Being the Oldest/BLOG

When I was growing up I use to ask God why do I have to be the oldest? Why didn’t I have a big sister or brother to lean on and talk too? Why do I have to look out for my siblings and set the example? Why do my parents always look to MEEEEEEEEEE to make sure they’re okay if they weren’t around ? I hated the responsibility of  looking after them. I just hated that as the oldest. HATED IT! UGH

Now that I’m 4 months away from being 50.. I SEE WHY GOD MADE ME THE OLDEST. Even though I’m opinionated. I realize that I’m wired differently. I have always looked at the bigger picture. I can see set backs, benefits, consequences, greatness, trouble… I see it all. Where my siblings may look at the NOW. Yes, even though we are all different, I see that my personality bring a balance to us as siblings.

While they call me BOSSY, I can sit back and not speak a word. Sometimes even as adults when we have debates and our parents tell us to SHUT THE HELL UP… I am the oldest and they DO listen to me. Still till this day.. Its just amazing how I can see why God made me the oldest.

If one sibling is mad at the other, they always want to know what I THINK. And some times, I’m like figure it out on your own, why do yall always want and need MY opinion? They say because I give good advice and  peacemaker of the family. While that is true, I’m leaning to cut back on my opinion. I’m learning that being quiet sometimes is best. Being the oldest and being quiet about something is when my siblings REALLY WORK IT OUT. Because they don’t know how I feel about the situation. ((LOL)) And I think they have a need to please me, especially when it comes to getting along. They know I don’t play that staying mad days and days. NO WAY!!! Not in this family. Not as me being the OLDEST. They know I will drive to their homes, and make them talk about it.

When it comes to the family functions which we have quite often.. I’m usually the one along with my baby sister who does the planning. My middle siblings just bring what we ask. Its funny because it has always been like that. My baby sister is always on the page with me. We plan everything. The middle two… just play along. LOL

What’s funny is, if we’re planning a function and I have to work, OMG they’ll have a fit! They act like they cannot function without me being there. My mom will call me, my dad, nieces, siblings wanting to know why I cant come.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE MY SIBLINGS.. GOD HANDPICKED THEM JUST FOR ME!! I am the oldest and I get it now! Thank you Jesus.

LaCrease

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My Second Oldest Sister

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My Brother

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My baby Sister

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I AM LaCrease, and I don’t have to do anything else!

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My story of FORGIVENESS-RAPE 3/BLOG

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One day he came over and couldn’t find me, so he went a few doors down to my friends house (((his now sister -n- law))) and found me there. He was mad at me for not wanting to have anything to do with him. No matter how much he apologized to me, I didn’t want to hear it. He was really irritated with me, and decided that he was going to rape me again while my friend outside and her mother not home. How disrespectful is that?

He threw me down on the couch and tried his best to get my pants down, this time it was not going to happen. We then got into a fight. He pushed me and I pushed him back. My Sisters and friend heard it and went and told my dad, by this time I was able to get out of the house and go home. My dad was FURIOUS!!  He told my ex boyfriend to never come over here again. AND HE DIDN’T. My dad said to me…. and I’ll NEVER EVER FORGET……. WE’RE moving, and when it happen.. HE BETTER NOT HAVE MY NEW ADDRESS!!!!! My daddy meant that.

Just before we moved , I met a new guy. He was everything all in one. Tall, handsome, sweet as pie, nice, and crazy about me. We hit it off  well. I knew it was too early to start a new relationship, but I had to get over the last one, and this new guy helped me. I went to school everyday praying that I wasn’t pregnant by my ex boyfriend. How does a woman have a baby by the man who raped her? That means I would have to love the baby no matter what. I prayed and prayed. I worried everyday. How do I tell my parents? Why does a 17 year old have to deal with this? Everyday I woke up, it was the first thing on my mind. I came on and was so relieved.

Then I faced another problem. I hated the fact that my ex boyfriend raped me, and didn’t want him to be the last person inside me. After 3 months of seeing my new boyfriend I had sex with him. I wasn’t ready for that at all, but in my mind I had to do it. I became mean, and evil to everyone. I had MAJOR TRUST ISSUES,  I hated myself and others too. I never associated my anger with the rape until years and years later. On Dec 4 1985, I got pregnant with my first and ONLY child.  I had my daughter ON MY BIRTHDAY… September 3, 1986. martonenecree

Years and years had passed, before I saw my ex boyfriend again. When I first laid eyes on him, the rape was the first thing that came to mind. I hated him even more, and hoped to never ever run into him again. In my late 20’s I was having the time of my life. Me and my daughters father had broken up and I was meeting new guys. Funny thing looking back. Mainly Police Officers. I wonder what was my attraction to them. Security? I’m not sure. By the time I was in my early 30’s and I started slowing down, the night I was raped started coming back to my mind. Late 30’s I started eating more and picking up lots and lots of weight. Early 40’s  it was on my mind EVERY DAY. God always told me that it was going to come back like throw up. Everything that happened that night was going to come up. Because I had not dealt with it. I pushed it out of my mind for years. It was time….. and He was right!

One day God told me loud and clear, that when my ex boyfriend get out of jail he was going to come to my job at Walmart and through my line. For me to not be afraid. It happened just like he said. I even blogged about it on this site.. the same night GOD TOLD ME. When I saw him I froze, caught me off guard, couldn’t stop thinking about that night as he stood there waiting for his turn. I was so nervous, but my power never left from me. I was in control and I made it through the transaction.  I had been hearing over the years that he believed my daughter was his.  He told his family, his kids and our friends that I had his daughter. I never told anyone what he did to me, so it made me MAD!!!!!!!!!. Then people would think that we had consensual sex… WHEN WE DIDN’T. He’s the bold type to tell them how young he was , but raped and got me pregnant. Either way, it wasn’t true and I wished he would stop telling people that. I wanted to brush him and the whole story UNDER A RUG or BED SOMEWHERE!!!! Just as he was leaving my line, he said to me… Tell my daughter I said Hi, and I want to meet her. I know she’s my daughter. I WAS SO MAD AND SO ANGRY!!! I let him walk out of the store without saying a word. My daughter was in her teens by this time, and all the talk of my daughter being his, ….. PISSED ME OFF TO NO END!!!

PART 4 TOMORROW!

I AM CREE (( I don’t have to do anything else))

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Crees Ramblings/BLOG

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Hey Family!!!

I guess this will be one of my rambling blogs. Yesterday morning I got up and went to the movies. My plan was to see Get Hard with Will Ferrell and Kevin Hart, then to go home. But after that was over, I decided to see Unfriended. I’m starting to think that no one can come up with good story lines anymore, people are just making movies just to make movies. Now Get Hard was funny, and unfriended had a great message, but we need better writers. A few weeks ago, I went to see I Believe, now that was a good movie. I’m waiting to see Avengers…. my Favorite Super Hero is The Incredible Hulk. I hope this time that he has more time on the screen.

 OMG… I cannot do anymore Bridal Showers, Weddings or Baby Showers this year, until my gurl Rana gets married in September. Those things will wear you and your wallet out!!! Not only do I work on most Saturdays when most are happening, but I cannot afford to do MEEEEEEE.. and these parties …….not this Summer. I’m apartment shopping and Cree shopping. Its my time and as a matter of fact May 1, I’m on a mission to lose 30 pounds by July 1. I have enough clothes to last me a whole summer without wearing twice that I need to get in and LOOK comfortable in. One thing I love about myself is that when I set my mind to do something it GETS DONE. So that’s my new goal for myself.

I was sitting here thinking about Tyler Perry who I LOVE dearly and how on FB you see a lot of people posting photos of their children and new babies. People post photos of their kids report cards, and school friends. They post graduation photos, grandkids, prom, dads and moms with their kids… oh yeah and the dogs. Sharing photos of your family is a wonderful feeling. Makes you feel this certain way about LIFE and the blessing that God gave you. I can only imagine how sad it must feel for him not to do that. Yes, he can he has the choice, but for whatever reason he chose not too, that’s cool too. Sometimes being a celebrity doesn’t give you the FREEDOM to appreciate publicly small things like that. I can see him now, sending photos to close family and friends, making them promise ,or sign NOTES AND DOCUMENTS not to release them to the public. SHIT that must sucks!!!! Of your own child. Ah… HELL NAW!  Wow, I cannot imagine not sharing photos of my Princess with the world, especially when I’m feeling some kinda PROUD OF HER that day. Especially doing the work that she does. I remember when he first had his baby,  the sister of his gurlfriend GB posted on Instagram * don’t know her name* how happy she was about being an aunt and some other things  that she tweeted. Next thing it was reported that she took it down. That’s messed up!! She can’t even express her LOVE publicly about this baby, because who she’s connected too. That’s must be so hard… we’re talking about a new born baby. Babies bring a certain joy to our hearts like nothing else in this world. Ahhh, I felt so bad for her during that time. As far as GB the mom, shout out to her for not sharing, DAYUM now that has got to be even harder. Women love showing off their kids. We feel special, we are proud. This is the day of social media, and YES.. IM THE QUEEN OF PRIVACY ((( trust me, you think you know me.. you have no idea ))) but not to be able to post of your first/only child has got to kill her at times.  Not sure when Tyler will post photos of his beautiful baby… but this is his LIFE -his BABY, and whenever he’s ready to share his LOVE with us.. it shall be done.

bobbybabyMy one and only brother Bobby and his new baby 2015

And on that note… Here’s MY PRINCESS!!

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Hell to the Neva Naw/The QUEEN of planning/Meeting Soon (((((Blog)))))

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After having Nesha, people always and to this day ask me… do I want anymore children? My answer is Hell to the Neva Naw. I don’t care how long his money is, how sweet a person he is, how bad he wants one with me, nor the fact that he doesn’t have any. I can’t even IMAGINE a LOVE that strong to make me change my mind. I can’t even IMAGINE loving a man so deeply that I would change my mind about having one with him. I be dogone if I stay home and raise kids while he work 80 hours a week. Some women would love to give birth again even after having grown adult children. At this point in my life, I want to enjoy my husband. I want to travel and stay in different hotels, take cruises and even host parties. Nesha’s dad is the ONLY man who child I have and WILL carry. Why am I even writing about this….. I don’t even talk about it in person. But IJS.

* photo Nesha her dad and brother*

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My brother is having his first baby at 41. Yesss, and we love his girlfriend. I think that he may marry her, she is sweet as pie. She’s a young gurl too only 25… see that’s what those MEN OF MONEY AND POWER want.. a young gurl to carry his baby. Well, go head baaaaby.. its your life. I aint mad at you. LOL LOL LOL He has the money to take care of them both…. did I mention that she has twins all through her family, and for 3 months she is HUGE!! We’ll know this month when she has her doctors appointment. And guess what? She asked me to throw her a baby shower. The QUEEN of planning. Yes… I’m honored. So, now I get to see whats going on with a Wedding ( Sep 2015) and how its planned ( will be interning ) and I get to throw the Baby Shower of my brother. So… I’m getting my experience in for real.

Have you wanted something so badly to come true that you can taste it? You prayed and prayed on it, and you know God is going to let it come to past, that you think about it so deeply then you just let it go… ONLY BECAUSE YOU KNOW ITS GOING TO HAPPEN SOON? That’s how I’m feeling right now. I’m so excited… every time I think about it.. I get this butterfly feeling in my heart. God has been working behind the scene all this time to make this come true. I can’t wait to see this person face to face… eye contact.. facial expression… everything in my thoughts and dreams. Father God in the name of Jesus that time is almost here.. THANK YOU IN ADVANCE!

Alright people… on my way to bed.. have a long day tomorrow……Oh yeah and  ESPECIALLY this weekend. Yesss!

Listen to yourself and in that quietude you might hear the voice of God. – Dr. Maya Angelou

Change the atmosphere of that dysfunction …….. From the desk of Cree

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Yesterday when I was in Meijer, I met these 2 lovely young ladies who was stacking salad and other items in that area. I was instantly connected to them because they were friendly and very helpful. Somehow we got on the subject of their mothers. One gurl moved here from Indiana and said she missed her mother so much. But the other gurl went on about how she felt her mom didn’t show her love at all growing up, and that when she have her baby she’ll show her baby much LOVE. So, I said… Let me ask you this: To your knowledge what have YOUR mother been through as a child? She said… my mother was poor, she went through a lot growing up. And after she had me, she got on drugs, couldn’t keep a job, she shared many things with us.
 
 
I told her sometimes after a woman has been though a lot, she doesn’t KNOW HOW to build a relationship with her children, she doesn’t KNOW HOW to love you like you should be loved. Sometimes a woman don’t know where to start with building a relationship with her children. She could be so hurt and so far gone IN HER DYSFUNCTION, that she doesn’t even recognize that she’s wrong even after hearing it all of her life. I said but do you have any children? She said I’m pregnant now. I told her, well this is YOUR chance and time to CHANGE THE CYCLE. Change the atmosphere, change the story, change your story with your mom. Do things YOUR way, be different, think different.
 
 
I told her, in NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO way am I saying that YOUR MOM was right. * she wasn’t* … but I AM saying since you cannot change that….. YOU must change the atmosphere of that dysfunction. I told her and when you do… don’t rub it in your mothers face how much better of a mother YOU ARE, because when you think you’ve done everything so perfect and different from your mom…. you daughter/son will get grown and TELL YOU how she/he felt YOU COULD HAVE DONE BETTER. She got it. I planted a seed. My work was done. Thank you Lord for placing me at the right place at the right time.
 
 
Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy