How I Gained Back My Self Esteem/ PART 2/BLOG

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I was 24 years old (( 6 years in)) when I FINALLY came to my MIND. When I started talking to God about what I was going through. I thought that I would never get over my daughters father. The more sex I had with him, the more I loved him. That’s when I found out that SEX was the soul-tie that kept my mind on this man. The first thing I learned I had to do was, stop the sex. It was so hard. So so so very hard. Every time I saw him, we were a magnet and I had to give it to him. I knew if I could just stop the sex then I would be able to get over him. Sad thing about it,  I knew in my heart that he had to do something terrible to me, to turn me off from him, and that would be how I would be able to walk away. Its a shame that in order for me to get over this man, something bad had to happen. We never fought EVER, so I knew it wouldn’t be that, but it was something, and  when it happened…..I knew then that I had to let him go.

I started reading my Bible and separating myself from my friends to be more in tuned with God. I started reading how much God loved me no matter what I did. In my mind he was in charge of my LIFE. He was the man I had to please, and that’s when I started learning my worth. I was never a person who compared myself to other women, because it was clear to me that GOD MADE EVERYONE DIFFERENT. I enjoyed and loved the fact that I WAS THE ONLY ONE MADE LIKE ME. You can say, I favor this person or that person, but I was the ONLY LACREASE GOD MADE…and that made me HAPPY. So that alone made me NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER want or desire to be like anyone else,  because I KNEW.. that God loved me enough to make ONLY ONE of me, and I love ME.

Then, I had to learn and write down all the things God Blessed me with. I had to read it daily. I had to learn my worth all over again. I had to know it without a doubt. I had to live it. I had to think it, I had to see it ON ME. And here is what I started with.

NOW THIS IS MYYYYYYYYYY LIST…. you make your own list. Remember we are all different.

  • I grew up with both parents in the home, and they helped me with everything I needed.
  • I  got my  first apartment me and my daughter, and a job.
  • I was funny, loved people, loved to laugh and pretty
  • I had a beautiful shape, and wore clothes to compliment my body (( never disrespectful))
  • Had lots of friends and loved the Lord

One of the biggest conclusions IN MY LIFE that God helped me come to was that MEN wanted SEX. What I ( women)  have the men want !!! I had to learn the POWER in it. I learned it was OK to keep it to myself…. its mine. We women don’t have to give it away. Its so much POWER in the vagina. Its not to be shared with everyone. Its yours and all the boys want it. No! No! No! Learn this TODAY! You do NOT have to  give up your vagina.

Fast forward to today. I spend time with myself learning myself daily. Learning my wants/needs and don’t need. Learning things I will NOT ACCEPT. For example.. Married Men.

I met this guy at my job, he comes in often and he calls me “Momma cool”… why I dunno. This man is soooooo fine to me. He’s attracted to me and I’m attracted to him. He’s my type of man IF he wasn’t married. Now, I will NEVER EVER talk, meet, or see this man outside of my job. I will not engage in any conversation with a him or any married man, unless its work related, or God. That’s apart of building my self esteem. KNOWING WHO I AM. My self esteem stays ON 100 because I will not engage in anything not healthy for me and will disappoint God, especially when I know better.When you start crossing lines and doing things out of YOUR CHARACTER, that’s when your self esteem start going DOWN DOWN DOWN. Depression sets in, suicide, doubt , fear all that stuff starts to creep in. Cut off any thing that YOU KNOW is not good for you, because if you don’t you’ll find yourself in trouble. Stay inside of your worth!!! Married MEN ARE OFF LIMITS.. PERIOD! Once you exchange phone numbers….. THAT’S IT!

Take trips. Go to the park alone to spend time with God. Clear your mind. MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF.. MAKE IT HAPPEN! Go to lunch alone, you dont have to take the kids all the time. Think about yourself. Whats your favorite desert? Go to Dairy Queen alone. Stop feeling guilty because you didn’t take the kids this time.. ITS OKAY. I promise you. Go to Bath and Body Works and buy not one but 4 different scents of lotions, its OKAY. Learn what you like and will  buy the next time you visit. I will book a hotel an hour away from me in a minute! Book a room for the weekend. Have someone to watch the kids… Go alone, make plans to do things while you’re there.

Listen… I will jump in my car and go to the park and sit for hours in the sun enjoying myself. I may have music or I talk to God. I use to be “scared” to go to dinner alone, because I always took my daughter or a friend… YEAH OKAY… I WILL hop in the car and go sit my but down alone so fast. I love getting to know myself. I love me. God made me and there is no one else like ME, and guess what… JUST AS I LEARNED THIS ABOUT ME…. YOU CAN TOO!!! Be your own “to do list”…. life is not about having Sex all the time, sitting on the porch watching cars ride by, going neighbor to neighbor needing someone to go shopping with you. Get to learn yourself, know what you will and will NOT ACCEPT from a friendship, or relationship. Do YOUR own thang in your spare time, and treat yourself. ITS OKAY!!!

Be Blessed!

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Deep Conversations/BLOG

Hey family!

You know if you keep on living you will learn so many life lessons. I have learned a lot, and even if I don’t speak on it, I have. Sometimes you have to forgive yourself for not seeing friendships that was not meant to be, even through the warnings. Ah, the warnings.. SMH. But that is years behind me and again, keep on living and you will learn a thing or two. I’m good!

This week, I was having deep DEEP DeEp conversations with my cousins who are all Sisters about my uncle (( their dad))) who passed away many years ago. He was my dad’s best friend and as we were growing up, even though their mom and my uncle was divorced, me and my sister  would go over to their house and spend nights with them. I loved them and looked up to them, because they are all so pretty, came from a good family, and loved being around us. But all of that time as a young gurl, I thought that they were seeing their dad often, because I did. I was young, so of course I didn’t know anything about bickering ex’s, kids, child support and all of that. I remember my youngest cousin of the sisters (( she’s older than me)) use to always ask me have I seen her dad, and my answer would be yes. I would tell her when he came over, and things like that. She would be so excited to hear my stories. I grew up with both of my parents in the home, so I didn’t know why she was so into asking me questions, but now I know that she was missing her dad. But I always thought they saw him as often as I did.

We were having a deep conversation about it, and come to find out they didn’t see him that often. That sadden me, and told me that things weren’t as it seem when I was growing up. How is it that I’m seeing their dad more than they were? When we talked about it, it made ME feel some kinda way. I learned something so deep. They felt that he didn’t love them the way he should have.  And I know he loved them, but I don’t know how they didn’t feel it. Well, I understand their views. I was shocked. And the funny thing is, these sisters are just like mines, WE ARE VERY VERY STRONG WOMEN, with strong opinions, and personalities . Get all 6 of us together on a topic we split on, and its on and poppin. LOL

Back in the day grown folks business was grown folk business. I told them, that whenever he came over, we went to our rooms, or went outside to play. Even though I saw him with my dad, I didn’t know their business or what they talked about. They felt that just because I saw him, I knew things. I didn’t. I was a young gurl myself. It made me feel some kinda way, because they are all grown women and even though 2 of them haven’t completely healed from the hurt, the baby did. She found closure and I’m happy.

Here is the biggest thing. Even though their mom and dad had a bad divorce, and he may not have been the best dad, he was THE BOMB GRANDDAD TO THEIR KIDS. OMG HE HAD THOSE KIDS EVERY WEEKEND. He loved his grandkids, and even though they are grown, today they still feel the effects of his death.

Now, what my baby cousin was saying (( she’s older than me)) is that God spoke to her concerning the healing and closure that she needed. My grandmother was a young mother who had 7 kids, she wanted to work and be in the streets leaving my uncles and aunts with their dad, and her mother. The brothers were bitter about that, maybe grew up and not know how to be close to their kids, not knowing how to communicate or whatever skills they lacked from not having their mother around. My cousin get that, she doesn’t excuse it, but she feels that with the tools he had, he did the best he knew how. My two other cousins feel that he should have done better and knew better. and to make matters worst, he had a girlfriend before he died who was also very close to their kids, who didn’t offer or give them anything of their dads when he passed away. She had everything. I asked my cousin why didn’t she ask her, she felt that it should have been offered.. NOT HER ASKING. Wow I felt differently about that, but then again I cant say because this is not my story and it didn’t happen to me. I would have asked and listened to her say NO, OVER AND OVER AGAIN, so that later on in life she would feel guilty of holding on to all those things she had of his and not have the man… not to mention he was a Atheist. She’ll never hold or see him again.

In the end, we love each other, and I hope that my two cousins find closure. One said sorry she just isn’t there yet, and I got that. One thing I learned is that things arent always what they seem. You think people are happy and have everything under control, but in REAL LIFE its not that way. I felt my uncle loved them, but he didn’t know how to express love when he didn’t get it from his mom. For me, it made my dad love his family and made sure that we were close, didn’t fist fight each other, and to be there for each other no matter what. Two brothers lived in the same house, grew up and saw things differently. I know in my heart he loved them, I just wish they knew it.

 

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laporsharenae A WORD TO WOMEN/BLOG

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Something told you to sexually assault me, try to take my life as if you were the one who gave it to me, cheat on me with ANYTHING that walked and tell me that's what love was all about, plead guilty to domestic violence, watch me via you and your next victim's TV rise above your failed attempts to devour and depreciate my mind and spirit, and  then try to come back in Gods name and do it all over again. You have no place in my life. Your tongue is that of a snake, your eyes are dark and manipulative, and your voice reaks of evil. I will raise my daughter to despise false representations of a God-fearing man such as you. You can try your tired, manipulative tricks, but mind you, I'm not alone as I was before. I have the support of my family, fans, and the motivation of my daughter this time.  Your chapter of MY book is closed and will NEVER be opened again for anything other than you answering to God on judgment day for your sinister doings against me and MY daughter.To my former abuser and EX husband, Michael Devin Jennings, your time of mentally, physically and emotionally torturing me has long passed. I have earned the title "SURVIVOR" and will never recede to being a VICTIM EVER AGAIN. I will live the rest of my life surrounded by real love. Enjoy watching me succeed and rid myself of any memory I've ever acquired of you. Enjoy watching me LIVE despite you wanting me DEAD. May God Be with you and have mercy on your soul. ~La'Porsha Renae ~ aka SURVIVOR
#DONTEVERTRYITAGAIN #FINALWARNING
#NotThisTime #LAPORSHAJENNINGSisNOmore #NeverGoingBack #AbusersNeverChange

To any woman in an abusive situation, I plead with you to #GETOUT before it's too late. You can do it!! I stand by you!! I believe in you!! Even if you have children, #GETOUT!! #GETHELP #TELLSOMEONE Don't make them victims too!! To any men or children in those situations, #GETOUT!! NO ONE has the right to abuse you!! #NoYourWorth #YourLifeHasPurpose 
#GOODWOMAN #TakingOutTheTrash
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  • laporsharenaeSomething told you to sexually assault me, try to take my life as if you were the one who gave it to me, cheat on me with ANYTHING that walked and tell me that’s what love was all about, plead guilty to domestic violence, watch me via you and your next victim’s TV rise above your failed attempts to devour and depreciate my mind and spirit, and then try to come back in Gods name and do it all over again. You have no place in my life. Your tongue is that of a snake, your eyes are dark and manipulative, and your voice reaks of evil. I will raise my daughter to despise false representations of a God-fearing man such as you. You can try your tired, manipulative tricks, but mind you, I’m not alone as I was before. I have the support of my family, fans, and the motivation of my daughter this time. Your chapter of MY book is closed and will NEVER be opened again for anything other than you answering to God on judgment day for your sinister doings against me and MY daughter.To my former abuser and EX husband, Michael Devin Jennings, your time of mentally, physically and emotionally torturing me has long passed. I have earned the title “SURVIVOR” and will never recede to being a VICTIM EVER AGAIN. I will live the rest of my life surrounded by real love. Enjoy watching me succeed and rid myself of any memory I’ve ever acquired of you. Enjoy watching me LIVE despite you wanting me DEAD. May God Be with you and have mercy on your soul. ~La’Porsha Renae ~ aka SURVIVOR
    #DONTEVERTRYITAGAIN #FINALWARNING
    #NotThisTime#LAPORSHAJENNINGSisNOmore#NeverGoingBack #AbusersNeverChange

    To any woman in an abusive situation, I plead with you to #GETOUT before it’s too late. You can do it!! I stand by you!! I believe in you!! Even if you have children,#GETOUT!! #GETHELP #TELLSOMEONEDon’t make them victims too!! To any men or children in those situations, #GETOUT!! NO ONE has the right to abuse you!!#NoYourWorth #YourLifeHasPurpose
    #GOODWOMAN #TakingOutTheTrash

AMEN!!! AMEN!!

I challenge you to get to know YOURSELF… all over again!/BLOG

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Hey

Today I decided to call off from work. Its been a while since I did that, because when I do I feel so guilty. But tonight I’m glad I did. Today was one of those days where I’m feeling some kinda way. So many questions to God and things that I have learned about myself. I really needed this day off.

I challenge you to get to know yourself, think about YOU, realize and come to some conclusions about things. Think about consequences YOU had to deal with because of YOUR immature decisions.  Its okay. Cry, laugh, and think about things in the past. I did and I’m glad. I want to share them with you.

  • I find myself often asking God, why do we have to stay “down here” with people who just want to kill and hurt others? Yes, I know Jesus will come for us, and I look forward to that day. But I still ask, because I often wonder if I could survive if some of the things that happen to others, would happen to me. That’s so scary to me.
  • I realize that once upon a time.. I cared what people thought about me. I cared about the wrong things. Recently a coworker came to me and told me that she was pregnant with her 3rd baby, at 19. She was feeling some kinda way, because she and her kids father were already having a hard time with a baby sister while they work, not to mention the fact that she was embarrassed, and ashamed that she was pregnant again. I was so happy she came to me, because of my experience I was able to help her come to her conclusion. I was so glad that I am a person who can share my experiences (( because I revisited them and healed)) with others, and I don’t GIVE A DAM about what people think ANYMORE. I told her how I had my daughter at 19 and 3 months later I was pregnant again. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone except her dad. I was ashamed and VERY AFRAID WHAT OTHERS WOULD THINK OF ME. I decided very quickly that I would have an abortion. I was especially afraid of what my parents would think of me. At 3 months I had an abortion and never thought about it again until I was in my 30’s. I shared my story with my co-worker and told her this: This is YOUR baby, yes you may be ashamed, but at the end of the day….. if you decide to have an abortion it will be with you for the rest of your life. You can raise this baby, you can do it. When you lay eyes on your baby for the first time, you’re going to ask yourself…. how could I ever consider killing you? I told her don’t care or worry about what the next person has to say about you, because at the end of the day this is your baby, YES THE ONE GOD GAVE YOU. And with that, her baby boy will be born sometimes this summer. Amen!
  • I realize that I enjoy being alone more that I ever thought. My personality attracts a lot of people. No matter where I go someone always have a story for me. I don’t mind because God wired me up to be a listener and a person who gives good GODLY advice. I’ll be 50 this year, and with my age comes a lot of experience and WISDOM. With that being said.. so when I’m home, I like to chill out. I don’t talk on the phone unless its my parents or my siblings. (( and I have the nerve to have the iPhone 7 PLUS)) I hate talking on the phone. So I write a lot and that’s my personal therapy. Now don’t get me wrong. I LOVE being around people, I love  going to the movies, or my favorite mall. I love get to gethers to play cards, laugh and talk junk. I LOVE to travel, and I LOVE ENTERTAINMENT. Its just that when I’m HOME… that’s my place of PEACE.. AND I LET NO ONE DISTURB THAT LIFE!
  • I’m very territorial when it comes to my daughter, my family and a few friends.
  • I HATE when women talk about other women. I just HATE it. What they don’t realize is, when you do that, you’re only making your OWN self esteem go down. What you think about others, you FEAR others think about you. FLAT OUT! Stop that. Build! Find something about her that stands out in a good way and focus on that in your mind. Trust me, she has something way more valuable than you. God made her differently.
  • I love about myself is the fact that I don’t have to look cute everyday. I can throw on some clean clothes and just run my errands looking ruff in the face. And, I know that I can throw on some clothes and as soon as I hit the outdoors MEN ARE STARING AND SMILING.. I love this about myself. LOVE IT. I DO ME DAILY! ME ME ME… now do YOU YOU YOU!

Take a inventory of yourself and discover you all over again!

I AM La’Crease and I don’t have to do ANYTHING ELSE!

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Meet 6 Beautiful Married Couples/BLOG

Proverbs 18:22 He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.

I absolutely LOVE the way these couples LOVE EACH OTHER.

I decided to put this together because I enjoy looking through the photos of these COUPLES FB pages, just to get a glance of what we all want………. LOVE.  I learned  that ALL of  these couples…LOVE THEIR FAMILIES, LOVE to travel with EACH OTHER, and most importantly, they all LOVE GOD.

These beautiful couples can tell you for themselves the rode to LOVE has not been easy. They will even tell you they’re NOT PERFECT, but they made it. They did the work, they put in the time, they compromised, they put each other first, they will probably tell you, they had to let some people go, and that’s why these marriages are alive and well. NOT ONLY ARE THEY MARRIED, but notice they ALL are WEAR THEIR WEDDING RINGS. WOW.. AMAZING!

I wanted to show the world that REAL LOVE still exist. You don’t have to settle down with just anyone. The person God made for you is out there, and until you get out of these “no-where-going” relationships you’ll NEVER experience the love that these couples share. They should all give us HOPE that one day we too can experience LOVE IN THIS WAY.

My personal thought on all of the couples.

Tim and Karen-I LOVE the way Tim speak on his wife Karen. I LOVE how he LOVES GOD for BLESSING him with HER. I love the way she LOOKS at him when they’re doing videos together. And mostly, I LOVE how he says “MY WIFE”… he makes it SO PERSONAL. They also do videos for married couples and also for singles to learn from them on how to have a Happy Marriage. (( His movie “A Mother’s Love is also on NETFLIX)) Blessing and LOVE to you both.

Toure and Kim- I’ve been knowing Kim since we were teenagers * I’m 49*, she has gone through a lot. And when she told me she had went to school to become a nurse, and later got married to someone she met. I was so happy for her. Even though I’ve never met her husband… I know she’s happy IN LOVE. I love when she post photos of them before Church. They look so good together, and please focus on my favorite photo of her pouring him a drink in his cup. Look at the intense way he LOOKS AT HER.. OMG.. BEAUTIFUL!!! Blessings and LOVE to you both.

Darren and Electria ( Peedie)- My  baby Sister. When I tell you I LOVE THIS MAN for MY sister…no words. He takes care of her, he’s the most attentive man I know. When he comes home from work, he showers, change clothes and want to “hit the streets” with his Wife. Dinner, movies, out of town, cruises… you name it, he wants her right by his side. He loves being with her. He will get up in the middle of the night to buy her soda or juice if she wants. I use to worry about her a lot because of the men she dated, but when she met and married him….those fears went out of the door. He LOVES to travel, and when he does.. SHE’S RIGHT BY HIS SIDE.  My aunt use to tell her all the time, when you get married and stop living in Sin, is when all the blessings will come from GOD… AND OMG… I am a witness to it ALL. Blessings and LOVE to you both.

Wood and Dar’Cella- Wood is not only my first cousin, but he is my favorite. When I first met his girlfriend Dar’Cella (( they were high school sweethearts)) I really liked her. They started coming over to my place and I fell in love with her.I call them… “MY COUSIN WHO MARRIED MY COUSIN.” LOL When I tell you, they’ve been through it all, YOU BETTER HEAR ME WITH YOUR HEART. They stuck by each other through the thick and thin. When he was hospitalized she was with him the whole time, he KNEW, he KNEW, HE KNEW… that he had a WINNER, and that she wasn’t going anywhere. I was so happy to be witness to their wedding ceremony and its been UP FOR THEM EVERY SINCE! Blessings and LOVE to you both.

Vee and Boodang- Boodang is the BROTHER of Dar’Cella. We’ve all always called each other cousins because my cousin married his sister. When I met his wife Vee, and started working with her, I found out she was the sweetest person ever. I love this couple!  By him being a public figure I know it hasn’t always been easy. But let me tell you, one day she was venting on FB, and he commented on her post, saying something like… baaaby we good over here, don’t entertain that… It was the most beautiful thing. Let me tell you why? He did it in LOVE, it wasn’t mean, it wasn’t embarrassing, it was out of the LOVE he have for them, their family, their marriage. She took down the post and THANKED HER HUSBAND….Ahhh it was so beautiful. She respects HIM.. and he respects HER. Blessings and LOVE to you both.

Chauncey and Lakisha-  I met Chauncey many years ago because we lived on the same block. He had to be in high school at that time, but I knew his younger sister because I worked at her and my daughters elementary school.  It was years when I saw him again, grown up and with Lakisha in my line at Walmart. I knew he loved her then, ( they wasn’t married yet)) because of the way they talked to each other. (( Yes, I pay attention to everything)).  They invited me to their wedding and to this day, I’m still mad I couldn’t get the day off. But this is what she wrote  in her “notes” section of FB………I WILL NEVER LOVE NO OTHER MAN THE WAY I LOVE CHAUNCEY. I AM HAPPILY MARRIED .I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD FIND SOMEBODY THAT LOVE ME LIKE CHAUNCEY DO  .I WANT TO STOP BEING SHY WITH CHAUNCEY..I LOVE ME!!!!!!!!! When she looks at him, you KNOW that they’re ONE. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE… how they always spend time with their kids and take family trips. And… Oct 2017, her hubby and friends are going on another cruise. Blessings and LOVE to you both.

My prayer is that the couples will do even more to strengthen their marriages. I pray that you remember the times you took these photos and smile. If you are lacking in any area of your lives, I pray that you DO THE WORK to keep your marriage ALIVE. You all give us hope. You all set the atmosphere. We see you. We live through you. We see God in your marriages. In your eyes, in the time you MAKE for each other. We know that LOVE works as long as we do the work. THANK YOU ALL🙂 God Bless You

Before you scroll down to MEET THE COUPLES…. Know this…. To interfere, cause trouble, and to come in between ANY MARRIED COUPLE…. IS A NO -NO TO GOD…

Mark 10:9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.

While putting this together.. I HAD to listen to some inspirational songs filled with LOVE to complete this. Here is a list of songs I used.

Syleena Johnson-All This Way For Love

Stevie Wonder-Sign Sealed Delivered

Pebbles- Always

Phil Perry- Forever

Vaults-One Last Night

To set the MOOD in your VIEWING… here are TWO OF MY FAV. (( PRESS PLAY))

 

Lets MEET THE COUPLES!

Tim and Karen #MEETTHEALEXANDERS

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She writes everything in her journal, I have no idea what is in it, and I will never look. It is her secret place, and I respect it. 🙂

 

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He wrote…. “My Beautiful, Lovely, Adorable wife Karen on her way to work at the ESPY Awards yesterday, she sent me this message from work…
“I LOVE YOU so much for being my HUSBAND and I have NEVER felt like that EVER in my life!!!! Everyone says “I look so happy!” This is because of YOU. Thank you my King! Can’t wait to see how sexy you will look in your new glasses!!!” —– I LOVE THIS WOMAN!!!! ❤ PRAISE GOD SHE IS IN MY LIFE – FOREVER!”

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He wrote.. “Man this woman is beautiful! Wow! I married that! 😀 THANK YOU BABY FOR MARRYING ME!!!!!!!”

 

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He wrote…”This was our last dinner at our favorite Cafe in Paris, and she loves this photo of us the most.”

Toure and Kim #MEETTHEKELSEYS

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Punta Cana, Dominican Republic

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He wrote” Celebrating life with my wife.”

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Waikiki, Hawaii.

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He wrote: “Found and save my bby, Kim.

Darren And Electria #MEETTHEJOHNSONS

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He wrote “Love this beautiful woman”

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She wrote “US”

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Wood and Darcella #MEETTHEWOODARDS

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Boodang and Vee #MEETTHEMADISONS

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She wrote…”13 years Married~”

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She wrote…. “Day 3 of Love Your Spouse Challenge…promoting love and unity💕Me and the hubby in Florida~@Ritas getting some of the greatest ice! Lol”

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Chauncey and Takisha #MEETTHEMITCHELLS

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She wrote ” Had lunch with my husband and havin a bad hair day and he didn’t care, he still wanted to take me to lunch!! I love that man”

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She wrote” 😂😂😂 I’m fixin myself & he’s fixing himself

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She wrote” Awww he missed him wife, soon as I got n the bed he got right under me 😍😍

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Digitalino Regular

 

Balance/BLOG

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Back in the day, I would be the LAST person to write on this subject, because I had the biggest attitude in the world. My own mother told me.. ” If you don’t change your attitude someone is going to kill you one day.” For some reason I believed her. I had a FUNKY attitude.

Today… I just can’t walk around like that. I can’t do it. I see so many young gurls walk around with their faces disfigured from frowning, from being mad and angry. So, one day I said God, why is it that I’m connected to these frowns? Am I being paid back for how I use to be? Sometimes I can’t stand to see it, but he always remind me that I was once that same way. I have to deal with it. Thing is…. these days, I most likely know why they are having these issues.

For me it was the stress of my daughters father, my job, whether it was low paying,  or not enough hours, transportation, or babysitter. It was bills, friends getting on my nerves, falling out with neighbors, deciding what to cook or simple as not getting enough sleep. Didn’t matter I always had an attitude. I was mad at the world.

I realized that I didn’t have balance. I didn’t know how to balance my family, job, friends, bills, male friends, any of those things. I didn’t have order. Each day came and did what it wanted to do with me and I had no control. I didn’t have a “to do” list, I just got up out of bed and lived.

Today, I am so well balanced. Of course Im going to always feel that I can do more with my time, but I finally learned how to balance. Its so important. You have to have God time, that’s where your strength come from. You must spend time with your family, your siblings, parents, and friends. It has to be a balance. But whenever you do, make sure you spend time with yourself.

Chopin Script Regular

 

Your life in a blink of an eye/ BLOG

A few days ago, I was driving home in busy downtown traffic. I came to a red turning green light when this car on a side street darted out in front of me without even stopping for the STOP sign he had. I was so angry and MAD, that for the first time in my life, I wanted to ram my car into the back of a car/his car. The blatant DISRESPECT he showed to me, my daughter and HIMSELF, almost took me there. To make matters worst, he turned on his blinker down the same street I was going. My mind was racing, I wanted to KILL this man. The anger that went through my body was unreal. I drove up to his bumper, looked at him and saw that he was an older ARROGANT white man. I laid on my horn and just then he threw his middle finger up at me. Oh the heat that came from my head!!! Just then God spoke to me…. saying THIS IS THE ANGER THAT PEOPLE GET JUST BEFORE THEY KILL SOMEONE. He told me to let it go. I turned off and let him go on by his business. God shared with me how easy it is to be in the heat of the moment. I’m blessed that I can hear God’s voice and chose not to ignore him.

That kind of anger is what get people in trouble everyday. We can no longer ignore his voice. He’s always talking us down from being in trouble. I now know and UNDERSTAND (( but will never condone it)) how people KILL each other because they get caught up in the moment of Anger. I felt what people go through. I left my mind. The emotion.

I was with my daughter, I could have hurt her. I thought about my parents and how disappointed in me they would have been to involve them in my court matters. I thought about my job that might be in jeopardy, my car would have been tore up, a man dead, or maybe me. What if he had pulled a gun on me and shot us? These are the things we MUST STOP to think about before we do something to hurt the next person. There are consequences to our actions, and for me… I don’t have that kinda time and energy to put into a stranger like that. Not La’Crease.

I thought that I would write my experience so that maybe it could stop someone from getting hurt when they’re in the heat of the moment. To stop and think about all the people you would effect. I understand that we come out of ourselves in these moments, but we have to get back to our mind and make the right choice. Its hard… but you will either LET IT GO, OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCE.

Als Script Regular