Day: November 27, 2005

Hey Journal!

  I know Im wrong for not writting in here daily like I should. I am so not good with being consistant. I am learning to get back on track after I am off. I noticed that when I do write in my journals on line that I think more of doing right, and it keeps me focus and more motivated to write.

 

I have to get back on track with my pop habits. I am really addicted to pop but its sure easy to get off and stay off, but I need to have a plan of how often I do drink it. Sometimes I am not paying attention to myself and end up with a pepsi or coke. But I do notice about myself, I dont bring home pops or even buy them on my off days. Only at work. Hmmm what a pattern huh?

 

Its about to be a new year ( again) and still I havent lost any weight. I am going out of town to meet my Pearls of Wisdom sisters in July and I need to lose some weight for real. I am going to join Weight Watchers and attend the weekly meetings, maybe I can meet some new people and stay motivated this time.

 

Today at work, Celeste came through my line and told me that God said for me to hold on, its coming, have faith. I didnt know what she was talking about too much, but then she said……..you have faith in limited things. And I was like yeah, then she said you want a house dont you? not a mortage, but a house. And that blew me away. Because I do have little faith in big things. I feel that I cant have a million dollar house, or a truck sitting up in my drive way. I dont want a car, I want a truck. I am going to get my truck. Sometimes I feel that the only way to get a truck and this house that I see in my mind, is for me to play a lottery and hit it big instead of believing God for it. I feel as if I have to help him, get what I want. Aint that deep to think. God owns everything we have, and I somehow feel that I NEED TO HELP HIM! Lord, forgive me because my thoughts know no better. Please forgive me. And I know God said that to her because this morning I was thinking as I always do, thinking about being in this house that me Na and Peedie went to see last year. And that house has been in my mind for the longest. This house was so beautiful and so huge. I always said that I dont want to live in a big house because its spooky. That was only satan trying to limit me to believing what I want. See I can see things for me, but for some reason I can’t see myself living in a big house with a truck in my driveway with my name on it. It seems unreal for me to be able to have something as nice. But you know I am going to work on that, because for God to tell Celeste that, he must want me to pray and ask for faith in areas that I cant see myself in. He must have a house and truck for me, because why would he tell her that? And that morning before I even went to work I was thinking about a house. Not for rent, but a house here in Michigan.

 

For now on Im going to start thinking more of my house. Im going to start planning for my house. See this is not just a house, its a home thats in my mind, that has been there for the longest. This is a home that I would consider “NOT” for Lacrease. For the reason being is that I am not married. I work at Walmart. I am a single parent not making much at all. I feel that this is not for me, no matter what my situation is now. But you know what? Aint gonna be like that no more. Naw, Im planning now what I am going to keep and give away in this house. I am giving away all this stuff, because God is making room for me to have more than this.

 

This home in my mind is so beautiful, so peaceful, and it wont leave me. God put that house on my mind before work for a reason, because as I was ringing Celeste up, she just read me. It was so unreal.  To me that was conformation that God wants me to take him of this “limited” box. He wants me to have more faith in him. I so get it. Celeste didnt know that this house was on my mind this morning. Ok I know Im going back and forth on this, but Im tripping on this for real.

 

Blitz day was yesterday and it was off th chain! I worked 4:15-1:30 time FLEW……………OK? It flew! I went home and slept for 5 hours. I was tieddddddd.

 

Well, im bout to close for now, I will talk to you tomorrow Journal.

Lacrease