thinking… I wanted to know what this was about. Why hasn’t God spoken to me yet? One night I went to my parents house to see my daughter and my dad had been playing the Michigan State Lottery since I was born. Every night when it came on at 7:32 pm… he wanted the house QUIET! NO TALKING. He wanted to see what numbers fell, read what he played, then we could talk. LOL Earlier in the day before I had even got there, I had been seeing this one number straight, like ALL DAY. Everywhere I went I saw this number. It was unreal to me. Well, that night in the lottery it came JUST AS I SAW IT. I got up from the family in TOTAL SHOCK and went into the kitchen alone to ask God why did that number come in the lottery? I said you know I don’t play the lottery, so why did it come? He said to me… I know you don’t play, that was to show you that I haven’t forgotten about you and I’m ready to speak.

I went home alone that night to a cold house, and even though he didn’t speak that night, he spoke the next day.

He said. ” La’Crease, the person that Nesha is going to be.. YOU ARE GETTING IN THE WAY WITH YOUR FOOLISHNESS”. I remember so clearly saying….  Who me? What I do?THIS IS ABOUT NESHA?. NESHA? NESHA?… my daughter? He said YESSS, you’re sleeping with men at night, talking on the phone all day and night, you don’t do anything with her anymore, you have totally neglected her, her grades have suffered. You spend all your time with these men and your friends. He said.. You are getting in the way of who she is going to be with YOUR FOOLISHNESS!!! I felt so bad.  I was so SHOCKED. People ask me how do you know that WAS GOD? I said would I TELL MYSELF THESE THINGS? WILL I SIT THERE AND HEAR MYSELF TELLING MYSELF THIS STUFF? WHO DOES THAT? NOBODY!!! This was not ME saying all this shocking stuff to myself. WHO OVER LOADS THEIR THOUGHTS WITH THEIR OWN SINS? These things were  furthest from my mind.

I started thinking about how true every word was. All I could say is God.. I hear you, I’m about to  change my life!!! He meant it, and it wasn’t talking about next week either… he meant NOW! I was so out done. I was done. I thought all that time he wanted to speak to me about ME, and blessings coming, and new place to live, new car, bills paid, husband.. all this other stuff. LOL LOL  LOL its so funny.. so so sooooo funny NOW.. What a naive person I was. One thang he made clear…… YOU BETTA CHANGE YOUR LIFE AND NOW!

I heard him LOUD AND CLEAR… he didn’t have to repeat himself. I got up that next day, made some phone calls and all my service was turned on in a few days. Help came from everywhere. I went and got my baby from my parents, that’s when I found out that she got F’s on her report card. I was mad a little, because my dad and daughter hid it from me. I promised myself that I would get all her grades up by next report card to A’s and B’s and that’s what I did. My car got fixed, and I got a job. I stopped talking on the phone all together. I HATE talking on the phone, if you know me, you know I hate it to this day! I’ll text, but I dont like talking on the phone and people respect that.

I cut off all my male friends sexually.. 18 years STRONG TODAY… yeaaa I know. But it’s worth it. I started spending all my time with my daughter and I was soo Thankful that God stopped Me from Me. I couldn’t wait to tell her what God had told me, she was waiting to hear it too. When I told her , she was just as shocked as I was. She was only 13 years old when this happened. All she kept saying is momma what am I going to be? I couldn’t answer her. I didn’t know the answer. All I knew was that she wanted to be a Lawyer. I knew that I had a special child. I knew that I had to stop all my foolishness. I knew that God had a plan for her life and I had to STEP ASIDE. I knew that God was serious and that he planned on using her, we just didn’t know how. I straighten all the way up, and its so funny now, she always tease me and say .. “Didn’t God whoop you over me?” LOL LOL WE LAUGH.. WE LAUGH.. WE LAUGH!!!!

Tomorrow, I will share where SHE is 18 years later.… GOD IS TRULY FAITHFUL!

Chopin Script Regular

 

 

Life Lesson- Glad I Got A Chance To See Mom Cry/BLOG

Image result for life lessons

 

Growing up, I remember so clearly my mother crying many times after hanging up the phone from taking care of business.

My mother was the type to kinda “go with the flow”, when it came to her business over the phone back in the day. If it wasn’t anything immediate she would take what ever they told her, but when it  came to something she needed done now, she didn’t know the right questions to ask, and when she was rejected she’d cry and it would make me so MAD.

Can you imagine how I felt as a child, a person who knew how to express herself, knew what kind of questions I needed to ask in order to get business taking care of and couldn’t help or offend my mother? I hated when she cried. I remember saying, “When I get grown aint nobody gon make me cry”. I think back on this Life Lesson and I’m glad I got a chance to see her cry, because it helped me to learn how to take care of business. It made me strong to where I learned ways to communicate in order to get things done without cursing anyone out. Simply by knowing the right questions to ask.

When I got my first place, I remember thinking, I’m a mother now. I have to make arrangements over the phone, ask the right questions to get my business taken care of. I remember writing down questions I needed to ask before I made my phone calls, and each time they were answered AND UNDERSTOOD by me, I would go on to the next. If I didn’t understand I would ponder that question 3-4 different ways in order to get a true answer. I thought to myself, there is no way in the world that I’m going to hang up this phone and not have made progress. In person….. I’m nothing to toy with. I’m very very friendly and this is why I will not accept anything less than my business being taking care of.

I prefer in person, eye to eye contact. That way a person can understand MY ENERGY, MY PERSISTENCE, MY DIRECTNESS. I never ever ever, ask a person to go beyond the company policy to accommodate me. If you can do it, DO IT. Don’t give me the run a round, because I do ask for names, badge numbers, and phone numbers to your extension just in case I need to ASK MORE QUESTIONS. I’m not a pest, because I don’t want to stay on the subject no more than you do. If I’m speaking with you over the phone and I feel I’m not getting answers… TRUST AND BELIEVE…. I’M ON MY WAY UP THERE TO SEE YOU FACE TO FACE. I will never curse anyone out, and if that person cant/wont help me, then I’ll talk to a supervisor. Even with that, I ONLY talk to people who can get me results. PERIOD.

I watched my mother cry too many times in my childhood days. But I must add, TODAY.. .my Mother DO NOT PLAY. LOL LOL She says she learned from the best. All of her kids (4) are great communicators and baby when I tell you now…. SHE WILL EMBARRASS YOU, because she knows how to get her point across. Sometimes I have to walk away if we’re in a store or place of business LOL LOL . She wont stop until she get her questions ask. Its so funny because she has come along way. I’m proud of her.

image

Chopin Script Regular

Sharing Your Deepest Secret To Help Someone/BLOG

Image result for sharing a secret to help someone

 

I know a lot of people, and sometimes when they share life their lessons with me, I most times will share a similar story about what I’ve been though. Opening up about some of the things a person has went through can be painful. But its always helpful that the person you’re sharing them with can relate.

I remember a time when this young gurl came through my line when I was working as a cashier. She was pregnant, and when I  asked her when was her baby due, she told me that she was going to have an abortion soon. I was horrified! I was horrified because when my baby was just 3 months old, I found myself pregnant again at 19 with my second baby, and in my mind there was NO WAY EVER, I was going to have that baby. I told my first daughter father, and he told me that what ever I wanted to do he would support me. I didn’t  tell my family because I didn’t want them to talk me into having it, because I knew they would. In my mind I felt embarrassed, and I felt that I wouldn’t be able to take care and handle 2 kids. So, I had an abortion and never told ANYONE.

There I was in my early 40’s talking a young gurl out of having an abortion something I wouldn’t let anyone talk me out of. I told her that I felt the same way at her age.  I felt that I couldn’t take care of another baby and that it wasn’t even up for debate. But, she let me talk to her. I told her, look, you CAN take care of this baby, it seems as if you cant right now, but had I depended on God a little bit more, I would have my baby in my life . I told her that the person I am today.. I HATE that I had an abortion. Back then I didn’t know that I could make it, but now I know that I could have. I begged her to please have her baby, because I knew it would bring her joy the moment she laid eyes on her/him. I didn’t know what her final decision would be, but I know she heard and listened to me well.

One day I was having lunch in the Subway inside of the store. This young lady came up to me with a baby in the stroller and said with a huge smile, do you remember me? I looked at her and said, you look familiar, but I don’t. She said I’m the gurl you talked into having my baby, and here he is! I just burst out crying. I was so emotional. She said THANK YOU SO MUCH for talking me into having my baby, she said now every time I look at him, I feel bad for having that thought. She said he brings me joy and makes me happy,  said I don’t know what would I do without him. I was so happy and very emotional. I told her how hard it was for me to share my story with her, because I was ashamed for so many years, but I didn’t want her to turn out like me. To live with regret years later wondering what sex my baby was, how would he/she fit into my life today, and the biggest thing, KNOWING NOW, that I COULD have made it with God by my side. She said because of you, my baby is here. She was so happy and so grateful for that talk we had. She was a complete stranger. Wow, I wonder where they are today.

Sometimes we have to give up our deep buried secrets to help someone. I wanted to take my secret to the grave with me, but  God wouldn’t let me. What I went through I didn’t want her to experience. I was in my early 40’s, and had healed from it. I was at a place in my life where I could talk about it, and wanted to share it with someone to help them. Thank you Jesus! Thank you!

Chopin Script Regular

 

 

 

Conversations with The Lord/BLOG

TRUST GOD
Happy New Year!
One of my prayers is to have more conversations with The Lord. Sometimes we get tied up in our own lives and we forget to have that special time with HIM.
Since I was a young gurl, I’ve always heard the voice of the Lord. I’m always amazed at the things he tells me about PEOPLE and SITUATIONS ahead of time. A lot of times I don’t understand why he tells me things, but as time passes… I ALWAYS GET IT! That alone blows my mind.
A few days ago, the cable in my building and surrounding areas went out for hours. So, I called the cable company to find out how long would it be before its restored. After holding on FOREVER, I was okay with the time frame that was told to me. That evening it was restored.
No more than 5 hours of being restored, it went off again while I was watching Tiny House around 1:20 am. I don’t watch TV much at all, so when I do turn it on, I want to watch it.  I decided to go to sleep. The next day it still wasn’t on, so I decided to chat with a LIVE online representative about the service. He told me that they were having problems and that it would be restored in a few more hours. It was restored an hour earlier than predicted.
The next day, I was going through some movies and decided to watch King of Kings, when the Lord spoke to me. He said “La’Crease, your cable is going out again, but after that, it’ll be on for good.” His voice was so clear! I said.. Oh okay, so its going out again? He said yes, then once its restored it’ll be on for good.
I took a nap that evening before work and when I woke up to get dressed, even though my TV stays off, I notice the lights on the cable box was OFF again!!!! I went on to work, but when I got in around 8 am.. it was still off. Now I’m frustrated because this has never happened before. This time when I called I told them that I wanted a refund for War Room a movie which I rented and didn’t get a chance to see it for a second time before it expired, and also a credit for the NOW 2 days it was off. I was DONE! Forgetting everything God had spoken to me. What really had me on fire was when she said.. after we discuss the nature of my call, that she was going to introduce me to a better package than the one I have. Before I knew it I said.. ” I can’t even see and enjoy the package I do have!!!” I said maam, my cable has been in and out for 3 days!!! Oh she felt my wrath! She told me that my cable would be restored in a few hours. Just before hanging up, I got so irritated with the issue, that I said to her…..Thank you, you’ve been real helpful, and hung up in her face while she was still talking. I felt bad because that’s not me anymore to hang up on people, and to get that upset over something that I have no control over and surely not her. So, as I was watching a Christian movie, I really felt convicted after thinking about it.
After I had calmed down… God said to me.. La’Crease why did you call Comcast? I said because I’m tired of my cable going out. He said BUT.. didn’t I tell you that your service was going to go out and be restored again for good? I said yes. He said then why did you leave that woman wounded like that? OH MY GOODNESS I FELT SO BAD. OH THE GUILT. I could actually VISION the woman feeling some type of way after hanging up on her. I can VISION how I made her feel. I can VISION her talking trying to help ME, but feeling low after hanging up on her. I can VISION her telling family and coworkers how rude I was to her.
I shouldn’t have never called. God told me what was going to happen. I don’t know what kind of day that lady was having. She could have lost her mom or anyone. She could have been trying to have a good day after the anniversary of her daughters death or anything… I DON’T KNOW. WE NEVER KNOW WHAT THE NEXT PERSON IS GOING THROUGH! Even though I ‘m making up these scenarios , God told me about my cable, and I spoke to this woman like it was her fault. I repented. I felt so bad afterwards. You can’t do people wrong! God does not like that, and will punish you for it. I wish that I could talk to her again to apologize for the way I spoke to her. She was nice to me, and I was so mean. My cable was on in 12 hours, didn’t matter to me anymore, I just wanted to make what I did wrong-RIGHT!. I haven’t had any problems out of my cable since.. just like THE LORD SAID! I’m starting to think my cable was off just so that I could LEARN THIS LESSON OF HOW TO TREAT OTHERS… ESPECIALLY when I have DIRECT CONVERSATIONS WITH HIM. SMH @MYSELF. LESSON LEARNED!
I AM La’Crease ((I don’t have to do ANYTHING else))

My story of FORGIVENESS-RAPE 4/FINAL/BLOG

FullSizeRender2

That night after work, I went home and thought about what can make him come to the conclusion that my daughter was his daughter. I asked God to please tell me why is this man telling people this. And why would a person brag on having a child with someone, when they RAPED them and got them pregnant? What is that to brag on?

 Fast forward to this year when I went to see him, he asked me flat out was my daughter his daughter? He told me that he told all of his kids that he has a daughter out that and that he wanted them to meet her. I explained to him that its no way my daughter was his daughter and for him to stop saying that. Later on that night, I went to bed and prayed about it asking God to show me what am I missing to make him feel that my daughter his his child?  This man REALLY BELIEVES THIS OOOOOOOOO MY GOODNESS.. I promise if anyone says there is no God,, they deceive themselves. God took me way back to the days and went over everything. He bought back so many memories that I blocked out of my mind. I guess I didn’t want to think about it or even deal with that anymore and never thought it through. But I wanted to tell this man NO SHE’S NOT YOURS and have proof.

So, I laid there and started thinking. He raped me in August of 1985. I met my daughters father in September when I turned 18. I got pregnant in December 1985. And had my daughter on MY BIRTHDAY Sep 3, 1986. So I know for a fact that I wasn’t pregnant for 12 months… that already disqualifies him. BUT.. THIS IS THE PART THAT GOD MADE ME UNDERSTAND. He said LaCrease… when you stopped seeing your ex boyfriend and your dad moved the family to another home, he was NOT allowed to see you again. I was like OKAY.. So when he found out that you were pregnant,, he AUTOMATICALLY assumed that she was his child. THEN…… to top things off. God spoke to me saying…. you named your daughter MARNEISHIA.. BECAUSE HER DAD NAME IS MARTO. (( MAR))… THEN TO  MAKE  MATTERS EVEN ( WORST) COMPLICATED… my ex boyfriend name BEGINS with ((MAR)) AS WELL!!! I was soooooooooooooooo amazed how God spoke that to me. Explaining how my ex really thought and RIGHTFULLY that my daughter was his. I had to remember that I MOVED AWAY.. AND HE NEVER SAW ME AGAIN… SO WHEN HE HEARD I HAD A BABY AND FOUND OUT HER NAME… HE carried that in his mind and heart all his life. I finally got it. THANK YOU JESUS. This helped me to explain to him (( my ex)) what God had spoken to me. And he got it!

I found myself calling my ex everyday this year just to ask him questions about that night. Its like I became obsessed with him answering my questions with TRUTH and HONESTY. He was humble, he remembered every single conversation and detail about that night, and it made me feel comfortable. But after a month or MORE, he asked me.. “can we have a conversation without you asking about that night. He was right. Very right. He had been very patient with me, never making me feel any kind of way at all. He gave me everything and more. I can walk away saying.. that he’s truly a different person than he was 30 years ago. I even enjoyed his friendship and new life that he had built for himself after being locked up. He talked about the Lord and Praised him every time we spoke.

I recently made the decision to disconnect from him when his gurlfriend sent me an INBOX on FB. He told her all about me, and I believe that she felt uncomfortable with me in the picture and he speaking so highly of me. I told her that I would disconnect from him (( something I needed to do anyway)). Too bad she doesn’t know that I needed him to complete this puzzle in my mind. But its okay, because I got what I needed from him and I AM ABLE TO MOVE ON!! PRAISE GOD. I plan to start a serious work out plan to get this weight off physically, because I am healing fast mentally (( smile)). I had a breakthrough and I Thank God for that! I hope that my story of FORGIVENESS is helping someone out there reading this. Took me years to get my answers, but I have them now. Thank you Jesus 🙂

(( photo above is of my daughter and her dad))

I AM La’Crease (( I don’t have to do anything else))

FullSizeRender (6)