La’Crease’s Ramblings/BLOG

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Last night I was in bed thinking back on some of the things I did as a teenager and in my 20’s and early 30’s and some of those things shock me. But you know I was Thanking God that I have lived long enough to ask for forgiveness and to change my ways. Just think had I died in the mist of  that mess. Some people do. They don’t get a chance to ask God for forgiveness, because  they were still doing wrong before they died. To me that’s one of the hugest blessings, that you can receive. To live long enough to repent of your wrong doings.

When I was dating my daughters father, we would be upstairs in his room when his mother was at Church all day. We knew she didn’t want him to have company when she wasn’t home, but we, being teenagers did it anyway. Well, she use to come home and I’d be up stairs. Even though she never came up there, she would holler up the stairs to let him know she was home. That’s when we knew he had to either sneak me out of the house when her bedroom door was closed, or I had to jump out of his bedroom window and he’d catch me at the side door. LOL Yea….. thinking back on that.  The person I am today, FIRST of all, I would never be in another woman’s home without her consent, for NO REASON. For TWO, I’m not jumping out of nobody’s window!!! We both laugh about that to this day, and we’ve shared this with our daughter, who knows the person I am today and she CANNOT BELIEVE that I jumped out of a window. LOL LOL Me either!!!!

I remember another time, one night I had lots of company over playing cards and drinking with my friends. I knew my landlord was coming over the next morning to collect rent. I lived in an upstairs flat and my friend lived downstairs. I would often leave my door unlocked because it connected to hers and we had kids that loved to play together. Well, after I let my company out that night, I meant to lock my door. I was so drunk that next morning. I woke up to my landlord standing over me trying to get me to wake up!!! I had puke all over the bed and floor, I was HORRIFIED TO SEE HIM. When I share this story with people for a life lesson, they always ask… was he trying to do something to you? And the answer is NOPE, not at all. He was trying to wake me up, because my door was wide open.He thought something was seriously wrong with me. I learned a GREAT LESSON that day. I don’t ever remember getting that drunk again! I was done with that life!

A few nights ago, I had this craaazy dream that I was at my mothers house, a house that’s not in real life at all. But I went to go see her, and when I got up to her apartment, I looked out of the window at my car as I always do. After a few hours had passed, I looked out again and it was gone!!! I was horrified and crying at the same time. We went to look around and to see was it any broken glass anywhere and it wasn’t, So we went back in the house. I couldn’t stop looking out of the window hoping that it would be there, or that I would wake up. Well, after a few hours had passed, I looked out the window again and it was there! In the very same spot. I told my mother and we went to look in it. We were so surprised that it was very brand new in the inside. The car looked the same on the outside, but it was clean inside out. Brand new stereo system, new seats, it even had a sun roof, it was beautiful.I took it for a ride and everything. In the dream we found out that a group of guys were going around taking people’s cars and fixing them up brand new, just to be helpful. They had done many others the same way, be we didn’t know about it. I was happy that everything was nice and new, but hated the fact that I thought I wasn’t going to see it again. Wow, I have the craziest dreams~!!

Talk to yall later

Cree

 

 

 

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My story of FORGIVENESS-RAPE 4/FINAL/BLOG

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That night after work, I went home and thought about what can make him come to the conclusion that my daughter was his daughter. I asked God to please tell me why is this man telling people this. And why would a person brag on having a child with someone, when they RAPED them and got them pregnant? What is that to brag on?

 Fast forward to this year when I went to see him, he asked me flat out was my daughter his daughter? He told me that he told all of his kids that he has a daughter out that and that he wanted them to meet her. I explained to him that its no way my daughter was his daughter and for him to stop saying that. Later on that night, I went to bed and prayed about it asking God to show me what am I missing to make him feel that my daughter his his child?  This man REALLY BELIEVES THIS OOOOOOOOO MY GOODNESS.. I promise if anyone says there is no God,, they deceive themselves. God took me way back to the days and went over everything. He bought back so many memories that I blocked out of my mind. I guess I didn’t want to think about it or even deal with that anymore and never thought it through. But I wanted to tell this man NO SHE’S NOT YOURS and have proof.

So, I laid there and started thinking. He raped me in August of 1985. I met my daughters father in September when I turned 18. I got pregnant in December 1985. And had my daughter on MY BIRTHDAY Sep 3, 1986. So I know for a fact that I wasn’t pregnant for 12 months… that already disqualifies him. BUT.. THIS IS THE PART THAT GOD MADE ME UNDERSTAND. He said LaCrease… when you stopped seeing your ex boyfriend and your dad moved the family to another home, he was NOT allowed to see you again. I was like OKAY.. So when he found out that you were pregnant,, he AUTOMATICALLY assumed that she was his child. THEN…… to top things off. God spoke to me saying…. you named your daughter MARNEISHIA.. BECAUSE HER DAD NAME IS MARTO. (( MAR))… THEN TO  MAKE  MATTERS EVEN ( WORST) COMPLICATED… my ex boyfriend name BEGINS with ((MAR)) AS WELL!!! I was soooooooooooooooo amazed how God spoke that to me. Explaining how my ex really thought and RIGHTFULLY that my daughter was his. I had to remember that I MOVED AWAY.. AND HE NEVER SAW ME AGAIN… SO WHEN HE HEARD I HAD A BABY AND FOUND OUT HER NAME… HE carried that in his mind and heart all his life. I finally got it. THANK YOU JESUS. This helped me to explain to him (( my ex)) what God had spoken to me. And he got it!

I found myself calling my ex everyday this year just to ask him questions about that night. Its like I became obsessed with him answering my questions with TRUTH and HONESTY. He was humble, he remembered every single conversation and detail about that night, and it made me feel comfortable. But after a month or MORE, he asked me.. “can we have a conversation without you asking about that night. He was right. Very right. He had been very patient with me, never making me feel any kind of way at all. He gave me everything and more. I can walk away saying.. that he’s truly a different person than he was 30 years ago. I even enjoyed his friendship and new life that he had built for himself after being locked up. He talked about the Lord and Praised him every time we spoke.

I recently made the decision to disconnect from him when his gurlfriend sent me an INBOX on FB. He told her all about me, and I believe that she felt uncomfortable with me in the picture and he speaking so highly of me. I told her that I would disconnect from him (( something I needed to do anyway)). Too bad she doesn’t know that I needed him to complete this puzzle in my mind. But its okay, because I got what I needed from him and I AM ABLE TO MOVE ON!! PRAISE GOD. I plan to start a serious work out plan to get this weight off physically, because I am healing fast mentally (( smile)). I had a breakthrough and I Thank God for that! I hope that my story of FORGIVENESS is helping someone out there reading this. Took me years to get my answers, but I have them now. Thank you Jesus 🙂

(( photo above is of my daughter and her dad))

I AM La’Crease (( I don’t have to do anything else))

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MY story of FORGIVENESS-RAPE/PART 1/BLOG

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Oct 22, 2014 I received an inbox from my ex boyfriend asking me to call him. When I first saw his message my heart started beating fast because of what happened 30 years ago. His name alone bought back memories of that night in August a month before my 18th birthday.  I was hesitate at first, but a part of me wanted and needed to talk to him. I wanted and needed answers. I ignored his messages until I had a day to think about it.

I decided to respond and leave him my number to call me. My heart was beating so fast hearing his voice over the phone, it sorta paralyzed me, but the desire to know answers to my questions made me feel much better as I got comfortable listening to the humbleness in his voice. I listened to him talk about how he loves his now grown children and more especially his grand kids. We talked about God and how being out of jail has really changed his life. He has 2 businesses and is doing very well for himself. He invited me to his job to see him, because it had been so long since we’ve seen each other. And even though it would be a huge step for me…. I went. I prayed about it, and decided that I would go and see him.

When I first walked in, my heart was beating so fast. I wondered if I made the right choice in doing this, but knew I needed answers or I may not ever get them. When I walked into the door, we spotted each other right off. He came over to me, in the humblest Spirit I’ve ever known from him, and gave me a long warm hug and kiss on the cheek. I couldn’t help but see the God in him. He was a changed man, a different person than we were 30 years ago. Still good looking, standing 6’3 and still funny as ever. I loved this man dearly once upon a time. He was my first LOVE and first boyfriend.

As we walked around and talked, he introduced me to his staff. He told them that I was his gurlfriend 30 years ago, and that we hadn’t seen each other in years. They told me how pretty and sweet I was, and how they really loved him. I can tell that he was very nervous, and so was I. But again…. it was something that I had to do. We talked about our families ((( he knows my family and friends, and I know all of his))) and our kids. After about 45 minutes I told him that I had to go, which he didn’t want me to, but I had to get alone to regroup my thoughts. I promised that I would come to see him again soon. He walked me to my car, we hugged and said our goodbyes. As I was driving, I thought about how proud of myself I was. This was a huge step for me, something I could have NEVER EVER done without God. Our meet up was the start of answers for me.

Part 2 tomorrow!

I AM La’Crease ((( I don’t have to do anything else)))

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Daddy’s Little Gurl/BLOG

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Just a moment to share how important it is for a daughter to have both parents in her life. I grew up with both parents married before I was even born… and I’m the oldest. I never knew how important it really was.. until my daughter turned 12. Her dad was always in her life, and it became a joy to watch them talk, laugh and enjoy each other as she became an adult.

For the Christmas Holiday they went to Ohio, where he was born to enjoy family time. She stayed for 2 weeks, but he was back and forth. I love how she talks about him and the love they have for each other. They are so much alike its funny. He says she looks like me and built like me. I say she acts like him, talks like him, and loves to dress like him. Not to mention some days, she’s his twin!!! I can see him clear as day in her. He always speak well of me when they’re together sharing stories of our teenage years. That’s funny because I do the same thing when I’m with her. LOL

But there is one thing.. I tell her time and time again. Make sure that when you decide to get married and have a family that you chose a good man who loves you, and not for foolishness because YOUR DAD DOES NOT PLAY when it comes to you and his family. I tell her this all the time, and she knows this to be true. He may love his women.. but he’s not a fighter, he’s not into debates and arguments. He’s straight up and will not play about his 2 kids (son). He’ll want to meet him, grill him, look him in the eye and baaaaaaaaby have that talk with him. I told Nesha…  make sure he come correct….because your daddy… IS NOT HAVING IT… So.. please don’t bring trouble to his door step by way of a nothing man who mean you no good.

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That’s another main reason why I love their friendship/relationship because she knows he mean business.  She knows this. Even though she’s a classy gurl…. these men can be tricky. It also makes me smile knowing that her dad will make sure she’s okay…this is one area of her life….. that is out of my jurisdiction. Her dad has her back!!! She betta chose wisely. Because her dad loves her, treats her like a Princess, and adores her dearly . * Click on the photos for a closer view*

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Be Blessed!