That night after work, I went home and thought about what can make him come to the conclusion that my daughter was his daughter. I asked God to please tell me why is this man telling people this. And why would a person brag on having a child with someone, when they RAPED them and got them pregnant? What is that to brag on?
Fast forward to this year when I went to see him, he asked me flat out was my daughter his daughter? He told me that he told all of his kids that he has a daughter out that and that he wanted them to meet her. I explained to him that its no way my daughter was his daughter and for him to stop saying that. Later on that night, I went to bed and prayed about it asking God to show me what am I missing to make him feel that my daughter his his child? This man REALLY BELIEVES THIS OOOOOOOOO MY GOODNESS.. I promise if anyone says there is no God,, they deceive themselves. God took me way back to the days and went over everything. He bought back so many memories that I blocked out of my mind. I guess I didn’t want to think about it or even deal with that anymore and never thought it through. But I wanted to tell this man NO SHE’S NOT YOURS and have proof.
So, I laid there and started thinking. He raped me in August of 1985. I met my daughters father in September when I turned 18. I got pregnant in December 1985. And had my daughter on MY BIRTHDAY Sep 3, 1986. So I know for a fact that I wasn’t pregnant for 12 months… that already disqualifies him. BUT.. THIS IS THE PART THAT GOD MADE ME UNDERSTAND. He said LaCrease… when you stopped seeing your ex boyfriend and your dad moved the family to another home, he was NOT allowed to see you again. I was like OKAY.. So when he found out that you were pregnant,, he AUTOMATICALLY assumed that she was his child. THEN…… to top things off. God spoke to me saying…. you named your daughter MARNEISHIA.. BECAUSE HER DAD NAME IS MARTO. (( MAR))… THEN TO MAKE MATTERS EVEN ( WORST) COMPLICATED… my ex boyfriend name BEGINS with ((MAR)) AS WELL!!! I was soooooooooooooooo amazed how God spoke that to me. Explaining how my ex really thought and RIGHTFULLY that my daughter was his. I had to remember that I MOVED AWAY.. AND HE NEVER SAW ME AGAIN… SO WHEN HE HEARD I HAD A BABY AND FOUND OUT HER NAME… HE carried that in his mind and heart all his life. I finally got it. THANK YOU JESUS. This helped me to explain to him (( my ex)) what God had spoken to me. And he got it!
I found myself calling my ex everyday this year just to ask him questions about that night. Its like I became obsessed with him answering my questions with TRUTH and HONESTY. He was humble, he remembered every single conversation and detail about that night, and it made me feel comfortable. But after a month or MORE, he asked me.. “can we have a conversation without you asking about that night. He was right. Very right. He had been very patient with me, never making me feel any kind of way at all. He gave me everything and more. I can walk away saying.. that he’s truly a different person than he was 30 years ago. I even enjoyed his friendship and new life that he had built for himself after being locked up. He talked about the Lord and Praised him every time we spoke.
I recently made the decision to disconnect from him when his gurlfriend sent me an INBOX on FB. He told her all about me, and I believe that she felt uncomfortable with me in the picture and he speaking so highly of me. I told her that I would disconnect from him (( something I needed to do anyway)). Too bad she doesn’t know that I needed him to complete this puzzle in my mind. But its okay, because I got what I needed from him and I AM ABLE TO MOVE ON!! PRAISE GOD. I plan to start a serious work out plan to get this weight off physically, because I am healing fast mentally (( smile)). I had a breakthrough and I Thank God for that! I hope that my story of FORGIVENESS is helping someone out there reading this. Took me years to get my answers, but I have them now. Thank you Jesus 🙂
(( photo above is of my daughter and her dad))
I AM La’Crease (( I don’t have to do anything else))
Last Monday I called my daughter’s dad and told him how much I loved the fact that he and Neisha are so close. He has 2 kids, Neisha the oldest, and a son 15, by his now separated wife. I never thought a day would exist to see them as close as they are. She loves that man, and he loves her. They are BEST FRIENDS. She told me that she has 2 Best Friends as her parents.
I’m so happy about the amount of time they spend together, they go out of town together, they go to dinner and lunch all the time, he even goes to her job just to take her lunch. I told her that when she was younger and we’d get into it, he had to have prayed to God that one day he wouldn’t have to communicate with me in order to be close to her. LOL LOL That when she was old enough, he could build his own relationship with her. And that’s exactly what happened. He told me that he loved me and that he is so proud of the way that I raised her. I told him I loved him too, and that I was so happy that he is the Father of my only child.
One thing that’s for sure, and we both tell her all the time. Whatever you do.. make sure you marry a decent man who loves and respect you. A man who doesn’t fight, or mental abuse you, because you know your dad loves you with everything in him, and he will NOT tolerate anything less.
I wrote this to say… sometimes you have to make a phone call to those who are important, to tell them how you love and appreciate them. Things change, and people change. If anything ever happen to me or him, we both know that we LOVE each other and that whatever happened in the past between us is over and done with.