How I Gained Back My Self Esteem/ PART 2/BLOG

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I was 24 years old (( 6 years in)) when I FINALLY came to my MIND. When I started talking to God about what I was going through. I thought that I would never get over my daughters father. The more sex I had with him, the more I loved him. That’s when I found out that SEX was the soul-tie that kept my mind on this man. The first thing I learned I had to do was, stop the sex. It was so hard. So so so very hard. Every time I saw him, we were a magnet and I had to give it to him. I knew if I could just stop the sex then I would be able to get over him. Sad thing about it,  I knew in my heart that he had to do something terrible to me, to turn me off from him, and that would be how I would be able to walk away. Its a shame that in order for me to get over this man, something bad had to happen. We never fought EVER, so I knew it wouldn’t be that, but it was something, and  when it happened…..I knew then that I had to let him go.

I started reading my Bible and separating myself from my friends to be more in tuned with God. I started reading how much God loved me no matter what I did. In my mind he was in charge of my LIFE. He was the man I had to please, and that’s when I started learning my worth. I was never a person who compared myself to other women, because it was clear to me that GOD MADE EVERYONE DIFFERENT. I enjoyed and loved the fact that I WAS THE ONLY ONE MADE LIKE ME. You can say, I favor this person or that person, but I was the ONLY LACREASE GOD MADE…and that made me HAPPY. So that alone made me NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER want or desire to be like anyone else,  because I KNEW.. that God loved me enough to make ONLY ONE of me, and I love ME.

Then, I had to learn and write down all the things God Blessed me with. I had to read it daily. I had to learn my worth all over again. I had to know it without a doubt. I had to live it. I had to think it, I had to see it ON ME. And here is what I started with.

NOW THIS IS MYYYYYYYYYY LIST…. you make your own list. Remember we are all different.

  • I grew up with both parents in the home, and they helped me with everything I needed.
  • I  got my  first apartment me and my daughter, and a job.
  • I was funny, loved people, loved to laugh and pretty
  • I had a beautiful shape, and wore clothes to compliment my body (( never disrespectful))
  • Had lots of friends and loved the Lord

One of the biggest conclusions IN MY LIFE that God helped me come to was that MEN wanted SEX. What I ( women)  have the men want !!! I had to learn the POWER in it. I learned it was OK to keep it to myself…. its mine. We women don’t have to give it away. Its so much POWER in the vagina. Its not to be shared with everyone. Its yours and all the boys want it. No! No! No! Learn this TODAY! You do NOT have to  give up your vagina.

Fast forward to today. I spend time with myself learning myself daily. Learning my wants/needs and don’t need. Learning things I will NOT ACCEPT. For example.. Married Men.

I met this guy at my job, he comes in often and he calls me “Momma cool”… why I dunno. This man is soooooo fine to me. He’s attracted to me and I’m attracted to him. He’s my type of man IF he wasn’t married. Now, I will NEVER EVER talk, meet, or see this man outside of my job. I will not engage in any conversation with a him or any married man, unless its work related, or God. That’s apart of building my self esteem. KNOWING WHO I AM. My self esteem stays ON 100 because I will not engage in anything not healthy for me and will disappoint God, especially when I know better.When you start crossing lines and doing things out of YOUR CHARACTER, that’s when your self esteem start going DOWN DOWN DOWN. Depression sets in, suicide, doubt , fear all that stuff starts to creep in. Cut off any thing that YOU KNOW is not good for you, because if you don’t you’ll find yourself in trouble. Stay inside of your worth!!! Married MEN ARE OFF LIMITS.. PERIOD! Once you exchange phone numbers….. THAT’S IT!

Take trips. Go to the park alone to spend time with God. Clear your mind. MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF.. MAKE IT HAPPEN! Go to lunch alone, you dont have to take the kids all the time. Think about yourself. Whats your favorite desert? Go to Dairy Queen alone. Stop feeling guilty because you didn’t take the kids this time.. ITS OKAY. I promise you. Go to Bath and Body Works and buy not one but 4 different scents of lotions, its OKAY. Learn what you like and will  buy the next time you visit. I will book a hotel an hour away from me in a minute! Book a room for the weekend. Have someone to watch the kids… Go alone, make plans to do things while you’re there.

Listen… I will jump in my car and go to the park and sit for hours in the sun enjoying myself. I may have music or I talk to God. I use to be “scared” to go to dinner alone, because I always took my daughter or a friend… YEAH OKAY… I WILL hop in the car and go sit my but down alone so fast. I love getting to know myself. I love me. God made me and there is no one else like ME, and guess what… JUST AS I LEARNED THIS ABOUT ME…. YOU CAN TOO!!! Be your own “to do list”…. life is not about having Sex all the time, sitting on the porch watching cars ride by, going neighbor to neighbor needing someone to go shopping with you. Get to learn yourself, know what you will and will NOT ACCEPT from a friendship, or relationship. Do YOUR own thang in your spare time, and treat yourself. ITS OKAY!!!

Be Blessed!

Chopin Script Regular

 

 

 

Losing yourself in a MAN/BLOG

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Hey!

I was talking to one of my closes friends a few days ago about how she should make it her business to be around couples who are doing well for themselves  ((mainly husband and wives)) so that she can see how it LOOKS to be happy. She’s going through a WHOLE lot with her on and off again children’s father, and it kills me to see her this way. I believe with all my heart that she has lost herself in this man, and just don’t know how to get out. She’s a beautiful person, sweet as pie, but she allows herself to be mistreated and FINALLY she’s starting to see his true colors.

I know what its like to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t value you or what you bring into the relationship to take it to another level. Yes, I had my faults too, but in the end, I saw that he just wasn’t for me….. and that’s okay.

Coming to the conclusion that someone is not for you, is one of the hardest things for women. They know deep down in their hearts that the man they love is not for them, but they stay and HOPE things change. At some point, you gotta say this is it. That time comes when you start to feel that your self-esteem is low and not building, you cry easily, your feelings are  hurt, you find yourself wondering what he’s doing (( especially if he has a history of cheating)), you’re checking his FB page for new women or subliminal stats, going through his phone and texts. That’s not how you live life. That’s not how a good healthy  relationship should go.

If you haven’t seen your man in a few days, and  he see’s you, he starts going thorough your phone, watch out for him! Because if he feels you can and will do something sneaky within those days you both haven’t seen each other, then he needs to be VERIFIED as well.. Um cuse me! Again…… this is NOT how healthy relationships grow. Not good.

Look at Donald Trump. You see the way his wife pulled away from him as they exit the plane? Clearly a sign of manipulation going on in the relationship. She is not happy in that marriage. She probably feels that now he’s the President, he exercises even MORE Power, and feels there is no way out without retaliation from the public and especially from HIM.  Relationships and friendships should be happy. Yes, there will be problems, issues, misunderstandings and things of that nature. But to help in the loss of self-esteem, is not something ANYONE should experience.

In closing ask yourself.. DO I LOVE ME? What is it about me that allows him to treat me this way? What am I doing over and over again to allow this to continuously happen? If I leave him, what do I THINK he will do to me? Am I scared? Ask God to show you a pattern of his behavior. Tell yourself, that YES its going to be hard at first, then ask yourself can you eventually get over him? Tell and REMIND yourself that YOU WILL have to give up something (((( money, car, nice home, comfort, sex with HIM, security ))) for your PEACE. If you want to talk to me about your situation please feel free to email me DIRECTLY  longnosenikon@gmail.com  

I am LACREASE, and I dont have to do anything else!

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You are the CEO of your life!

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Hey Family!

I’m sitting here on this lovely day, I really need to be at a park this morning, we have some rainy days coming and I wanted to be near water on Belle Isle. But Summer is just around the corner and I promise myself I will be there more often than last year.

As many of you know I am deeply into the growth of  women, when it comes to Life Lessons and Experiences. Seems like there is not a day that goes by when someone needs to talk to me and ask for advice. I’m very, very, to the point and honest with my answers. That’s what people LOVE about me, but sometimes when I dish it out they have a problem with my truth and honesty. And guess what? I don’t even care.

I was speaking with someone recently and they began to tell me that whenever she hits her boyfriend and fight him, he wont hit her, but, he will push her and leave marks on her body. She justifies the fact that she fights him, but he will only push her. I told her, one day…. one day… ONE DAY, he will not stand for her putting her hands on him and he’s going to fight back. She doesn’t believe it. That’s where the LIFE LESSON will come in at. I can tell her all day, but she’ll NEVER believe me, because it HASN’T HAPPENED to her YET. This is the part of my job, where I can’t help. She has to learn the lesson herself, and I hope that it doesn’t land her in the hospital.

We.. MEN AND WOMEN have to pay attention to the signs of any and all things. People are so afraid of being alone. They cannot see themselves alone. They rather deal with fighting and arguing, instead of saying… look we cannot get alone, lets go our separate ways. This is why so many men and women have self esteem issues. They stay in relationships that they are not suppose to be in.

Why is it so hard to leave? Fear of being alone, and seeing that person with someone else. SO WHAT!!! Especially if you’re not getting alone. Who wants to wake up arguing everyday, holding grudges and CONSTANTLY talking about the same issues day after day after day? I just don’t have that kinda time. Many people don’t like the thing of meeting someone new, getting to know new families, dating, meeting the kids and those kinds of things associated with meeting someone new. But its better than being in a relationship that clearly isn’t going anywhere right? Some will say, they just don’t want to put the time into it, so they stay.

I have plenty of things to say about this topic. Stay tuned.

I am La’Crease… and I don’t have to do ANYTHING ELSE!

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In 2013….. I Learned…….Crees Blog Entry

stankfacecreeThis year has been one I will never forget. Living alone with yourself…. will teach you a lot of things. The reason why I decided to share mines is because…. I believe that we all can take inventory of our lives… and when we do… we just may learn something.
I learned that I LOVE PRANKS. Even though I would never prank anyone. I realize that I go to youtube when I need to laugh, and when I need to smile just before going to bed. I’ve subscribed to several PRANK sites…. this is something that I realized I did. Wow. I asked myself… what is it that you get out of it? I LOVE to see people’s reaction. I love FACIAL EXPRESSIONS… they’re so funny to me.
I learned that its okay to enjoy being alone. I learned that I’m not the kind of person who calls up people and tell them my problems. I let God work things out, and that way I’m able to tell the story in TRUTH and in FULL. when I’m ready.
I learned that I have control of things that Angers me. For example, when the drive thru lady rolled her eyes so hard at me, all I could see is the white part in her eyes when I asked her for ketchup. I learned this year that I have total control of how I will react to ANY SITUATION, and that I was the one who really had the POWER. I always thought I had POWER AND CONTROL when I “told her off”…. but this year I LEARNED that the one who can laugh through it all…. is the one who has the POWER and SELF CONTROL.*pops my collar*
I learned that I don’t have to be “CONNECTED” to anyone. MEANING… if I’m cool with 2 people and they have issues with each other….. THATS THEIR PROBLEM TO WORK OUT!!!!! I’m free from DRAMA with my own SISTERS… I consider myself free from DRAMA with ANYBODY ELSE. I will not engage in ANY conversations pertaining to the other… PERIOD… AT ALL. I am my own person, I do what I want to do, I’m not connected to anyone. I do my own thang.
I learned this year… that I have always been the listener. My life has changed so much this year… sometimes I didn’t know if I was coming or going. In being the listener all the time….. I realized this year I didn’t have a listener for myself. Even though I’m good with that….. I realized and LEARNED that when I let all my talkers…..talk…. that I didn’t make them listeners. LOL But God had my back. And its all good.
I learned this year that my dad is who he is and that’s FINAL. I learned that whenever he got mad at me, that I was always afraid that he would be mad for a long time, and that’s why I always made up with him first. I went over 3 months before calling him * he had no plans to call me first* that was my first time going that long. I learned that its OKAY… that this is who HE is….. and for me to Boss Up… and accept it. I learned this year, that he can go months even years without talking to me.
I learned this year that I spent a lot of time holding people’s hand…. too long. I refuse to go any longer putting band-aids, and green rubbing alcohol on folks…. they gotta go to God.. JUST LIKE ME. I learned that I spend TOO MUCH TIME…. ( it’s okay to spend some time) on folks who don’t want to “get it”. I can’t use extra energy for that any more. I have to attend to me. I learned that I have neglected myself in so many ways. Those days are over.. and brighter days are coming.
Be Blessed
Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy