Today as I sit back and think about the episode of RHOA with Mama Joyce. I can’t but help think about how she reminds me of my dad in a way. Growing up and even now I felt as if my mom was really a wife to my dad. She made sure he was taken care of, and since he had his own issues with his mom * that’s another story* he was SPOLIED as far as I’m concerned. We did everything for him. If my dad wanted some water and didn’t feel like getting it, he had 4 kids to chose from to get it for him. Of course as a kid, you can’t wait to “get grown” so that you won’t have to do those things anymore. Little did we know.. what we hated as kids… we end up doing it to our own. LOL
As we all moved out on our own… my mom left my dad after 36 years of marriage, and all that my dad made us do as KIDS….. he found himself having to do them for HIMSELF and he HATED it. He never imagined having to do simple things like getting water, or running his bath water on his own. He always had us to do everything for him. Now… as adults my dad still have this thing where he feels that we’re suppose to run over to his apartment and do everything for him. And the thing is.. we LOVE him and wouldn’t mind, we don’t care… but the Spirit in which he wants it done… is THE SAME AS MAMA JOYCE and that I WILL NEVER GET WITH. EVER! I understand that Mama Joyce may have some concerns for Todd, or even Kandi’s BFF… that’s normal…. but the SPIRIT IN WHICH ITS DONE IN….. has got to change. The loud talking, ready to fight, cursing, accusations, taking over the conversation, and demanding things to change, when its NOT HER “function” to do so…. cannot continue to happen .. its time Kandi speak up. Speak up doesn’t mean to “go off” or “disrespect” her. I mean in a way her mom understand that Kandi has her own life, and that her MOM has no right to give her ultimatums.
I say my dad reminds me of Kandi’s mom is because like my dad, you can tell that Kandi was a great child growing up, always did what her mom told her, didn’t want to disappoint her, wanted to please her and make her happy, didn’t want ANY TROUBLE…. at all. Even as a adult making good money, Kandi make sure that her mom is taken care of. Comes over when her mom calls, answers the phone no matter what she’s doing, come over even when she’s not in the mood. Hmmm.. reminds me of how it was with us. I see so clearly where there is going. The cut off point in Mama Joyce eyes, as Kandi being an adult, a mother, a sister, and a soon to be wife * if not already*. Kandi’s mom hasn’t disconnected in those areas. I see it.. I live it. I KNOW.
I see myself in Kandi so much. Very sensitive. Its funny because my sister could say her peace with my dad in a nice tone, with high self esteem, love in her eyes for him, direct and to the point.. and will hop in her car and go to the Casino and play for hours without another thought about it. Me….. on the other hand. I have to sit back and go over why he’s acting like this, why me, what did I do wrong, what makes him this way… and cry at the same time. But baby something happened this summer concerning my dad and myself…….and I HAVE FINALLY LET IT GO!! * more on that later*
I grew up with my dad. lived in the same house with him until I moved out at 22. HE and my mom was married before I was even born and IM THE OLDEST. He always wanted control… the same as I see in Kandi’s mother. I noticed that if I wasn’t doing what my dad wanted and in a certain time… he wouldn’t talk to me. AND FOR A LONG TIME. I HATED THAT!!!! I was always the one who had to call and make up first. He never called me first. I knew all the things he loved, and when I missed him… I would go out and get those things for him just so that we could be back on good terms…… and we were COOL AS EVER.
This summer I got tired of that. I got tired of doing stuff to please him…. what I found out was….. PLEASING PEOPLE LIKE MY DAD, AND KANDI’S MOM IS ONLY TEMPORARILY. It wears off. You can bet….. your house and brand new truck….. in a few weeks or days….. there is another situation lurking where there is the need to TEMPORARILY…………. PLEASE THEM AGAIN. August of this year was MY BREAKTHRU..MY TURNING POINT…. my dad was mad at my mom * because she was too tired to take him someplace* when he called me. I took him, and all the way there he talked about my mom… which made me so mad. That same week, I took him to the grocery store , we were cool. As he got of the car I heard GOD LOUD AND CLEAR when he said….. “your dad is going to get mad at you soon”. The week wasn’t even up, when he called me and asked me to call my mom and ask her for my aunts number. I told him to call my mom for yourself, she’s not mad at you… YOU’RE MAD AT HER. That was my way of getting him to call her, but he’s SO STUBBORN he said “are you going to call her and ask for the number or not”? I said… No daddy. He hung up on me and NEVER CALLED BACK
I hated that. But God warned me. This time I did something different. All my life I wanted to please him and make up with him first. So, I didn’t call him, I wanted to see just how long it would take for him to call me… HE DIDNT. After 3 months … I called him FIRST…. AGAIN. The point I’m making is. …Kandi’ mother probably get mad at her all the time and NOT SPEAK TO HER… I’m willing to bet that Mama Joyce is so stubborn that Kandi is the one who is always making up first, calling, texting, visiting, and oh not to mention being REJECTED sometimes, because her mom is not ready to make up yet. I’m not saying STOP TAKING CARE OF HER… not saying STOP TALKING TO HER… but I am saying sit down and have a talk with her. Kandi is scared that one day… just one day…. her mom is going to stop talking to her ALL TOGETHER, Little does she know as bad as it may sound… MAMA JOYCE IS CAPABLE AND READY AT ANYTIME “SHE FEELS” she has “lost” Kandi for good. * IN HER MIND*. Kandi is afraid that everybody’s going to know about it, and that makes her very uncomfortable just thinking about it. I know your FEARS boo. Been there.
But guess what I learned….. they are who they are…. and there is nothing you can do about it. They have no plans to change… because they DON’T SEE WHAT THEY’RE DOING WRONG. When you don’t see your wrongs….. WHY do something different? Mama Joyce have it in her to go days and days and weeks and months not talking to Kandi… but truth is that time may come sooner or later. At some point Mama Joyce is going to ask Kandi to choose….. “Todd or me”… And that’s when things really get REAL. Chose LOVE Kandi. What ever that means to YOU.
Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy