My Vent!

Image result for VENTING

Hey Family!

Wow what a month!!! So, I guess this will be my “vent” blog. I know I can’t be the only one going through something like what I’m about to write about. Sometimes I dunno how to feel about how I feel. Or even if I’m “right” about feeling the way I feel.

I’ve always been the kind of person who attract a lot of people. I think its because of my easy to get along personality. I don’t like drama, I’m honest and will be truthful with you, I’m everyone’s therapist, and I’ve always enjoyed good stories and real life lessons from different people.

Sometimes I feel people want too much from me. Since I turned 32 ((( now 51))) I have really, really, chilled from having company over. In my 20’s I had my good friends over and cousins and we would have a ball. I’m still close to EVERYONE of them, and they seem to know me well. I enjoy cooking collard greens, fried chicken, corn bread, corn on the cob and I would invite friends and family over and this would become a daily for me no matter what I’m cooking. I’m not that person today anymore because people have burnt me OUT! They expect for dinner to be made for them every day!!! Never bringing anything, always expecting. No company, NO DINNERS! DONE with that life forever!

I’m done raising my daughter, my only child. Most people I know, are still raising kids. My problem is, they seem to feel that just because I’m live alone that I have all day to talk to them over the phone, go places with them. I ENJOY having a empty nest. I can do whatever I want! These are the same people who cant wait for their kids to be grown and gone, so they can be alone, but seem to think I want to be bothered all the time. I enjoy my quiet time. I can cook whenever I want, eat what I want. Sleep all day, and jump in my car and go anywhere I want. I am far from lonely when all people want to do is call my phone, hop in my car, and sit on my couch while I listen to their stories all dayum day. I’m good! Done with that life forever!

I’m a Virgo, if you know anything about us, you know we love to be alone and do our own thing. We don’t need company, we dont need friends, we LOVE to be alone. YEs, we enjoy family and friends, and we often link up. But don’t make it seem as if I need company just because my house is empty, and STOP FEELING OFFENDED WHEN I TELL YOU IM GOING ALONE! Like tomorrow, I’m going to the movies in the morning ALONE, now if I mention it to anyone on any day, first thing out of their mouths is, “why didn’t you ask me to go with you”? As if I’m lonely, or ESPECIALLY acting funny and didn’t want to invite anyone. I’m grown, my daughter is gone and I can get in MYYYYYYYYYYY car and go anywhere I want to go. I don’t need company to go with me, and I shouldn’t have to feel that I’m “acting funny” for not inviting anyone. It pisses me off so bad. So now, I don’t tell anyone where I’m going, I just go. Now! They say, you don’t go anywhere…. NO THAT’S NOT IT, ITS THAT YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT IT, BECAUSE YOU WOULD WANT TO GO WITH ME! **rolls eyes**

If I’m having a conversation about what we made for dinner, and I’ll say. I made collard greens, fried chicken, corn bread and corn on the cob, they would say…… ” Why didn’t you bring me some’? It would be in a tone where they feel that just because its MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and me alone eating dinner, that I made enough for them and who ever else. No! I made dinner for me to eat for 2 days. I don’t make dinner for 7 people just “in case” someone ask for a plate. Now, here is my thing. The good person in me what to cook dinner for others like I use too. But then people started depending on me. They wanted me to do it every week, or every time I made dinner. They would ask me what did you cook today? After a while, I was like wait, the very thing I enjoy doing for others, has turned into a burden for me. They expect for me to cook food daily, and when I would say I didn’t cook yesterday they were disappointed and made me feel some kinda way. So, I had to stop that altogether. DONE!

I love to drive and have no problem jumping in my car and going where I need and want to go. I have a friend who always get into debates with her sisters about whose going to drive where. Now me on the other hand LOVE to drive. I will again, jump in my car and go. But when I’m with this friend she always wants me to drive. It makes me mad because just because I enjoy driving doesn’t mean I want to drive because SHE wants and need to go somewhere. So, I stop dealing with her when it comes to going anywhere. You either want to go or NO!  But as for meeeeeeee, I have the get up and go when it comes to me going where I want to go. I dont like that back and forth, I drove last time, its your turn. NOOOOOOOO, I’m going to drive my own car to the same place and you drive yours. I hate pettiness~!

Now, again, I’m going to the movies tomorrow, If I ask people who want to go, but didn’t go, their answer would be, because the drive is too far. Yes, its a 35 minute drive, but I love to drive, but if that’s the reason why you didn’t go, then you really wont be riding with me EVER! Here is why. When people see that you love to drive and is willing go whenever, they expect for you to always call them to invite them. These people will NEVER drive to see a movie because they dont feel like driving. I love to go alone, so I’ll never be asking anyone again unless its my mommy and daughter. Or I’m in a group setting.

I’m learning a lot about people and myself. I laugh sometimes, and sometimes I shake my head.

You { Murderer }

Advertisements

La’Crease’s Ramblings/BLOG

joyce-m

 

Last night I was in bed thinking back on some of the things I did as a teenager and in my 20’s and early 30’s and some of those things shock me. But you know I was Thanking God that I have lived long enough to ask for forgiveness and to change my ways. Just think had I died in the mist of  that mess. Some people do. They don’t get a chance to ask God for forgiveness, because  they were still doing wrong before they died. To me that’s one of the hugest blessings, that you can receive. To live long enough to repent of your wrong doings.

When I was dating my daughters father, we would be upstairs in his room when his mother was at Church all day. We knew she didn’t want him to have company when she wasn’t home, but we, being teenagers did it anyway. Well, she use to come home and I’d be up stairs. Even though she never came up there, she would holler up the stairs to let him know she was home. That’s when we knew he had to either sneak me out of the house when her bedroom door was closed, or I had to jump out of his bedroom window and he’d catch me at the side door. LOL Yea….. thinking back on that.  The person I am today, FIRST of all, I would never be in another woman’s home without her consent, for NO REASON. For TWO, I’m not jumping out of nobody’s window!!! We both laugh about that to this day, and we’ve shared this with our daughter, who knows the person I am today and she CANNOT BELIEVE that I jumped out of a window. LOL LOL Me either!!!!

I remember another time, one night I had lots of company over playing cards and drinking with my friends. I knew my landlord was coming over the next morning to collect rent. I lived in an upstairs flat and my friend lived downstairs. I would often leave my door unlocked because it connected to hers and we had kids that loved to play together. Well, after I let my company out that night, I meant to lock my door. I was so drunk that next morning. I woke up to my landlord standing over me trying to get me to wake up!!! I had puke all over the bed and floor, I was HORRIFIED TO SEE HIM. When I share this story with people for a life lesson, they always ask… was he trying to do something to you? And the answer is NOPE, not at all. He was trying to wake me up, because my door was wide open.He thought something was seriously wrong with me. I learned a GREAT LESSON that day. I don’t ever remember getting that drunk again! I was done with that life!

A few nights ago, I had this craaazy dream that I was at my mothers house, a house that’s not in real life at all. But I went to go see her, and when I got up to her apartment, I looked out of the window at my car as I always do. After a few hours had passed, I looked out again and it was gone!!! I was horrified and crying at the same time. We went to look around and to see was it any broken glass anywhere and it wasn’t, So we went back in the house. I couldn’t stop looking out of the window hoping that it would be there, or that I would wake up. Well, after a few hours had passed, I looked out the window again and it was there! In the very same spot. I told my mother and we went to look in it. We were so surprised that it was very brand new in the inside. The car looked the same on the outside, but it was clean inside out. Brand new stereo system, new seats, it even had a sun roof, it was beautiful.I took it for a ride and everything. In the dream we found out that a group of guys were going around taking people’s cars and fixing them up brand new, just to be helpful. They had done many others the same way, be we didn’t know about it. I was happy that everything was nice and new, but hated the fact that I thought I wasn’t going to see it again. Wow, I have the craziest dreams~!!

Talk to yall later

Cree

 

 

 

Don’t Stay Too Long…….Crees Blog Entry

j and j
In this entry…. I guess I’ll blog off the top of my head. 

Its been below zero here in Detroit at night, and reaching only 0 in the day time. We had so much snow to fall in the last few days that we were snowed in my parking lot. I did go out one day to start my van and to get it warmed up. I skipped a day, but went out this morning. I really couldn’t sleep this morning, had dreams about being stuck in the snow and not being able to take care of my business. After getting unstuck in my dream, it woke me completely up. I went in the bathroom to brush my teeth and to get myself ready to go outside to start my van. 

After leaving the bathroom…. I decided to log into Facebook to see what was going on, and to check my off the hook inbox messages. As I refreshed the page, I read a post from my hair stylist Janine. She said she lost her daughter Janae. OMG I just jumped up and ran in to the bathroom. I couldn’t think at all. I got an instant headache, and I didn’t even finish the rest. I’m so shocked at this news, and horrified at the same time. I totally disconnected myself with the news for being in shock, and started putting on my double layer clothes to go outside to tackle this cold, and my van. After that I went back to read the rest of her post, and I just cried. And cried and cried….and cried, and cried and cried. I’m just completely devastated over this news. 

Her mom has been doing my hair for almost 23 years…. Janae was only 24. Growing up I remember her being a sickly child, just recently she moved to Atlanta to attend College at one of the Universities and was doing well. During the end of last year she was rushed to the hospital for a bad headache. Her mom went to be with her, and shortly she was able to go home. She was on her FB saying she was having a good day, then she had not so great days. I just loved this little gurl. She smiled all day everyday. She was the sweetest gurl you could EVER EVER BE BLESSED with. I knew she had health issues all her life, but I never expected this. I’m going to miss her on my FB page. I can’t imagine what her mom * Janine* is going through. She loved her daughter… her only one. Father God in the name of Jesus… comfort her. *Tears* 

Then I went outside to start my van, took about 20 tries for it to come on. And when it did MY HEAT WAS OUT. I had the best heat and air in the world… all I need is for it to be on 1 and it was either blazing or cold. I couldn’t get out of my parking spot the snow was so high. I had to go back in the building to get shovel. When a neighbor saw me shoveling, he got right on his phone and called one of his friends in the building to DO IT FOR ME. Wow , I see him all the time, but don’t know his name. No matter what I do or where I go. God ALWAYS send people to help me. He came out in 5 minutes and shoveled me out of my spot. I was so happy. I hot tailed out of there, and went to the grocery store. Now, I have to find money I don’t even have to get this fixed. I just sat in the van and cried a little. Seem like I can’t take any more. I feel sometimes as if I’m about to go crazy. I didn’t even have money to pay the man a little something. I made a phone call and went to pick up some money for him, I took it to him and he was very happy. Thank you Lord for that. 

I came home from running errands, sat and cried again. After a while I got on my computer and read a message from Tyler Perry ” Don’t Stay Too Long” and cried again. It was right on time, and it gave me that strength I needed to be strong. To stand, even though I don’t feel like it. After reading the message and thinking about Janae.. I thought I’m Blessed to have my only child/daughter living, and even though my heat went out in my van… at least it started up. There were people outside who had to go out and buy a whole new battery. I didn’t. I apologized to God for seeming so ungrateful today. I made dinner and took a nap. This too shall pass. 

Here is the beautiful “right on time” email Tyler Perry sent out today. 

Hey Lacrease,

 

I haven’t written in a while so this is a little long, but it’s so worth your time to read.

 

I was in Wyoming recently and I was taking in the beauty of the place. I mean, I love it. As I was looking up at the mountains I saw an eagle flying above me. I had to stop and take in its majestic beauty. I had never seen a real life eagle. All I had heard about an eagle was in church when the pastor said that the eagle pushes its young out of the nest to teach it to fly. It really did move me watching this bird that had no doubt been pushed out of the nest and had learned to do what I was watching it do.

 

I got back to the cabin that evening and I started doing some research on eagles. I was so excited to read the story of how it learned to fly. Well, to my surprise, eagles pushing their young out of the nest is a myth. I was shocked. I know that I heard a preacher say that in church… now I ain’t gonna say that that pastor lied but I will say he didn’t do the research… LOL. So I did it on my own. I did find some interesting facts that got me thinking about life… mine and yours. It’s funny how God can speak through everything. Here’s what I found.

 

Eagles build the biggest nest of all birds. It’s huge, comfortable and deep. One of the most interesting things that I found was the way that the eagle gets its young chicks to fly out of the nest. For many weeks it brings food to the nest. The little eagles have no worries, they have all they need to survive. But when the adult eagle deems that it’s time for the young eagles to fly, things get uncomfortable.

Now the young eagle doesn’t know that it’s time to fly, but the wisdom and the bird’s eye view of the mother knows that it’s time for the chicks to leave the nest. So you know what she does? She doesn’t bring food to the babies anymore, and this is what I found fascinating. Many times she will fly around the nest with the food in her beak so that the young eagles will be tempted or so hungry that they are forced to fly out of the nest and take it out of her beak. Stay with me I’m going somewhere here.

 

As I thought about this, I thought about my life and how many times I was in a very comfortable space. I had all I needed. There was no need for me to go any further because I was comfortable. I wanted to stay there forever. You have to be careful when you get comfortable and stay too long. It’s easy to stop dreaming when your belly is full. You won’t feel the need to fly at all.

 

The truth is, as long as I was there in that really comfortable space, I wasn’t fulfilling my own destiny or my purpose. I wasn’t flying, I was content. Remember this, your greatest prayers are not usually answered in comfort. Think about it. I can really get deep into this with stories from my past but you’re probably tired of reading already… LOL… so I’ll try and wrap it up.

 

It took an uncomfortable situation or being hungry to make me get out and fly. Many times in life things are going well, but then everything that was so great changes and we wonder why. We wonder what happened. We are caught off guard. I am of the opinion that in those times God, who knows when it’s time for us to leave the nest, is allowing it to become uncomfortable so that we can move on to our next mission in life. Our next hope, our next dream, our next level.

 

After not realizing this for many years and resisting changes and going through hell, I’m glad to say that I have become so sensitive to when it’s time to move that I will move without having to have the turmoil. I’m telling you I was so stubborn that the house had to burn down for me to move. Now I know better. I’m aware of when it starts to happen, like things happen that don’t make any sense. People you have been friends with or in business with or otherwise for years just seem to go crazy and you don’t know why. What I’ve learned in those moments is that it is a time to fly. Business changes, jobs go away, friends break your heart, marriages end, relationships end, and most times all these things are signs that it’s time to take flight to your next level.

 

Nobody likes change, I get it, but don’t be angry or bitter when things change. Don’t be mad with people, especially when you know you did right by them and you did all you could do for the friendship or relationship. I’m sorry to tell you this my friend, but this moment was not about them it was all about you. I’m telling you if God has allowed you to become so uncomfortable in your situation, whatever it is, then its time for you to move! Don’t be afraid, just fly!

 

Last thing and then I’m done ;-). there is one part of the eagle story that I haven’t told you yet, and this is my favorite part. If those baby eagles get out of the nest and they are trying to fly and it’s not going well, then that same mother bird that provided for them while they were in the nest, that same eagle will fly under the baby eagle to keep it from falling, to keep it on course, and give it a sense of security. God’s got you, don’t be afraid! He won’t let you fall!

 

Now here’s the question: what situation in your life has become so uncomfortable that you feel like you’re being starved for what you need? Maybe its God’s way of telling you it’s time to fly! It’s time to fly for your own dreams and your own hopes and goals. Fly for true love and real hope. This is your moment to fly, in 2014. Make this the year that you leave the nest without fear.

 

 

Talk to me, I’m listening,

 

Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy