Month: March 2011

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*Showing myself (too) friendly*

Hey~ Cree is here!!
 
Thank you Lord for keeping my life drama free. Thank you for allowing me to listen first then to speak. Thank you for being that voice inside my head that tells me to be quiet. Just Thank you.
 
Today as I was in the break room ( the small personal one,  that room is freezing).  I was listening to my IPod and had the hood of my coat over my head (which means I don’t want to be bothered), I dunno why, but its something about me that always make people want to ask me questions about MYSELF. It bothers me sometimes, because I’m more of a listener than a person who will sit up and tell you I just got a “brand new house”. I’m just not like that. And so this black lady who has been there probably when the store opened, thought that since I was the only one in there with her, she could ask me questions ( she always wanted to ask,) about one of the 2 best friends I have. My friend Gloria use to work there, and she is just like me,  YOU THINK you knew her, but you really didn’t because she is private about her home life. No this lady didn’t try to ask me a thousand questions about her. It bothered me because, she know on 10 stacks of scriptures she wouldn’t dare ask Gloria ANYTHING about her. Gloria ( photo below)  dont play! LOL
 
 
 LOL So, why then did she ask me? Because I’m friendly. …I’m guessing. I tried to get her to back down before the Virgo came out, I tried to pretend I didn’t hear the question due to my head sets being on, I tried to block her out and go around the questions…………then I said, gurl how are you gonna ask me questions about MY friend? I said I’m not going to sit up here and tell you her BUSINESS. I said the next time you see her, ask her! Her facial expression change, she said said Cree I wasn’t trying to get into your friends business, she said that about 12 times. She kept apologizing . I can’t stand when people do that. Quit thinking I’m so open and quick to tell somebody’ business, just because I’m kind and nice. That’s just like asking Gayle about Oprah…….. you know dangole well Gayle aint gonna tell you anything about her BFF. And I don’t blame her!!!! And the bad part about that, even if Gayle say to someone, Oprah ate some bad ribs and her face broke out for 4 days, SOMEBODY WOULD CONSIDER THAT A GOOD ARTICLE/NEWS/CONVERSATION/STORY. When its nothing like that. It was just something that she decided to share, somebody GOT GEEKED and cant stop talking about it. So, that’s why less is best, and my circle is so small, as a matter of fact the only people who are in it are those people who have been knowing me for 17 years and better. A few weeks ago, one of my coworkers  came up to me and said “um…. I saw you driving a 2011 Malibu” OKAY AND……. SO WHAT!!!! People think you are suppose to run up to them and tell them all that’s going on with you. STOP THINKING YOU KNOW ME, SINCE IM FRIENDLY!!!!!! CAUSE YOU DONT!!!!!!!!! I had it  since Feb 14, SO WHAT!!!!! WHOOOOO SAHHHHH  LACREASE WHOOOOOO SAHHHHHHHHHHH.
 
Then I look and feel like the bad guy, when I bust a “side eye look” on my face for them to back up off me and my business.
 
See this is what happened. I use to be very mean, and ignant ( lol). I never remember  having self esteem issues, only that my behind was very big, sat on my back and  a small waist to hold it. Back then that was  NOT good, these days you’re the bomb. SMH. Anyway, I was promiscuous, drank ( got drunk with my gurls all the time),use to party 3-5 times a week. Didn’t date anyone but police officers, teachers, business owners, and  city officials. * I know that was crazy…..but those were my standards* , wasn’t going to church, wasn’t good with money, evil, revengeful, secretive, JUST A WREAK!!! One day, GOD stripped me down!!! Told me that I had to put a end to my foolishness!!!! Long story short, I stopped being evil and revengeful….and all of thee above.  And decided that  I wanted to be nice, I wanted to smile and be kind to people. Show myself friendly, and open up more to people. I started making my circle small, and traveled more. Women always kept up a lot of drama, I never did. I CANT EVEN REMEBER A FIGHT I HAD. Never had drama in the neighborhood I grew up in, I was always the loud fun one, who always had a kind thing to say and encouraging word.
 
I noticed tho, as I began to open up more, people took my kindness for weakness. I was always one up on them tho ( by acting like I didn’t know more than I put on)and with that I would let people who meant me no good HANG THEMSELVES, without even having to ask ” did I do something to offend you”, they always and to this day know……….. that our friendship has reached its end. I came to a point where I needed to share more of myself so that others would be healed of their hurts. I would hold Sistergurl Meetings at my house where we would get together and talk about our lives experiences. That’s where I learned to be transparent. Somewhere in between there, I got “SECERTS AND TRANSPARENT” mixed up.
 
So, in that I learned that no matter how friendly I am, and no matter how much I love people, I had to go back to my old ways and not share everything. I’m sorry about this too, because what really is a blessing to know, people look at it as HUGE, and what they use with the information can come back a mess. Even with others, I have seen it a million times. I love and enjoying sharing things with others, but I must be this way in this area. I have too.
 
I learned from God, that I am set apart. Where I’m going everybody cant go. Lord, where is that? LOL I ask him all the time, I dunno but…… I am going some where. And I’m ready.
 
LaCrease
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Turned out to be a beautiful day

Where do I start? What a year for me. If I didn’t have Jesus in my life, I wouldn’t know where all this was coming from.
 
This morning I got up for work for my shift 11:30-6:30. Well, let me go back a few days ago. My Sisters God mother funeral was today. I wanted to go to support my Sister and plus we know many of their family members. A few days ago I approached several people to take my hours so that I can attend the funeral. I caught up with this new gurl, and she agreed. In order to pick up hours you cant be scheduled to work on that same day. After we both signed and agreed to the date, we gave it to the manager. Well, the very next day that same manager came up to me and said, when I was changing the date for you, I realized that the person you had to take your hours is scheduled to work. I thought I was going to pass out. LOL. She made a mistake and read the schedule wrong. I had 3 hours to find someone to take my place…..I didn’t.
 
Even though I could have called off, I just didn’t want those points on my record. Here it is Monday morning, my momma is saying everybody is going to be asking about you, and I wish you were going with me, I wish you could have gotten somebody to take your place.  You know how mommas do. I’m  feeling bad about NOT being able to go, so I just get ready for work and suck it up. Came time to leave, my momma’s car was parked behind mines so she had to let me out. I went to stick the key in the ignition  and I’m like heyyyyy, where is the key to this car? I sat for a minute thinking where could my key be, this is crazy. Then I remember my brother n law was testing  it and I took it off my keys. This was Saturday, I haven’t driven it over the weekend, so I went looking for it on the kitchen table. I didn’t see it. Now, I’m watching the clock because I don’t want to be late, I searched high and low for that key and still couldn’t find it. I called my brother n law and he said that he had given it back to me. I got off the phone and still couldn’t find it. My mother told me that I could take her car and she would ride with my sister in her truck, but then it would be on my mind all day at work. So, I was like naw, I gotta find this key. I wont be any good at work thinking about it. Just then my sister pulled up to pick up my mom and here I was still searching for these car keys.
 
Just then out of the blue I decided to check my work bag and there it was in my plastic see through . I was out done, I kinda remember putting it there, but not really. By this time I was on the phone with my job, no answer. So, I hung up the phone. My momma and sister was looking at me saying “come on and go to the funeral with us, you’re already late, plus your boss already expected you to not make it”. I said naw….. yall go ahead Imma go in late, and get this day over with. They left.
 
Tell me this aint God~ I went to my bed room opened up my closet and saw my outfit that I was going to wear and started pulling off my work clothes. Nesha was looking at me soooooooooooo crazy, like I had lost my mind all of  a sudden. She just heard me say, I was going to work, watch them drive off and here I was putting on the clothes that I was suppose to wear for the funeral. I couldn’t explain why I was putting on these clothes, and something in me wouldn’t stop. I never had that to happen to me before.  I cant even explain what went through me. I was moving in top speed. It happened all of a sudden. I told Neisha…. “call my momma and tell them to come back and get me”. She did what I asked  her and they were back in 2 minutes. They were so happy!! LOL They asked what happened? I said I think it was meant for me to go, my car keys, me needing to be there, and I gotta feeling that God is going to reveal something to me in going.
 
My other sister ( who god mother passed) was already there and so happy to see me. People were coming up to me saying ” I thought you wasn’t coming”.  Which tells me they had been asking my sister about me. I’m so glad that I went. Afterwards me my mom and sister went to Applebees to eat. I let them do all the talking at times, because I kept thinking about how God must have wanted me to go in the first place, when I was on my way to work. I had a strong feeling why he wanted me there, then at dinner my sister went into details why she think God wanted her there, and it was the very same thing  HE TOLD ME. That was confirmation!
 
I came home, feeling so “different” and so I laid down for  a nap, woke up so full of God’s Love, feeling so changed, feeling so good. I had this dream that I was sitting at the table with my brother Bobby, and he was asking me in his “bobby kinda way”….. Why do we have to pay tithes? In my dream I started “going hard in the paint” on him about,  it was deep in the streets how I was explaining. Just then ALL OF A SUDDEN I woke up and was like “God why you wake me up I wasn’t finish telling him? He said now go write it down.
 
I love God. Thank you  for waking me up this afternoon from a nap so full of LOVE AND JOY.
 
LaCrease
 
 
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“Handing God the keys”

  Hey 🙂

 
I know its been a minute. Its hard being consistent when you want/try to do so many things. My mind is all over the place sometimes whew!!! LOL
  
Lately I’ve been reading this book by my gurl Joyce Meyer called How to HEAR FROM GOD~ and its the bomb. I bought it a long time ago, its one of those books where you can pick it up and read it 1000 times, because she explains things so clearly and she is straight to the point about it. I’ll get to that tomorrow. Today I want to talk about “Handing the keys over to God”.
  
I LOVE  to drive.
 
I always had a FEAR of driving and so finally at age 32 I got my license. One day, I’m going to buy myself a fast car, because I have a need every now and then for SPEED. Whenever I go to dinner with friends or family, I’m always the first to say….. I’m driving my own car, or  yall can ride with me. It could be one of those functions where, we all want to ride together, talk, and laugh, I will always volunteer to drive. Instead of driving to the mall that’s 3 minutes away, I will drive to the one that’s 45 minutes away. When I went to Atlanta in June  I drove from 10 am to 1 am in the morning. When I rent a hotel room to get away for a weekend, I wont go to the ones downtown Detroit, I will ride out to the one that’s almost an hour away. That’s how deep my LOVE for driving is.
 
So recently I asked myself…… Why do you always want to drive when sometimes its not necessary? Why instead of driving their car, you always chose to drive in your own car? I can no longer say its just because….. I LOVE to drive. My real reason  because I LOVE to be in CONTROL.
 
I’m not bossy when it comes to the time we’re leaving a function, or when we’re coming back. I enjoy driving period. If someone has someplace to go afterwards, I will take them. I have no problem going anywhere. It could be 4 of us in the car, everybody can fall asleep , I don’t care, I just enjoy driving.
 
Part of me feel that if I’m driving, I don’t have to worry about  getting us in a car accident. To ride on the passenger side would be for me to “allow someone else to get me to my destination”. Which would mean I would have to sit there. I’m not at all saying that they can’t drive….. I’m not saying that at all. I trust myself. If I drive, I wont have to ask questions, I don’t have to worry about what route  I’m taking, how long were staying, when were coming home..Cause I would know. Wow Deep Huh? I realize this is the REAL reason why I LOVE to drive versus sitting on the passenger side “doing nothing” and waiting to arrive at my destination.
 
Now, I realize why its so hard to “hand over the keys to God” with certain things in my life. I like to drive and that’s the reason why I feel sometimes I’m not moving as fast. I have the keys and don’t want to turn them over to the REAL DRIVER……. GOD. I have been selfish with the keys , and now I feel  the time  IS NOW to hand them over, so that I can sit back and relax ON THE PASSENGER side, without asking questions, without wonder when we’re going to arrive, without asking how many hours, or days, or mintues. Wow, this is real deep to me as I type.
 

Now, I’m secretly asking….God do I trust you? YES, I trust him!  I’m sure not showing it in my certain situation. I feel bad because he’s the one who has gotten me through some hard, hard, hard times, but Im finding that Im holding the keys and is afraid of turning them over. Not because he won’t do all the things he has told me that he’s gonna do, ( oh, thats a done deal) but its because I DONT KNOW WHEN? That’s the part that’s “killing me” (  a figure of speech). If I give up the keys, I know God is NOT going to answer my 100,000 questions about my arrival date to this. I spend a lot of time with him and I KNOW FOR A FACT, he’s not moved by my many questions. LOL I know with God, I have to just sit back and “LET HIM DRIVE”. I know he’s not going to answer my questions  on this subject……because this is the area that he’s working on me . Quietness is what he wants  ( concerning my destination), while I patiently sit on the passenger side.  Can you imagine how hard this is to a person who always want to control things, and always want to drive the life, that I didn’t give to myself? I don’t know if he’s taking the streets to my destiny and desires, or the highway,  the service drive, the turn pike, the neighborhoods, or the airways.  But I do know this ,  God will be doing MY driving.

 
I’m a visual person, I have to see myself actually doing what I vision. Tonight I saw myself handing over the keys to the Lord . Finally! I’m going to sit back and enjoy the scenery , talk and laugh with him ALL the way to my destiny,and desires. I  even noticed…..that I don’t have to wear a seat beat. 🙂 I’m with God!!
 

“Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass … Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him.” (Psalm 37:4,7)

 

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Vents, truths, and personal thangs….

Hey Good People!!
 
I know its been a minute since I’ve written. I’m 43 years old and I’m still tryna figure out this thing called LIFE. LOL
 
This past Saturday 2/26, me and my cousin Gus planned for all the cousins to get together and go out to dinner. We never, ever, ever, ever get a chance to see or talk to each other. But since FB, we all have really drawn close. So we all met at Applebees for dinner, it was 34 of us! Praise God!!!! I sat at a table of 10 with my sisters and other cousins, all of a sudden my sister and cousin started talking about how I use to do them back in the day ( lol), how I wouldn’t want to be bothered with them, and when they came over my house, I wouldn’t answer my door for them and they knew I was there. I remember that time so clear. They had just left for a minute, and I made up in my mind that when they come I wouldn’t open the door. These 2 heffas TOOK THE DOOR off the hinges and came in. LOL They were thinking something had happened in that short time, I didn’t feel like being bothered ( don’t know why at the time). They were MADDDDDD AT ME! LOL Thing is, I feel so bad for treating them like that, and whenever we get together, they always bring it up. OOOOOOO that burns me up. LOL They have plenty of stories on me, I was a MEAN, HONERY SOMETHING, SOMETHING back in the day. Matter of fact, a whole lot of my friends have stories on me, and I am so not like that now, that I hate to hear those old stories. They seem eager to tell ALL that THEY REMEMBER. Now, I do have some funny ones with my friend Gloria, but those were less than 10 years ago. My sister and my cousin stories go wayyyyy back. I wish I knew how to deal with it, more so than “look crazy” in the face when its bought up. I’m really laid back now that I’m in my 40’s, I just don’t wanna hear that mess LOL. I noticed though, people LOVE to bring back old memories, especially if it will make you cringe, while they look like “good fellas”. They say your past will stare you in the face. Boy, I tell you. LOL
 
Since, I can remember I am the one who will/can plan, movie outings, game night, restaurant day, house gatherings, pool night, you name it. I’m not creative at all. I cant match a pair of pants with a shirt, LOL but Imma bad sister when it comes to details of the gathering, day, keeping in touch with people through emails, phone and in person. I will gather a strong person to help me and then I carry out whatever it is to be done. I write down everything I need and expect from people involved, I am VERY serious about details. But I have one problem…. there is always someone  CLOSE to you who seem to always want to change YOUR plans on YOUR EVENT. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind when someone says…… well what about this, and what about that? That’s fine, but don’t GET THE HELL MADD CAUSE IM NOT DOING IT YOUR WAY!!! That’s why I’m the visionary. If you want to put together a function, then do it. Ill be there, I will help you, I wont confuse you with how LaCrease would do it. Everybody want to be the “plant manager” on your function but they expect for you to “have a seat” when your at their function. And that’s one thing about me, I know how to take a back seat. I LOVE to be invited to a function and all I have to do is show up,  SIT MY CHUBBY BUTT DOWN  and get my laugh on!! LOL You aint said nothing but a word boo. I don’t want to manage nothing I’m invited too. I wanna sit, sip and chill! * blank state*…..(then smile.)
 
I’m about to get real serious right now. I had a lot on my mind when I was doing to Valentines Day Care Packages for the homeless, and I really wasn’t doing all that I know I could do. So, I put the money aside and said Lord, okay help me to buy the things that’s on the list. Finally, I went and bought enough spaghetti  strings and meat for 30 ppl  to have nice size plates. When it came time to cook it my family and friends were saying that 1 1/2 HUGE packs of meat was enough. But I kept saying…. naw I don’t think so. Am I really over doing it? They agreed. But came time to serve, we ran out of food and had to make the rest of the hamburger. I wasn’t mad or anything at all, its just that I asked God to help me with the specifics of HOW MUCH TO BUY AND MAKE, cause he KNOWS I hate to NOT have enough. Then turn around listen to others and have to end up making more. That kinda bothered me because I know God told me to make them both, and so my good friend Gloria grabbed the spatula and started making the rest of the spaghetti for me while I rest (((hugs)))). I learned to follow the Lord on my plans. Im not listening to anyone anymore about how I go about my functions. They are successful because the vision is clear, and when I start to listen to others and allow others to change the plans, then I get frustrated. That ended Valentines Day.
 
This past Saturday we were out at our family function things were moving smooth. Family was coming in the door, we had room for 32 ppl, 2 sat at the bar. Then out of the blue walking in the door this person close to me, comes to me saying, since we all cant sit together we can go to my house. I said gurl naw, we are here and this is where we will stay……… tension was in the air.  Who cared!! I didn’t. Flash back to Valentines Day…… I’m straight. This is my view, okay its 18 ppl here now, so we just up and leave, go to your house and say FORGET the other 16 people who are on the way in a MICHIGAN SNOW STORM……. In the words of Sheree  from* Atlanta’s Housewife*…. I don’t thank so.
 
So right now in my life, I’m learning to stick with the vision. If others want to plan a function that’s cool, DO YOUR OWN THANG, but as for me, I’m doing things my way. Now, me and my cousin are about to plan a huge gathering at my Sisters home April 16. 2011. Her basement alone can hold 1 million ppl seem like. LOL And it has a fire place, so you know its huge!!! Gotta decide on a few things,  then we are planning a family picnic for the summer. But first, MY  GURLS GROUP RAISINGURLS TO WOMEN starts May 1, 2011. I’m so excited about that. My babies, some new, some old will all meet up again. Gotta go straight in teacher mode for this one. We have lots of work to do. So right now, my hands are tied, I don’t even see myself slowing down. God is teaching me a lot of things about people, and how things work. Its scary aint gonna lie, so many different emotions. Somebody gotta do it…….. God chose me.
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