Posted on by lacrease

Take time for yourself

This is a post from the Tyler Perry message board, and below is my comment. I don’t know how many others are like this, but its worth a read.

Hi Tyler
I need a ear only to listen, I don’t want any thing else only your ear’s to listen.
I am a women,a blk women, a women that has had many problems growing up and with family “my family” . I have tried so hard to be strong,to handle life and life issues with my family. I grew up in a hurry no guide from a mother,or a father. I grew up protecting me. I had to learn life hands on.I never talk to any one I hold it in because there’s no ears to listen to listen to me, Now I’m stress because I can’t handle it any more all ways trying to fix every ones problem,but never fixing my own. I had a job I work for 15 years I received a assiocate Degree, to go back to work this school year and find out I don’t have a place, I’m what they call a sub-child care assistance. I gave them 15 years of me,now I don’t work until they call me, I don’t get mad I once again hold it all in,Knowing I don’t have enough income to support my family, remember I’m a single mother, not looking for your help only a ear to listen, My children are 19, 17, 10. They are old enough to understand now we have more problems, I have no car, I live in a house were the landlord is so LAZY don’t like to fix nothing or he takes forever to fix it. to get them to point A and B. But I’m the mother who helps everyone but her self. I look out the window and say my problems are small because others problems are bigger them mined. I thank God every day because of what I have and don’t have and whats on the way.

I wrote to her:

Thank you to A friend and Lynne for the BD wishes, thank you all so much.

I just have a comment for PT of Flint. You know I use to be just like you. Always praying and hoping the best for others, and neglecting myself. I was always looking out for others, but I looked up one day, and everybody was getting their blessings, and everybody was going back to school, and everybody was getting the home and nice cars they always wanted, getting the best jobs, and here I was the latter ( mentally) for them to step on to get theirs. Now don’t get my wrong, don’t ever ever ever ever stop looking out for other people. But gurl……..there comes a time when you have to look out for you.

Let me explain what I mean. I remember a time when my phone would ring from sun up to sun down. Everybody wanted to talk and that was cool. But when I would talk for 2-3 hours, I would ask, gurl what you over there moving, and they’d say, my furniture, gurl I’m cleaning up and talking to you. Now see me, I can’t talk on the phone and clean up. I cant talk on the phone and drive, I cant talk on the phone and eat. So guess what? My house hold chores would be neglected EVERYDAY! I would get off the phone, look around my house and it would be a mess. Then the very next day those same folks would call wanting to talk, and I’d say gurl what you doing, they would say……….just finish cleaning up!! And me being Lacrease, would be like oh okay, when I get off this phone I gotta do this or do that. This went on for years and years and years and years. OMG!!!!! Was I slow?

Then………..

A camera flashed right before my eyes. I started thinking……..dang here I am talking to her for 5 hours straight this morning, Then when I ask her, gurl what what you do today? She says she done cleaned up, wash the dishes, cooked, ate, did the kids hair and took them to school, and now she’s sitting up talking to me. But here I am, talking on the phone with sleep breath, hair all over and out my scarf, hungry, need to shower, teeth ain’t even been brushed, need to get up outta bed. So one day I got tired of my friends calling me first thing when they are finish taking care of their business . The more I kept hearing them say, oh I just got back form Target, Walmart and grocery shopping. I started thinking, and that was it. I would talk on the phone hour after hour, house looking like a tornado ran through it. I did this for years and years and years. I said no more. Because how can I sit up and keep talking on the phone to the same people day in and day out, when my work is not done? I’m not a person who can talk and do my work at the same time. So I had to decide what’s important, talk on the phone to people who are done with their daily work, or tell them I’ll talk to you later, I got work to do too.

And its not being mean. If this person is your friend, she will say, OK cool gurl, I’ll talk to you later. My friends call me now, if I answer the phone and you just want to talk, but you hear my voice sound sleepy, I hope you say, gurl you sleep? Call me when you wake up!! Cause I’m NOT about to sit and talk to you with a sleepy voice and hot breath. I had to realize that its okay to look out for others and be there for them, but you got to make sure you are okay PT. You have to make sure your things are in order. There are still some times when I will talk on the phone and my work is not complete. But I betchu after 10 minutes I’m looking at my watch saying to myself, its time to wrap this p hone call up. I’m not “finna” sit up here and talk all day. NAW!

One day I was ringing up customers and this guy came and stood on the side of me. I looked up at him and realized that he was one of the regulars. I didn’t know his name and he didn’t know mines. I just knew his face. So he says to me……. can I use your discount card for a lawnmower? So I looked at him, turned all the way around and said. Huh? I couldn’t believe what came out of his mouth. So he repeated it. I said we are not suppose to let any one use our cards. He says well, they wont know. I said but I KNOW. I asked him why you just wont pay for it, you need it? He said cause I don’t want to pay the full price. I said well you don’t want it. And why would I save you and your wife some money, lose my job and you and your wife go to y’all job in the morning??????? He got me messed up! He was mad at me, I didn’t care!! But baby back in the day I would have been like……..yeah ahmmmm ahmmmmm here you go. Trying to be ni ce and look out for people. I understand that you had to grow up fast, and you probably feel that you want to look out for others, just because you may have not had your family to do it for you. But you have to realize that you are becoming stressed out. Do all you can for someone, and move on gurl. Let God be their rock, cause you are leaning on him.
Same thing goes for lending money. If someone needs to borrow, first thing you do is put your bill money aside then you LOAN from that. That’s another thing about looking out for you. Don’t worry about what people say or think. Ask God to reprogram your thinking, to change the way you think about things. Its not about people pleasing , its taking care of business first, then you can help others. Cause how are you going to care for someone else and you “ain’t tight”? I cant do it. If I “ain’t tight”, and nobody tight!! How could they be??

PT, and you know what else too? I found out that I was like this in many areas of my life. I would call a friend, gurl lets go see Anita Baker, first thing out of their mouths, I gotta see, I gotta do this and I gotta do that. Instead of saying, gurl I don’t have it like that this time, I would ask them every other day, let me know whats up. I look up, and I end up not going. Again looking out for others to go with me. I wanted to see Ger ald Levert a few years ago, I called everybody, lets go see Gerald………..gurl I gotta see. …aight then. Boom, I’d miss the show. One day I said………you know what? I ain’t missing NOT AMP nother show/play/concert/ out-ting/dinner/out of town function for nobody!!!. I would hear about tickets going on sale, I would get my money ready and when it was time to buy, I had my
tickets @ 10:01. Then my friends would call, gurl you going to see such and such. Id say gurl yeah, I already got my ticket!!! You know what comes next? WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL ME??? Gurl please!!! I even remember Madea Goes to Jail tickets went on sale. Everybody calling me…..Lacrease, it took 5 days to get money up for 13 people. Yep, we went and sat so far back. And I will never do it again. NEVA. Lacrease looking out for everybody else, and I’m sitting ON TOP OF THE ROOF, in the back, up stairs, leg half way in the FOX and half way out!!! NAW! Those days are ova.

Wh ats done in the dark is coming BACK to Detroit Oct 12, guess what? I went and bought 1 ticket. SURE DID. And my friends were calling lets go see Tylers new play, NOPE I already got my ticket. They laugh at me cause they know I’m not playing any more. I looked out for people till I have neglected myself. For soooooooooooo long PT. I cant do it anymore. If anyone need me I’m always here. I’m a friend like that. But you have got to let people do their own thing, let them fly. They are going to be alright. That’s Gods job to take care of them. He has all the power to do it Do your part and don’t stress.

I love you gurl, take care
Your gurl
Lacrease
Pearls of Wisdom

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