Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy

Seems like the closer I get to my breakthrough the more attacked I am. I’m just shaking my head right now at everything that is coming up against me. If I wasn’t strong and knew God the way I do, I’ll be somewhere crying. But I’m the baddest chick ( Spiritually speaking) and I’m not breaking down. I’m about to push through some doors, people I talk too everyday don’t have a clue about what’s going down with me. Some stuff you just can’t share. And by me being a giving and sharing person, I know….. I’m going to have to make people understand that *YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME… BUT YOU HAVE NO IDEA*. And they’re going to feel *left behind*. Not because of me, but because of themselves.

Everybody knows * Pheadra Parks voice* that I love to plan gatherings. And also, I’m invited to a lot of them. Most of the people I go with are coworkers. Yesterday my coworker * MY BOSS* called me and asked me to go with her and some others. I’m not the type of person that’s gonna call up my friends, to go with me. I don’t do that. Its not my function and to me its rude to invite others. I don’t hang out often but when I do….. we have a good time. I love to laugh and have fun. It was a big thing on my FB page that I didn’t invite a few others. Well its not my function, I WAS INVITED…. okay you may know all of the people who were there, but still ITS NOT LACREASE’S FUNCTION. My thing is this, I always do the planning. Why don’t someone else plan the gatherings, why do they always wait on me? Its easy… I’ll show them how to do it. Anywayyyyyyyy I’m so done with that!!!!

Then today….. Lord help me. I was ringing up customers still in the zone from many things last week. The guy who raped me when I was a 18 year old virgin came through my line today with his wife, who is also my friend. MY heart wasn’t beating fast like it did a time before he came through my line. But I found my self being weird… looking at his fingers that he stuck so far up in me, I thought I was going to die. He’s so tall and strong, it just made me think about that night he left me bleeding. *SMH* Anyway… as they were leaving, he said to me something like …I still wonder if she’s my daughter and want a test. That irritated the HELL OUT OF ME. Every time he see me he says that. I met Neisha’s dad shortly after that happened to me. I was crazy about him. And it may sound foolish now, but I had sex with him, so that the guy who raped me wouldn’t be the last person. I got pregnant 3 months later, so when the guy who raped me found out I was pregnant, he bugged me and bugged me and still to this day…. KEEP F***ING BUGGING ME ABOUT IT. NOOOOOO SHE IS NOT YOUR CHILD! THANK GOD!!

SO, now I want Peace to continue to live in me, I want to do what I have to do to make my moves and take care of my business, doing what I love to do…. and that’s working with Teens.

In the meantime I have to keep PRESSING MY WAY…..my time is COMING 2012

Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy