Month: March 2013

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Temptation *stay away from places that will tempt you*

temptation_feat_02-02-57-07_crSo, Tyler Perry movie will be out tomorrow night. I’m there!!! This is the PERFECT movie for ME at this time in my life. * GO AND SEE THIS MOVIE*… THIS WEEKEND!!!

 

As I’ve shared before…..I met this guy who I’m really crazy about, haven’t liked a guy like this in years. It takes a special man to get my attention, and he was the one. He’s honest and up front, and that’s what I LOVE most about him. He told me some really deep things yesterday, that I respect. These are situations that was there before me. This also play apart of me knowing that he is NOT the one for me. Even though we talk a lot, I do not plan to see him anymore in a way that we had before.

 

At my age 45, I refuse to continue to be in someone’s life when I know they are NOT for me. I’m just waiting for the one God has for me. I have never been the type of woman to have a man for the sake of “having a man”. I want to look at him and admire him. His eyes, his lips, his smile, his facial expression, his kindness, his tone of voice, his touch, his SMELL, his kiss…. even the way he wears his hair, and facial hair. They say VIRGOS LOVE hard…. I find this to be true when we’re with people whom we truly love and admire. I can never just “pass” out my LOVE.

 

What I learned is… its okay to move on from my him. When he revealed some very important information to me, I knew he was in my life for a season. Even though he’s trying to stay in my picture, he can’t. I LOVED how I felt when I was around him. How he looked at me, how he kissed me, how he touched me. He says I’m ghetto, when I’m expressing myself because of how expressive I am, and I say “he be saying his stuff” too, because he geeks people up and then brags on himself. So funny!!! We had so much fun laughing and acting silly! I haven’t invited him into my apartment, because I don’t want to put myself in a atmosphere where I would be TEMPTED into having sex. This is so important for women to know and UNDERSTAND. I know its hard, but if you can’t see yourself marrying this man, there is no reason to give him your loving. I’m sorry. So many women are just giving themselves away, so when someone like me come along, men expect for me to be just like the others. No, no, no. I want to always be different than the other women, when a man meets me. Always!  I’ve never been to his place either. I wish I was this strong in my late 20’s. I know what I want, and who I want now that I’m in my 40’s.

I’m going to miss my friend…. I have to move on. We’re on two different pages. But he’ll  always be in my heart.

 

Be Blessed

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One of my favorite Students * I love kids*

1216855446-hr-1382Today was a silent day. My BFF can always tell when something is going on with me. Sometimes it makes me sick.(LOL) I get quiet and she knows it. More on that in my next blog entry.

I knew that when I went to work this morning the students would make me feel better. Its a trip that I prayed for a gurl when Nesha was born. I’m finding out that my bond is closer with the boys. They don’t have attitudes, they play too much, and will try you, but for the most part…. I think I’ve been sleeping on them.

I have never in my life seen so many gurls with attitudes… for NO reason. But I study them, I found out that gurls go through a lot. We are very emotional, and we think about stuff way too much. Boys let it go through their minds and its over. Imma have to talk to GOD about that. LOL Here I am still thinking about an email almost a week ago, and the person who sent it, probably aint thought no more about it. LOL Its funny, but its not. I need to find out why we’re like this.

I remember being 14 and thinking about boys all day long. I couldn’t sleep too busy thinking about boys. And trust me, they do the same thing, as soon as the bell ring, they are somewhere looking for their gurlfriends and HER friends to play in the hall way. I’m learning with kids though, that they are doing exactly what they’re suppose to do…. PLAY and learn from their experiences.

This one boy, he’s just like me…. let people get under his skin. I’m better with it because I’m older and have more experience with dealing. I see myself in him so much its crazy. What amazes me is that people LOOK for opportunities to get under our skin. Seems as if they wake up to find people *like us* to irritate. But as soon as we SNAP….THEY’RE DONE WITH US!!! And you know what’s a trip? I have been in SO many situations where I’d find myself in, and I have to end up praying myself out of TURNING INTO THE INCREDIBLE HULK! I was standing in line one day, and the lady at the register was taking so long, with decided which things she wanted, she was with her friend who was so embarrassed, she left and went to sit in the car. This lady took so long, didn’t care about how long the line was. I was seconds from turning into the HULK. And when I get like this * not too often* I have to walk around in my little square, and think about PEACEFUL things like……. Flowers.. roses, water, rain, trees, clouds, God/Jesus, bathtub, rivers, and grass to keep me from turning into a green monster. My legs get to moving side to side, and my eyes probably turn GOLD. LOL I get hot, and if my mind wander from those things I name…. I can feel the ROAR in me when the HULK wants to rise. The best thing is…. I can hear God so clearly saying, Lacrease you can do it, just be calm, stay focus, don’t embarrass me, relax, its okay. So, I know what this boy is going through. He doesn’t know how to find a medium in how to react. I told him today…. its still a struggle for me… and I’m 46. He was shocked when I told him I still struggle. He’s a serious person just like me, and the people who love to play, love to get an reaction out of us, will be the ones to push our buttons. We had a good long talk today. I think he’s one of my favorites. 🙂

What hurts me the most is seeing those young gurls who are going through something. This one gurl walks the hall so slow, and with something heavy on her heart. I can tell when she looks at me that something is going on with her at home. I can feel it. I went to her and introduced myself and said to her… if you ever want to talk to me, you can.. my name is Ms. Walker and what ever we talk about is between me and you. I saw her today and my heart smiled. There is so much molestation and rape going on with these kids… it pisses me off. I know the spirit. Then some come to school and be as tough as they wanna be, then there are those who suffer in silence…. gotta leave this topic alone.:(

Next week is Spring Break… YES!!!! I’m going to the movies this weekend with my friends, and next week… I will be writing and catching up on personal things.

Be Blessed!

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LOVE *deep love*

LOVE….

So, my new friend will be gone soon. We talked for a very long time last night, and he made it clear that he wants to be in my life. But we are not on the same page in many areas. That’s important to me. And its okay…. I hate for people to try to make a size 8 work on an 11 feet. This lady who I use to work with use to always say…. “don’t worry about the person who you’ve met not being the ONE, that means the person who is for you is STILL OUT THERE.” You have to turn loose this one, in order to get to HIM. Wow, I so get that!!!

LOVE 2

On a LOVE note….

My heart is open to LOVE. When you LOVE someone DEEP, its funny how the person whom you LOVE will know even if you don’t say a word. I LOVE that. I’m so personal and private…. I wont admit it to the person, but he would know. Unless we are face to face and I can see his facial expression. LOVE is something you just can’t help. Yes…. you are right!! And there is nothing you can do about it!!!

On my way to bed…. lots to think about tonight. I hate when someone comes BACK into your life, and mix your head up… LOL LOL Why do I keep allowing this? L O V E

good night

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I’m sad :(

god has a reasonI had a wonderful day at work today. When I came home from Georgia, I didn’t want to go back to Walmart. Seems like no one understood that. Yes, I was making GOOD MONEY there, and I’m good friends with all the managers, several are on my FB page. I just didn’t want to do that. I didn’t want to be bothered with grown folks anymore. I wanted to work at a School with TEENS. I prayed, and prayed,, and prayed and prayed. As time went on, I was getting desperate and needed to work. But all my needs were being met and MORE. SO, it allowed me to hold off on making a decision to go back there. I’m so glad I waited on God. After being fingerprinted by the FBI, I am now working where I want…with Students at a High School….. I LOVE THEM!!! I have many stories to share later on this weekend. LOL

 

I’m looking forward to seeing them tomorrow because TONIGHT…. I’m sad. 😦

 

My friend * guy I like* called me tonight and told me that he got the job at the airport that he’s been waiting for. I’m so sad right now because he works a first job 7-3, and this job will be his afternoon job, so that means I won’t see him anymore after March. He says he’ll come to visit, but I know him, after working 16 hours a day, on his day off he’s going to want to sleep and be with his family. I can’t even cry, it hurts so bad.

 

I’m happy for him, because I know how he feels about this position. But dang…. Here comes this guy that I really like and he’s going to be gone from my life. He lives almost an hour away from me in the first place. This is going to be really hard for me. I’ll see him all weekend here at my job, could be therapy, or it could be tears 😦

 

But I have to be honest here. One day I walked up on him as he was reading the Bible. He looked up and said Hey! I asked what was he reading, he told me, then said…. I’ve been thinking about you. He said GOD told me something/several things ABOUT YOU… after he told me it blew my mind. All I could do is stare at him, caught me totally off guard. After that I went back to my apartment because I had to think alone about what he said.

 

I was sitting in the bathtub, and he called me. He said Lacrease are you mad at me, are you okay? Because I left so abruptly. I said yeah… I’m good. I said what you told me just blew me away. It was then while in the bathtub is when I realized AND KNEW FOR A FACT, that he was only in my life for a season and a reason. God knew it would take for someone I REALLY LIKE to come into my life and tell me what he told me. I knew THEN that eventually he would be leaving my life. I knew it. I knew it. Now that time is here. He was only in my life to share that, and I had to hear it from someone who I liked. I made him feel like everything is fine, and he never brought it up again.

 

My heart is broken AGAIN this week!* I’m a strong woman……I’ll be fine.*

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Temptation…*don’t do it Cree*

CHARSRINGToday was a great day. A day of PEACE in my apartment. I won’t see my boo anymore until Friday, which gives me time to write, and decide what I’m going to do with our friendship. If I decide to part ways with him, its going to be really sad for me because I enjoy being around him, he makes me laugh. I guess the reason why this is on my mind so tuff is because its hard for me to like someone. He is the first person that I’ve liked in years. I meet a lot of men, but either I’m not attracted to them, like they are to me, maybe its the baggage or the lifestyle.I dunno.

 

I met this guy about 2 weeks ago. I was standing in line at a gas station. When this guy walked in….. LOL He opened the door  and looked at me like I was his wife. I smiled at him because he was good looking, had personality like myself, tall dark, handsome. He could NOT stop looking at me, it made me laugh in my mind because I know how I feel when someone catch my eye, I can’t stop staring, and I can STARE. He said to me, hey pretty when you finish come back here and keep me company while I heat up my food. I looked at him like…… heat your food up. He kept talking to me while I was in line, so after I finished paying for my gas, he made sure I came back to the microwave. He’s a truck driver and he stops there at his favorite gas station to heat up his lunch. We talked and laugh, I LOVE TO TALK JUNK * not sexual* we were going back and forth. So, I hand him my phone number, as I gave it to him, I looked down and spotted his WEDDING RING! I said “you’re married?” I said um um I can’t talk to you? He said “we can just be friends!” You know men love to run that line. It was so hard, but I turned around and walked towards the door. He said No, please, SO YOURE TELLING ME I WONT EVER SEE YOU AGAIN? I said YES… you have someone, I’m not going to get to know you, while you’re married!!!!!! He was sick when I walked out of the door. It was hard too. My mom was in the truck, so as I pumped the gas, I couldn’t stop laughing in my mind, and how he kept saying…. “So I won’t ever see you again”? I said NOPE!!!

 

No sooner than I got in the truck,PUMPED MY GAS, he came out of no where, and said wait wait… He opened my car door and I looked at him like……. ARE YOU SERIOUS? He said hi moms, talking to my mother, he said I’m going to call you, saying lets be friends. He called, and when he told me who his wife was I WAS TRIPPING, She’s the daughter of a FAMOUS FAMOUS GOSPEL SINGER. That was our last conversation. I told him, we aren’t even going to get to know each other AT ALL PERIOD. I’m glad that he got the hint, and if he ever called again I wouldn’t answer my phone. Temptation is deep!!!

 

He claim he just wanted to talk and be friends.But that’s how cheating starts right? Being friends!! I would be so offended if my HUSBAND was going around meeting NEW WOMEN but at the same time attracted to her. That’s opening the door to cheating…and all types of sin. I’m NOT doing that. I know what I want. I know what I’m looking for in a man, and I’m not spending ANY of my singleness with MARRIED MEN. I don’t waste my time like that.

 

Women do the same thing!!

In other news……I’m excited about seeing TYLER PERRY’S MOVIE TEMPTATION NEXT WEEKEND! ME AND MY GURLS ARE DOING IT BIG AS WE SHUT DOWN THE MJR VANDYKE. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE me some TYLER PERRY! SO, we will support him next weekend. If you are reading this…. DO THE SAME!

 

Cree

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LOVE AND MARRIAGE

handsonhatcreeTonight is one of those nights where my mind takes me back to some of the things that God told me in the past. Things that I never understood and never really thought about. But lately I’m starting to wonder about something’s. I HATE opening up new scenarios. But I guess sometime you have too. I don’t have the time …..N E way. I sent a special prayer up and I’m going to sit back and see what happens.

I’m special just like he told me.

 

Tonight I was with my friend. I really enjoy his company, but its starting to be a problem…. I can tell. Why can’t he just enjoy my company? I’m not giving my 12-13 years up of celibacy. I DONT CARE WHO YOU ARE! See that’s the problem with most men today, they feel like if they like someone, they’re suppose to sleep with them. It don’t work that way with me. Its bad for gurls like me, who truly want LOVE and MARRIAGE…when all you meet is men who have been spoiled by women… especially those with low self-esteem. I DONT CARE WHO YOU ARE…. I love me. And no matter what I DONT SAY.. trust me I know. I already know that I’m different, I don’t do things according to how the world does it when it comes to my body, and my mind. Just because I’m nice and approachable….. I will “tear that azz up”. Then when I do that….they say I’m “RUDE”.

 

I know this guy isn’t for me. But I really enjoying seeing him, BEING AROUND HIM, and talking to him. I just feel bad that he looks at me in a way, and in my mind I know he will NEVER have me. I’m thinking about going my own way…. its hard for him to be around me, and I understand. Now I’m asking… God where is MY HUSBAND?

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NEW SPACE, NEW PLACE, NEW CHAPTER, AND NEW PAGE

Wow what a weekend!!!   I’m telling you, when you are in a NEW SPACE, NEW PLACE, NEW CHAPTER, AND  NEW PAGE…. you see clearly and people differently. This year I’m not for any mess, any drama, NOTHING. I’m not being nice when I need to be DIRECT. There is no reason to be that way, when I’m a straight up person. Anyway enough of that ENERGY! Talk Later!

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