This is for someone.
Deuteronomy 31:8 ESV
It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”
This is for someone.
Deuteronomy 31:8 ESV
It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”
Good Sunday Morning Family!
I finally had some good rest last night. I found out Black Panther was on Netflix so
I watched that for the 50th time. Took a nap, woke up, made me 2 Bologna sandwiches for dinner. I was planning to make spaghetti, but I just didn’t feel like it. I’m glad I didn’t with all that sleep I was getting. Not to mention I still haven’t finished the Bobby Brown story. I tried to watch it at least 7 times days before, I just couldn’t get into it. I’m off tonight so I guess I’ll finish it.
Every now and then I love to look back on my younger days and think about things that I would have done differently, or to ask myself why did I do things that way. As I look back on my pregnancy, I wish I had been kinder to my daughters father. I was so mean to him about any and everything. I was angry that he had gotten himself a car, and was working a lot and couldn’t spend more time with me. Looking back, it wasn’t all that serious for the things I was mad at him for.
I can’t help but wonder why I was so angry? I was so mean to him that my parents use to say, you’re going to run him away. But looking back on it, I was angry at my past situation. I was angry because when I was 17 I was raped by my ex boyfriend. I wasn’t ready for sex at all. Wasn’t even thinking about it and my ex boyfriend knew that.
I met my daughters father just after my 18th birthday. Looking back I see that I carried that hurt and pain of being raped into my new relationship. I kept it a secret, and never told anyone. I didn’t know that my pain was the reason why I was so mean to my new boyfriend and to the people in my life. I was mean to everybody. Even though I wasn’t ready to have sex, I had it with my new boyfriend because I didn’t want my ex to be the last person in me. (((((Wow, that was hard to write.)))) But it was my thought process back then. About 4 months later or sooner, I got pregnant.
I’m so glad that I got to deal with that rape and got to ask the man who raped me, questions that I always wanted answered. He answered them all. Here is that story if you want to go back and read it.
Part 1 https://lacreasewalker.com/2015/10/07/my-story-of-forgivenesspart-1blog/
Part 2 https://lacreasewalker.com/2015/10/07/my-story-of-forgivenesspart-2blog/
Part 3 https://lacreasewalker.com/2015/10/08/my-story-of-forgiveness-rape-3blog/
Looking back on your younger self can help you understand why you do the things you do. Why you react the way you do. Why you think the way you do. Why you feel the way you feel. Looking back has helped me dearly to be able to live a better life.
Today, look back on your life and ask your younger self, how can I be better today than I was “yesterday”.
My Birthday was Sep 3 and I turned 51! Wow Thank you Jesus. I remember when I was younger saying how old 50 was. Now that I’m that age, I am NOT old… I AM STILL YOUNG AND LEARNING! This is the age where you just start to LIVE! And I really mean that.
You come to a place and time in your life where you know what’s important, who is for you. You watch what you say and do because at this age you don’t want to pay for any silly immature consequences. You are slow to speak, and LOVE to keep quiet and just watch it go down ((( cause aint nothing you can do about it anyway))). This is the age where you want more of God, less of the world and more PEACE. You don’t want to fall out with anyone, I’m not mad at anyone, want to argue and debate, just go to work, come home and enjoy the rest of my days in PEACE AND LOVE. This is where I am in my life.
Now look, I have one child. My daughter was born on my Birthday Sep 3. She turned 32. So, a week before our birthday she told me that she was taking me out to dinner along with her boyfriend. I was happy and couldn’t wait for the day.
That day came and I was talking to my mother on the phone, I had planned to go see her (( she lives directly around the corner from me)) and then when it was time to go to dinner, I could leave from her place. She told me that she wanted to going with us, but felt that me and my daughter should go. Then she said, well, I’m going to get off this phone and lay down for a few. I told her okay, well I’ll see her the next day for my birthday.
Not long after that, my daughter texted me and asked me did I mind of grandma and granddad go with us, and if I could pick them up. I was excited because I knew my mom wanted to go. My dad even said he would go. I called my mom and she said that my daughter asked them to go with us. I was happy. I love my family because we always get together. Then, I jumped on the phone and called my Sister Peedie and ask her what she and her husband doing? She said they had just finished eating pizza and that they were relaxing for the evening. I said okay, well talk to you later.
Time came to pick up my parents and we were on our way. My daughter called me as we were driving to say, stay in the car until we pull up so that we could be seated together. Okay cool. She and her boyfriend arrived and we all got out the car. As my daughter opened the door for us (( somehow I was first, I’m usually last especially with my parents)) which leads to the first sitting area, I walked in and my whole family was sitting there smiling and looking at me. Took me a second to realize what and who I was seeing.
There WAS MY SISTER PEEDIE, HER HUSBAND, MY NIECES THEIR BOYFRIENDS, MY NEPHEWS, MY BROTHER HIS GIRLFRIEND I WAS SO SHOCKED AND OUT DONE Plus my parents, my daughter and her boyfriend, 16 of us. They planned this for a month!!! I remember just staring at my sister Peedie cause she just told me on the phone that she had dinner and was relaxing for the day. Took me a second to realize that she was actually there. I had tears in my eyes to see MY FAMILY!! My daughter got me good. They all got hugs and kisses and my sneaky daughter I’m going to get her! And lots of MONEY AND GIFTS!!! That was truly amazing what my daughter did for me, and its her Birthday too! WE sat down together had dinner, drinks, and lots of laughs. Thank you Jesus for my family. I truly appreciate it and enjoyed myself.
Well, I’m down to my last 2 days of my 10 day vacation! I had a good time. I went to dinner, to the movies, hung out at the park talking to my sister and relaxing on the Detroit River several days, went to my first NFL game to see The Detroit Lions play LIVE and had FRONT ROW SEATS, washed clothes, cleaned up, relaxed, shopping tomorrow and to the DETROIT RIVER, then back to work on Friday!
Thank you Lord for another YEAR
Here are some notes from a book that I’m reading. I found them interesting enough to share.
In 1997, I was a Cosmetics Coordinator at Arbor Drug store. I remember so clearly when a guy came up to me and started talking. He was good looking, tall, goatee, pretty teeth, great conversation, and had the prettiest eyes you ever want to see on a man. After we introduced ourselves, we exchanged phone numbers. Back then, we didn’t carry cell phones, but we did have pagers, whenever I paged him he would call right back. We would talk on the phone at night for hours and hours and hours. That was the one thing I loved about him. He spent a lot of time with me and gave me the attention I needed.
One day he wanted me to meet his sister, her husband, and kids. I knew he liked me seriously when he wanted me to meet his family. I was nervous when I met them, but once we got to talking, it was clear that his family was a very Spiritual one. They went to Church, and you can tell in their walk, that they were good people. That was the thing that attracted me to him. He loved the Lord.
One day I received a phone call from the county jail. It was him. I accepted his phone call, and was shocked to learn that he was locked up. He told me that the reason why he was in jail was because of a drug charge years prior. All I wanted to know was how long he was going to be locked up, and when can I go see him.
One night, … it was after 2 am in the morning, I was sleep. My phone rang, and It was his SISTER. She said LaCrease, I’m sorry to wake you up, but God told me to call you. That got my attention, so I sat up in bed and listened to what she had to say. She went on to say… I know you’re a Christian, and I know how you feel about my brother, but I can’t rest until I tell you this. She said my brother is not in jail for drugs years ago, he’s in jail for stealing in the mall. I was shocked and ANGRY!!! I wonder why would he lie like that. She said no matter what you do.. please DO NOT tell my brother I’m calling you with this. I told her that I PROMISE. I told her that I would never cause drama in her family like that. I Thanked her, and hung up the phone.
I was DONE WITH HIM!! DONE!
About 4 months had passed and he was STILL IN JAIL. By this time, my feelings for him was over.I knew he was getting out soon, and also heard he had a girlfriend. He lied, and anytime a SISTER CALL YOU AND WIRE YOU UP ABOUT THEIR OWN BROTHER… BELIEVE HER!
One day RIGHT AFTER I MOVED out of that apartment where he knew I stayed. I went to the store, and as I was leaving, I glanced over at the Detroit News and saw HIS picture on the FRONT PAGE. I was SHOCKED, AND NERVOUS AT THE SAME TIME. I grabbed the paper and went to pay for it. When I got to my mom’s house I couldn’t put it down. Never in a million years did I expect this man to do what he did. I was nervous and out done at the same time. I started thinking about how I knew he was still stopping by my old apartment and I was glad I was gone. He never knew where my parents stayed and I was BLESSED ABOUT IT!
I read the paper IN PURE HORROR!!! I found out this man…… strangled his girlfriend, KILLED HER, wrapped her up in a hotel blanket, put her in the trunk of her OWN car, and SET IT ON FIRE! He did all of this AFTER he got out of jail. She was a 3rd grade teacher here in Detroit.
He was on the run! Took them a long time to catch him, but they finally did. In court his Sister (( same one who called me)) said… “he made a lovely life swindling the ladies, he did what he was good at………. conning women.” Wow. looking back 19 almost 20 years later. He never asked me for a dime. Never showed me any signs of this behavior at all.
This man got over $7.000 from this woman, he also took her jewelry worth over $4000.00 to the pawn shop and got money. He was with his other girlfriend when they did it. IT CAME OUT IN COURT, when he was with me… he was married to 3 WOMEN AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!!!!! I never knew that at all. When it was all said and done…. He’s in jail FOR LIFE. NEVER TO COME HOME AGAIN.
God ALWAYS protect HIS. He will send people into our lives to help us see what we can’t/wont see. But we have to be willingly to give up what we think we NEED.
Sisters and Brothers, if you EVER receive a phone call from a FAMILY member about the person you’re seeing. Stop and really think about it. Of course its hard to hear and believe. File it in the back of your mind because if you ever need to “remember” it, you know where to find it.
Listen to those people that was here before you. Don’t be so far “gone” into the relationship that you turn a death ear. God place people in our lives to give us “EXITS” when we need them. I’m glad I listened to his sister because shortly afterwards, his behavior starting fitting the description of what she told me about him.
I SURVIVED because…. when HIS sister CALLED me……. I listened.
I speak and listen to a lot of women tell their stories of life lessons. I know for me, at one time or another I was naive when it came to other people. I grew up in a two parent home and we all trusted each other. We never stabbed each other in the back, or even fought for it was not allowed. But when I moved out on my own at 22, I had to face a lot of things I never saw growing up. Things I wasn’t taught. Things I didn’t see among my friends. Which made me naive to a lot of things that were going on with others in the world. It cost me a lot. Had many cries and loss through the years, but I’m convinced it has made me stronger for what’s ahead.
With so much social media these days, I don’t understand why WOMEN allow themselves to be mistreated, abused and be flat out gullible. Its so easy to find your own situation in a video, in a FB conversation, even on the job talking to others. Why is it that women wont do better? Why is it so hard to get out of a relationship that is toxic? Why women don’t love themselves enough to want more? Do women put themselves in a situation that causes her to stay because she won’t make it without his financial support? Do women like or enjoy drama? I say drama because in order to deal with physical or mental abuse there has to be something in them that has the tolerance for it.
My prayer is that if you are reading this and this is your situation that you get out and get help. Its all about PEACE. Get somewhere and learn yourself. Find out what you like to do and do it. Love yourself. Stop being WEAK! Find your strength. Let your Yes mean YES, and your No mean NO. Tell yourself you will no long deal with anything that is not of God. Speak with boldness. Walk with your head held high. Give eye contact. Speak clearly and know what you’re talking about. Its Okay to laugh and smile, but take serious conversations SERIOUS.
I can go on and on, but I promise to write more on these types of subjects.
I was watching weddings and proposals on YouTube. I love how the men set up the proposals. Women are always the one behind a planning event. I’m learning to listen more and be more submissive. I haven’t thought about what type of wedding ring I want, or colors to my wedding if I ever got married. But it has made me think about those things.
God told me 21 years ago that if I did one thing, that I would get married. He told me that it was someone that I knew already. I neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ever wanted to conquer my fear, so I was like.. OH WELL GOD. guess I won’t be getting married. ((( SMH @ myself)))). I wasn’t thinking about marriage back then, so I wasn’t in a hurry to know. How I know it was God? His voice was out of the blue and so clear. I know his voice, and every time he tells me something, or SOMEONE ELSE, it always come to pass. Plus, this is something that I FEARED doing, so I know I didn’t tell myself this.
So let me tell you what I did. ((( I’m always trying to help God.. SMH)))), I went to all of my male friends and bought them back into my life. ONE BY ONE, to see if anyone of them would be potentials. Yup, sure did. I spoke with them, and they never knew what I was doing. After seeing what their life was about, I was like UGH… I don’t want none of them. I’m good God.
Years started passing, and still I didn’t want to do what I had to do to know. So, 5, 10, 15, 20 years passed and its funny, because when he told me this I was still meeting new people along the way. It was getting hard to figure out who it was. Never thinking that it would take me up until now to do this thing. Which brings me to 21 years more of NEW PEOPLE. Yes, you get my point? And I still haven’t done it.
I NEVER shared this with ANYONE, because they want to know.. well what is it? What is it? What is it? What did God tell you to do? A husband and you haven’t done it, gurl are you crazy? I don’t want to hear that, because my fear is connected to something else and my sister helped me to realized that. BUT she didn’t know that it was connected to something else. She doesn’t even know about the husband part. But anyway. God has been dealing with me on that issue and when I say its almost time. My fear has been lifted after prayer, and soon, and very soon I will do this. This is so funny and silly to me. Because I never cared, maybe because I wasn’t ready. I dunno.
Something happened to me recently and it has changed my whole life around and when I tell you I see things differently. I wish I could go deeper, but I can’t. ANYWAY… ENOUGH ABOUT ME. LOOK AT THIS RANGGGGGGGGGGG GURL!
OMG I’m in LOVE . I want THIS!