Looking Back On My Younger Self/BLOG

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Good Sunday Morning Family!

I finally had some good rest last night. I found out Black Panther was on Netflix so
I watched that for the 50th time. Took a nap, woke up, made me 2 Bologna sandwiches for dinner. I was planning to make spaghetti, but I just didn’t feel like it. I’m glad I didn’t with all that sleep I was getting. Not to mention I still haven’t finished the Bobby Brown story. I tried to watch it at least 7 times days before, I just couldn’t get into it. I’m off tonight so I guess I’ll finish it.

Every now and then I love to look back on my younger days and think about things that I would have done differently, or to ask myself why did I do things that way. As I look back on my pregnancy, I wish I had been kinder to my daughters father. I was so mean to him about any and everything. I was angry that he had gotten himself a car, and was working a lot and couldn’t spend more time with me.  Looking back, it wasn’t all that serious for the things I was mad at him for.

I can’t help but wonder why I was so angry? I was so mean to him that my parents use to say, you’re going to run him away. But looking back on it, I was angry at my past situation. I was angry because when I was 17 I was raped by my ex boyfriend. I wasn’t ready for sex at all. Wasn’t even thinking about it and my ex boyfriend knew that.

I met my daughters father just after my 18th birthday. Looking back I see that I carried that hurt and pain  of being raped into my new relationship. I kept it a secret, and never told anyone. I didn’t know that my pain was the reason why I was so mean to my new boyfriend and to the people in my life. I was mean to everybody. Even though I wasn’t ready to have sex, I had it with my new boyfriend because I didn’t want my ex to be the last person in me. (((((Wow, that was hard to write.)))) But it was my thought process back then. About 4 months later or sooner, I got pregnant.

I’m so glad that I got to deal with that rape and got to ask the man who raped me, questions that I always wanted answered. He answered them all. Here is that story if you want to go back and read it.

Part 1 https://lacreasewalker.com/2015/10/07/my-story-of-forgivenesspart-1blog/

Part 2 https://lacreasewalker.com/2015/10/07/my-story-of-forgivenesspart-2blog/

Part 3 https://lacreasewalker.com/2015/10/08/my-story-of-forgiveness-rape-3blog/

https://lacreasewalker.com/2015/10/08/my-story-of-forgiveness-rape-4finalblog/

 

Looking back on your younger self can help you understand why you do the things you do.  Why you react the way you do. Why you think the way you do. Why you feel the way you feel. Looking back has helped me dearly to be able to live a better life.

Today, look back on your life and ask your younger self, how can I be better today than I was “yesterday”.

*Vampire Kiss*

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Encouraging Notes/BLOG

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Here are some notes from a book that I’m reading. I found them interesting enough to share.

  • One should become impersonal and learn what each man has to teach him, and soon he would learn his lessons and be free.
  • No man can attract money if he despises it.
  • The attitude of mind, of course, separates man from his supply. He must be in harmony with a thing in order to attract it.
  • I know a woman who went about bragging of her own troubles, so of course, she always had something to brag about.
  • God is my supply for every demand.
  • Man, himself, limits his supply by his limited vision.
  • Vision and action must go hand and hand.
  • Many people have attracted disease and unhappiness though condemnation of others.
  • What man condemns in others, he attracts to himself.
  • Man pins his Faith to one channel only, and dictates just the way he desires the manifestation to come, which brings things to a standstill. My way not your way is the Command of God!

I Survived Because……/BLOG

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In 1997, I was a Cosmetics Coordinator at Arbor Drug store. I remember so clearly when a guy came up to me and started talking. He was good looking, tall, goatee, pretty teeth, great conversation, and had the prettiest eyes you ever want to see on a man. After we introduced ourselves, we exchanged phone numbers. Back then, we didn’t carry cell phones, but we did have pagers, whenever I paged him he would call right back. We would talk on the phone at night for hours and hours and hours. That was the one thing I loved about him. He spent a lot of time with me and gave me the attention I needed.

One day he wanted me to meet his sister, her husband, and kids. I knew he liked me seriously when he wanted me to meet his family. I was nervous when I met them, but once we got to talking, it was clear that his family was a very Spiritual one. They went to Church, and you can tell in their walk, that they were good people. That was the thing that attracted me to him. He loved the Lord. 

One day I received a phone call from the county jail. It was him. I accepted his phone call, and was shocked to learn that he was locked up. He told me that the reason why he was in jail was because of a drug charge years prior. All I wanted to know was how long he was going to be locked up, and when can I go see him.

One night, … it was after 2 am in the morning, I was sleep. My phone rang, and It was his SISTER. She said LaCrease, I’m sorry to wake you up, but God told me to call you. That got my attention, so I sat up in bed and listened to what she had to say. She went on to say… I know you’re a Christian, and I know how you feel about my brother, but I can’t rest until I tell you this. She said my brother is not in jail for drugs years ago, he’s in jail for stealing in the mall. I was shocked and  ANGRY!!! I wonder why would he lie like that. She said no matter what you do.. please DO NOT tell my brother I’m calling you with this. I told her that I PROMISE. I told her that I would never cause drama in her family like that. I Thanked her, and hung up the phone.

I was DONE WITH HIM!! DONE!

About 4 months had passed and he was STILL IN JAIL. By this time, my feelings for him was over.I knew he was getting out soon, and also heard he had a girlfriend. He lied, and anytime a SISTER CALL YOU AND WIRE YOU UP ABOUT THEIR OWN BROTHER… BELIEVE HER!

One day RIGHT AFTER I MOVED out of that apartment where he knew I stayed. I went to the store, and as I was leaving, I glanced over at the Detroit News and saw HIS picture on the FRONT PAGE. I was SHOCKED, AND NERVOUS AT THE SAME TIME. I grabbed the paper and went to pay for it. When I got to my mom’s house I couldn’t put it down. Never in a million years did I expect this man to do what he did. I was nervous and out done at the same time. I started thinking about how I knew he was still stopping by my old apartment and I was glad I was gone. He never knew where my parents stayed and I was BLESSED ABOUT IT!

I read the paper IN PURE HORROR!!! I found out this man…… strangled his girlfriend, KILLED HER,  wrapped her up in a hotel blanket, put her in the trunk of her OWN car, and SET IT ON FIRE! He did all of this AFTER he got out of jail. She was a 3rd grade teacher here in Detroit.

He was on the run! Took them a long time to catch him, but they finally did. In court his Sister (( same one who called me)) said… “he made a lovely life swindling the ladies, he did what he was good at………. conning women.” Wow. looking back 19 almost 20 years later. He never asked me for a dime. Never showed me any signs of this behavior at all.

This man got over $7.000 from this woman, he also took her jewelry worth over $4000.00 to the pawn shop and got money. He was with his other girlfriend when they did it. IT CAME OUT IN COURT, when he was with me… he was married to 3 WOMEN AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!!!!! I never knew that at all. When it was all said and done…. He’s in jail FOR LIFE. NEVER TO COME HOME AGAIN.

God ALWAYS protect HIS. He will send people into our lives to help us see what we can’t/wont see. But we have to be willingly to give up what we think we NEED. 

Sisters and Brothers, if you EVER receive a phone call from a FAMILY member about the person you’re seeing. Stop and really think about it. Of course its hard to hear and believe. File it in the back of your mind because if you ever need to “remember” it, you know where to find it.

Listen to those people that was here before you. Don’t be so far “gone” into the relationship that you turn a death ear. God place people in our lives to give us “EXITS” when we need them. I’m glad I listened to his sister because shortly afterwards, his behavior starting fitting the description of what she told me about him.

I SURVIVED because…. when HIS sister CALLED me……. I listened.

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Women Do Better/BLOG

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I speak and listen to a lot of women tell their stories of life lessons. I know for me, at one time or another I was naive when it came to other people. I grew up in a two parent home and we all trusted each other. We never stabbed each other in the back, or even fought for it was not allowed. But when I moved out on my own at 22, I had to face a lot of things I never saw growing up.  Things I wasn’t taught. Things I didn’t see among my friends. Which made me naive to a lot of things that were going on with others in the world. It cost me a lot. Had many cries and loss through the years,  but I’m convinced it has made me stronger for what’s ahead.

With so much social media these days, I don’t understand why WOMEN allow themselves to be mistreated, abused and be flat out gullible. Its so easy to find your own situation in a video, in a FB conversation, even on the job talking to others. Why is it that women wont do better? Why is it so hard to get out of a relationship that is toxic? Why women don’t love themselves enough to want more? Do women put themselves in a situation that causes her to stay because she won’t make it without his financial support? Do women like or enjoy drama? I say drama because in order to deal with physical or mental abuse there has to be something in them that has the tolerance for it.

My prayer is that if you are reading this and this is your situation that you get out and get help. Its all about PEACE. Get somewhere and learn yourself. Find out what you like to do and do it. Love yourself. Stop being WEAK! Find your strength. Let your Yes mean YES, and your No mean NO. Tell yourself you will no long deal with anything that is not of God. Speak with boldness. Walk with your head held high. Give eye contact. Speak clearly and know what you’re talking about. Its Okay to laugh and smile, but take serious conversations SERIOUS.

I can go on and on, but I promise to write more on these types of subjects.

Be Blessed

Just Sayin Regular

Going Home To See The King/BLOG

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Hey Family!!!

Today ((May 29, 2018)) we laid my aunt to rest. When I tell you my auntie LOVED THE LORD, went to Church every week, and she served her community WELL! Believe IT! All of the things the people spoke about her, only made me cry tears of joy. People were saying how they never seen her upset even when she was whooping her grand kids. LOL That is so true, because she wore a permanent smile on her face. She was one of those ladies in the neighborhood that said ” Come on in here baby, are you hungry?”

My aunt had 9 kids (( adults now)), ALL by her first husband who passed away from Sickle Cell Anemia. My aunt got remarried in 1998 to a wonderful man of God name Glenn. One thing I loved about them, that if you looked at them, you can see God’s presence resting on them.

My aunt found out she had advanced Cancer in February, she said that she was at Peace with God and that when it was time for her to go, she wanted to leave. ALL of my cousins are doing well, so she left here knowing that they were close and had each other. I sit up at night and imagine the conversation she had with God. First of all, I know she asked him to forgive all of her sins known and unknown. She cleared her path. Can you imagine knowingly about to die, and all you can think about is that fact that you’re on your way to SEE THE KING? Are you kidding me! I love my whole family and especially my daughter, but she knows that when God calls me home, I’M OUT!!!!

So today was a good day. My aunt knew her time was coming quickly. She had time to clear the path.  Ask God TODAY, NOW, AS YOU ARE READING THIS, to forgive all your sins, known and unknown. One thing I know ….. my aunt is going to see Jesus face to face. Her work here on earth is DONE!

AMEN!

 

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50 Things About Me!((BLOG))

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Hey Family!!

Today I decided to write out 50 things about me. Sometimes in life we are constantly moving and we forget about ourselves and the things that makes us… US. Every so often I like to remind myself of who I am by writing or thinking about the things I love and enjoy. So, I am asking that YOU do the same thing. It may take you a while, but its worth writing down. Here we go!

  1. I HATE cheese. When I buy pizza its always….. NO cheese, extra sauce, sausage and pepperoni. People ask me… do you eat Macaroni and Cheese tho? NOPE!
  2. I LOVE squirrels. I sit at the park and video tape them running around playing with each other. They are the cutest. One day I hope one come into my home so I can take care of it.
  3. I had one baby. She’s 31 now and  was born on MY birthday September 3. I was born at 1:40 am at HUTZEL HOSPITAL and she was born at 1:43 am at HUTZEL HOSPITAL. My mom was in labor with me for 3 days, and I was in labor with her for 3 days. I am 19 years older than her. People told us we would never get along because we are so much alike, but we are BEST FRIENDS because WE ARE SO MUCH ALIKE. We understand each other PERFECTLY!
  4. When I clock in for work, I WORK! If I’m not feeling it, or feel as if I’ll be mean… ILL CALL IN! I refuse to go to work and make others feel the way I’m feeling. I’m a positive force at work, and I want it to stay that way, even if my money is on the line.
  5. My favorite PERFUMES in the world are….. Si by Giorgio Armani, Beautiful by Estee Lauder, Carolina Herrera 212 NYC, and Paloma Picasso by Paloma Picasso
  6. When my baby was just 3 months I got pregnant by her father again, and had an abortion never telling anyone but him and his best friend. Years and years later a customer I met wanted to have one, but I talked her into having her baby. She kept her baby, and bought him to meet me. We cried. God told me it was the right time to share my story, so that one could be saved. So glad I got out of my own way.
  7. I’m the oldest of 4. I’m 50 years old. I have 2 Sisters and 1 Brother. Each of us have only 1 child, except my baby sister she has 3 grown adults.
  8. I ABSOLUTELY HATE talking on the phone. I want eye contact, so everything with me is in PERSON.
  9. Out of all the friends that I have, I know one who is LOYAL TO HEART! GLORIA GLASS (( over 23 years of friendship))
  10. God ALWAYS tell me things before they happen. Visions, Dreams, and His Voice. He LOVES ME SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!
  11. I LOVE ICE CREAM. I eat it every week. My favorites are Haaggen-Dazs Strawberry and Butter Pecan. I love chocolate with peanuts on top.
  12. I took my first cruise last year on the Norwegian Cruise Line for 7 days, got sick one day, and the rest was filled with drinking, laughing , eating and talking.
  13. I listen to MUSIC everyday. I gotta have it. It relaxes me. It loves me and I love it.
  14. I was afraid to fly. I would take the greyhound every time I went to Chicago to be with my online Ministry group. Until our Leader told me to go in a private place so that she could pray for me over the phone. Instantly, my fear of flying was lifted by God. That same night, she bought me a flight to New York for a weekend I’ll never forget.
  15. I love trees. I enjoy looking at their “arms” and strong “legs”.
  16. Dogs, Lions and Tigers are my favorite animals. When I was a kid, I asked God when I go to Heaven can I please take care of the Lions and Tigers?
  17. Before every meal I have to have a HUGE hand full of fresh raw broccoli (( straight out of the bag)) before I start my meals.
  18. Anita Baker is my FAVORITE SINGER EVER…. PERIOD! Beyonce,  Karen Clark-Sheard, Marvin Sapp, Maxwell and The Great (RIP) Gerald Levert.
  19. I started a Teens Group for over 5 years every Summer. We met every other Sunday at my home and we talked about God, family, parents, peer pressure, personal issues, and social issues. I keep in touch with them all through FB.
  20. I held several Women’s Gathering where we came together and talked about God, marriage, being single, friendships, relationships, and many other topics.
  21. I love to write and read.
  22. When you walk into my apartment you will smell my favorite plug in scent. Cashmere Woods by Glade
  23. My favorite lotions are Razac, and Bath and Body works Eucalyptus + Spearmint EVERYTHING!!!
  24. I dont put salt in any of my food unless its something I’m putting in the oven. I hate salt because when we were kids my dad would cook and put way too much salt in the food and I couldn’t eat it.
  25. I get upset when people don’t get over when EMS and Police speed by.
  26. I love being sarcastic, people always get my humor
  27. I’m a Virgo, and I’m silly as hell
  28. When it comes to taking care of business.. I’M A BEAST at getting it done.
  29. I love to multitask. I’ll never take a boring job
  30. My favorite food is Collard Greens… PERIOD!
  31. Tyler Perry is my favorite FILM MAKER
  32. I’m currently listening to Everlasting Love by Chaka Khan
  33. I HATE washing dishes, but LOVE cleaning up the bathroom
  34. I love driving. I can do 13 hours SLEEPY! Yeaaaa I’m one of them, a BEAST!
  35. Some of the things I talk about with God is so funny. I know he says to himself…. “What am I going to do with this gurl”? LOL LOL
  36. When I was a teen I asked God for Wisdom and I know he has Blessed me with this gift, but sometimes IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII get in the way of WHAT I KNOW.
  37. I sit in my car 15-20 minutes early for work, but I punch in DURING my 9 minute grace period. (( bad bad bad LOL))
  38. I dont eat sweets, but I LOVE food.
  39. When I’m done talking or dealing with you.. I’m done. But when I’m wrong, you will hear from me asking for forgiveness. (( check your email))
  40. I wrote a love story years ago, only listening to Maxwell’s song Submerge all the way through it
  41. One of my  favorite bands is The Brand New Heavies
  42. I’m SO private, that if you THINK you know me…. YOU DON’T!
  43. I LOVE when a man sees me for the first time, and looks at me as if I was his WIFE *turn on*
  44. I love a man who smells good! Instantly my body reacts….  *ON SPOT*
  45. I miss my great grandmother so much. When I listen to BB King’s “I like to live the life I sing about”… makes me cry, cry, cry hard.
  46.  I love walking into a room and setting it off, by my smile, friendly vibe, pleasant personalty and warm Godly spirit..
  47. All of my friends and family says I can be a drama queen… not in gossip… but in how I can heighten a conversation to 100. LOL
  48. By the time I get to the first traffic light, I curse out at least 3 people in my head SMH
  49. I’m not a jealous person at all, but I saw something on YouTube by a fan, and it ROCKED ME TO THE CORE! Devastated ME something terrible! I’m just NOW getting over it.
  50.  Sep 15, 2019 ….  I hope to get my face done by Lisa P  from Texas…. Her song goes. “She’s building, she’s blending, now she bout to be BEAT!

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My Daughter Blessed Me Today/BLOG

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Hey Family!

So, today my daughter asked me to pick her up from work because she had something for me. When I read the text, for some reason I skipped over that part, I was too busy thinking about having to get dressed.  She could tell from my text that I did not want to get out of the bed from my nap. ((LOL)) So when I got to her she couldn’t stop laughing. She said I know you were sleepy, but I have something for you at home. I laughed because she knows me so well. I told her that I thought she was playing about having something for me, and that I never paid that part any attention.

Once we got to her apartment which is directly around the corner from my apartment she went in while I waited. As she’s walking back to the car, I’m looking at watching me with a smile on her face. I didn’t know what was going on, and why she had something for me. She’s always giving me money, or buying me something, so I couldn’t figure this one out. As she gets in the car, she hands me this bag which is cute and small, not to mention my favorite color green. I opened it up and its one of my favorite perfumes in the world. Si!  By Giorgio Armani. I was so happy and so grateful!!! I could not stop laughing and looking at her. She amazes me. Always thinking about me. I hugged and kissed her.. then she says.. ” didn’t want to get out of bed today huh?” LOL She is sooooooooo funny!

Just then she hands me over a card and I’m wondering where is all of this coming from? I opened the card and this is what it read.

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I’m normally a cry baby, but this really shocked me! Then this falls out

She put $500.00 in the card!!! Thank you Lord! Thank you Jesus. As you can see in the background there are 2 money orders. I’m paying off my credit card debt and she knew that I had 2 more payments for the one and I’m done. She paid them for me. Not only that, but she put some money on my cash app card for FOOD ONLY! She made it clear that it was for food only! She told me that she wanted me to spend the money all on me, and next week she’s going to give me more than this. Not only that, but she also is paying my home Wifi bill. This is too much for me. She’s very persistent and would not ever let me give it back to her.

Now the LESSON IN ALL OF THIS…. READ CAREFULLY

I went home sat on the bed for HOURS thinking why is my daughter so good to me? For one, I’m good to my parents. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my parents. They also live around the corner from me. I take care of them and they’re always expressing this same thing to me. But I do it because they took care of us. I’m 50 years old and to me, I can NEVER EVER do enough for them. I have to get this in my head, because this is how my daughter feels about me. She’s my only child.  But as a parent I feel that was my job to take care of her, not be paid back later. In my mind, I want her to do her, I’m good. In her mind, she’s good, she wants to do me. My parents feel the same way. The point…Take care of your kids family, and they will take care of you.

I wrote a post not long ago,

https://lacreasewalker.com/2017/09/02/god-told-me-that-i-was-getting-in-the-way-with-my-foolishness-pt-1blog/   https://lacreasewalker.com/2017/09/03/god-told-me-that-i-was-getting-in-the-way-with-my-foolishness-pt-2blog/

about the time when I was in my early 30’s of how I was partying a lot, drinking, talking on the phone all day, having male company over at night, neglecting the time I spent with my daughter and GOD WAS NOT PLEASED WITH ME!!! HE knows I take pride in paying my bills on time and paying it off. But they were all shut off for non payment this time! I knew he wanted to talk to me, so I waited for him to speak for over 2 weeks. What he told me blew me away. He said that the person that NESHA is to be, I am getting in the way with my foolishness. Right away I stopped talking on the phone, cut off sex, and got back into doing things with my daughter. I knew one day God would show me what he meant by that. Everyday he shows me through her. She is amazing. She’s very educated and she’s the Director of her Department doing well for herself.

God told me for my OBEDIENCE ((I did it right away)) that I am seeing fruits from it. Now I understand. Now I get why she takes care of me the way she does. God places it on her heart. I don’t need anything and I’m so grateful to God. Take care of your kids while they’re young, this way they will take care of you and it will all be from their hearts. Just as I do my parents, my daughter do for me. I love her! Thank you Jesus! Thank you!

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