At First Site Chemistry/BLOG-REPOST

In 2014, I  went on several interviews searching for the right one for me. I was called to a 10:00 am appointment and when I walked into the lobby I was feeling GREAT and CONFIDENT.

I  checked in, then sat on the couch and waited for the person to “come out” to get me. As I soaked up the lovely atmosphere, and beautiful interior decorations, I noticed a glance at me. I didn’t pay it any attention because I was busy looking around the place, but when he looked over at me for the  2nd and 3rd time…. I paid attention. I said to myself…… “is this man looking at me?” As I begin to focus on him.. I noticed that he was fine as hell, TALL… handsome, sexy, thick, pretty white teeth, suited up, pretty eyes, sexy lips, goatee, and very humble. I sat there trying to ignore him, because I know how my body respond to what I’m thinking and seeing. A INTERVIEW was the WRONG place for this. I kept trying to ignore his glances, until I realized what he was doing.

I realized …..he was interviewing. I thought to myself…. “I hope he’s not the one doing the interviewing for me.” I’m finding myself staring at him. He’s so dayum fine …he catches my eye. I found it hard to turn away. I was nervous. I can’t be interviewed by him because I know me… I’ll be nervous. Oh my GOD.. I thought to myself.. this is not happening to me. Not today. Not this time in my life. Not for a interview! So… I sat there. I tried to convince  myself that he wasn’t the one to interview me, that maybe there were several interviewers. I had to have went over this in my head about 20 times.

He kept looking at me, so I decided that I was leaving. Nope, I wasn’t about to be interviewed by this man. He was NOT going to intimidate me.  He was NOT going to have me saying stupid stuff and giving dumb answers. Nope not today. Now had this been one of my ruff looking days, I may have taken the stares differently.  Because in my mind, I’m thinking Ok Cree….he thinks you’re cute today, just wait till he sees you looking good. But on this day………………… I was looking good!!! My face was MAC FLAWLESS ** in my Beyonce voice**… skin beautiful, eyes locking, lips poppin, hair on point * no wigs or fake hair*, smile… SMILING, eye lashes batting, smelling good,  had on my all black outfit with my boots…. couldn’t tell me nothing as I left out of my apartment.

I sat there…. I made up my mind that I was leaving. Wasn’t going to put myself through this.. I’ve been down this STREET a time or two of being CHEMISTRY intimidated and not able to get out of it. I stood up, grabbed my purse… just then I remembered that I parked valet and didn’t have my keys. Dayum.. I said to myself and sat back down. I decided that I was going to stay. That I was going to get through this interview and have full control. I fought myself all while he was still interviewing.  There aren’t many times a woman look into a mans eyes and feel a certain way on first site. Its a feeling that paralyzes you. But I must admit its one of the sexiest minutes to be apart of. But dang…. why couldn’t this happen while at the grocery store, mall or restaurant somewhere…… NOT AN INTERVIEW.

He stands up and shakes the hand of the person he just interviewed and the person leaves. My heart is pounding as he’s walking towards me to get to the desk to ask “whose next”. We make eye contact and we speak at the same time. I knew he was coming for me. I felt it. I was in trouble. He goes to the desk and the gurl points at me. “DAMMIT” I said in my mind… he IS the one going to interview me. I embraced myself as he walked towards me looking me DEAD in my eyes, trying to “download” my every thought in my head…..through my eyes. We smiled and its a wrap for me…. I already know. He walks toward me and says ” LaCrease Walker?”…. Yes, I said as I stood up to shake his hand. He walks in front of me and says lets go over to this table * the one he was at while doing the other interview*. I was SO nervous… I started to say… “YOU KNOW WHAT?” I’m good on this job, it was nice for you to call me. I’m outta here. But I didn’t.

He sat in the chair and I sat on the couch. There was also a table there that had all of my information on. I couldn’t turn my mind off of how FINE he was up close. As he looked at my resume, I was trying to calm down. I knew that if I got up to leave, that yes, I would miss out on a good job opportunity, but at that time, it was better than sitting there without my brain..  He looked good from afar, but up close OH MY GAWD!!!! I kept telling myself…GURL….. get it together. It was silence as he looked down. He knew what he was doing. He was loading up on me, when he came up from my resume and asked that first question… I knew he would take FULL CONTROL. After he asked the question… he sat back and had his way with me. Looking me so deep into my eyes, downloading everything about me. Reading me, taking mental notes. Just dogging MEEE out.  All I could do was try to stay focus. The chemistry was so deep..so ALIVE. So in my face. Then he asked more questions. Still staring me in my eyes as I spoke…so sexy and so sensual. I felt my body reacting to his stares. I tried to redirect my thoughts, but he kept staring and thinking. I know my eyes started telling him what my thoughts were… I couldn’t even help it.

 

Whenever he spoke about the company… that was my time to regroup my thoughts and get myself together. I kept having to have these pep talks with myself, because I didn’t know how much of these intense stares I could take. I just wanted to walk out in the middle of  one of HIS QUESTIONS. I didn’t have anything to lose. He didn’t know me and I didn’t know him. Just as I got myself together, there goes another question. A time for me to talk while he download my thoughts. THEN…… in the MIDDLE of me answering a question… he stops me and says… “Take off your coat”.

In my mind…..I’m like this is NOT happening to me!!! This is not. I told him that I was fine. He insist. He wasn’t going to ask another question until I did. The way he said it.. it wasn’t in a sexual way… or out of order…. NOT AT ALL… LET ME BE CLEAR…to him….. it only made sense to “get comfortable”… since I appeared to be ” NERVOUS”. I didn’t  want to do it…. if I ever had a chance to get out of it…. IT WAS GONE NOW. I stood up and the space between his chair and the couch I was sitting on… placed me right in front of him.. LIKE RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. I began taking off my coat… I tried to turn my head as I did it.. but our eyes locked and I PROMISE ON every TRUTH IN ME…. this man took off my coat for me!!!!  His eyes told my coat to come off… AND IT OBEYED  I had never in my life FELT ANYTHING SO INTENSE. When I took it off and sat it on the couch.. I felt NAKED! I am a very shapely woman, and for the first time I didn’t want it seen. Its funny now looking back on it… but it wasn’t then. …. I don’t even remember the interview after that. LOL Whenever he spoke and shared things with me about the company, I reloaded trying to get “the POWER” back that he  was “stealing” from me. Didn’t work.

When it was my turn to answer the questions… my mind started failing me again.. worse every time. I starting thinking about kissing him, laying on the couch…all of this sexual stuff started coming to my mind. I’m saying to myself… “Guuuuuuuuuurl if you don’t knock it off and get it together!!! I couldn’t even help it… I was under a spell. The way he was looking at me.. he knew what he was doing. I was weak and he knew it. He controlled the whole atmosphere and  was loving it. FINALLY …. the interview was over. YES!!!! He said.. I’m going to set you up on for a second interview. I was happy about that. He told me what time to come back in 2 days. I got to my car sat in it….. and almost needed a cigarette. I don’t smoke cigarettes, weed, anything… don’t even drink.. but I needed a hit of something that day. I was in a daze all the way home. I kept hitting my wrist asking myself…. what the HELL JUST HAPPENED? The experience was GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAT!!! But ….. not at a INTERVIEW!

I thought about that man all day and all night. I couldn’t even sleep the meet was that INTENSE. I had a plan for him.I was going to “get that ass back”. When I go back… I was going to be in CONTROL. I was not going to let him take over my mind, sexually and mentally again. I didn’t sleep for 2 days thinking about it. I remembered what he said…. he kept saying how he loved my bubbly personality. This time… I was going to be about BUSINESS . I LOVE that about myself. I can give you BUBBLY, SMILES, LAUGHS, FUNNY, JOKES, COMMUNICATION, SEXY, everything… but when I put on my BUSINESS FACE…….YOU WILL NOT be able to figure me out… because I’m in control of MEEEEEEEEE. I LOOOOOOOVE  that in myself.

The day and hour came for me to go back for a second interview… I walked up in that Hotel like  I WAS PART OWNER.. lol * Sure did*… Had on my BUSINESS face like………..who WANTS TO SEE ME AND WHERE THEY AT?  Guess who comes out to greet me.. looking BETTER THAN THE TWO DAYS BEFORE… GOOD GAWD…. um um ummmmm. One look into my eyes  as we shook hands to greet……and he said….. “You don’t seem as bubbly as you did before”… I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF IN MY MIND. The nerve!!! HAHAHA YES ITS WORKING…. He said you’re okay? I said YES… I’m good!!!!:)  I’m saying in my mind as we lock eyes… “what you want me to sit around here naked in the second interview too?” NOT GON HAPPEN BOO.  I was so happy I had my POWER back. He was looking good though… but I was ready for him and his PARALYZING STARES.

He directs me to the same area we were in before. But this time I sat in the other chair that sits a table and couch. He leaves to get the person who wants to meet and interview me . They both come back, but only the guy who is doing the interviewing sits down, he left.  We got to talking about the job, then about his friends, dogs, homeless people, being sick.. kids, everything. We WERE KICKING IT.. I was so comfortable… I felt so good. He was so cool. I knew I had this job.  I was looking forward to working with him. After a while, it wasn’t even like I was in a interview. It was like we were friends that had a lot in common.

Then…………here HE comes…. didn’t he PARK his FINE ass on the couch.… sat and stared at me THE WHOLE TIME while I was being interviewed. I’m saying to myself.. GOD MAKE HIM LEAVE!!!!! Make him go do something else! I’m thinking why is he sitting in on this persons interview?  OMG..I cant take it. He got me. He got me good.  He watched my every move, heard every word I said.. analyzed me, captivated me, sexually intimidated me, took off my clothes without ONE touch, downloaded all my thoughts, made me apart of his atmosphere, and took all MY POWER away. I tried to ignore his presence… I tried to pretend he wasn’t there. I tried to believe this wasn’t happening to me. I tried to stop looking at him. He was loving it. He knew exactly what he was doing. I had no control. The guy who was doing the interview was so into his story and life.. he had no idea “I left the building.” He had no idea what was happening. He had no idea, that whatever he was talking about I couldn’t hear him.  This man sat there and stared at me like I was dinner and left overs.

After that… didn’t even matter. I was butt naked again.. in his presence. I just let myself go. What the hell I thought to myself… he won! My thoughts took over….. my body REACTED. At one point… I tried hard to get back FOCUSED…. but it was like little kids in my head with markers, crayons, pencils and ink pens… coloring and scribble scrabbling all over my thoughts.

Then came time for paper work. We had to get in the elevator ALONE together.. and oh boy…. NOT THE ELEVATOR…. so personal… so sensual. The chemistry…… can’t even explain. I will say… that I LOVED  the experience.. I LOVED how I felt… I LOVED the attraction and chemistry between us… but it was the wrong place.

He hired me, came time for Orientation, he announced to me and the others that he was leaving for another job….I didn’t know how I felt about that. But one thing I do know, all the other women who were hired started talking about how FINE he was whenever he left the room. 🙂

Looking back, I would NEVER trade this experience in for anything in the world, its not often a WOMAN feel this way on first glance.

*photos are not of anyone in MY story… just a visual*

Digitalino Regular

 

 

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A Few Quick Words For The Men/BLOG

Men know your worth. Stop looking for women to LIVE with because you’re tired of sleeping on your parents couch or in their basement. Find a job, save money and get your own place. I know you may want to go out with your friends and spend money, but when you are tying to do things on your own, you sacrifice.

Its so not cute when a man finds a woman to live with, and when, she gets mad she wants to throw him out. He maybe the type that says “I’m not going nowhere,” because he REFUSE to go back to his mothers basement.Then he /she has problems.

Some men purposely look for women to take care of them. Some have no intentions of marry the woman he’s staying with, because his only goal is to “get himself together.” But in the meantime, the woman have developed feelings and this will make her feel she was being used in the first place. Then, if they’re not careful babies will soon follow.

Then we have those men who are doing well for themselves, they move a woman in with them and mistreat them. They look at them as fixer uppers. Because a woman who has her own thing going on, and enjoying life, will see no reason to give up her place to go and live with him.

Men you are leaders, make choices that you can live with later and not be a problem to you. Make sure you are doing well for yourself before you enter a woman’s life. Make sure she’s doing well for herself too. If you’re not mentally and financially ready for a relationship, do not move in with that woman. Get yourself together first.

Challenge Contour

A few QUICK words/BLOG

Women know your worth. Stop letting these men treat you any kinda way. Stop it. God loves you and he is NEVER pleased when you allow someone to mistreat you. He won’t do you that way BECAUSE he CREATED you, don’t allow anyone else to do it.

Take time to be alone. Stop saying that you HATE to be alone. Stop saying being alone makes you think of your past. Maybe you need to face your past. The more time you spend alone the less drama you become apart of. Invite God into your space. Feel HIS LOVE.

Listen to others their trials and life lessons. Stop feeling that since this is THEIR story, it won’t happen to you one day. LISTEN to them, learn from them so if that storm do come your way, you will have knowledge of it and watch it past right over your house ((life))

Stop judging others, the more you judge someone else, THE HARDER YOU ARE ON YOURSELF!!! Because what you see in them, you will surely see in yourself and then START TO FEEL SOME KINDA WAY. STOP that!

Find out what it feels like to LOVE and be LOVED. Once you get a glimpse of REAL LOVE, you won’t tolerate anything else.. I PROMISE YOU THAT. Ask God to show you that kinda LOVE, be persistent with your prayer about it. Allow him to wrap his arms around you.Embrace it. Feel it. Enjoy it, and DONT EVER FORGET IT.

BlackFat

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Hello I AM…/BLOG

Looking back over the years…. I’ve changed. I’ve changed a lot, and whole lot. The things I use to do, I no longer do them, and when I think about it, some are funny and some… I just kinda want to forget. But, I won’t because it all has made me the woman I am today.

For as long as I can remember I’ve always been the LIFE OF THE PARTY. When La’Crease walks it, its ON AND POPPIN. LOL I would give card gatherings, we would have drinks and talk junk all night over the table. No arguing or fighting, just family friends and fun. I gave a lot of back yard parties that was so popular, I would give them twice a month during the summer. I remember going to see the male dancers with my friends 4-5 times a week, taking lots and lots of photos. I still wondered how I worked 9-5 and still went out nightly. I had lots of male friends, plenty and many who loved and adored me. Most of them are still alive and a few still close to me.

I was always the one who people came to for advice. I remember as a teenager, I asked God for wisdom to help others in finding the truth and even though no one knew my prayer, they all came to see me. And I was happy. For years and years people would get mad at me for having someone else over because they needed to talk to me. I would cook for them, we would talk for hours and hours. I enjoyed that people listened to me, and that they made positive changes from our talks. But after so many years of doing this, it took a toll on me. I was changing, I was tired of talking to people day in and day out when I needed to get my life in order. People wanted all of my time, talking on the phone all day, all night. Then there were those who wanted to come over and talk face to face. OMG, I said that when I moved in my new house on Cadieux all of that would come to an end. And it did.

I hated talking on the phone, and I HATED COMPANY. I was done with the Therapist Life. It was time to do me!  I had a lot of male company .. but God put an end to that too. LOL I started reading my bible more going back to Church, I was done with everything and everyone. I needed a break from it all.

I’m a NERD now. LOL I love going to work and coming home to an empty apartment, being able to shower, change clothes and go the the Detroit River Walk alone. I love going to Belle Isle a huge park surrounded by nothing but water. I love planing trips and I’m also going on a cruise for a WEEK! I don’t have the time and energy to sit and listen to stories all day. I don’t have the patience for that. I don’t even watch TV because program after program can take up your time. I have  certain shows I watch and that’s it. I enjoy peace. I enjoy the company I keep. I enjoy going to the movies alone. Thing is, if I announce that I’m going somewhere, someone would want to go with me. For years I went everywhere with everyone, I’m just not that person anymore…. ALL THE TIME. Now don’t get me wrong, I have several weddings and bridal showers next month , game parties, a pamper session with my sisters,  and I still will listen to a friend who needs me. But, to spend all of my free time listening to others… that’s A NO NO!

I was always afraid of how others saw my change. People are use to being around me, and now I want to be alone, people don’t take that well. They think its them. Its not, its me. I’m always the listener in the car, over the phone, in person, Ughhhhhhhhhh, I’m tired of it. The only time I get to listen to my own thoughts is when I’m alone.

The best thing about this change is, I have options to be alone or go with a HOST OF FAMILY AND FRIENDS WHO LOVE BEING AROUND ME, AND I LOVE BEING AROUND THEM…. Is it selfish of me.. YALP…..After spending so many years “doing others”, it feels good to DO ME!

Back to Black

Your life in a blink of an eye/ BLOG

A few days ago, I was driving home in busy downtown traffic. I came to a red turning green light when this car on a side street darted out in front of me without even stopping for the STOP sign he had. I was so angry and MAD, that for the first time in my life, I wanted to ram my car into the back of a car/his car. The blatant DISRESPECT he showed to me, my daughter and HIMSELF, almost took me there. To make matters worst, he turned on his blinker down the same street I was going. My mind was racing, I wanted to KILL this man. The anger that went through my body was unreal. I drove up to his bumper, looked at him and saw that he was an older ARROGANT white man. I laid on my horn and just then he threw his middle finger up at me. Oh the heat that came from my head!!! Just then God spoke to me…. saying THIS IS THE ANGER THAT PEOPLE GET JUST BEFORE THEY KILL SOMEONE. He told me to let it go. I turned off and let him go on by his business. God shared with me how easy it is to be in the heat of the moment. I’m blessed that I can hear God’s voice and chose not to ignore him.

That kind of anger is what get people in trouble everyday. We can no longer ignore his voice. He’s always talking us down from being in trouble. I now know and UNDERSTAND (( but will never condone it)) how people KILL each other because they get caught up in the moment of Anger. I felt what people go through. I left my mind. The emotion.

I was with my daughter, I could have hurt her. I thought about my parents and how disappointed in me they would have been to involve them in my court matters. I thought about my job that might be in jeopardy, my car would have been tore up, a man dead, or maybe me. What if he had pulled a gun on me and shot us? These are the things we MUST STOP to think about before we do something to hurt the next person. There are consequences to our actions, and for me… I don’t have that kinda time and energy to put into a stranger like that. Not La’Crease.

I thought that I would write my experience so that maybe it could stop someone from getting hurt when they’re in the heat of the moment. To stop and think about all the people you would effect. I understand that we come out of ourselves in these moments, but we have to get back to our mind and make the right choice. Its hard… but you will either LET IT GO, OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCE.

Als Script Regular

Love Yourself/BLOG

I’ve been spending a lot of time getting to know myself. Sometimes you need to step away from family and friends to learn YOU.

I LOOOOOOOOVE ME! I’ve never had a self esteem issue. Not sure if the reason being so that I came from a home with both parents who taught us nothing but LOVE. People always tell me that I always see the good in people (( and some have a problem with that)) because I’m not pointing out the negative. Its bad enough we tell ourselves that we’re not good enough, what good is there in pointing out the bad.

I HATE when people compare themselves to others. Stop doing that. God made us all different. You may like the same things the next person , but you are NOT that person. Enjoy your own way of life and doing things. Look in the mirror and admire yourself. Pay attention to your good qualities. Admire that, think on it, love on it, talk about it within yourself.

Let me say this. What you LOVE about yourself others will talk about. Be ware of those people.  They can work to tear down your self-esteem. God is the creator, he knows what he was doing when you made you. Get in touch with yourself, and love you to death.

I have my Mother’s nose, even if my book sells and I make lots and lots of money, I will never get my nose done so that others can say YOUR NOSE IS PRETTY, I SEE YOU GOT IT DONE. No never, because if my mother even passes away before me, I can look at my nose and say I GOT IT FROM MY MOTHER! I don’t do things to impress NOBODY! I LOVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEE! 🙂

Love yourself.. flaws and all!

I AM La’Crease and I don’t have to do anything else

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Ummmm cuse meeeeeeeeeee! /BLOG

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When it comes to business I have to really be on my game. Sometimes you can appear friendly, too friendly, not aggressive on the surface but when it comes to business I am a beast and I know it.

In business you have to always  discuss facts and stay on the point. Because once you get off the point the other person can drive your story all over the place. Not gon happen with me. Sometimes I hate to go there because I can be very expressive in the face, because I’m always  a really nice person. I can come off as very aggressive and I don’t mean to be that way. But I find out that I let things build up and when its time to discuss it there’s no changing my mind. And I don’t if that’s a good thing.

I  Live downtown Detroit and there are a lot of new developments going on in the city. Many people are leaving the suburbs and moving to these downtown apartments which is causing the parking space to be an issue here.  In 2012 when I moved here you can park anywhere at any time inside of the gated parking lot and there was no problem. But now since the building is almost occupied which is 22 floors and 18 apartments there is no space to park. When I come home at 3 AM  I have to pray before I even get here to find a space. They tell us to park across the street which is a Hell to the NAW NAW and definitely not the back where I can’t see my car. I had my van stolen from here a few months after I moved in, and I wish I would park anywhere else except in the gate or in front of the building. They have extra security here and that’s perfect.

This morning when I got home I parked in front of the building along with seven other vehicles.  I went down this morning to run an errand ((( and to move the car))) security asked me about it and I told him there is no room in the parking lot to park anymore I will not park across the street  or in the back of the building. I will not have my car stolen like my Town & Country.He was here when it was stolen because he did the investigation on it. So he knew my frustrations, and understood. But not before I went there.

Just then the property manager came in saying that it was OK because of the issue. I really hated I had to go there but I had to let them know  there was no way I was parking in the back or across the street. Thing was when I said that my van was stolen, people looked at me like WHAT???? YOUR VAN WAS STOLEN FROM HERE? OOO weee I bet security or management wont go there with me again. They shut that conversation down in front of folks REAL QUICK!!! LOL

Now I tried to be nice about it, didn’t want to alarm others in the building, but this is the 3rd time I’ve been asked about my parking. My thing is this, you jammed packed this building knowing full well there is not enough parking for all of these people, then I will let it be known, WHERE I WONT BE PARKING AND WHY. I pay rent here and its NOT CHEAP! Don’t ask me to park across the street, where if something happen off the property they’ll say, “Well that’s not our property.” NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I made it short and to the point. I don’t do all that 3 minute talking especially when I’m right. Make some parking space around here….. now that’s doing business. All they care about is fulling up the apartments…. AND I AINT MAD AT THEM… BUT DON’T TELL ME TO PARK ACROSS THE STREET. GOT ME MESSED UP! The new people don’t know any better..

La’ Crease does! 🙂

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