Thank you Lord for keeping my life drama free. Thank you for allowing me to listen first then to speak. Thank you for being that voice inside my head that tells me to be quiet. Just Thank you.
Today as I was in the break room ( the small personal one, that room is freezing). I was listening to my IPod and had the hood of my coat over my head (which means I don’t want to be bothered), I dunno why, but its something about me that always make people want to ask me questions about MYSELF. It bothers me sometimes, because I’m more of a listener than a person who will sit up and tell you I just got a “brand new house”. I’m just not like that. And so this black lady who has been there probably when the store opened, thought that since I was the only one in there with her, she could ask me questions ( she always wanted to ask,) about one of the 2 best friends I have. My friend Gloria use to work there, and she is just like me, YOU THINK you knew her, but you really didn’t because she is private about her home life. No this lady didn’t try to ask me a thousand questions about her. It bothered me because, she know on 10 stacks of scriptures she wouldn’t dare ask Gloria ANYTHING about her. Gloria ( photo below) dont play! LOL
LOL So, why then did she ask me? Because I’m friendly. …I’m guessing. I tried to get her to back down before the Virgo came out, I tried to pretend I didn’t hear the question due to my head sets being on, I tried to block her out and go around the questions…………then I said, gurl how are you gonna ask me questions about MY friend? I said I’m not going to sit up here and tell you her BUSINESS. I said the next time you see her, ask her! Her facial expression change, she said said Cree I wasn’t trying to get into your friends business, she said that about 12 times. She kept apologizing . I can’t stand when people do that. Quit thinking I’m so open and quick to tell somebody’ business, just because I’m kind and nice. That’s just like asking Gayle about Oprah…….. you know dangole well Gayle aint gonna tell you anything about her BFF. And I don’t blame her!!!! And the bad part about that, even if Gayle say to someone, Oprah ate some bad ribs and her face broke out for 4 days, SOMEBODY WOULD CONSIDER THAT A GOOD ARTICLE/NEWS/CONVERSATION/STORY. When its nothing like that. It was just something that she decided to share, somebody GOT GEEKED and cant stop talking about it. So, that’s why less is best, and my circle is so small, as a matter of fact the only people who are in it are those people who have been knowing me for 17 years and better. A few weeks ago, one of my coworkers came up to me and said “um…. I saw you driving a 2011 Malibu” OKAY AND……. SO WHAT!!!! People think you are suppose to run up to them and tell them all that’s going on with you. STOP THINKING YOU KNOW ME, SINCE IM FRIENDLY!!!!!! CAUSE YOU DONT!!!!!!!!! I had it since Feb 14, SO WHAT!!!!! WHOOOOO SAHHHHH LACREASE WHOOOOOO SAHHHHHHHHHHH.
Then I look and feel like the bad guy, when I bust a “side eye look” on my face for them to back up off me and my business.
See this is what happened. I use to be very mean, and ignant ( lol). I never remember having self esteem issues, only that my behind was very big, sat on my back and a small waist to hold it. Back then that was NOT good, these days you’re the bomb. SMH. Anyway, I was promiscuous, drank ( got drunk with my gurls all the time),use to party 3-5 times a week. Didn’t date anyone but police officers, teachers, business owners, and city officials. * I know that was crazy…..but those were my standards* , wasn’t going to church, wasn’t good with money, evil, revengeful, secretive, JUST A WREAK!!! One day, GOD stripped me down!!! Told me that I had to put a end to my foolishness!!!! Long story short, I stopped being evil and revengeful….and all of thee above. And decided that I wanted to be nice, I wanted to smile and be kind to people. Show myself friendly, and open up more to people. I started making my circle small, and traveled more. Women always kept up a lot of drama, I never did. I CANT EVEN REMEBER A FIGHT I HAD. Never had drama in the neighborhood I grew up in, I was always the loud fun one, who always had a kind thing to say and encouraging word.
I noticed tho, as I began to open up more, people took my kindness for weakness. I was always one up on them tho ( by acting like I didn’t know more than I put on)and with that I would let people who meant me no good HANG THEMSELVES, without even having to ask ” did I do something to offend you”, they always and to this day know……….. that our friendship has reached its end. I came to a point where I needed to share more of myself so that others would be healed of their hurts. I would hold Sistergurl Meetings at my house where we would get together and talk about our lives experiences. That’s where I learned to be transparent. Somewhere in between there, I got “SECERTS AND TRANSPARENT” mixed up.
So, in that I learned that no matter how friendly I am, and no matter how much I love people, I had to go back to my old ways and not share everything. I’m sorry about this too, because what really is a blessing to know, people look at it as HUGE, and what they use with the information can come back a mess. Even with others, I have seen it a million times. I love and enjoying sharing things with others, but I must be this way in this area. I have too.
I learned from God, that I am set apart. Where I’m going everybody cant go. Lord, where is that? LOL I ask him all the time, I dunno but…… I am going some where. And I’m ready.