As I sit here in a New Chapter of my life. I enjoy the fact that its only me. I love that. I can FOCUS on myself. I’ve never had time like this to really pay so much attention to who I am. Sometimes I admit I don’t know that to do with myself. LOL But one thing that has been on my mind for the longest, something so petty to the next person, but it has played a huge part of how I lived my life.
I’ve always had a beautiful shape, small waist and a behind that is noticeable. When I was young, guys who were older than me would always try to talk to me. They would always tell me how pretty I was, and how beautiful my shape was. I grew up with both my parents in the home, and my parents didn’t play that being fast mess. My daddy would kill us with his bare hands, if we were acting fast. As a matter of fact, I was shy, stayed to myself and never wanted any trouble. Because it was easy to see this in me, many men felt free to tell me about my body. I remember so clearly how people would say to me, “why is your booty so big”? This would bother me, because I hated attention, I wanted to be the gurl in the back ground. I didn’t know why my body was made this way. I didn’t know why men would look at me and want me. I didn’t know I would be molested and raped by several men in my life before I even left to be on my own at 22. I didn’t know that my body could cause so much chaos in my life.
When I was in my teens, I would always catch it with the older women about my body. They were the ones who really did me in on this subject. Making me feel that when God created me, that I was on some sort of assembly line and that I got in the “behind line” one too many times and he must have missed catching me. Making me feel as if I some how cheated and “got more” than what they had. They all made me feel so ashamed of myself. So, I started wearing extra long shirts, and sweaters to cover my body even more. I would pull at the bottom of my shirts, stretching them way out of shape. I made sure that no one saw my body anymore. Instead of wearing a regular shirt, that everyone else was wearing, I chose to wear everything long.
Its a shame how I didn’t know any better to understand that God made my body. And to tell these grown OLD women just that. I didn’t have any say on how he made it. I didn’t stand in a line to get it, I didn’t chose, beg, or pray. I didn’t do anything but come to this world to serve a purpose for HIM.
With all that said. I have gained so much weight over the years that I can’t believe that I let myself get so out of shape. As I can see myself in a different light BY LIVING ALONE AND BEING ABLE TO FOCUS ON ME. I have already started a SERIOUS workout plan to be healthy and beautiful as God has made me. I am 16 days into working out EVERYDAY. And I LOVE IT. I have never been so serious about this, and everyday I go to bed and I look forward to working out the next day, and setting short term goals…and MEETING THEM!!!!
No longer will I allow ANYONE to make me feel bad because of my body, or any thing else. Its funny how everyone had something to say about it then when I didn’t know any better, but now a days having a BIG BEHIND is in. People are getting booty shots, and DYING to have WHAT I WAS ALREADY BORN WITH.
I have and will always carry myself as woman. I will no longer misuse my body for ANYONE’S OPINION of me. If they have a problem take it up with God…. he’s my creator.
This is MY story about my BODY… but there are stories of people who are drop dead gorgeous, people who have light skin and dark skin. This is for people who have skin disorders, born without an ear, nose. For people who have large breast and people who stare at you, this is for anyone who has covered up their appearances because others made them feel bad. THIS POST IS FOR YOU!
Psalms 139:14, “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.”
Cree *photo ABOVE taken in Atlanta Georgia, July 1993
*photo here taken last month*
So, today I’m back on track.
Me and HE, have decided to be friends. He’s so funny and so cool. I love a man who has plenty of conversation. Sexy, handsome, thick, friendly, love helping people, love to laugh and talk. Um. So, with that said….. no phone calls to him, only talks in person when he’s here. I’m good with it. I learned the less you talk to a man and just listen, he loves that. I just hate that when men see me as a listener, that they think my mentality is weak. But then as soon as they get to know me… they say I want all the POWER, control, want everyone to see things my way, STRONG MINDED, bossy, when I make up my mind on something… ITS A DONE DEAL. So men stop thinking just because a woman listens to you that she is SUBMISSIVE AND WEAK. Stop that. Because when she shows you her other side, you will look at her differently….good or bad. I’m a sweet person, I HATE DRAMA AND GOSSIP… but I love to laugh, talk, take rides, city trips, go near water and just chill. In the meantime…. my book is calling.
I was reading an article that Oprah had about writer’s block. I found it very interesting. I was thinking something was wrong with me. I find that I can really write when someone has made me mad….. that’s strange. It also talks about NOT talking about what you’re writing because after you’ve said it, the desire to write is gone. LOL So true that made me laugh. I like to talk out loud when I’m alone, and after all my frustrations are out, I can’t write a thing on it. Wow.. funny.
*My sister and nieces toes*
Its been a long time since a man has got passed A with me.
Â
This one caught me off guard.
Â
My daughter can’t believe it, or my BFF.
Â
Me either.
Â
I told him today….. I refuse to KNOWILY be #3. Been celibate for 12 plus years…. aint no dayum way… IN THIS WORLD….have I been waiting for YOU.
Â
When a man tells you about ABOUT HIS LIFE, AND THE WOMEN IN IT…..take it as face value.
Â
He’s in my presence everyday…..this is going to be so hard
Â
Ignoring the calls….. then answering them…..he’s waiting for me downstairs….. opposite the Princess I will NOT go.
Â
Where is my track? I need to get back on it. Hot dayum….. Cree done fell off.
Â
Where is my pen and paper…. my book is calling me… haven’t seen it in almost 3 days….
Â
He notices everything about me, he remembers everything I say, he’s never touched me, but he turns me ON.
Â
The way his glock hangs off his holster, his swag, his non cockyness….
Â
I must stay away from him, for he is not for ME….
Walk into a room today and set THE ATMOSPHERE!!! Walk into an elavator and set the ATMOSPHERE… walk into your job and set the ATMOSPHERE. Smile, show yourself friendly. When you leave that area allow your fragrance of PEACE to LINGER.
Okay, so my phone is here. Yea…. so happy. Everything is in place.
Â
Met a guy this weekend… hmmmm my type. 🙂
He told me that I was different, but he couldn’t put his finger on why. If I’m feeling you, I wont give you any information about me…. NONE…. If I’m not feeling you, I can open up and tell you everything. I was quiet with him.. listening.
Â
Until I found out……He’s married…… not interested.
Â
In other news………In my meantime of waiting on Mr. Right….. I’m enjoying spending time with God and myself…
Â
New International Version (©1984)
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. Philippians 4:12
CREE
Okay, So my phone blinked out on me. I filled out a claim on line. Was told that the insurance I had didnt cover my screen blinking out. DENIED!!!
 Got up this morning went to Verizon Wireless, talked to the lady, she checked and said…. Nope… youre not covered. She did some more work on the computer and told me that my phone should be here in 2 days…. NO CHARGE…… FAVOR STALKS ME EVERYWHERE I GO!!!
Â
THANK YOU JESUS… Let me go and give some LOVE!!! TALK LATER!
So, while I sit home in my PEACEFUL place. I’m remembering a lot of things, and asking myself how did I skip this? When your mind is not at PEACE, you miss everything. I talked with God from 9:30 until 3:00 today. I talked so much I hope people didn’t walk pass my apartment and think I was crazy. LOL He is so funny. I wish everyone could experience this PEACE.
You can, you have to go through something to get it, but you can. First you have to remove the distracters from your life. I learned that while people may be good people, and that’s fine, but you have to “clear your table”. Let me give you an example. I’m writing a book right now, and everyday I need PEACE. I can’t deal with text messages of drama, and phone calls of trash. I love helping people and sharing some God-given wisdom. They can always have my ear. But for those people who want nothing just trying to keep up with you, you gotta let them go. I CANNOT write with folks stuff on my table. AINT GON DO IT.
Writing is my passion. My mind flows when I allow GOD TO COME IN A SWEEP AWAY ALL THE “STUFF OFF THE TABLE”. I know a lot of people, and connect with people because I like to help them sort out things. But in these last 8 months I also learned to guard my space. And its okay. I use to think I was being mean, but it really is okay. My main focus right now is balance. I have learned to balance God’s time, my time, my daughter, my family and my friends. Maybe that’s why I feel so great right now, because that’s one of the main reasons why I wanted to live in Atlanta…. to get away. I didn’t know how to balance. Everywhere I went people knew me, wanted to talk talk talk, and I’m like…. I’m getting my brows done, please. It’s not a bad thing, I worked customer service for 10 years and I was very friendly, popular and I love the Lord. BUT I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO BALANCE. I’ll allow one person to talk to me for 10 hours straight without trying to cut them off. I didn’t like that. But I didn’t want to be mean either. I LOVE PEOPLE. But today, I must have my space, so that I can balance. I FEEL GREAT ABOUT THAT.
I’ll be back and forth on here, didn’t know I had so much in me to share for my book. I hope God is going to be proud of me, because this book is going to help a lot of people. Well, let me get some sleep, talk later.
Cree
Okay sooooo, BEYONCE tickets went so fast, and I refuse to sit way up at the top to see the show. Was online at 10:00 am. My friend bought 6 tickets and paid $1500.00. Good Seats too. So I’m happy for her. Well, I did go to the last Destiny Childs concert, so I did get to see Ms. Queen B do her thang. So, if there is another show… I’m there. Waiting for the announcement.
In other news…….
I am feeling good today. So peaceful in my apartment. Gosh, everybody should experience living alone. I never dreamed of this PEACE. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL I spend hours and hours and hours writing my book. I feel good and got a lot done. LOL I learned somethings about myself tonight. I couldn’t stop laughing.
Well let me share a little. When we were growing up the 4 of us weren’t allowed to fight, we had to argue it out, afterwards we had to kiss and make up. Well, as I moved out and started my own life, I realized that I would get into it with my friends all the time and they would hang up on me and be angry for days. But see I was raised, have an argument, kiss and make up. Well I learned quickly that my friends wasn’t raised that way. If you said something or did them wrong, they wouldn’t talk to you for a while. God showed me that I wasn’t the Princess I thought I was. My weapon was my mouth, not only can I whip up a sentence on paper that can have you angry at me, but with my facial expression and my non curse word sentence, I can knit together a sentence deep enough to make you wanna pick me up and throw me out of the house. So, I had to learn to watch what I say to people. Wow, its deep. I love when God show me MEEEEEEEEEEEEE. LOL LOL
Alight everybody let me go back to my place of PEACE… Its bedtime. Oh I love my life. Thank you Jesus.
Its been a while!!! Wow, so much as happened in these last 8 months. I’m in a good place. I can’t believe that I have my own apartment. Wow yes. Living alone seem so funny. My daughter is living in her downtown apartment, and I live directly around the corner from her. LOL It’s so funny, again, I didn’t see any of this coming. When I leave out of my apartment I will be at hers in 1 0r 2 minutes.
What I’m really loving about downtown living is that, when I look out of my apartment, I don’t see other houses or kids playing outside, I see buildings, and courthouses, music halls and baseball stadiums. I love it!!! Cant wait till the fire works. Living here, I can cook when I get ready, I don’t have to ask anyone if they’re hungary, whats for dinner, are we going out? What to buy at the grocery store. LOL LOL Cant stop laughing because this is the life that I never thought about. My daughter was no problem growing up, we could have lived together for ever and I wouldn’t have thought one thing about it. We are both so much alike and get alone perfect. We are born on the same day, 19 years apart, same hospital, she was born at 1:43 am Sep 3, and I was born 1:40 am both in HUTZEL HOSPITAL IN DETROIT. My mom was in labor with me for 3 days and I was in labor with my daughter for 3 days. So funny!!!
But anyway…. I am enjoying this LIFE!!! Every Saturday my Sisters want me to come over their houses to be with them and their hubby’s. And on Sunday I cook at Nesha’s with her, we have so much fun. Mon-Fri- I am writing and staying focus to complete this book. So I’m happy about that. Well back to writing, about to drink some cold water, and snack on these cashews. Be Blessed Because I’m smiling and happy.
OH YEA….. 10:00 AM TOMORROW IM BUYING MY MRS CARTER SHOW TICKETS TO SEE MY GURL/DAUGHTER BEYONCE!!!!! CANT WAIT!!!! JULY 20 ITS GOING DOWN!!
Inside the mind of cree 