My Vent!

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Hey Family!

Wow what a month!!! So, I guess this will be my “vent” blog. I know I can’t be the only one going through something like what I’m about to write about. Sometimes I dunno how to feel about how I feel. Or even if I’m “right” about feeling the way I feel.

I’ve always been the kind of person who attract a lot of people. I think its because of my easy to get along personality. I don’t like drama, I’m honest and will be truthful with you, I’m everyone’s therapist, and I’ve always enjoyed good stories and real life lessons from different people.

Sometimes I feel people want too much from me. Since I turned 32 ((( now 51))) I have really, really, chilled from having company over. In my 20’s I had my good friends over and cousins and we would have a ball. I’m still close to EVERYONE of them, and they seem to know me well. I enjoy cooking collard greens, fried chicken, corn bread, corn on the cob and I would invite friends and family over and this would become a daily for me no matter what I’m cooking. I’m not that person today anymore because people have burnt me OUT! They expect for dinner to be made for them every day!!! Never bringing anything, always expecting. No company, NO DINNERS! DONE with that life forever!

I’m done raising my daughter, my only child. Most people I know, are still raising kids. My problem is, they seem to feel that just because I’m live alone that I have all day to talk to them over the phone, go places with them. I ENJOY having a empty nest. I can do whatever I want! These are the same people who cant wait for their kids to be grown and gone, so they can be alone, but seem to think I want to be bothered all the time. I enjoy my quiet time. I can cook whenever I want, eat what I want. Sleep all day, and jump in my car and go anywhere I want. I am far from lonely when all people want to do is call my phone, hop in my car, and sit on my couch while I listen to their stories all dayum day. I’m good! Done with that life forever!

I’m a Virgo, if you know anything about us, you know we love to be alone and do our own thing. We don’t need company, we dont need friends, we LOVE to be alone. YEs, we enjoy family and friends, and we often link up. But don’t make it seem as if I need company just because my house is empty, and STOP FEELING OFFENDED WHEN I TELL YOU IM GOING ALONE! Like tomorrow, I’m going to the movies in the morning ALONE, now if I mention it to anyone on any day, first thing out of their mouths is, “why didn’t you ask me to go with you”? As if I’m lonely, or ESPECIALLY acting funny and didn’t want to invite anyone. I’m grown, my daughter is gone and I can get in MYYYYYYYYYYY car and go anywhere I want to go. I don’t need company to go with me, and I shouldn’t have to feel that I’m “acting funny” for not inviting anyone. It pisses me off so bad. So now, I don’t tell anyone where I’m going, I just go. Now! They say, you don’t go anywhere…. NO THAT’S NOT IT, ITS THAT YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT IT, BECAUSE YOU WOULD WANT TO GO WITH ME! **rolls eyes**

If I’m having a conversation about what we made for dinner, and I’ll say. I made collard greens, fried chicken, corn bread and corn on the cob, they would say…… ” Why didn’t you bring me some’? It would be in a tone where they feel that just because its MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and me alone eating dinner, that I made enough for them and who ever else. No! I made dinner for me to eat for 2 days. I don’t make dinner for 7 people just “in case” someone ask for a plate. Now, here is my thing. The good person in me what to cook dinner for others like I use too. But then people started depending on me. They wanted me to do it every week, or every time I made dinner. They would ask me what did you cook today? After a while, I was like wait, the very thing I enjoy doing for others, has turned into a burden for me. They expect for me to cook food daily, and when I would say I didn’t cook yesterday they were disappointed and made me feel some kinda way. So, I had to stop that altogether. DONE!

I love to drive and have no problem jumping in my car and going where I need and want to go. I have a friend who always get into debates with her sisters about whose going to drive where. Now me on the other hand LOVE to drive. I will again, jump in my car and go. But when I’m with this friend she always wants me to drive. It makes me mad because just because I enjoy driving doesn’t mean I want to drive because SHE wants and need to go somewhere. So, I stop dealing with her when it comes to going anywhere. You either want to go or NO!  But as for meeeeeeee, I have the get up and go when it comes to me going where I want to go. I dont like that back and forth, I drove last time, its your turn. NOOOOOOOO, I’m going to drive my own car to the same place and you drive yours. I hate pettiness~!

Now, again, I’m going to the movies tomorrow, If I ask people who want to go, but didn’t go, their answer would be, because the drive is too far. Yes, its a 35 minute drive, but I love to drive, but if that’s the reason why you didn’t go, then you really wont be riding with me EVER! Here is why. When people see that you love to drive and is willing go whenever, they expect for you to always call them to invite them. These people will NEVER drive to see a movie because they dont feel like driving. I love to go alone, so I’ll never be asking anyone again unless its my mommy and daughter. Or I’m in a group setting.

I’m learning a lot about people and myself. I laugh sometimes, and sometimes I shake my head.

You { Murderer }

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Raisingurls To Women/BLOG

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Hey Family!

Many of you may or may not know that from 2006-2011 I started a gurls group in my home. Raisingurls To Women. Teenagers would meet every other Sunday after Church  to talk about things that was going on in their lives. Peer pressure, divorce, school, friends, parents, personal issues and things like that. They loved it! I would listen to their personal stories, encourage them to speak and share testimonies that was going on in their lives. We had hotel parties, we went out to dinner as a group to talk in that settling. We had movie dates, we held fundraisers, celebrated birthdays, but more importantly we taught social skills.

I knew that these gurls would grow up to become adults and that they would need social skills to help them survive. I also keep up with ALL of them on FB. A few days ago I received a message from my niece telling me how what I did for them has impacted her life. Reading her message bought tears to my eyes.  I was only doing what I loved to do. It has made me do research to start ANOTHER WOMEN’S GATHERING!

Before I started my teen group I was holding gatherings in my home for Women. We talked about relationships, God, children, family, work, and everything adult. In my life today, people are always coming to me for advice. I spend hours and hours with these people and when my  niece sent me that message, it has started a spark in me. So many women are hurting from past hurts, and also present situations that causes them to go into deep depressions. See, I know God. I have a personal relationship with him and he is theeeeeeeeeeeee only way out. I dont have the gift to preach, but I am NO WAY afraid to share my testimonies, and to help women find their way.

Here is apart of the email that my niece sent to me! Wow Thank you Jesus. What a Blessing!

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Yes auntie thank you. One thing that prepared me to want to speak was you from back in the day when you did the girls group. I started a women’s group in college and used your work sheets I still had n the group is still going the girls love it. I want to open a homeless shelter for you that have no where to go after 18. That’s another goal. I thank you for doing what it is you did when I was young. You never know how much you impact a persons life and you did.

You don’t know how much it helped deal with stuff and gave me courage to speak up for myself. Yes women need other women to help them overcome a lot. Auntie get out there we need women like you to help guide younger women. We have so many youth scared to be different and not be okay with life because it’s not normal and the struggle with being accepted and that’s when they use their bodies. You taught me so much you wouldn’t understand.

 

Learning your kids PERSONALITY!/BLOG

PRETTYNES

When my daughter was a young gurl, I use to always scream like most parents when they lose it. But after a short while, I realize that she was JUST LIKE ME, she didn’t require screaming. She required that “come here, let me look you in the eye” kinda speech. Screaming made me nervous as it does most kids. It made me cry, and to this day…. I will NEVER tolerate A N Y  O N E screaming at me, if you can’t talk to me in a pleasant tone of voice, then WE’RE DONE!!!. I don’t play that, at all.. PERIOD!

I found out with kids, you HAVE to learn their personality. That’s part of being a parent. Every child is different, and based off how they take things, and how they receive, you have to parent based upon that. When my daughter got home from school. She would speak and go straight to her room. But me as a parent made sure, I called her down to my face and I asked her how was your day? She’s just like me, so you’ll only get what you ask for, you have to ask her specifics… WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY? LOL If I’m talking to her over the phone, that’s even worst, Again, its something I learned about her. So, I found out that if I want to know about the mercury scare she had in high school (( real life)). I have to ask her, what floor was it on? Where we’re you? Did you exit out of the front door, side or back door? Was anybody hurt? We’re you scared? What was your thoughts? Do you feel staff handled it properly? This series of questions gets her talking, and she’ll feel compel to share more of what happened once she see’s how it interest me. I had to learn that about her. The point I’m making in all of this is, you have to ask your kids questions. If you don’t they will go to their rooms, hop on their phones and BLOCK YOU OUT OF THEIR WORLD. As they get older, you’ll KNOW NOTHING! Start early, so they know that you’re that kinda parent that ask questions.

Kids already look at us as “OLD” so in order to keep up with them, we have to go to “their world”, we have to learn a few songs of their generations, we have go to see “their” movies, we have to meet their friends, and build our own relationship with them. We have to take them on family trips… out of town. They will remember this when they’re older. Kids take money and time. You want to know you did your best, so that when they’re grown, you won’t have to worry about them taking care of themselves.

Be Blessed!

Deep Conversations/BLOG

Hey family!

You know if you keep on living you will learn so many life lessons. I have learned a lot, and even if I don’t speak on it, I have. Sometimes you have to forgive yourself for not seeing friendships that was not meant to be, even through the warnings. Ah, the warnings.. SMH. But that is years behind me and again, keep on living and you will learn a thing or two. I’m good!

This week, I was having deep DEEP DeEp conversations with my cousins who are all Sisters about my uncle (( their dad))) who passed away many years ago. He was my dad’s best friend and as we were growing up, even though their mom and my uncle was divorced, me and my sister  would go over to their house and spend nights with them. I loved them and looked up to them, because they are all so pretty, came from a good family, and loved being around us. But all of that time as a young gurl, I thought that they were seeing their dad often, because I did. I was young, so of course I didn’t know anything about bickering ex’s, kids, child support and all of that. I remember my youngest cousin of the sisters (( she’s older than me)) use to always ask me have I seen her dad, and my answer would be yes. I would tell her when he came over, and things like that. She would be so excited to hear my stories. I grew up with both of my parents in the home, so I didn’t know why she was so into asking me questions, but now I know that she was missing her dad. But I always thought they saw him as often as I did.

We were having a deep conversation about it, and come to find out they didn’t see him that often. That sadden me, and told me that things weren’t as it seem when I was growing up. How is it that I’m seeing their dad more than they were? When we talked about it, it made ME feel some kinda way. I learned something so deep. They felt that he didn’t love them the way he should have.  And I know he loved them, but I don’t know how they didn’t feel it. Well, I understand their views. I was shocked. And the funny thing is, these sisters are just like mines, WE ARE VERY VERY STRONG WOMEN, with strong opinions, and personalities . Get all 6 of us together on a topic we split on, and its on and poppin. LOL

Back in the day grown folks business was grown folk business. I told them, that whenever he came over, we went to our rooms, or went outside to play. Even though I saw him with my dad, I didn’t know their business or what they talked about. They felt that just because I saw him, I knew things. I didn’t. I was a young gurl myself. It made me feel some kinda way, because they are all grown women and even though 2 of them haven’t completely healed from the hurt, the baby did. She found closure and I’m happy.

Here is the biggest thing. Even though their mom and dad had a bad divorce, and he may not have been the best dad, he was THE BOMB GRANDDAD TO THEIR KIDS. OMG HE HAD THOSE KIDS EVERY WEEKEND. He loved his grandkids, and even though they are grown, today they still feel the effects of his death.

Now, what my baby cousin was saying (( she’s older than me)) is that God spoke to her concerning the healing and closure that she needed. My grandmother was a young mother who had 7 kids, she wanted to work and be in the streets leaving my uncles and aunts with their dad, and her mother. The brothers were bitter about that, maybe grew up and not know how to be close to their kids, not knowing how to communicate or whatever skills they lacked from not having their mother around. My cousin get that, she doesn’t excuse it, but she feels that with the tools he had, he did the best he knew how. My two other cousins feel that he should have done better and knew better. and to make matters worst, he had a girlfriend before he died who was also very close to their kids, who didn’t offer or give them anything of their dads when he passed away. She had everything. I asked my cousin why didn’t she ask her, she felt that it should have been offered.. NOT HER ASKING. Wow I felt differently about that, but then again I cant say because this is not my story and it didn’t happen to me. I would have asked and listened to her say NO, OVER AND OVER AGAIN, so that later on in life she would feel guilty of holding on to all those things she had of his and not have the man… not to mention he was a Atheist. She’ll never hold or see him again.

In the end, we love each other, and I hope that my two cousins find closure. One said sorry she just isn’t there yet, and I got that. One thing I learned is that things arent always what they seem. You think people are happy and have everything under control, but in REAL LIFE its not that way. I felt my uncle loved them, but he didn’t know how to express love when he didn’t get it from his mom. For me, it made my dad love his family and made sure that we were close, didn’t fist fight each other, and to be there for each other no matter what. Two brothers lived in the same house, grew up and saw things differently. I know in my heart he loved them, I just wish they knew it.

 

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My Raisingurls All Grown Up!/BLOG

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I’m just sitting here thinking “where did the time go?” These gurls are not kids anymore, they are GROWN women!!!!! These gurls were in middle school during the time we had our meets. They came faithfully to our meetings. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE these gurls and they love me too. They had several seasons with Raisingurls and I’m so very proud of them. You can look in their faces and tell they are doing WELL!! AMEN!

Here is a photo of Daijah(( TOP)) and Nell ( MY NIECE.. my baby sisters daughter))in one of our meetings, also a photo of them TODAY! ((( tears of joy)) Both of my gurls GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL AND BEST FRIENDS SINCE MIDDLE SCHOOL!! They both have JOBS with no children 🙂

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My Beautiful Raisingurl/BLOG

Meet Tasia!
Yess  Tasia was ONE OF MY RAISINGURLS!!! She was one of my babies when she first joined my group of teens at my home.She had just started Junior High and was one of the last group of gurls I had before I moved into my apartment. She’s doing so well and I’m so proud of her. Her last post was this…I will cross that stage June 7th with a 4.0 GPA mark my words!!! 
 

Daddy’s Little Gurl/BLOG

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Just a moment to share how important it is for a daughter to have both parents in her life. I grew up with both parents married before I was even born… and I’m the oldest. I never knew how important it really was.. until my daughter turned 12. Her dad was always in her life, and it became a joy to watch them talk, laugh and enjoy each other as she became an adult.

For the Christmas Holiday they went to Ohio, where he was born to enjoy family time. She stayed for 2 weeks, but he was back and forth. I love how she talks about him and the love they have for each other. They are so much alike its funny. He says she looks like me and built like me. I say she acts like him, talks like him, and loves to dress like him. Not to mention some days, she’s his twin!!! I can see him clear as day in her. He always speak well of me when they’re together sharing stories of our teenage years. That’s funny because I do the same thing when I’m with her. LOL

But there is one thing.. I tell her time and time again. Make sure that when you decide to get married and have a family that you chose a good man who loves you, and not for foolishness because YOUR DAD DOES NOT PLAY when it comes to you and his family. I tell her this all the time, and she knows this to be true. He may love his women.. but he’s not a fighter, he’s not into debates and arguments. He’s straight up and will not play about his 2 kids (son). He’ll want to meet him, grill him, look him in the eye and baaaaaaaaby have that talk with him. I told Nesha…  make sure he come correct….because your daddy… IS NOT HAVING IT… So.. please don’t bring trouble to his door step by way of a nothing man who mean you no good.

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That’s another main reason why I love their friendship/relationship because she knows he mean business.  She knows this. Even though she’s a classy gurl…. these men can be tricky. It also makes me smile knowing that her dad will make sure she’s okay…this is one area of her life….. that is out of my jurisdiction. Her dad has her back!!! She betta chose wisely. Because her dad loves her, treats her like a Princess, and adores her dearly . * Click on the photos for a closer view*

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Be Blessed!