MY story of FORGIVENESS-RAPE/PART 1/BLOG

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Oct 22, 2014 I received an inbox from my ex boyfriend asking me to call him. When I first saw his message my heart started beating fast because of what happened 30 years ago. His name alone bought back memories of that night in August a month before my 18th birthday.  I was hesitate at first, but a part of me wanted and needed to talk to him. I wanted and needed answers. I ignored his messages until I had a day to think about it.

I decided to respond and leave him my number to call me. My heart was beating so fast hearing his voice over the phone, it sorta paralyzed me, but the desire to know answers to my questions made me feel much better as I got comfortable listening to the humbleness in his voice. I listened to him talk about how he loves his now grown children and more especially his grand kids. We talked about God and how being out of jail has really changed his life. He has 2 businesses and is doing very well for himself. He invited me to his job to see him, because it had been so long since we’ve seen each other. And even though it would be a huge step for me…. I went. I prayed about it, and decided that I would go and see him.

When I first walked in, my heart was beating so fast. I wondered if I made the right choice in doing this, but knew I needed answers or I may not ever get them. When I walked into the door, we spotted each other right off. He came over to me, in the humblest Spirit I’ve ever known from him, and gave me a long warm hug and kiss on the cheek. I couldn’t help but see the God in him. He was a changed man, a different person than we were 30 years ago. Still good looking, standing 6’3 and still funny as ever. I loved this man dearly once upon a time. He was my first LOVE and first boyfriend.

As we walked around and talked, he introduced me to his staff. He told them that I was his gurlfriend 30 years ago, and that we hadn’t seen each other in years. They told me how pretty and sweet I was, and how they really loved him. I can tell that he was very nervous, and so was I. But again…. it was something that I had to do. We talked about our families ((( he knows my family and friends, and I know all of his))) and our kids. After about 45 minutes I told him that I had to go, which he didn’t want me to, but I had to get alone to regroup my thoughts. I promised that I would come to see him again soon. He walked me to my car, we hugged and said our goodbyes. As I was driving, I thought about how proud of myself I was. This was a huge step for me, something I could have NEVER EVER done without God. Our meet up was the start of answers for me.

Part 2 tomorrow!

I AM La’Crease ((( I don’t have to do anything else)))

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Hell to the Neva Naw/The QUEEN of planning/Meeting Soon (((((Blog)))))

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After having Nesha, people always and to this day ask me… do I want anymore children? My answer is Hell to the Neva Naw. I don’t care how long his money is, how sweet a person he is, how bad he wants one with me, nor the fact that he doesn’t have any. I can’t even IMAGINE a LOVE that strong to make me change my mind. I can’t even IMAGINE loving a man so deeply that I would change my mind about having one with him. I be dogone if I stay home and raise kids while he work 80 hours a week. Some women would love to give birth again even after having grown adult children. At this point in my life, I want to enjoy my husband. I want to travel and stay in different hotels, take cruises and even host parties. Nesha’s dad is the ONLY man who child I have and WILL carry. Why am I even writing about this….. I don’t even talk about it in person. But IJS.

* photo Nesha her dad and brother*

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My brother is having his first baby at 41. Yesss, and we love his girlfriend. I think that he may marry her, she is sweet as pie. She’s a young gurl too only 25… see that’s what those MEN OF MONEY AND POWER want.. a young gurl to carry his baby. Well, go head baaaaby.. its your life. I aint mad at you. LOL LOL LOL He has the money to take care of them both…. did I mention that she has twins all through her family, and for 3 months she is HUGE!! We’ll know this month when she has her doctors appointment. And guess what? She asked me to throw her a baby shower. The QUEEN of planning. Yes… I’m honored. So, now I get to see whats going on with a Wedding ( Sep 2015) and how its planned ( will be interning ) and I get to throw the Baby Shower of my brother. So… I’m getting my experience in for real.

Have you wanted something so badly to come true that you can taste it? You prayed and prayed on it, and you know God is going to let it come to past, that you think about it so deeply then you just let it go… ONLY BECAUSE YOU KNOW ITS GOING TO HAPPEN SOON? That’s how I’m feeling right now. I’m so excited… every time I think about it.. I get this butterfly feeling in my heart. God has been working behind the scene all this time to make this come true. I can’t wait to see this person face to face… eye contact.. facial expression… everything in my thoughts and dreams. Father God in the name of Jesus that time is almost here.. THANK YOU IN ADVANCE!

Alright people… on my way to bed.. have a long day tomorrow……Oh yeah and  ESPECIALLY this weekend. Yesss!

Listen to yourself and in that quietude you might hear the voice of God. – Dr. Maya Angelou