Tag: kids

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My Vent!

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Hey Family!

Wow what a month!!! So, I guess this will be my “vent” blog. I know I can’t be the only one going through something like what I’m about to write about. Sometimes I dunno how to feel about how I feel. Or even if I’m “right” about feeling the way I feel.

I’ve always been the kind of person who attract a lot of people. I think its because of my easy to get along personality. I don’t like drama, I’m honest and will be truthful with you, I’m everyone’s therapist, and I’ve always enjoyed good stories and real life lessons from different people.

Sometimes I feel people want too much from me. Since I turned 32 ((( now 51))) I have really, really, chilled from having company over. In my 20’s I had my good friends over and cousins and we would have a ball. I’m still close to EVERYONE of them, and they seem to know me well. I enjoy cooking collard greens, fried chicken, corn bread, corn on the cob and I would invite friends and family over and this would become a daily for me no matter what I’m cooking. I’m not that person today anymore because people have burnt me OUT! They expect for dinner to be made for them every day!!! Never bringing anything, always expecting. No company, NO DINNERS! DONE with that life forever!

I’m done raising my daughter, my only child. Most people I know, are still raising kids. My problem is, they seem to feel that just because I’m live alone that I have all day to talk to them over the phone, go places with them. I ENJOY having a empty nest. I can do whatever I want! These are the same people who cant wait for their kids to be grown and gone, so they can be alone, but seem to think I want to be bothered all the time. I enjoy my quiet time. I can cook whenever I want, eat what I want. Sleep all day, and jump in my car and go anywhere I want. I am far from lonely when all people want to do is call my phone, hop in my car, and sit on my couch while I listen to their stories all dayum day. I’m good! Done with that life forever!

I’m a Virgo, if you know anything about us, you know we love to be alone and do our own thing. We don’t need company, we dont need friends, we LOVE to be alone. YEs, we enjoy family and friends, and we often link up. But don’t make it seem as if I need company just because my house is empty, and STOP FEELING OFFENDED WHEN I TELL YOU IM GOING ALONE! Like tomorrow, I’m going to the movies in the morning ALONE, now if I mention it to anyone on any day, first thing out of their mouths is, “why didn’t you ask me to go with you”? As if I’m lonely, or ESPECIALLY acting funny and didn’t want to invite anyone. I’m grown, my daughter is gone and I can get in MYYYYYYYYYYY car and go anywhere I want to go. I don’t need company to go with me, and I shouldn’t have to feel that I’m “acting funny” for not inviting anyone. It pisses me off so bad. So now, I don’t tell anyone where I’m going, I just go. Now! They say, you don’t go anywhere…. NO THAT’S NOT IT, ITS THAT YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT IT, BECAUSE YOU WOULD WANT TO GO WITH ME! **rolls eyes**

If I’m having a conversation about what we made for dinner, and I’ll say. I made collard greens, fried chicken, corn bread and corn on the cob, they would say…… ” Why didn’t you bring me some’? It would be in a tone where they feel that just because its MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and me alone eating dinner, that I made enough for them and who ever else. No! I made dinner for me to eat for 2 days. I don’t make dinner for 7 people just “in case” someone ask for a plate. Now, here is my thing. The good person in me what to cook dinner for others like I use too. But then people started depending on me. They wanted me to do it every week, or every time I made dinner. They would ask me what did you cook today? After a while, I was like wait, the very thing I enjoy doing for others, has turned into a burden for me. They expect for me to cook food daily, and when I would say I didn’t cook yesterday they were disappointed and made me feel some kinda way. So, I had to stop that altogether. DONE!

I love to drive and have no problem jumping in my car and going where I need and want to go. I have a friend who always get into debates with her sisters about whose going to drive where. Now me on the other hand LOVE to drive. I will again, jump in my car and go. But when I’m with this friend she always wants me to drive. It makes me mad because just because I enjoy driving doesn’t mean I want to drive because SHE wants and need to go somewhere. So, I stop dealing with her when it comes to going anywhere. You either want to go or NO!  But as for meeeeeeee, I have the get up and go when it comes to me going where I want to go. I dont like that back and forth, I drove last time, its your turn. NOOOOOOOO, I’m going to drive my own car to the same place and you drive yours. I hate pettiness~!

Now, again, I’m going to the movies tomorrow, If I ask people who want to go, but didn’t go, their answer would be, because the drive is too far. Yes, its a 35 minute drive, but I love to drive, but if that’s the reason why you didn’t go, then you really wont be riding with me EVER! Here is why. When people see that you love to drive and is willing go whenever, they expect for you to always call them to invite them. These people will NEVER drive to see a movie because they dont feel like driving. I love to go alone, so I’ll never be asking anyone again unless its my mommy and daughter. Or I’m in a group setting.

I’m learning a lot about people and myself. I laugh sometimes, and sometimes I shake my head.

You { Murderer }

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Raisingurls To Women/BLOG

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Hey Family!

Many of you may or may not know that from 2006-2011 I started a gurls group in my home. Raisingurls To Women. Teenagers would meet every other Sunday after Church  to talk about things that was going on in their lives. Peer pressure, divorce, school, friends, parents, personal issues and things like that. They loved it! I would listen to their personal stories, encourage them to speak and share testimonies that was going on in their lives. We had hotel parties, we went out to dinner as a group to talk in that settling. We had movie dates, we held fundraisers, celebrated birthdays, but more importantly we taught social skills.

I knew that these gurls would grow up to become adults and that they would need social skills to help them survive. I also keep up with ALL of them on FB. A few days ago I received a message from my niece telling me how what I did for them has impacted her life. Reading her message bought tears to my eyes.  I was only doing what I loved to do. It has made me do research to start ANOTHER WOMEN’S GATHERING!

Before I started my teen group I was holding gatherings in my home for Women. We talked about relationships, God, children, family, work, and everything adult. In my life today, people are always coming to me for advice. I spend hours and hours with these people and when my  niece sent me that message, it has started a spark in me. So many women are hurting from past hurts, and also present situations that causes them to go into deep depressions. See, I know God. I have a personal relationship with him and he is theeeeeeeeeeeee only way out. I dont have the gift to preach, but I am NO WAY afraid to share my testimonies, and to help women find their way.

Here is apart of the email that my niece sent to me! Wow Thank you Jesus. What a Blessing!

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Yes auntie thank you. One thing that prepared me to want to speak was you from back in the day when you did the girls group. I started a women’s group in college and used your work sheets I still had n the group is still going the girls love it. I want to open a homeless shelter for you that have no where to go after 18. That’s another goal. I thank you for doing what it is you did when I was young. You never know how much you impact a persons life and you did.

You don’t know how much it helped deal with stuff and gave me courage to speak up for myself. Yes women need other women to help them overcome a lot. Auntie get out there we need women like you to help guide younger women. We have so many youth scared to be different and not be okay with life because it’s not normal and the struggle with being accepted and that’s when they use their bodies. You taught me so much you wouldn’t understand.

 

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Learning your kids PERSONALITY!/BLOG

PRETTYNES

When my daughter was a young gurl, I use to always scream like most parents when they lose it. But after a short while, I realize that she was JUST LIKE ME, she didn’t require screaming. She required that “come here, let me look you in the eye” kinda speech. Screaming made me nervous as it does most kids. It made me cry, and to this day…. I will NEVER tolerate A N Y  O N E screaming at me, if you can’t talk to me in a pleasant tone of voice, then WE’RE DONE!!!. I don’t play that, at all.. PERIOD!

I found out with kids, you HAVE to learn their personality. That’s part of being a parent. Every child is different, and based off how they take things, and how they receive, you have to parent based upon that. When my daughter got home from school. She would speak and go straight to her room. But me as a parent made sure, I called her down to my face and I asked her how was your day? She’s just like me, so you’ll only get what you ask for, you have to ask her specifics… WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY? LOL If I’m talking to her over the phone, that’s even worst, Again, its something I learned about her. So, I found out that if I want to know about the mercury scare she had in high school (( real life)). I have to ask her, what floor was it on? Where we’re you? Did you exit out of the front door, side or back door? Was anybody hurt? We’re you scared? What was your thoughts? Do you feel staff handled it properly? This series of questions gets her talking, and she’ll feel compel to share more of what happened once she see’s how it interest me. I had to learn that about her. The point I’m making in all of this is, you have to ask your kids questions. If you don’t they will go to their rooms, hop on their phones and BLOCK YOU OUT OF THEIR WORLD. As they get older, you’ll KNOW NOTHING! Start early, so they know that you’re that kinda parent that ask questions.

Kids already look at us as “OLD” so in order to keep up with them, we have to go to “their world”, we have to learn a few songs of their generations, we have go to see “their” movies, we have to meet their friends, and build our own relationship with them. We have to take them on family trips… out of town. They will remember this when they’re older. Kids take money and time. You want to know you did your best, so that when they’re grown, you won’t have to worry about them taking care of themselves.

Be Blessed!

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Deep Conversations/BLOG

Hey family!

You know if you keep on living you will learn so many life lessons. I have learned a lot, and even if I don’t speak on it, I have. Sometimes you have to forgive yourself for not seeing friendships that was not meant to be, even through the warnings. Ah, the warnings.. SMH. But that is years behind me and again, keep on living and you will learn a thing or two. I’m good!

This week, I was having deep DEEP DeEp conversations with my cousins who are all Sisters about my uncle (( their dad))) who passed away many years ago. He was my dad’s best friend and as we were growing up, even though their mom and my uncle was divorced, me and my sister  would go over to their house and spend nights with them. I loved them and looked up to them, because they are all so pretty, came from a good family, and loved being around us. But all of that time as a young gurl, I thought that they were seeing their dad often, because I did. I was young, so of course I didn’t know anything about bickering ex’s, kids, child support and all of that. I remember my youngest cousin of the sisters (( she’s older than me)) use to always ask me have I seen her dad, and my answer would be yes. I would tell her when he came over, and things like that. She would be so excited to hear my stories. I grew up with both of my parents in the home, so I didn’t know why she was so into asking me questions, but now I know that she was missing her dad. But I always thought they saw him as often as I did.

We were having a deep conversation about it, and come to find out they didn’t see him that often. That sadden me, and told me that things weren’t as it seem when I was growing up. How is it that I’m seeing their dad more than they were? When we talked about it, it made ME feel some kinda way. I learned something so deep. They felt that he didn’t love them the way he should have.  And I know he loved them, but I don’t know how they didn’t feel it. Well, I understand their views. I was shocked. And the funny thing is, these sisters are just like mines, WE ARE VERY VERY STRONG WOMEN, with strong opinions, and personalities . Get all 6 of us together on a topic we split on, and its on and poppin. LOL

Back in the day grown folks business was grown folk business. I told them, that whenever he came over, we went to our rooms, or went outside to play. Even though I saw him with my dad, I didn’t know their business or what they talked about. They felt that just because I saw him, I knew things. I didn’t. I was a young gurl myself. It made me feel some kinda way, because they are all grown women and even though 2 of them haven’t completely healed from the hurt, the baby did. She found closure and I’m happy.

Here is the biggest thing. Even though their mom and dad had a bad divorce, and he may not have been the best dad, he was THE BOMB GRANDDAD TO THEIR KIDS. OMG HE HAD THOSE KIDS EVERY WEEKEND. He loved his grandkids, and even though they are grown, today they still feel the effects of his death.

Now, what my baby cousin was saying (( she’s older than me)) is that God spoke to her concerning the healing and closure that she needed. My grandmother was a young mother who had 7 kids, she wanted to work and be in the streets leaving my uncles and aunts with their dad, and her mother. The brothers were bitter about that, maybe grew up and not know how to be close to their kids, not knowing how to communicate or whatever skills they lacked from not having their mother around. My cousin get that, she doesn’t excuse it, but she feels that with the tools he had, he did the best he knew how. My two other cousins feel that he should have done better and knew better. and to make matters worst, he had a girlfriend before he died who was also very close to their kids, who didn’t offer or give them anything of their dads when he passed away. She had everything. I asked my cousin why didn’t she ask her, she felt that it should have been offered.. NOT HER ASKING. Wow I felt differently about that, but then again I cant say because this is not my story and it didn’t happen to me. I would have asked and listened to her say NO, OVER AND OVER AGAIN, so that later on in life she would feel guilty of holding on to all those things she had of his and not have the man… not to mention he was a Atheist. She’ll never hold or see him again.

In the end, we love each other, and I hope that my two cousins find closure. One said sorry she just isn’t there yet, and I got that. One thing I learned is that things arent always what they seem. You think people are happy and have everything under control, but in REAL LIFE its not that way. I felt my uncle loved them, but he didn’t know how to express love when he didn’t get it from his mom. For me, it made my dad love his family and made sure that we were close, didn’t fist fight each other, and to be there for each other no matter what. Two brothers lived in the same house, grew up and saw things differently. I know in my heart he loved them, I just wish they knew it.

 

Chopin Script Regular

 

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My Raisingurls All Grown Up!/BLOG

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I’m just sitting here thinking “where did the time go?” These gurls are not kids anymore, they are GROWN women!!!!! These gurls were in middle school during the time we had our meets. They came faithfully to our meetings. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE these gurls and they love me too. They had several seasons with Raisingurls and I’m so very proud of them. You can look in their faces and tell they are doing WELL!! AMEN!

Here is a photo of Daijah(( TOP)) and Nell ( MY NIECE.. my baby sisters daughter))in one of our meetings, also a photo of them TODAY! ((( tears of joy)) Both of my gurls GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL AND BEST FRIENDS SINCE MIDDLE SCHOOL!! They both have JOBS with no children 🙂

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My Beautiful Raisingurl/BLOG

Meet Tasia!
Yess  Tasia was ONE OF MY RAISINGURLS!!! She was one of my babies when she first joined my group of teens at my home.She had just started Junior High and was one of the last group of gurls I had before I moved into my apartment. She’s doing so well and I’m so proud of her. Her last post was this…I will cross that stage June 7th with a 4.0 GPA mark my words!!! 
 

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Daddy’s Little Gurl/BLOG

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Just a moment to share how important it is for a daughter to have both parents in her life. I grew up with both parents married before I was even born… and I’m the oldest. I never knew how important it really was.. until my daughter turned 12. Her dad was always in her life, and it became a joy to watch them talk, laugh and enjoy each other as she became an adult.

For the Christmas Holiday they went to Ohio, where he was born to enjoy family time. She stayed for 2 weeks, but he was back and forth. I love how she talks about him and the love they have for each other. They are so much alike its funny. He says she looks like me and built like me. I say she acts like him, talks like him, and loves to dress like him. Not to mention some days, she’s his twin!!! I can see him clear as day in her. He always speak well of me when they’re together sharing stories of our teenage years. That’s funny because I do the same thing when I’m with her. LOL

But there is one thing.. I tell her time and time again. Make sure that when you decide to get married and have a family that you chose a good man who loves you, and not for foolishness because YOUR DAD DOES NOT PLAY when it comes to you and his family. I tell her this all the time, and she knows this to be true. He may love his women.. but he’s not a fighter, he’s not into debates and arguments. He’s straight up and will not play about his 2 kids (son). He’ll want to meet him, grill him, look him in the eye and baaaaaaaaby have that talk with him. I told Nesha…  make sure he come correct….because your daddy… IS NOT HAVING IT… So.. please don’t bring trouble to his door step by way of a nothing man who mean you no good.

20150105_0123451*cousin in the middle*

That’s another main reason why I love their friendship/relationship because she knows he mean business.  She knows this. Even though she’s a classy gurl…. these men can be tricky. It also makes me smile knowing that her dad will make sure she’s okay…this is one area of her life….. that is out of my jurisdiction. Her dad has her back!!! She betta chose wisely. Because her dad loves her, treats her like a Princess, and adores her dearly . * Click on the photos for a closer view*

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Be Blessed!

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To My Daughter’s Stepmom,/BLOG

Here is a article that someone shared on Face Book. Had me in tears.. This letter is so beautiful. Father God…. your face is shown in this. 

(IJReview) — A woman named Candice Curry wrote a letter to her ex-husband’s new wife Ashley Parish, and the reception of the letter has been off the charts.

Here is the full letter from Curry’s Women With Worth blog via our friends at Young Cons. Take a look for yourself.

To My Daughter’s Stepmom,

I never wanted you here. You simply were never part of the plan. Growing up and dreaming of my family I never included you. I didn’t want help from another woman to raise my child. The plan was for my family to include me, daddy and our children, not you. I doubt you ever wanted me in your life. I doubt you planned to mother a child that you didn’t give birth to. I can bet that your plan for your family included you, daddy and your children together, not me or my daughter. I can almost bet that when you dreamed of becoming a mother it would be the day you gave birth and not the day you married your husband. I’m pretty sure you never planned on me being here.

But God has plans that far exceed our own and when my little family dissolved to form two families I knew you would be coming.

In my mind you would be a terrible beast and my daughter would not want you to mother her at all, ever! I was hoping that you would be semi unattractive and prayed my daughter wouldn’t look up to you. Her daddy would know that he was settling for second best. Evil swirled in me because I never wanted to face the fact that another woman would mother my child in my absence.

Then you arrived.

When I first met you I’ll admit you weren’t what I had in mind and a twinge of jealousy shot through my body. You were supposed to be hideous, remember? But you weren’t, you were stunningly beautiful. You were supposed to be a mean old hag, remember? But you weren’t, you were a young, sweet woman.

My plans were foiled.

I realized by the look on your face that meeting me was just as hard as it was for me to meet you. My heart immediately softened. Dang your kind smile! I was planing on really hating you. Why are your ruining my plan?!

I wanted to resent you but you made it impossible and I quickly grew thankful for you.

You’ve accepted our daughter from the very start and have unconditionally loved both her and her daddy, that’s a true gift to all of us. You’ve included our daughter in everything you do and make her feel loved and accepted. You put her relationship with her daddy above yours and only a brave and courageous woman knows how to do that with such grace.

I knew when her daddy and I decided to divorce and live in separate homes there would be times when she would need me, her mommy, and I wouldn’t be there. I’m so thankful that you are there in my absence. I’m grateful that you have mercy on her teen years and never reject her. She needs a mommy at your house and you’ve done an amazing job being that for her.

You’ve respected my position as mom from the very start. I appreciate that you always check with me when you question if you are making the right decision with her. I know our situation is rare. It’s not often that a mom and stepmom text each other to remind each other that they love and respect each other. You are a gift.

Because of you and your courage to mother our daughter the way that you do, she will be a better woman. She will grow up with more love than I could have ever imagined. It wasn’t her choice to have divorced parents and even though I wouldn’t wish that on any child I am so thankful that she now has 4 parents who love and respect her and each other. She’s compassionate because of it and understands that a failure in one area can turn into a blessing in another.

I don’t see you as a fill in for when I’m not there. You are her mother when she’s with you and when she’s with me. She’s excited to call you and tell you her stories when she’s at my house and that makes my heart want to jump from my chest with joy. I fill with pride when you wrap your arms around me and squeeze for a genuine and loving hug each time we see each other.

I am extremely aware of what it looks like when a mother cannot emotionally accept her childs stepmother in their life. Gratefulness pours heavily from me that we are able to rise above anything like that and do what is truly right for our daughter. Thank you for being mature enough and respectful enough to co-parent with me.

I promise to always respect your input for our daughter. I promise to never lessen the position you hold in her life or make you feel like you are not her mother. I promise to raise her to be grateful to have two strong and brave women in her life that have the courage to mother her together. Even though our situation is peaceful I pray that she is never in it, but if she ever finds herself here I promise to set an example for her of what co-parenting should look like.

Precious woman, you are a rare and beautiful gem.

God bless you and I love you.

Millions of people read the letter, and then the stepmom replied:

“Candice, I don’t know what to say.  I am not good with words like you are and the way you express yourself. All I can say is I am crying like at the end of The Notebook … you make me feel so special … Thank you for this letter. It made my day and I will keep it close to my heart always. Love you.”

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Some Women Are Something Else… had to go there/BLOG

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So….. tonight I’m just rambling. Thinking about triggered things before I lay down to sleep.

There’s this gurl who lives in my building, she has to be about 28 ( a “kid” to me.. my daughter’s that age). Very nice pleasant. She always smiles and speak and also have a bubbly personality like I do. Every time I see her, she’s always chatting with someone in a good mood.

This one night maybe about 1 in the morning. I went downstairs to the lobby to talk to security about the dog next door to me and its barking. He told me that the new neighbor will be in shortly from work and that she’s very understanding and friendly. When she came in, we talked. She told me that her dog will be leaving in the morning to live with a friend because she’s gotten complaints from the front office about him. That was cool. We stayed in the lobby and chatted with security for about an hour plus just the 3 of us…..

When….

HOMEGURL * the nice friendly one* WALTZ in staring at me… like I stole her dayum lunch money. At the same time walking towards HIM… but staring at me REAL MEAN. So, I’m saying to myself…. gurlyougotmemessedup….. we’ll tear this lobby up tonight! I never in my life had a fight…. but the way she was looking at me…. I had to turn my head, then look back at her to see if she was looking at me. Now, I usually laugh at women like that. But when she walked in, she changed the WHOLE ATMOSPHERE. She didn’t say Hi… or nothing. She came in and posted her no-shaped body….right next to him. He’s a nice guy, he was looking like… “gurl what’s your problem?” He’s a Virgo too… so I know he checked her real good when we left. Anyway…. she never spoke. Me and my neighbor.. caught the elevator to our apartments and dueced out!!! LOL

Last week… didn’t I see that…  NO BOOTY HAVING SPONGE BOB SHAPED gurl in the lobby talking to HIM?  Keep in mind.. he’s been working here almost a year.. and before that night…. I NEVER KNEW HIS NAME. I speak to everyone, smile.. and keep it moving. Now, I’m walking up to building looking at the security counter before I walk in. I could see them. So, I said to myself.. she always speak and make conversation with me, and I don’t like to jump to conclusions about a person. So, if she speaks to me.. Okay… maybe that was ME the other night “feeling some kinda way”. I said now, if she throws me shade… it was her all the time, and that means she likes the security guy and feels some kinda way about me. I walks in.. looking cute… and says “Hey…. how yall doing?” She’s looking down at her phone… LOOKING REAL MEAN * LOL*.. He’s looking at me, and we speak at the same time. I looks at her… as I’m walking to the elevators.. She took a looooooong pause and FINALLY said “hi”.  It was so low, and dry. LOL She never looked up at me… totally out of character for her. I don’t even know this child’s name.

MY point is….women STOP IT. STOP! Why must we do this to each other? What is the point? Some women are so territorial about these men. And for what? Now, I have to be on guard when I see her again, instead of looking forward to a funny and friendly conversation with her in passing. I’m also a friendly person. I speak to everyone, never have an attitude. I don’t see how women can devote time and energy into other women with this MESS. Its so petty and time consuming. Grow up!

I look forward to having my Sisters Only Gathering. I have a lot to say.

Be Blessed!