Today was a good day. Thank you Lord. Talk with a few customers today, learned some new things in general so my 4 hours went fast. But………. on the way home, I-94 was shut down and it took me 1 1/2 hours to get home, when it only takes 8 minutes IF that. Time in traffic ALWAYS makes me think about my life……. ALWAYS. Today’s thoughts was like Part 2 of what I was going to blog about anyway, now I’m at the point where I’m just irritated about it. So, today is the day that I post “Whats really on my mind”.
Growing up with 3 siblings
Growing up in my house as the oldest was hard to me. I was in charge of them whenever my mom and dad had to run and do errands. My sisters and brother use to get on my nerves. LOL But there is one thing I can say about them. We love each other. We love each other deeply. Growing up we were never allowed to fight. If we got caught, or even if 2 were fighting and the others told, we were in DEEP TROUBLE. Hitting was a no-no in our house. I can’t even remember ever fighting my Sisters and brother. If somebody did fight, you can better believe the others are going to run and tell so that they can watch my momma and daddy whoop them! LOL That was a treat!!! If we had a disagreement, our parents would let us argue it out, and then when it got on their nerves they would say “Okay now SHUT THE HELL UP DAMMIT”! And believe me, when I say that was the end of that, it was the end of that!!! LOL Then my daddy would say, now HUG, KISS AND make UP!!! OMG that was the hardest thing to do. That to us was equivalent to putting your hands in a fryer full of hot grease!!! We HATED to make friends after a heated debate. What parents does that? Are you serious? At least wait till we have cooled down. If, we had a physical fight, and had to make up that would have been different, because we would have felt bad about hitting on each other, but just after an argument? I don’t think so. LOL
Growing up we really couldn’t go many places, because my daddy was always protective over us. So, since we all had different personalities we would have tons of people on our porch. And we all got alone. WE were the kinda kids that were peaceful, we couldn’t fight, so we didn’t pick/chose friends that fought either. If only one of us would come and sit out on the porch, then the whole block would come over. And if there were 2 or more of us, OMG, then friends from blocks ova would come over and we would have so much fun. Sitting outside till sometimes 4am.
As we got older, but still at home, we started dating. We all had different types of boyfriends and gurlfriends. They knew how close we were, and none of our boyfriends/gurlfriends step outta line . WE were known for CUTTING OFF PEOPLE WHO DIDNT MEAN US WELL. We had each other, WHY deal with the mess? That was all of our mentality. MY daddy always told us that we were “bricks” and that we were strong and that “bricks” stick together. And so we took that into our lives and we raised our children on that same motto. Growing up, I can never remember none of us stepping over the line as it concerns each others boyfriends. We let it be known to the guys that we didn’t play that, so we never had that problem. But we did step to boyfriends and my brothers girlfriends when they tried to play them. We didn’t fight, but we let it known that, “what you are doing to my sister can no longer go on”. We didn’t play. We were known around the neighborhood for that. We talked it out, we got you face to face to find out “What the problem IS”? LOL We didn’t talk in circles, or related messages to one person to another. WE knocked on doors to get to the problems. We talked things out. And so that is how we learned how to deal with ISSUES……. then and NOW.
Dealing with other people
We were straight up kids. We were honest, giving, loving and always were faithful to each other.During that time we were living at home, I can’t really think of people who were “snakes” or back stabbing. I don’t know was it because we had each other that we didn’t experience too much back stabbing, or fights, but we didn’t. It was foreign to us. If you were one of the people who sat on our porch, then you were a friend to us. And after all these years later, we still have the same friends. ALL OF US!! LOL Funny.
“I love you”
My parents were telling us that they Love us everyday!!!! We heard that all day. We got hugs and kisses just because we were sitting next to a parent. Hugs soothes me to this day, and the same for my daughter. She has to have hugs and kisses from me. She demands it!!! LOL My mom said when she was growing up, her mom didn’t tell her she loved her much, my dad didn’t hear it either. They made a promise before I was born, before they got married, that they would let their kids know that they are loved. And they made good on that!!! Our friends would tell us that their parents didn’t tell them that, because we were so affectionate growing up, we would tell our mom and dad we loved them and give them kisses in front of our friends, and it was nothing to us. But as we got older, people tried to make it seem as we were spoiled, or different, because they wasnt hearing this kinda talk in their homes. It didn’t bother us at all growing up because, my dad and mom had already told us everybody wasnt going to experience this type of Love. Dayum were they ever right.
When the 4 of us started having kids, we made ONE promise TO EACH OTHER ABOUT OUR KIDS, and that was that we raise our kids to NOT fight each other LIKE WE WERE RAISED. See we knew that kids would be kids, and that cousins can have it out too, especially since we are a very close family. When the kids would get mad at each other, we told them NO FIGHTING AT ALL, IF ANY ONE GET CAUGHT…….. ‘THAT’S A BUTT WHOOPING ON THE SPOT. They never did. Today my daughter is 23, my nephews are 19 16,12 my nieces are 19, 16, . They ALL love each other soooooo, soooooo much, if yall could see them, yall would think they were brothers and sisters. When they walk into each others houses we hug and kiss on each other, like we havent seen each other in years. When we all live just around the corner from each other. My sisters and my daughter still kiss on the lips when they greet each other!!!!! We drive each other crazy the way we lean, kiss, and hug on each other. WE be like dang………. get off me, let me get some air!!! LOL And when they have children they will raise them to be the same way. This is all we know. They don’t stab each other in the back, they don’t gossip about each other ,and get mad and bring up old stuff, they don’t cross the line and date each other ex’s or present boyfriends/girlfriends. When they ARGUE for anything it gets loud and go on………… FOR MINTUES!!! LOL THEN they make friends and you’ll never believe they had that argument in the first place. LOL We don’t mind, because its better than physical fighting, they need a way to vent, so do it, AND BE DONE WITH IT!!!
“Stepping out on our own”
When I moved out I found out quickly what kinda people lived outside of the house we grew up in. People were sleeping with my man, back stabbing me, being fake. I didnt know what I had stepped into. I trust people right off the bat. With me. ……everybody had “instant credit”. Meaning, you were my friend right off rip, until you did me wrong . I trusted everybody. I grew up thinking that everybody was suppose to love you and cherish your friendship. I didnt know sisters were against sisters, Moms sleeping with their daughters men, boyfriends raping you, your friends brothers feeling all over your vagina. This wasnt happening in my house, what kinda world did I step into? I was truly lost, and devasted by the way I allowed people to treat me because of how nice I was. I was devasted. I showed Love to people and they misused me. They were jealous of Me because Im lightskinned, had a brick house shape, pretty, big behind, with little waist. All I wanted was friends that were just like my Sisters and my Brother.
Fast forward to today. All of us ( my sisters and brother) find it challenging sometimes how life at home, differs from life now. SMH! We were the kind of kids where, if we didn’t talk to you for 3 weeks, the next time we talk to you, we would continue off from where we left at. Some of our (new) friends today, if we havent talked them in 2 days, them we would have to go back to day one, as if we were talking for the very first time. They get mad at us!!!! They look at it as a form of DISS AND DISCONNECTION. WE find ourselves getting into debates with our friends about “not calling for a few days”. We werent needy siblings. We don’t have to talk everyday to know that we are still friends, when we do talk thats our chance to “Catch up” NOT re: get to know each other all over again. We can go 4 days without calling each other and when we see or call each other, we are talking for hours. It’s so hard for us in this area. We were raised up that your friend is your friend. You don’t gossip about them, you don’t fight them, you show them you love them by sticking by them no matter what. If your friend is wrong, you deal with the trouble they are in right then and there, BUT, when you get then in private you tell them how you feel. And in the end you are still friends. That’s how we grew up.
My one sister is married, and my other sister is engaged.My brother is divorced. They tell US all the time… “I never met a family like this”. They say, we didn’t grow up saying I love you, or give me a hug and kiss. I tell my brother n laws that I love them all the time, and at first it was like dang……..for real.You Love me? Now when we all depart, they say I love you Sis. Then that’s when you have to start showing it. They can ask me for anything, and its done!!! And I know I can go to them as well. They love my Sisters and that’s all I want. We don’t tell each other our personal business that will start confusion and make us all turn away from each other. I LOVE THAT. I don’t wanna hear my sister’s business, unless she needs to vent, and that’s my time to Minister, other than saying “LEAVE HIM”!!! It always works out.
Me, I’m having a hard time with people. I can say “I love you boo, and God Bless you”… that means to people of the outside world. I need to borrow some money, what do you want or need from me? This mentality kills me to no end. I tell customers I love you. Some embrace it, because they somehow believe it, and others look like……. you don’t even know me to love me. Its sad. People are so into how the world sees LOVE, that they can’t grasp it long enough to feel it for themselves. I always tell my coworkers I LOVE THEM!! ALWAYS. When we are short on money or anything, we go to each other and we look out. I love them dearly.
When it comes to Communication……… if I can’t have it…….. I don’t need friendships. I’m a straight to the point person. I hate for people to beat around the bush to ask or confront me on something they need to talk to me about. A person shouldnt care if that person being confronted is mad about it or not. I didn’t grow up like that, I didn’t build friendships on beating around the bush. Tell me the truth, be upfront with me. don’t play mind games, tell me your real question, ask me anything. IM DIFFERENT THAN MOST PEOPLE, YOU DEAL WITH!!!! Most of the time I can figure out while you’re asking me something, but sometimes I can’t. And people need to know that you don’t have to do that with me. Just ask me straight out what you want. That makes me upset. I can take you for the longest ride of your life, if you don’t just tell me what it is you want to confront me on. Cause if I have to figure it out on my own, when we could have talked about it in its entirety, I’m done. I don’t like that, because it shows that there is no communication in our friendship at all. And I’m finding out that there are so many people out here like that, and I’m having a hard time dealing with people like this because I don’t understand this kinda communication and friendship. Its hard for me to even be myself without a person feeling that I want something from them, or is trying to get information. You can offer to take someone home, and they think YOU are low on gas and need gas money. I shake my head at people because Communication goes a long way. If I want/need anything I can go to my family to get it. I don’t need to use anyone, for ANYTHING!!!! NEVA HAD TOO!!! The more you tell someone “I Love You sweety, or boo, or honey, they think you want something. In my house growing up, the next thing you get or do would be a hug and kiss and I love you back. You tell people that nowadays, and they are reaching for their wallets to hide. IM SADDEN BY THIS.
People remember Communication is Everything. If there’s anything you want to talk to someone about. Dont take them through all these hoops, back doors, blocks and corners. If somebody tell you NO, dont keep going back there until you hear a YES….. then take that as the final answer. No!!! Don’t use them for information then do what you do best. That’s bold. If someone tells you they Love you, don’t think they want something from you. Embrace it, take it for face value.