Deep Conversations/BLOG

Hey family!

You know if you keep on living you will learn so many life lessons. I have learned a lot, and even if I don’t speak on it, I have. Sometimes you have to forgive yourself for not seeing friendships that was not meant to be, even through the warnings. Ah, the warnings.. SMH. But that is years behind me and again, keep on living and you will learn a thing or two. I’m good!

This week, I was having deep DEEP DeEp conversations with my cousins who are all Sisters about my uncle (( their dad))) who passed away many years ago. He was my dad’s best friend and as we were growing up, even though their mom and my uncle was divorced, me and my sister  would go over to their house and spend nights with them. I loved them and looked up to them, because they are all so pretty, came from a good family, and loved being around us. But all of that time as a young gurl, I thought that they were seeing their dad often, because I did. I was young, so of course I didn’t know anything about bickering ex’s, kids, child support and all of that. I remember my youngest cousin of the sisters (( she’s older than me)) use to always ask me have I seen her dad, and my answer would be yes. I would tell her when he came over, and things like that. She would be so excited to hear my stories. I grew up with both of my parents in the home, so I didn’t know why she was so into asking me questions, but now I know that she was missing her dad. But I always thought they saw him as often as I did.

We were having a deep conversation about it, and come to find out they didn’t see him that often. That sadden me, and told me that things weren’t as it seem when I was growing up. How is it that I’m seeing their dad more than they were? When we talked about it, it made ME feel some kinda way. I learned something so deep. They felt that he didn’t love them the way he should have.  And I know he loved them, but I don’t know how they didn’t feel it. Well, I understand their views. I was shocked. And the funny thing is, these sisters are just like mines, WE ARE VERY VERY STRONG WOMEN, with strong opinions, and personalities . Get all 6 of us together on a topic we split on, and its on and poppin. LOL

Back in the day grown folks business was grown folk business. I told them, that whenever he came over, we went to our rooms, or went outside to play. Even though I saw him with my dad, I didn’t know their business or what they talked about. They felt that just because I saw him, I knew things. I didn’t. I was a young gurl myself. It made me feel some kinda way, because they are all grown women and even though 2 of them haven’t completely healed from the hurt, the baby did. She found closure and I’m happy.

Here is the biggest thing. Even though their mom and dad had a bad divorce, and he may not have been the best dad, he was THE BOMB GRANDDAD TO THEIR KIDS. OMG HE HAD THOSE KIDS EVERY WEEKEND. He loved his grandkids, and even though they are grown, today they still feel the effects of his death.

Now, what my baby cousin was saying (( she’s older than me)) is that God spoke to her concerning the healing and closure that she needed. My grandmother was a young mother who had 7 kids, she wanted to work and be in the streets leaving my uncles and aunts with their dad, and her mother. The brothers were bitter about that, maybe grew up and not know how to be close to their kids, not knowing how to communicate or whatever skills they lacked from not having their mother around. My cousin get that, she doesn’t excuse it, but she feels that with the tools he had, he did the best he knew how. My two other cousins feel that he should have done better and knew better. and to make matters worst, he had a girlfriend before he died who was also very close to their kids, who didn’t offer or give them anything of their dads when he passed away. She had everything. I asked my cousin why didn’t she ask her, she felt that it should have been offered.. NOT HER ASKING. Wow I felt differently about that, but then again I cant say because this is not my story and it didn’t happen to me. I would have asked and listened to her say NO, OVER AND OVER AGAIN, so that later on in life she would feel guilty of holding on to all those things she had of his and not have the man… not to mention he was a Atheist. She’ll never hold or see him again.

In the end, we love each other, and I hope that my two cousins find closure. One said sorry she just isn’t there yet, and I got that. One thing I learned is that things arent always what they seem. You think people are happy and have everything under control, but in REAL LIFE its not that way. I felt my uncle loved them, but he didn’t know how to express love when he didn’t get it from his mom. For me, it made my dad love his family and made sure that we were close, didn’t fist fight each other, and to be there for each other no matter what. Two brothers lived in the same house, grew up and saw things differently. I know in my heart he loved them, I just wish they knew it.

 

Chopin Script Regular

 

To My Daughter’s Stepmom,/BLOG

Here is a article that someone shared on Face Book. Had me in tears.. This letter is so beautiful. Father God…. your face is shown in this. 

(IJReview) — A woman named Candice Curry wrote a letter to her ex-husband’s new wife Ashley Parish, and the reception of the letter has been off the charts.

Here is the full letter from Curry’s Women With Worth blog via our friends at Young Cons. Take a look for yourself.

To My Daughter’s Stepmom,

I never wanted you here. You simply were never part of the plan. Growing up and dreaming of my family I never included you. I didn’t want help from another woman to raise my child. The plan was for my family to include me, daddy and our children, not you. I doubt you ever wanted me in your life. I doubt you planned to mother a child that you didn’t give birth to. I can bet that your plan for your family included you, daddy and your children together, not me or my daughter. I can almost bet that when you dreamed of becoming a mother it would be the day you gave birth and not the day you married your husband. I’m pretty sure you never planned on me being here.

But God has plans that far exceed our own and when my little family dissolved to form two families I knew you would be coming.

In my mind you would be a terrible beast and my daughter would not want you to mother her at all, ever! I was hoping that you would be semi unattractive and prayed my daughter wouldn’t look up to you. Her daddy would know that he was settling for second best. Evil swirled in me because I never wanted to face the fact that another woman would mother my child in my absence.

Then you arrived.

When I first met you I’ll admit you weren’t what I had in mind and a twinge of jealousy shot through my body. You were supposed to be hideous, remember? But you weren’t, you were stunningly beautiful. You were supposed to be a mean old hag, remember? But you weren’t, you were a young, sweet woman.

My plans were foiled.

I realized by the look on your face that meeting me was just as hard as it was for me to meet you. My heart immediately softened. Dang your kind smile! I was planing on really hating you. Why are your ruining my plan?!

I wanted to resent you but you made it impossible and I quickly grew thankful for you.

You’ve accepted our daughter from the very start and have unconditionally loved both her and her daddy, that’s a true gift to all of us. You’ve included our daughter in everything you do and make her feel loved and accepted. You put her relationship with her daddy above yours and only a brave and courageous woman knows how to do that with such grace.

I knew when her daddy and I decided to divorce and live in separate homes there would be times when she would need me, her mommy, and I wouldn’t be there. I’m so thankful that you are there in my absence. I’m grateful that you have mercy on her teen years and never reject her. She needs a mommy at your house and you’ve done an amazing job being that for her.

You’ve respected my position as mom from the very start. I appreciate that you always check with me when you question if you are making the right decision with her. I know our situation is rare. It’s not often that a mom and stepmom text each other to remind each other that they love and respect each other. You are a gift.

Because of you and your courage to mother our daughter the way that you do, she will be a better woman. She will grow up with more love than I could have ever imagined. It wasn’t her choice to have divorced parents and even though I wouldn’t wish that on any child I am so thankful that she now has 4 parents who love and respect her and each other. She’s compassionate because of it and understands that a failure in one area can turn into a blessing in another.

I don’t see you as a fill in for when I’m not there. You are her mother when she’s with you and when she’s with me. She’s excited to call you and tell you her stories when she’s at my house and that makes my heart want to jump from my chest with joy. I fill with pride when you wrap your arms around me and squeeze for a genuine and loving hug each time we see each other.

I am extremely aware of what it looks like when a mother cannot emotionally accept her childs stepmother in their life. Gratefulness pours heavily from me that we are able to rise above anything like that and do what is truly right for our daughter. Thank you for being mature enough and respectful enough to co-parent with me.

I promise to always respect your input for our daughter. I promise to never lessen the position you hold in her life or make you feel like you are not her mother. I promise to raise her to be grateful to have two strong and brave women in her life that have the courage to mother her together. Even though our situation is peaceful I pray that she is never in it, but if she ever finds herself here I promise to set an example for her of what co-parenting should look like.

Precious woman, you are a rare and beautiful gem.

God bless you and I love you.

Millions of people read the letter, and then the stepmom replied:

“Candice, I don’t know what to say.  I am not good with words like you are and the way you express yourself. All I can say is I am crying like at the end of The Notebook … you make me feel so special … Thank you for this letter. It made my day and I will keep it close to my heart always. Love you.”

My Funny Parents/DIVORCE/LOVE

only me

This morning I took my parents to run some errands. I love riding with them.. they have debates and lil scraps that are sooooooo funny. My momma be tearing my daddy up. LOL LOL But baby when he’s had enough, he come back on her.  LOL Funny thing, when I’m with them its like having precious cargo with me. I have to be very careful of driving, even though I’m a careful driver anyway… its still something about having them in the car. When I’m with them.. we hit about 40 stores… because everybody likes to shop at their own personal favorites. LOL We had a bad storm yesterday and 2 of the stores were closed because they had no power. We always end the day with KFC…. I LOVE IT….. the memories we are creating without even REALIZING.
 
Sooooooooooooo………my Sister’s DIVORCE is final and she encourages me to write about it. Especially my feelings about it. I loved my brother n law. I just hate they couldn’t work it out. Its funny how you could start off together on the same page… then end up on different sides of the street. He was driven by money and “stuff”…. she was driven by LOVE and spending time together. She has a MASTERS working for the city and they built 2 companies and 14-15 properties together. This has really taught me a lot. I will NEVER EVER marry a man who works day in and day out. I’m not driven by money…. “aha’s” and “look what I bought “, “look what I”m doing now”… and all that needing APPROVAL stuff. I just want to LOVE and be LOVED. I’ve always worked since I was 14… and yesss my HUSBAND will too. But doing too much will mess up a marriage because it can’t grow. Yes…. I’m afraid of that. While one person is doing one thing, another is doing something else. I don’t like that. Now, if me and my HUSBAND worked together side by side or in the same building…. that could work. But me working someplace, while he works  another from 6 am-10pm  … NOT GONE HAPPEN WITH MS CREE. Working too many hours apart in a marriage while one is driven on LOVE.. and the other on STUFF, topped with oo’s and ah’s won’t work for me. Then they end up “tolerating” each other because its “business” and too much to lose… to DIVORCE.  MY PERSONALITY doesn’t have time for that. Meeee… for the sake of the PEACE that I demand…. will walk away from EVERYTHING. He can have it ALL… its the ONLY THING THAT CAME MAKE HIM HAPPY ANYWAY. Here… go be happy with your “STUFF”.
 
 
 
Growing up in our household, we knew nothing but LOVE. We learned how to share, how to look out for each other. we weren’t allowed to fight. I find it amazing how  having so much LOVE in the home from both parents….. that ALL 3 OF MY SIBLINGS just want to be LOVED. My sister was wearing a $13,000 ring * and it was NICE too* she said if she ever gets married again… she only wants a matching wedding band. She didn’t have a wedding… this time she wants one. She didn’t go on a honey moon, this time she wants to go. I understand her because we grew up together.  I understand her mentality. I watched her live her life.. because we are close. I see the type of people that me and my siblings are. We want God in our lives, we want a PEACEFUL home, we want to work come home and spend time as a family, have friend time, movie and dinner time, trips… and of course do our own things separately with our friends. We don’t like arguing and nick picking. I can’t do that.
 
 
I want to be showered/ and to SHOWER HIM… with LOVE… KISSES, HUGS, TOUCHING, LOVE MAKING… AND FAMILY GATHERINGS…This is LIFE… if we’re going to LIVE it… LETS GET IT!!! I can go all over the place on this topic… later I will. But for now…. ITS ALL ABOUT LOVE.
BE BLESSED