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Men Who Cheat and Consequences/Kevin Hart/Blog

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Oh boy!!!! Are words I blurt out when I see trouble or about to hear bad news. And OH BOY (( say it quickly)) is one I have to use for Kevin Hart. But this is not all about Kevin. 

When I first saw Torrei Hart on Hollywood Wives, I liked her. I knew she was spicy and that she was very expressive. But I never knew she was Kevin Hart’s EX wife. When I found out, I saw the hurt in her eyes, the pain, the feeling of neglect. I can only imagine how she felt holding Kevin down through his broke years. Then once he came up, made jokes about their personal lives to the public, cheated on her……and MARRIED the one he cheated with. I know this new wife had to feel special that Kevin Hart would choose her to cheat with, fall in love, divorce his wife, then marry her. I’m a woman I know how special that would feel. But you know what?  That cheating mess, there is a saying…..The way she got him, is the way she’ll lose him.

I know that feeling of being cheated on (( even though I’m not married)), I’m a WOMAN and I can tell you all the things Eniko felt. Her heart dropped to the floor. It felt like someone was pounding on her chest. She was devastated. She probably stared into space for hours. She cried and screamed to Kevin and alone. Then… she thought about WHO ALL KNOWS… the public, her family and friends, her nay sayers, the kids, TWITTER, FACEBOOK, INSTAGRAM….. and Ahhhh yeaaaa TORREI HART.

Kevin put Eniko on the highest peddle stool to the WORLD… then dropped kicked her while pregnant. Calling her his rib and then cheating on her at a WOMAN’S WORST TIME EVER—PREGNANT! I really hope that she can get over this. She may or not be as strong as Torrei, but she surely has to deal with it. Being cheated on and being a public figure gotta be hard. Its hard being a regular person when all your family and friends know. Then if his wife chose to stay with him, Oh she’s going to be insecure.  From this day forward.. KEVIN WILL BE ANSWERING QUESTIONS HE NEVER THOUGHT COULD COME TO A WOMAN’S MIND!!! And he deserves it.

See this is how being insecure grows in a relationship. This is the start of Eniko checking pants pockets, checking his cellphone, inboxes, calling the set, calling the hotel,  calling his family asking his whereabouts, calling his friends,  giving them the side eye because she took them on as friends, and felt that should have helped him to stay faithful, all to make sure it wont happen again. I bet she’s feeling that she gotta stay with him, because WOMEN HATE TO LEAVE A MAN WHEN HE’S DOWN!!! Flat out we are weak like that. A woman will NEVER leave a man when the world is against him, cause we hate to see a man cry over the fact that he just lost his family…. UNLESS this is his 3-4-5 time of more cheating. But that same negra will leave yo ass for a woman he thinks is the catch of the day! I hope yall learning something. I don’t usually curse in my blogs. Before we hand him over to the world, we will make him remember this for the rest of his life.

Now knowing this, I wouldn’t doubt if  Kevin at least once  asked Torrei to be with him while he was married. We see Its still in him to have his cake and eat it too. And if she didn’t give it up.. I’M WILLING TO BET.. HE ASK FOR IT!!! SMH

I’m a woman…. . And let me say this…….. Kevin is going to spend years trying to make up to Eniko, answering all her questions (( and its going to drive him crazy)) to keep her secure (( which she’ll never be again)), but after a while…. that’s gon end because he’s going to get tired of it, because he wont be cheating anymore. But her nagging is going to make him want to go back out there. She wont be able to help it.

I read that Eniko came for Torrei just recently.. PUBLICLY… making a point of telling just how long she was with Kevin, which proved that he was cheating with her when he was married Torrei. Then for this to come out… Eniko boo, you got a lot to learn when it comes to bumping dem gums. What you say to hurt someone, will surely come back to you during the most sensitive time in your life. You EARNED THIS ONE!!!

Do I think Torrei should have gotten on TV and did interviews after this story broke… NO. I wouldn’t, I couldn’t do the father of my children like that. I would have just sat back in my living room with my LEGS CROSSED, and WATCH IT GO DOWN. I wouldn’t do one interview. I’ll sit back and watch Eniko look twisted face in every video, photo, and interview out there. Had Torrei not said a thing, Kevin would’ve been calling, texting, in-boxing and beating her door down, to ask her WHAT SHE THOUGHT OF THE SITUATION… When the tables turned in my case, it felt good to know that what ONE WOMAN DID TO MEEEEEEEE… IS HAVING IT DONE TO HER WITH THE SAME MAN. God forgive me on this one,  IT WAS BACK THEN… but it was my truth. and let me say this…… After I did all my laughing, and watched it all go down without opening my mouth, I opened up to her because she needed  someone to talk to that can relate to the same situation with the SAME MAN. There is NO OTHER WOMAN on EARTH that Eniko can talk to about Kevin… than Torrei Hart!

LaCrease. how do you know this so well… GLAD YOU ASKED…… BECAUSE I AM TORREI HART.. THIS WAS MY STORY….. AND I’M STILL SITTING BACK WITH MY LEGS CROSSED. Thing is….I’m not laughing anymore….. because I grew up and realized that these things hurt us women. I speak to WOMEN EVERY DAY about how to get over this pain and how to move on. I have helped so many women. I truly believe that I went through this so that I can help others. and I’m doing it everyday with BOLDNESS!

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How I Gained Back My Self Esteem/ PART 2/BLOG

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I was 24 years old (( 6 years in)) when I FINALLY came to my MIND. When I started talking to God about what I was going through. I thought that I would never get over my daughters father. The more sex I had with him, the more I loved him. That’s when I found out that SEX was the soul-tie that kept my mind on this man. The first thing I learned I had to do was, stop the sex. It was so hard. So so so very hard. Every time I saw him, we were a magnet and I had to give it to him. I knew if I could just stop the sex then I would be able to get over him. Sad thing about it,  I knew in my heart that he had to do something terrible to me, to turn me off from him, and that would be how I would be able to walk away. Its a shame that in order for me to get over this man, something bad had to happen. We never fought EVER, so I knew it wouldn’t be that, but it was something, and  when it happened…..I knew then that I had to let him go.

I started reading my Bible and separating myself from my friends to be more in tuned with God. I started reading how much God loved me no matter what I did. In my mind he was in charge of my LIFE. He was the man I had to please, and that’s when I started learning my worth. I was never a person who compared myself to other women, because it was clear to me that GOD MADE EVERYONE DIFFERENT. I enjoyed and loved the fact that I WAS THE ONLY ONE MADE LIKE ME. You can say, I favor this person or that person, but I was the ONLY LACREASE GOD MADE…and that made me HAPPY. So that alone made me NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER want or desire to be like anyone else,  because I KNEW.. that God loved me enough to make ONLY ONE of me, and I love ME.

Then, I had to learn and write down all the things God Blessed me with. I had to read it daily. I had to learn my worth all over again. I had to know it without a doubt. I had to live it. I had to think it, I had to see it ON ME. And here is what I started with.

NOW THIS IS MYYYYYYYYYY LIST…. you make your own list. Remember we are all different.

  • I grew up with both parents in the home, and they helped me with everything I needed.
  • I  got my  first apartment me and my daughter, and a job.
  • I was funny, loved people, loved to laugh and pretty
  • I had a beautiful shape, and wore clothes to compliment my body (( never disrespectful))
  • Had lots of friends and loved the Lord

One of the biggest conclusions IN MY LIFE that God helped me come to was that MEN wanted SEX. What I ( women)  have the men want !!! I had to learn the POWER in it. I learned it was OK to keep it to myself…. its mine. We women don’t have to give it away. Its so much POWER in the vagina. Its not to be shared with everyone. Its yours and all the boys want it. No! No! No! Learn this TODAY! You do NOT have to  give up your vagina.

Fast forward to today. I spend time with myself learning myself daily. Learning my wants/needs and don’t need. Learning things I will NOT ACCEPT. For example.. Married Men.

I met this guy at my job, he comes in often and he calls me “Momma cool”… why I dunno. This man is soooooo fine to me. He’s attracted to me and I’m attracted to him. He’s my type of man IF he wasn’t married. Now, I will NEVER EVER talk, meet, or see this man outside of my job. I will not engage in any conversation with a him or any married man, unless its work related, or God. That’s apart of building my self esteem. KNOWING WHO I AM. My self esteem stays ON 100 because I will not engage in anything not healthy for me and will disappoint God, especially when I know better.When you start crossing lines and doing things out of YOUR CHARACTER, that’s when your self esteem start going DOWN DOWN DOWN. Depression sets in, suicide, doubt , fear all that stuff starts to creep in. Cut off any thing that YOU KNOW is not good for you, because if you don’t you’ll find yourself in trouble. Stay inside of your worth!!! Married MEN ARE OFF LIMITS.. PERIOD! Once you exchange phone numbers….. THAT’S IT!

Take trips. Go to the park alone to spend time with God. Clear your mind. MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF.. MAKE IT HAPPEN! Go to lunch alone, you dont have to take the kids all the time. Think about yourself. Whats your favorite desert? Go to Dairy Queen alone. Stop feeling guilty because you didn’t take the kids this time.. ITS OKAY. I promise you. Go to Bath and Body Works and buy not one but 4 different scents of lotions, its OKAY. Learn what you like and will  buy the next time you visit. I will book a hotel an hour away from me in a minute! Book a room for the weekend. Have someone to watch the kids… Go alone, make plans to do things while you’re there.

Listen… I will jump in my car and go to the park and sit for hours in the sun enjoying myself. I may have music or I talk to God. I use to be “scared” to go to dinner alone, because I always took my daughter or a friend… YEAH OKAY… I WILL hop in the car and go sit my but down alone so fast. I love getting to know myself. I love me. God made me and there is no one else like ME, and guess what… JUST AS I LEARNED THIS ABOUT ME…. YOU CAN TOO!!! Be your own “to do list”…. life is not about having Sex all the time, sitting on the porch watching cars ride by, going neighbor to neighbor needing someone to go shopping with you. Get to learn yourself, know what you will and will NOT ACCEPT from a friendship, or relationship. Do YOUR own thang in your spare time, and treat yourself. ITS OKAY!!!

Be Blessed!

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How I Lost And Gained Back My SELF ESTEEM/BLOG/PART 1 OF 2

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When I think about my purpose in life sometimes, all I can think of is that I’m suppose to be helping other women. I say that because no matter where I am, or what I’m doing, women always talk to me, and its usually about their issues with themselves, men, and getting over past hurt.

I can remember so clearly many things I’ve been through, and I’m so happy that I don’t hold grudges at all. Maybe that’s why I can help others because I’ve moved on from so many things, and it just doesn’t bother me anymore. I can talk about it and help others at the same time.

With social media being so popular these days women often compare themselves to others, and that is a NO NO. They look at other women and what they have in a man, and how their body is shaped and they care so much in how to please a man, that they lose themselves. Sex these days is  to show off their sexual skills, and to be one of the first to do things differently to a man to make him feel good. Why are women doing this? Listen, when you start a job, you are a temp. You have to get past 90 days to impress your boss and even more days at some jobs to get benefits. Why are women giving these trial men benefits? What have they done to deserve all of that?  A woman will let a man come and stay with her and her kids after knowing him a month. But a man  will not even think about letting a woman come stay with him. Some of these men just wake up in the morning, and their is a women to do everything for him on that day. He won’t have to do a thing but breathe, and have sex with her. A woman who has no kids at him, living single, will NEVER let a man come stay with her. She loves and enjoys her freedom. He’ll have to have his own thing going on.

Some women are afraid to lose a man,  especially if she feels she doesn’t have a “grip” on him.  Sometimes women feel that if they don’t make happy the man they like, he’ll get away. This is why they’re settling for the man who show  the most attention. Who wants to stay with a man who cheats? Why do women give these men so many chances? Don’t they know that if a woman cheat on her man, and he finds out about it, he will DISS HER IN A NEW YORK MINUTE? Men don’t play that? They cannot stand the thought of another man up in their woman. No way! Women with low self esteem are the ones who give chance after chance, after chance after chance. They’re so afraid of being alone and not ever finding the right man, they will settle for a temporary until better comes along.

In the next blog entry, I will share my story of how I got my self esteem BACK!

Next Part 2.. How I built my self esteem up

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Just things/BLOG

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Today is a good day. I’m writing down my thoughts. Things that’s on my mind, things I need to do, things I think about for my future. Just things.

Last night, I was thinking about how we want something so badly and never realize that we already had/ have it. Sometimes it takes years and years and years to realize it. You will only know when you come to a place of peace in all areas of your life. You will look back and see that it was already there. Already yours. Wow, that’s so huge for me. Today I smile, with Love in my heart. I’m happy.  The next level will be even greater. I’m looking forward to it. Thank you Jesus, Thank you Lord.

Next year this time I plan to put together a Women’s Gathering. I use to have these all the time at my home. I’m glad to get back to it. We would have a great time. People always ask me about putting together more of them.  I want to be mentally and physically ready for this challenge. I’m a Virgo so you already know we like our things in ORDER. I don’t play a put together gathering, and a skimpy menu. All my life I’ve worked with teens in my home, or at a school, I love my teens, but I see a lot of work needs to be done with the parents, and with Women in general. Women are just allowing anything to take place in their lives and in their presence. Accepting any and everything that’s offered to us that we feel we can’t do ourselves.

You want to know what the hard part for me is? The HARD PART. Its the fact that I was one of those women with low self esteem, dealing with a man that sold drugs, being attracted to that life at an early age when I lived on the one sided block with the Chamber Brothers (( New Jack City Movie)), because they were my friends. Dealing with drama from my daughters father at an early age. Loved to date married men. I always made my own money so I was NEVER influence by that life. For me it was being in the mist of it all.

The HARD PART FOR ME… is that now that I’m no longer living that life at all PERIOD. I talk to women day in and day out, and its so HARD getting women to understand their worth. Its so hard. Sometimes I ask God, how did I end up with this job? LOL I say that because I never knew that through all my pain in those days that God could USE ME to help OTHER women, when I went through the same thing. Like, how am I in this position to help others?  Me? I guess its because I’ve been through it. I know all the twist and turns, the mind games, the manipulation, the ups and downs, the late night cries, early morning prayer for myself to be healed. I know it all. I still wonder how did I escape with my mind. Because I was CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZY back in my twenties. LOL I guess that’s what makes me the best candidate. And for some reason I LOVE DOING WHAT I DO.

When I put together this gathering its going to be talked about for months and years to come ! I’m a VISUAL person and what I have planned is going to take it to another level in WOMEN GATHERINGS. I betcha!

I’m closing for now Be Blessed!

I am La’Crease and I don’t have to do anything else!

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Losing yourself in a MAN/BLOG

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Hey!

I was talking to one of my closes friends a few days ago about how she should make it her business to be around couples who are doing well for themselves  ((mainly husband and wives)) so that she can see how it LOOKS to be happy. She’s going through a WHOLE lot with her on and off again children’s father, and it kills me to see her this way. I believe with all my heart that she has lost herself in this man, and just don’t know how to get out. She’s a beautiful person, sweet as pie, but she allows herself to be mistreated and FINALLY she’s starting to see his true colors.

I know what its like to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t value you or what you bring into the relationship to take it to another level. Yes, I had my faults too, but in the end, I saw that he just wasn’t for me….. and that’s okay.

Coming to the conclusion that someone is not for you, is one of the hardest things for women. They know deep down in their hearts that the man they love is not for them, but they stay and HOPE things change. At some point, you gotta say this is it. That time comes when you start to feel that your self-esteem is low and not building, you cry easily, your feelings are  hurt, you find yourself wondering what he’s doing (( especially if he has a history of cheating)), you’re checking his FB page for new women or subliminal stats, going through his phone and texts. That’s not how you live life. That’s not how a good healthy  relationship should go.

If you haven’t seen your man in a few days, and  he see’s you, he starts going thorough your phone, watch out for him! Because if he feels you can and will do something sneaky within those days you both haven’t seen each other, then he needs to be VERIFIED as well.. Um cuse me! Again…… this is NOT how healthy relationships grow. Not good.

Look at Donald Trump. You see the way his wife pulled away from him as they exit the plane? Clearly a sign of manipulation going on in the relationship. She is not happy in that marriage. She probably feels that now he’s the President, he exercises even MORE Power, and feels there is no way out without retaliation from the public and especially from HIM.  Relationships and friendships should be happy. Yes, there will be problems, issues, misunderstandings and things of that nature. But to help in the loss of self-esteem, is not something ANYONE should experience.

In closing ask yourself.. DO I LOVE ME? What is it about me that allows him to treat me this way? What am I doing over and over again to allow this to continuously happen? If I leave him, what do I THINK he will do to me? Am I scared? Ask God to show you a pattern of his behavior. Tell yourself, that YES its going to be hard at first, then ask yourself can you eventually get over him? Tell and REMIND yourself that YOU WILL have to give up something (((( money, car, nice home, comfort, sex with HIM, security ))) for your PEACE. If you want to talk to me about your situation please feel free to email me DIRECTLY  longnosenikon@gmail.com  

I am LACREASE, and I dont have to do anything else!

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MY story of FORGIVENESS-RAPE/PART 2/BLOG

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Later on that night he called me and told me how good it was seeing me again, how pretty I still was, and how he told his family that I came to see him. We caught up on a lot of things, and still I couldn’t fix my mouth to ask him the REAL reason why I agreed to talk, not to mention, meet up with him face to face. I made it a point to talk to him several times a day just to get my nerve up to ask him everything I wanted and needed to know.

And that day came.

He was telling me how he was still very angry with the mother of his daughter because when he was in jail, he found out that his daughter was molested and raped by the mother’s boyfriend. And that even though he talked with his daughter over and over about it, she can’t seem to get passed it. That seem to bother him. I’m wondering because he couldn’t do anything about it being locked up, or because HE WAS A RAPIST HIMSELF? Which opened the door for me to walk right in.

I asked him… if he remembered the night he RAPED ME. He told me yes he did, and that he thought about it, and prayed about it over, and over, and over again while in jail. Told me that he was very sorry, he was young, and asked for forgiveness. I told him that I had forgiven him, but there are a lot of questions I wanted to ask . He told me that I could ask him anything I wanted to know.

My first question was… why did you do me like that? Why did you leave me bleeding in my own back yard and walked home afterwards?  His answer was that he was very young ( 19) I was 17. He told me that I use to tease him. I can look/think back on my personality back then and disagree.  I did brag a lot about being a virgin at 17, and not having sex like the other gurls my age. I was proud of having a boyfriend and not being sexually active. He took that as me teasing him, but it was only boasting on myself. I UNDERSTAND  now with a (((young person’s mentality))) how it could have made him feel some kinda way , BUT THAT DID NOT, AND WILL NOT EXCUSE WHAT HE DID TO ME.

As a 48 year old woman. I GET THAT.. even if I don’t agree with it. I get the mentality of a 19 year old man, who was in the presence of his gurlfriend everyday, and for several years never had a chance to touch her. When I asked him how could he leave me bleeding at 1 am in the morning, laying on the ground in my own back yard? His reply was…. “I thought you were on your period.”  Truth was he broke my hymen. I was bleeding heavy. I had to go in the house bloody, and hoped my parents wasn’t awake (( they weren’t)). I was shocked and devastated at what he did to me. We were really close, and saw each other everyday. We were that couple, everyone knew us.

I asked him what else did he remember from that night, it was my way of knowing, if he remembered it, or if I was helping him. What shocked me to the HEART…. was that he remembered EVERY SINGLE THING THAT HAPPENED THAT NIGHT!!! EVERYTHING!!! EVERYTHING!!! EVERYTHING!!! EVERYTHING!!! And for some strange reason.. it made me feel so GOOD. Still to this day I cannot describe the feeling that I have to know that he did. He went back in his mind and told the story to me just as it happened, just like I had remembered it. He apologized so many times. Told me how he never stopped thinking about me through the years, and how he hoped to see me again.

He began to explain how much he really loved me, and how he wanted me to be his wife and to have his children. When I asked him if he could take back that night, he told me that he hated the fact that he raped me, but he was glad to have been my first. At that point, it really pissed me off to hear him say that, and because he was happy about it. He seemed to feel that he deserved to be my first because we were boyfriend and gurlfriend for several years. I wanted to curse him out and hang up, but I’m much older now and I UNDERSTAND not AGREE… that people have their own truths, and no matter how I FEEL about it, this is HIS story and his feelings.

That night as he threw me on the ground like I was a man, and raped me, I felt my SOUL leave my body. I was in so much pain, that I looked to Heaven for comfort. My dad was calling my name and I couldn’t even answer him. All I could hear in my mind was, “you’re not a virgin anymore, you’re not a virgin anymore, you’re not a virgin anymore.”  I laid there and cried in my mind but tears ran down my face. After it was over, felt like God sent my soul back to my body, and I was able to get up and walk in my house.

I HATED him after that. After school I use to go see him, I stopped all of that. I was done, he violated me and shut me down. After about 3 weeks, I wanted answers. I went up to his job to ask him why did he do that to me, and all he could say was he wanted me, and then said ”  You were bleeding so much, I thought you were on your period”. That was it, I never wanted to see him again.

Part 3 Tomorrow!

I AM La’Crease (( I don’t have to do anything else))

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MY story of FORGIVENESS-RAPE/PART 1/BLOG

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Oct 22, 2014 I received an inbox from my ex boyfriend asking me to call him. When I first saw his message my heart started beating fast because of what happened 30 years ago. His name alone bought back memories of that night in August a month before my 18th birthday.  I was hesitate at first, but a part of me wanted and needed to talk to him. I wanted and needed answers. I ignored his messages until I had a day to think about it.

I decided to respond and leave him my number to call me. My heart was beating so fast hearing his voice over the phone, it sorta paralyzed me, but the desire to know answers to my questions made me feel much better as I got comfortable listening to the humbleness in his voice. I listened to him talk about how he loves his now grown children and more especially his grand kids. We talked about God and how being out of jail has really changed his life. He has 2 businesses and is doing very well for himself. He invited me to his job to see him, because it had been so long since we’ve seen each other. And even though it would be a huge step for me…. I went. I prayed about it, and decided that I would go and see him.

When I first walked in, my heart was beating so fast. I wondered if I made the right choice in doing this, but knew I needed answers or I may not ever get them. When I walked into the door, we spotted each other right off. He came over to me, in the humblest Spirit I’ve ever known from him, and gave me a long warm hug and kiss on the cheek. I couldn’t help but see the God in him. He was a changed man, a different person than we were 30 years ago. Still good looking, standing 6’3 and still funny as ever. I loved this man dearly once upon a time. He was my first LOVE and first boyfriend.

As we walked around and talked, he introduced me to his staff. He told them that I was his gurlfriend 30 years ago, and that we hadn’t seen each other in years. They told me how pretty and sweet I was, and how they really loved him. I can tell that he was very nervous, and so was I. But again…. it was something that I had to do. We talked about our families ((( he knows my family and friends, and I know all of his))) and our kids. After about 45 minutes I told him that I had to go, which he didn’t want me to, but I had to get alone to regroup my thoughts. I promised that I would come to see him again soon. He walked me to my car, we hugged and said our goodbyes. As I was driving, I thought about how proud of myself I was. This was a huge step for me, something I could have NEVER EVER done without God. Our meet up was the start of answers for me.

Part 2 tomorrow!

I AM La’Crease ((( I don’t have to do anything else)))

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Men control in different ways/BLOG

To WOMEN who are in controlling RELATIONSHIPS…. RUN RUN RUN!!!

You don’t have to put up with that mess. If a man can’t meet half way and learn to LISTEN and COMPROMISE… then there is no reason to be with him. Men control in different ways. If you’re not working and living in his home, get a JOB. Find a hobby  if he doesn’t want you to work. Do something that you enjoy doing. DO NOT LOSE YOURSELF IN A MAN. Make sure you have friends. Make sure you spend time with your FAMILY MEMBERS. Make time to be alone to regroup your mind, even if you have to TAKE YOURSELF TO DINNER. If you’re a woman with a career,and make your own money, but also have a man who is controlling…. PAY ATTENTION to what he controls you with since its not money. Does he talk about your weight? Your face, lips, thighs, butt, breast, past issues that you’re trying to put behind? Is he jealous of the time you spend with your SISTERS and MOTHER? What does he have to say about your closes friends whom you love dearly? Does he constantly ask you about OLD BOYFRIENDS and if you’re still in contact with him?

Pay attention to all the signs. Women… GET YOUR LIFE…. please don’t lose it to a controlling boyfriend or HUSBAND.

I AM La’Crease (( I don’t have to do anything else))

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It’s NOT okay! BLOG

Lately, I’ve been having deep conversations with several young women, and it bothers me so deeply what many are allowing these men to do to them. As I listen, I can’t help but think about the time when I was their ages and allow men to say and do things to me as well. The hard part is, they have to go through the experience themselves. I can talk to them till I’m blue in the face, sometimes they listen to me, and sometimes they don’t. It is them who has to learn the lesson.

I always knew that there was an order in which abuse start. First come the cursing out, and calling the woman out of her name. Secondly, are the personal attacks, meaning personal things that was said is now used in a way to hurt the person mentality. Third, is the physical laying of the hands on the woman to tear down her appearance and self esteem. I really hope women pay attention to this. We have to stop being so gullible. Stop feeling that we have met the best man for us. If someone is calling you names, and punching on you, get out of that relationship because the one for you is still out there. We have to stop getting so attached so soon. That’s the very reason why its so hard for us to break apart when things go wrong. Its okay to forgive, but that doesn’t mean that you should stay with him. It is not okay to mentally and physically abuse a woman. The same goes for women abusing men. Talk to a family member or close friend if you’re going through this, talk to the person who is going to be truthful, honest and upfront.  And listen!!! Listen to these people who have already experienced it.  It just may save your life.

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#FIFTY SHADES/ FIFTY SHADES OF GREY/ PART 2 OF MY STORY/BLOG

LET ME IN 50 SHADES

(Continued) #FIFTYSHADES

 I realized what he was doing…..he was interviewing. I thought to myself…. “I know dayum well he aint the one doing the interviewing.” Now… I’m staring at him. He’s so dayum fine …he catches my eye. I found it hard to turn away. I was nervous. I can’t be interviewed by him because I know me… I’ll be nervous. Oh my GOD.. I thought to myself.. this is not happening to me. Not today. Not this time in my life. I have no control, I felt weak, and once he saw this in my eyes he would take me mentally to a whole new height.

So… I sat there. I tried to convince  myself that he wasn’t the one to interview me, that maybe there were several interviewers. I had to have went over this in my head about 20 times. He kept looking at me, so I decided that I was leaving. Nope, I wasn’t about to be interviewed by this man. He was NOT going to intimidate me. Nope not today. Now…. I have this thing about me, if I catch the eye of someone attractive and for me…. its one of MY “ugly” days, then I will NEVER be intimidated no matter how good he looks or turn me on. Because in my mind, I’m thinking Ok Cree….he thinks you’re cute today, just wait till he sees you looking good. So, that kinda helps me.

But on this day………………… I was looking good!!! My face was MAC FLAWLESS… skin beautiful, eyes *wish a brotha would look me into these marbles and not get caught up – lol*, lips poppin, hair on point * no wigs or fake hair*, smile… SMILING, eye lashes batting… had on my all black outfit with my boots…. couldn’t tell me nothing before I left out of the house. As I sat there…. I made up my mind that I was leaving. Wasn’t going to put myself through this.. I’ve been down this STREET a time or two of being CHEMISTRY intimidated and not able to get out of it. I stood up, grabbed my purse… just then I remembered that I parked valet and didn’t have my keys. Dayum.. I said to myself and sat back down. I decided that I was going to stay. That I was going to get through this interview and have full control. I fought myself all while he was still interviewing. I know me…. I’ve been though this before. There aren’t many times a woman look into a mans eyes and become star gazed on first site. Its a feeling that paralyzes you. But I must admit its one of the sexiest minutes to be apart of. But dang…. why couldn’t this happen while at the grocery store, mall or restaurant somewhere…… NOT A INTERVIEW. SHAT!

He stands up and shakes the hand of the person he just interviewed and the person leaves. My heart is pounding as he’s walking towards me to get to the desk to ask “whose next”. We make eye contact and we speak at the same time. I knew he was coming for me. I was in trouble. He goes to the desk and the gurl points at me. “DAMMIT” I said in my mind… he IS the one going to interview me. I embraced myself as he walked towards me looking me DEAD in my eyes, trying to “download” my every thought in my head…..through my eyes. We smiled and its a wrap for me…. I already know. He walks toward me and says ” LaCrease Walker?”…. Yes, I said as I stood up to shake his hand. He walks in front of me and says lets go over to this table * the one he was at while doing the other interview*. I was so dayum nervous… I started to say… “YOU KNOW WHAT?” I’m good on this job, it was nice for you to call me. I’m outta here. But I didn’t.

He sat in the chair and I sat on the couch. There was also a table there, that he had all of my information on. I couldn’t turn my mind off of how FIONE he was as he looked at my resume. He looked good from afar, but up close OH MY GAWD!!!! I kept telling myself…GURL….. get it together. It was silence as he looked down. He knew what he was doing. He was loading up on me, when he came up from that paper and asked that first question… I knew he would take FULL CONTROL. As he asked me the first question… he sat back and had his way with me. Looking me so deep into my eyes, downloading everything about me. Reading me, taking mental notes. Just dogging MEEEEEEE.. LOL Just like in the movie during the interview scene. All I could do was try to stay focus. The chemistry was so deep..so alive. So in my face. Then he asked more questions. Still staring me in my eyes as I spoke…so sexy and so sensual. I felt my body reacting to his stares. I tried to redirect my thoughts, but he kept looking at me. I know my eyes started telling him what my thoughts were… I couldn’t even help it. LOL I was slipping away yall.

Whenever he spoke about the company… that was my time to regroup my thoughts and get myself together. I kept having to have these inside pep talks with myself, because I didn’t know how much of these intense stares I could take. Just as I got myself together, there goes another question. A time for me to talk while he download my thoughts. THEN…… in the middle of me answering a question… he stops me and says… “Take off your coat”. To myself… I’m like “OH HELL to the N word NAW… um um you wont be seeing this beautiful shapely booty, my thick thighs and my waist line that carries it all. NOT TODAY!!! LOL LOL LOL I told him that I was fine. He insist. But the way he said it.. it wasn’t in a sexual way… or out of order…. NOT AT ALL… LET ME BE CLEAR…to him….. it only made sense to “get comfortable”… since I appeared to be ” NERVOUS” and the interview just started. I didn’t  want to do it…. if I ever had a chance to get out of it…. IT WAS GONE NOW.

I stood up which the space between his chair and the couch I was sitting on… placed me right in front of him.. LIKE RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. I stood up and began taking off my coat… I tried to turn my head as I did it.. but our eyes locked and I PROMISE ON every TRUTH IN ME…. this man took off my coat for me!!!! His eyes told my coat to come off… AND IT OBEYED LOL LOL I had never in my life FELT SOMETHING SO INTENSE. When I took it off and sat it on the couch.. I felt like my breast, vagina, behind everything was EXPOSED! Its funny now looking back on it… but it wasn’t then. Shat…. I don’t even remember the interview after that. LOL

Whenever he spoke and shared things with me about the company, I reloaded trying to get “the POWER” back that he  was “stealing” from me. LOL  When it was my turn to answer the questions… my mind started failing me again.. worse every time. I starting thinking about kissing him, laying on the couch…all of this sexual stuff started coming to my mind. I’m saying to myself… “guuuuuuuuuurl if you don’t knock it off!!!  I couldn’t even help it… I was under a spell. The way he was looking at me.. he knew what he was doing. I was so weak and he knew it. He controlled the whole atmosphere and he was loving it. FINALLY …. the interview was over. YES!!!! He said.. I’m going to set you up on for a second interview. I was happy about that. He told me what time to come back in 2 days. I got to my car sat in it….. and almost needed a cigarette. I don’t smoke cigarettes, weed, anything… don’t even drink.. but I needed a hit of something that day. I was in a daze all the way home. I kept hitting my wrist asking myself…. what the HELL JUST HAPPENED? The experience was GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAT!!! But dang….. not at a INTERVIEW!

I thought about that man all day and all night. I couldn’t even sleep the meet was that INTENSE. I had a plan for him.I was going to “get that ass back”. When I go back… I was going to be in CONTROL. I was not going to let him take over my mind, sexually and mentally again. I didn’t sleep for 2 days thinking about it. I remembered what he said…. he kept saying how he loved my bubbly personality. This time… I was going to be about BUSINESS . I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE that about myself. I can give you BUBBLY.. SMILES.. LAUGHS… COMMUNICATION…SEXY, everything… but when I put on my BUSINESS FACE…….YOU WILL NOT be able to figure me out… because I’m in control of MEEEEEEEEE. I LOOOOOOOVE  that in myself.

The day and hour came for me to go back for a second interview… I walked up in there like  I WAS PART OWNER.. LOL LOL * Sho the FORK did*… Yalp had on my BUSINESS face like………..who WANTS TO SEE ME AND WHERE THEY AT? LOL LOL Guess who comes out to greet me.. looking BETTER THAN THE TWO DAYS BEFORE… GOOD GAWD…. um um ummmmm. One look into my eyes  as we shook hands to greet……and he said….. “you don’t seem as bubbly as you did before”… I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF IN MY MIND. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA YESSSS ITS WORKING…. He said you’re okay? I said yessss… I’m good!!!! 🙂  I’m saying in my mind as we lock eyes… “what you want me to sit around here naked in the second interview too”? NOT GONE HAPPEN BOO. LOL  LOL LOL I was so happy I had my POWER back. He was looking good though… but I was ready for him and his PARALYZING STARES. LOL He directs me to the same area we were in before. But this time I sat in the other chair that sits a table, the couch I was on and the chair he sat in. He leaves to get the person who wants to meet and interview me. They both come back, but only the guy who is doing the interviewing sits down and in the chair that *handsome* sat in last time. We got to talking about the job, then about his friends, dogs, homeless people, being sick.. kids, everything. We WERE KICKING IT.. I was so comfortable… I felt so good. He was so cool.

Then…………here HE comes…. didn’t he PARK his FIONE self on the couch between me and the interviewer… sat and stared at me THE WHOLE TIME. I’m saying to myself.. GOD MAKE HIM LEAVE!!!!! I cant take it. He watched my every move, heard every word I said.. analyzed me, captivated me, sexually intimidated me, took off my clothes without ONE touch, downloaded all my thoughts, made me apart of his atmosphere, and took all MY POWER away. I tried to ignore his presence… I tried to pretend he wasn’t there. I tried to believe this wasn’t happening to me. I tried to stop looking at him. He was loving it. He knew exactly what he was doing. I had no control. The guy who was doing the interview was so into his story and life.. he had no idea I “left the building”. LOL I was at Mr. “House”. LOL I couldn’t stop looking over at him. I was a mess. He got me. He got me good. After that… didn’t even matter. I was butt naked again.. in his presence. I just let myself go. What the hell I thought to myself… he won! My thoughts took over and my nipples got hard. My vagina walls started doing the Harlem shake, flips, cart wheels… and whatever thoughts came to mind….. my body REACTED. AT one point… I tried hard to get back FOCUSED…. but it was like little kids in my head with markers, crayons, pencils and ink pens… coloring and scribble scrabbling all over my thoughts. What ever conversation I tried to muster up.. I couldn’t because the kids in my head…. scribble scrabble on my thoughts. HE got me.. h Then came time for paper work. We had to get in the elevator ALONE together.. and oh boy…. NOT THE ELEVATOR…. so personal… so sensual. The chemistry…… can’t even explain. I will say… that I LOVED  the experience.. I LOVED how I felt… I LOVED the attraction and chemistry between us… but it was the wrong setting.

Please go see Fifty Shades of Grey… if you love my story… you’ll LOVE that movie… So sexy and inviting. 🙂 Listen to another of my FAVORITE SONGS from the SOUNDTRACK… Oh.. I love this song.

Be Blessed!

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