Tag: Lacrease

Posted on

“Dear Tyler Perry: A Letter from a Front Row Fan”

I’ve loved your work for decades. When your plays came to town, I was always right there in the front row—laughing, crying, praising God, and feeling every word like it was written for my life. You reminded us that healing, forgiveness, and faith could walk hand in hand with good storytelling. That’s the Tyler I connected with—the one who made space for Jesus, redemption, and accountability in every production.

So watching you change… it hasn’t been easy.

I know you’ve shared some of the pain and trauma you carry. I’ve read how your mother’s passing affected you, how you’ve turned to edibles and coping mechanisms to manage that grief. I understand that healing isn’t linear. But as someone who’s watched you grow older in the public eye, I can’t help but feel like your art isn’t growing with you.

Your recent sitcoms—filled with vulgarity, excessive sexual content, and even male-on-male scenes that don’t seem rooted in any deeper message—feel disconnected from the man I once saw as a vessel for truth and restoration. It’s not about judging the characters or the choices—they exist in real life too—it’s about the intention behind the scenes. Once, your work held up a mirror to the soul. Now, it feels more like a show for shock.

Some will say you’ve evolved. But from where I sit, it doesn’t look like growth. It looks like unresolved pain.

You once led with purpose. Now, it feels like you’re walking with the crowd. I never expected perfection from you—but I did expect alignment with the message you built your legacy on. The Tyler who taught us how to forgive our fathers, how to get out of bad relationships, how to stand in the name of God—that Tyler seems distant.

And maybe… maybe this letter isn’t about disappointment. Maybe it’s about mourning. Mourning the loss of an artist who once made so many of us feel seen and understood in ways Hollywood never could.

I still care. I still respect your work ethic. But as a supporter who believed in the why behind your storytelling, I hope you come back to center.

Love always, A front-row sister who still believes in your light.

Subscribe to my YouTube channel coming back in September.

http://www.youtube.com/@Creasygurl

.

Posted on

God Knew/Short Stories


One day I was at the red light, on the over pass, on my way to work.

I heard God say.. LaCrease pray RIGHT NOW as if today was your last day living. He said PRAY NOW. At first I thought I was tripping, because it was with urgency and he said before the light turn green. I remember saying.. God right now? He said pray NOW.

I remember saying Lord Thank you for my life, my family that you hand picked for me. Forgive me for all my Sins, known and unknown. I told him that I wanted to LIVE with him forever. Then….. the light turned green and I was about to enter I-94.

As I was driving, I’m thinking okay what is God up too, what is going on? He knows I ask a lot of questions and think a lot. I’m wondering if I was about to die, I didn’t know what was happening, but I PRAYED just as he told me.

I’m driving and JUST LIKE THAT… I started thinking about something else, and forgot all about what God had me to do. Just as I turned the radio on, and continued to drive to work.. all I saw was BRIGHT RED LIGHTS in front of me. People were breaking HARD. I didn’t know what was going on to cause this all of a sudden STOP. The truck in front of me was blocking my view so I had to rely on him when to stop breaking. All of a sudden, he swerved over to the left, and that’s when I was able to see what he was seeing. When he swerved over I was RIGHT THERE about to run in the back of another TRUCK/SUV HARD!!!! When I say HARD… There was NO WAY in this world I would have survived that accident.  NO WAY!!!! I WAS DEAD!!!

The truck that swerved over to the left  allowed me to see that HE was about to run in the back of another SUV truck. Once I saw what he saw, not only was I BREAKING HARD.. but I didn’t have enough time to stop, so I too had to swerve to the left.. as well. THANK GOD NO OTHER CAR WAS THERE.

I would have DIED.. The impact would have crushed the front end of my car so badly, that it would have blew my chest out. It gave me an instant headache. It never went away that day, and my breaks took a beating.

God knew I was happy to be alive.

Posted on

My Spiritual Dream About My daughter and My Nieces / Stort Stories

This year, I spent New Year’s with my daughter at her home. One night, I remember going to sleep and dreaming that my mother was mad at me for some reason. She was on the porch, and I was standing on the sidewalk. After she finished talking to me, I turned around to my daughter and two nieces. That’s when they told me they were going to walk to the store. Just then, I realized that we didn’t live in Detroit; we lived in Las Vegas. They would never walk anywhere—they would drive. I looked around and saw lights and people everywhere. Realizing that we lived in Vegas, I felt it was safe enough to walk to the store. Just then, I heard God say, “If you let them go to the store, you won’t see them again.” I know God’s voice, and I KNEW it was Him. I said, “Lord, but they’re grown; I can’t stop them.” He repeated it, this time louder and clearer: “If you let them walk to the store, you won’t see them again.” I knew it was God, and I immediately woke up. I sat there wondering what had just happened. I started thinking, “Okay, we live in Detroit. Why does my dream have us living in Vegas? What is God saying?” I put it together. He knew they were planning to go there.

I called my daughter into my room and told her my dream. As I was telling her, she had this look on her face. That’s when she said, “Momma, we were texting a few days ago that we should plan a trip to Las Vegas this year.” We both had chills. She got up to get her phone and SHOWED me the text messages. We sat there in shock. All kinds of thoughts went through our minds. I never knew they had a conversation about going there.

I had a dream some years ago where God sent me to tell people to WAKE UP before it’s too late. After telling them, I woke up and couldn’t believe the assignment He sent me on. After walking around my house for a few minutes, I asked God if I could go back into my dream to see if the people woke up. So, I laid down and I was back in the dream. You can read that right here. https://lacreasewalker.com/2007/04/16/my-dream-2/

This is why my daughter asked me to ask God if I can go back into the dream to see why they couldn’t go. She knew that God let me go back into a dream to see what happened to the others. I told her that dream was too real and to the point to want to know WHY. She knew that, but it still made her want to know.

With four months before the New Year 2025, they have no plans to go. I have two sisters, and we all have only one daughter each. I spoke with both Sisters and we DO NOT PLAY WITH GOD. My mother said she couldn’t bear to lose her only three granddaughters. The girls are disappointed, but they know the Lord is real and they plan to sit this one out.

BRIDE: BRITTNEY

LEFT: NELL

MAID OF HONOR: NESHA

Posted on

My Vent!

Image result for VENTING

Hey Family!

Wow what a month!!! So, I guess this will be my “vent” blog. I know I can’t be the only one going through something like what I’m about to write about. Sometimes I dunno how to feel about how I feel. Or even if I’m “right” about feeling the way I feel.

I’ve always been the kind of person who attract a lot of people. I think its because of my easy to get along personality. I don’t like drama, I’m honest and will be truthful with you, I’m everyone’s therapist, and I’ve always enjoyed good stories and real life lessons from different people.

Sometimes I feel people want too much from me. Since I turned 32 ((( now 51))) I have really, really, chilled from having company over. In my 20’s I had my good friends over and cousins and we would have a ball. I’m still close to EVERYONE of them, and they seem to know me well. I enjoy cooking collard greens, fried chicken, corn bread, corn on the cob and I would invite friends and family over and this would become a daily for me no matter what I’m cooking. I’m not that person today anymore because people have burnt me OUT! They expect for dinner to be made for them every day!!! Never bringing anything, always expecting. No company, NO DINNERS! DONE with that life forever!

I’m done raising my daughter, my only child. Most people I know, are still raising kids. My problem is, they seem to feel that just because I’m live alone that I have all day to talk to them over the phone, go places with them. I ENJOY having a empty nest. I can do whatever I want! These are the same people who cant wait for their kids to be grown and gone, so they can be alone, but seem to think I want to be bothered all the time. I enjoy my quiet time. I can cook whenever I want, eat what I want. Sleep all day, and jump in my car and go anywhere I want. I am far from lonely when all people want to do is call my phone, hop in my car, and sit on my couch while I listen to their stories all dayum day. I’m good! Done with that life forever!

I’m a Virgo, if you know anything about us, you know we love to be alone and do our own thing. We don’t need company, we dont need friends, we LOVE to be alone. YEs, we enjoy family and friends, and we often link up. But don’t make it seem as if I need company just because my house is empty, and STOP FEELING OFFENDED WHEN I TELL YOU IM GOING ALONE! Like tomorrow, I’m going to the movies in the morning ALONE, now if I mention it to anyone on any day, first thing out of their mouths is, “why didn’t you ask me to go with you”? As if I’m lonely, or ESPECIALLY acting funny and didn’t want to invite anyone. I’m grown, my daughter is gone and I can get in MYYYYYYYYYYY car and go anywhere I want to go. I don’t need company to go with me, and I shouldn’t have to feel that I’m “acting funny” for not inviting anyone. It pisses me off so bad. So now, I don’t tell anyone where I’m going, I just go. Now! They say, you don’t go anywhere…. NO THAT’S NOT IT, ITS THAT YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT IT, BECAUSE YOU WOULD WANT TO GO WITH ME! **rolls eyes**

If I’m having a conversation about what we made for dinner, and I’ll say. I made collard greens, fried chicken, corn bread and corn on the cob, they would say…… ” Why didn’t you bring me some’? It would be in a tone where they feel that just because its MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and me alone eating dinner, that I made enough for them and who ever else. No! I made dinner for me to eat for 2 days. I don’t make dinner for 7 people just “in case” someone ask for a plate. Now, here is my thing. The good person in me what to cook dinner for others like I use too. But then people started depending on me. They wanted me to do it every week, or every time I made dinner. They would ask me what did you cook today? After a while, I was like wait, the very thing I enjoy doing for others, has turned into a burden for me. They expect for me to cook food daily, and when I would say I didn’t cook yesterday they were disappointed and made me feel some kinda way. So, I had to stop that altogether. DONE!

I love to drive and have no problem jumping in my car and going where I need and want to go. I have a friend who always get into debates with her sisters about whose going to drive where. Now me on the other hand LOVE to drive. I will again, jump in my car and go. But when I’m with this friend she always wants me to drive. It makes me mad because just because I enjoy driving doesn’t mean I want to drive because SHE wants and need to go somewhere. So, I stop dealing with her when it comes to going anywhere. You either want to go or NO!  But as for meeeeeeee, I have the get up and go when it comes to me going where I want to go. I dont like that back and forth, I drove last time, its your turn. NOOOOOOOO, I’m going to drive my own car to the same place and you drive yours. I hate pettiness~!

Now, again, I’m going to the movies tomorrow, If I ask people who want to go, but didn’t go, their answer would be, because the drive is too far. Yes, its a 35 minute drive, but I love to drive, but if that’s the reason why you didn’t go, then you really wont be riding with me EVER! Here is why. When people see that you love to drive and is willing go whenever, they expect for you to always call them to invite them. These people will NEVER drive to see a movie because they dont feel like driving. I love to go alone, so I’ll never be asking anyone again unless its my mommy and daughter. Or I’m in a group setting.

I’m learning a lot about people and myself. I laugh sometimes, and sometimes I shake my head.

You { Murderer }

Posted on

God’s Voice To The Remote Starter/BLOG

Image result for remote starters

Hey Family!!!

Its been freezing here in Michigan since last month. When I say freezing I mean temperatures -5 below. In the day time its so cold, that even if you’re off work that day, its wise to go out and start your car for a good 20 minutes to warm up the engine.

One morning, I got up at 6:30 am and went out to warm up my engine because I knew  I wasn’t going anywhere that day. As I sat in my car, I saw cars start without the owner in them, and I knew what that was all about. People had remote starters and were starting their cars up from the building. All I kept saying to myself is, I sure wish this car had one.

Later on that day, as I thought about the coming week and the dropping temperatures with snow, the remote starter came to my mind again. The VOICE said, ask Nesha (( my daughter)) to send you a photo of the remote that’s on her set of keys to the car. Right away she sent it to me. I have one that goes to the car on my ring, but she has 2 on her key ring to the same car. Hers is way different than mines, so I told her that when I saw her again, that I wanted it to see if it remote started. But in the meantime I went on line and looked up remote starters and found one that looked just like the one Nesha sent me that’s on her set of keys.

The very next day, I got it!!! I went to the car and kept clicking and clicking and clicking and CLICKING! Nothing! It didn’t even unlock the door. Either the battery was dead, or it wasn’t working PERIOD!!!!.It looked way different than the one I had been using.  I continued to make sure I started my car in the snow and below temperatures, even if it meant freezing my behind off without a remote starter.

DAYS later, the REMOTE STARTER…. came to my mind AGAIN, with a VOICE saying…. “YOU DO HAVE A REMOTE STARTER.” I thought that was a weird LOUD thought, because I had THE REMOTE with me, and every time I went to the car, I tried to use it………. NOTHING. But this VOICE had me thinking. I couldn’t figure out why I kept thinking about THIS NON WORKING REMOTE?

So, I went to work, and walked up to 5 of my coworkers, 3 male and 2 female and asked them to take a look at my remote to tell me if it was a starter or not. It had a star on it, as if it was a starter. The men looked at it one by one, asked me a few questions, and said that it looked like a regular car door remote, and NOT a starter.  One of the men had one, and he told me that a remote starter looks like this…. Image result for remote startersOne of the women SHOWED me hers and it was IDENTICAL to the one I had,  she said mines is not a remote starter, and hers wasn’t either. I figured it wasn’t, but decided to ask one of the men to show me how to open it so that I could at least buy another battery to see if that was the issue. But half way through him working to open it, I said that’s okay.

I got off work and  HEARD THE VOICE AGAIN……. “YOU DO HAVE A REMOTE STARTER!!”  So, I tried it ONE LAST TIME. It DID’NT WORK! I was done with thinking about it, and done with trying to work it.

About 4-5 days later, I had forgotten all about it. When I heard this VOICE out of the blue say AGAIN…. “YOU DO HAVE A REMOTE STARTER. ” I knew it was God. I remember saying to him, my friends says I don’t have one. One friend showed me hers and it was the same, and she doesn’t have one. I said WHY DO I KEEP THINKING ABOUT THIS REMOTE GOD???? It doesn’t work and I’m good with it. See God and I have this lovely relationship, he KNOWS I’M SPECIAL.. HE knows I ask HIM questions over and over and over again. He knows I ask 1000 questions on the same subject. He KNOWS…. that I go through many channels before I get things right SOMETIMES. HE knows me. He knows that I have to go over in my mind things way too many times, over analyze and then COME TO MY SENSES. So just know, He LOVES ME, AND THIS IS HOW WE COMMUNICATE because this is HOW I LEARN. He has patience with me, and he NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER leave me hanging.

SO with that being said….

After hearing him say AGAIN…….. “YOU HAVE A REMOTE STARTER!!!” I decided to go to my car and I made it my business to work with that starter. I knew how it worked, so I took my time with it and I kept thinking about that VOICE. For some reason the green light on the remote lite up THIS time when I went to unlock the car. I started thinking, when my co-worker was opening it, before I told him its okay, he must have loosen up the battery part and somehow made it work. Because when I tried it before it was dark outside and that light DID NOT COME ON. So when it came on THIS TIME and the door unlocked, it tripped me out. I clicked the yellow starter button (( mines look just like that))Image result for remote starters  once for a few seconds, then a second time… IT CAME ON!!!!! LOL LOL LOL MY CAR STARTED. LOL LOL I COULDN’T BELIEVE IT!!!! I KEPT TAPPING MYSELF BECAUSE IT DIDN’T SEEM LIKE THIS WAS HAPPENING. GOD SAID IT!!! HE KEPT MAKING IT COME TO MY MIND! LOL LOL I COULDN’T SHAKE THOSE WORDS.

This was the very same remote I tried 100 times, it was the one MY COWORKERS looked at and said NO it was a regular remote. But God said… “IT IS A REMOTE STARTER.” You can get up in the mornings and REMOTE START your car just like everybody else. I could not stop LAUGHING. I LAUGHED, AND LAUGHED, AND LAUGHED, AND LAUGHED, AND LAUGHED, AND LAUGHED, AND LAUGHED, AND LAUGHED, AND LAUGHED, AND LAUGHED, AND LAUGHED, AND LAUGHED, AND LAUGHED, AND LAUGHED, AND LAUGHED, AND LAUGHED, AND LAUGHED!!!!

I had my Nisan for 4 years and NEVER KNEW I HAD A REMOTE STARTER! LOL LOL

THE BLESSING IN THIS STORY IS NOT THE REMOTE STARTER… ITS THE VOICE OF GOD!!! SEE, I CAN DO WITHOUT THE STARTER, BUT THE VOICE IS WHAT I CANT LIVE WITHOUT!

BE BLESSED!

Chopin Script Regular

FullSizeRender (11)

Posted on

I challenge you to get to know YOURSELF… all over again!/BLOG

FullSizeRender (68)

Hey

Today I decided to call off from work. Its been a while since I did that, because when I do I feel so guilty. But tonight I’m glad I did. Today was one of those days where I’m feeling some kinda way. So many questions to God and things that I have learned about myself. I really needed this day off.

I challenge you to get to know yourself, think about YOU, realize and come to some conclusions about things. Think about consequences YOU had to deal with because of YOUR immature decisions.  Its okay. Cry, laugh, and think about things in the past. I did and I’m glad. I want to share them with you.

  • I find myself often asking God, why do we have to stay “down here” with people who just want to kill and hurt others? Yes, I know Jesus will come for us, and I look forward to that day. But I still ask, because I often wonder if I could survive if some of the things that happen to others, would happen to me. That’s so scary to me.
  • I realize that once upon a time.. I cared what people thought about me. I cared about the wrong things. Recently a coworker came to me and told me that she was pregnant with her 3rd baby, at 19. She was feeling some kinda way, because she and her kids father were already having a hard time with a baby sister while they work, not to mention the fact that she was embarrassed, and ashamed that she was pregnant again. I was so happy she came to me, because of my experience I was able to help her come to her conclusion. I was so glad that I am a person who can share my experiences (( because I revisited them and healed)) with others, and I don’t GIVE A DAM about what people think ANYMORE. I told her how I had my daughter at 19 and 3 months later I was pregnant again. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone except her dad. I was ashamed and VERY AFRAID WHAT OTHERS WOULD THINK OF ME. I decided very quickly that I would have an abortion. I was especially afraid of what my parents would think of me. At 3 months I had an abortion and never thought about it again until I was in my 30’s. I shared my story with my co-worker and told her this: This is YOUR baby, yes you may be ashamed, but at the end of the day….. if you decide to have an abortion it will be with you for the rest of your life. You can raise this baby, you can do it. When you lay eyes on your baby for the first time, you’re going to ask yourself…. how could I ever consider killing you? I told her don’t care or worry about what the next person has to say about you, because at the end of the day this is your baby, YES THE ONE GOD GAVE YOU. And with that, her baby boy will be born sometimes this summer. Amen!
  • I realize that I enjoy being alone more that I ever thought. My personality attracts a lot of people. No matter where I go someone always have a story for me. I don’t mind because God wired me up to be a listener and a person who gives good GODLY advice. I’ll be 50 this year, and with my age comes a lot of experience and WISDOM. With that being said.. so when I’m home, I like to chill out. I don’t talk on the phone unless its my parents or my siblings. (( and I have the nerve to have the iPhone 7 PLUS)) I hate talking on the phone. So I write a lot and that’s my personal therapy. Now don’t get me wrong. I LOVE being around people, I love  going to the movies, or my favorite mall. I love get to gethers to play cards, laugh and talk junk. I LOVE to travel, and I LOVE ENTERTAINMENT. Its just that when I’m HOME… that’s my place of PEACE.. AND I LET NO ONE DISTURB THAT LIFE!
  • I’m very territorial when it comes to my daughter, my family and a few friends.
  • I HATE when women talk about other women. I just HATE it. What they don’t realize is, when you do that, you’re only making your OWN self esteem go down. What you think about others, you FEAR others think about you. FLAT OUT! Stop that. Build! Find something about her that stands out in a good way and focus on that in your mind. Trust me, she has something way more valuable than you. God made her differently.
  • I love about myself is the fact that I don’t have to look cute everyday. I can throw on some clean clothes and just run my errands looking ruff in the face. And, I know that I can throw on some clothes and as soon as I hit the outdoors MEN ARE STARING AND SMILING.. I love this about myself. LOVE IT. I DO ME DAILY! ME ME ME… now do YOU YOU YOU!

Take a inventory of yourself and discover you all over again!

I AM La’Crease and I don’t have to do ANYTHING ELSE!

FullSizeRender (12)

 

 

 

Posted on

At First Site Chemistry/BLOG-REPOST

In 2014, I  went on several interviews searching for the right one for me. I was called to a 10:00 am appointment and when I walked into the lobby I was feeling GREAT and CONFIDENT.

I  checked in, then sat on the couch and waited for the person to “come out” to get me. As I soaked up the lovely atmosphere, and beautiful interior decorations, I noticed a glance at me. I didn’t pay it any attention because I was busy looking around the place, but when he looked over at me for the  2nd and 3rd time…. I paid attention. I said to myself…… “is this man looking at me?” As I begin to focus on him.. I noticed that he was fine as hell, TALL… handsome, sexy, thick, pretty white teeth, suited up, pretty eyes, sexy lips, goatee, and very humble. I sat there trying to ignore him, because I know how my body respond to what I’m thinking and seeing. A INTERVIEW was the WRONG place for this. I kept trying to ignore his glances, until I realized what he was doing.

I realized …..he was interviewing. I thought to myself…. “I hope he’s not the one doing the interviewing for me.” I’m finding myself staring at him. He’s so dayum fine …he catches my eye. I found it hard to turn away. I was nervous. I can’t be interviewed by him because I know me… I’ll be nervous. Oh my GOD.. I thought to myself.. this is not happening to me. Not today. Not this time in my life. Not for a interview! So… I sat there. I tried to convince  myself that he wasn’t the one to interview me, that maybe there were several interviewers. I had to have went over this in my head about 20 times.

He kept looking at me, so I decided that I was leaving. Nope, I wasn’t about to be interviewed by this man. He was NOT going to intimidate me.  He was NOT going to have me saying stupid stuff and giving dumb answers. Nope not today. Now had this been one of my ruff looking days, I may have taken the stares differently.  Because in my mind, I’m thinking Ok Cree….he thinks you’re cute today, just wait till he sees you looking good. But on this day………………… I was looking good!!! My face was MAC FLAWLESS ** in my Beyonce voice**… skin beautiful, eyes locking, lips poppin, hair on point * no wigs or fake hair*, smile… SMILING, eye lashes batting, smelling good,  had on my all black outfit with my boots…. couldn’t tell me nothing as I left out of my apartment.

I sat there…. I made up my mind that I was leaving. Wasn’t going to put myself through this.. I’ve been down this STREET a time or two of being CHEMISTRY intimidated and not able to get out of it. I stood up, grabbed my purse… just then I remembered that I parked valet and didn’t have my keys. Dayum.. I said to myself and sat back down. I decided that I was going to stay. That I was going to get through this interview and have full control. I fought myself all while he was still interviewing.  There aren’t many times a woman look into a mans eyes and feel a certain way on first site. Its a feeling that paralyzes you. But I must admit its one of the sexiest minutes to be apart of. But dang…. why couldn’t this happen while at the grocery store, mall or restaurant somewhere…… NOT AN INTERVIEW.

He stands up and shakes the hand of the person he just interviewed and the person leaves. My heart is pounding as he’s walking towards me to get to the desk to ask “whose next”. We make eye contact and we speak at the same time. I knew he was coming for me. I felt it. I was in trouble. He goes to the desk and the gurl points at me. “DAMMIT” I said in my mind… he IS the one going to interview me. I embraced myself as he walked towards me looking me DEAD in my eyes, trying to “download” my every thought in my head…..through my eyes. We smiled and its a wrap for me…. I already know. He walks toward me and says ” LaCrease Walker?”…. Yes, I said as I stood up to shake his hand. He walks in front of me and says lets go over to this table * the one he was at while doing the other interview*. I was SO nervous… I started to say… “YOU KNOW WHAT?” I’m good on this job, it was nice for you to call me. I’m outta here. But I didn’t.

He sat in the chair and I sat on the couch. There was also a table there that had all of my information on. I couldn’t turn my mind off of how FINE he was up close. As he looked at my resume, I was trying to calm down. I knew that if I got up to leave, that yes, I would miss out on a good job opportunity, but at that time, it was better than sitting there without my brain..  He looked good from afar, but up close OH MY GAWD!!!! I kept telling myself…GURL….. get it together. It was silence as he looked down. He knew what he was doing. He was loading up on me, when he came up from my resume and asked that first question… I knew he would take FULL CONTROL. After he asked the question… he sat back and had his way with me. Looking me so deep into my eyes, downloading everything about me. Reading me, taking mental notes. Just dogging MEEE out.  All I could do was try to stay focus. The chemistry was so deep..so ALIVE. So in my face. Then he asked more questions. Still staring me in my eyes as I spoke…so sexy and so sensual. I felt my body reacting to his stares. I tried to redirect my thoughts, but he kept staring and thinking. I know my eyes started telling him what my thoughts were… I couldn’t even help it.

Whenever he spoke about the company… that was my time to regroup my thoughts and get myself together. I kept having to have these pep talks with myself, because I didn’t know how much of these intense stares I could take. I just wanted to walk out in the middle of  one of HIS QUESTIONS. I didn’t have anything to lose. He didn’t know me and I didn’t know him. Just as I got myself together, there goes another question. A time for me to talk while he download my thoughts. THEN…… in the MIDDLE of me answering a question… he stops me and says… “Take off your coat”.

In my mind…..I’m like this is NOT happening to me!!! This is not. I told him that I was fine. He insist. He wasn’t going to ask another question until I did. The way he said it.. it wasn’t in a sexual way… or out of order…. NOT AT ALL… LET ME BE CLEAR…to him….. it only made sense to “get comfortable”… since I appeared to be ” NERVOUS”. I didn’t  want to do it…. if I ever had a chance to get out of it…. IT WAS GONE NOW. I stood up and the space between his chair and the couch I was sitting on… placed me right in front of him.. LIKE RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. I began taking off my coat… I tried to turn my head as I did it.. but our eyes locked and I PROMISE ON every TRUTH IN ME…. this man took off my coat for me!!!!  His eyes told my coat to come off… AND IT OBEYED  I had never in my life FELT ANYTHING SO INTENSE. When I took it off and sat it on the couch.. I felt NAKED! I am a very shapely woman, and for the first time I didn’t want it seen. Its funny now looking back on it… but it wasn’t then. …. I don’t even remember the interview after that. LOL Whenever he spoke and shared things with me about the company, I reloaded trying to get “the POWER” back that he  was “stealing” from me. Didn’t work.

When it was my turn to answer the questions… my mind started failing me again.. worse every time. I starting thinking about kissing him, laying on the couch…all of this sexual stuff started coming to my mind. I’m saying to myself… “Guuuuuuuuuurl if you don’t knock it off and get it together!!! I couldn’t even help it… I was under a spell. The way he was looking at me.. he knew what he was doing. I was weak and he knew it. He controlled the whole atmosphere and  was loving it. FINALLY …. the interview was over. YES!!!! He said.. I’m going to set you up on for a second interview. I was happy about that. He told me what time to come back in 2 days. I got to my car sat in it….. and almost needed a cigarette. I don’t smoke cigarettes, weed, anything… don’t even drink.. but I needed a hit of something that day. I was in a daze all the way home. I kept hitting my wrist asking myself…. what the HELL JUST HAPPENED? The experience was GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAT!!! But ….. not at a INTERVIEW!

I thought about that man all day and all night. I couldn’t even sleep the meet was that INTENSE. I had a plan for him.I was going to “get that ass back”. When I go back… I was going to be in CONTROL. I was not going to let him take over my mind, sexually and mentally again. I didn’t sleep for 2 days thinking about it. I remembered what he said…. he kept saying how he loved my bubbly personality. This time… I was going to be about BUSINESS . I LOVE that about myself. I can give you BUBBLY, SMILES, LAUGHS, FUNNY, JOKES, COMMUNICATION, SEXY, everything… but when I put on my BUSINESS FACE…….YOU WILL NOT be able to figure me out… because I’m in control of MEEEEEEEEE. I LOOOOOOOVE  that in myself.

The day and hour came for me to go back for a second interview… I walked up in that Hotel like  I WAS PART OWNER.. lol * Sure did*… Had on my BUSINESS face like………..who WANTS TO SEE ME AND WHERE THEY AT?  Guess who comes out to greet me.. looking BETTER THAN THE TWO DAYS BEFORE… GOOD GAWD…. um um ummmmm. One look into my eyes  as we shook hands to greet……and he said….. “You don’t seem as bubbly as you did before”… I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF IN MY MIND. The nerve!!! HAHAHA YES ITS WORKING…. He said you’re okay? I said YES… I’m good!!!!:)  I’m saying in my mind as we lock eyes… “what you want me to sit around here naked in the second interview too?” NOT GON HAPPEN BOO.  I was so happy I had my POWER back. He was looking good though… but I was ready for him and his PARALYZING STARES.

He directs me to the same area we were in before. But this time I sat in the other chair that sits a table and couch. He leaves to get the person who wants to meet and interview me . They both come back, but only the guy who is doing the interviewing sits down, he left.  We got to talking about the job, then about his friends, dogs, homeless people, being sick.. kids, everything. We WERE KICKING IT.. I was so comfortable… I felt so good. He was so cool. I knew I had this job.  I was looking forward to working with him. After a while, it wasn’t even like I was in a interview. It was like we were friends that had a lot in common.

Then…………here HE comes…. didn’t he PARK his FINE ass on the couch.… sat and stared at me THE WHOLE TIME while I was being interviewed. I’m saying to myself.. GOD MAKE HIM LEAVE!!!!! Make him go do something else! I’m thinking why is he sitting in on this persons interview?  OMG..I cant take it. He got me. He got me good.  He watched my every move, heard every word I said.. analyzed me, captivated me, sexually intimidated me, took off my clothes without ONE touch, downloaded all my thoughts, made me apart of his atmosphere, and took all MY POWER away. I tried to ignore his presence… I tried to pretend he wasn’t there. I tried to believe this wasn’t happening to me. I tried to stop looking at him. He was loving it. He knew exactly what he was doing. I had no control. The guy who was doing the interview was so into his story and life.. he had no idea “I left the building.” He had no idea what was happening. He had no idea, that whatever he was talking about I couldn’t hear him.  This man sat there and stared at me like I was dinner and left overs.

After that… didn’t even matter. I was butt naked again.. in his presence. I just let myself go. What the hell I thought to myself… he won! My thoughts took over….. my body REACTED. At one point… I tried hard to get back FOCUSED…. but it was like little kids in my head with markers, crayons, pencils and ink pens… coloring and scribble scrabbling all over my thoughts.

Then came time for paper work. We had to get in the elevator ALONE together.. and oh boy…. NOT THE ELEVATOR…. so personal… so sensual. The chemistry…… can’t even explain. I will say… that I LOVED  the experience.. I LOVED how I felt… I LOVED the attraction and chemistry between us… but it was the wrong place.

He hired me, came time for Orientation, he announced to me and the others that he was leaving for another job….I didn’t know how I felt about that. But one thing I do know, all the other women who were hired started talking about how FINE he was whenever he left the room. 🙂

Looking back, I would NEVER trade this experience in for anything in the world, its not often a WOMAN feel this way on first glance.

*photos are not of anyone in MY story… just a visual*

Digitalino Regular

IMG_1520.JPG

Posted on

A few QUICK words/BLOG

Women know your worth. Stop letting these men treat you any kinda way. Stop it. God loves you and he is NEVER pleased when you allow someone to mistreat you. He won’t do you that way BECAUSE he CREATED you, don’t allow anyone else to do it.

Take time to be alone. Stop saying that you HATE to be alone. Stop saying being alone makes you think of your past. Maybe you need to face your past. The more time you spend alone the less drama you become apart of. Invite God into your space. Feel HIS LOVE.

Listen to others their trials and life lessons. Stop feeling that since this is THEIR story, it won’t happen to you one day. LISTEN to them, learn from them so if that storm do come your way, you will have knowledge of it and watch it past right over your house ((life))

Stop judging others, the more you judge someone else, THE HARDER YOU ARE ON YOURSELF!!! Because what you see in them, you will surely see in yourself and then START TO FEEL SOME KINDA WAY. STOP that!

Find out what it feels like to LOVE and be LOVED. Once you get a glimpse of REAL LOVE, you won’t tolerate anything else.. I PROMISE YOU THAT. Ask God to show you that kinda LOVE, be persistent with your prayer about it. Allow him to wrap his arms around you.Embrace it. Feel it. Enjoy it, and DONT EVER FORGET IT.

BlackFat

IMG_1464

 

 

Posted on

Hello I AM…/BLOG

Looking back over the years…. I’ve changed. I’ve changed a lot, and whole lot. The things I use to do, I no longer do them, and when I think about it, some are funny and some… I just kinda want to forget. But, I won’t because it all has made me the woman I am today.

For as long as I can remember I’ve always been the LIFE OF THE PARTY. When La’Crease walks it, its ON AND POPPIN. LOL I would give card gatherings, we would have drinks and talk junk all night over the table. No arguing or fighting, just family friends and fun. I gave a lot of back yard parties that was so popular, I would give them twice a month during the summer. I remember going to see the male dancers with my friends 4-5 times a week, taking lots and lots of photos. I still wondered how I worked 9-5 and still went out nightly. I had lots of male friends, plenty and many who loved and adored me. Most of them are still alive and a few still close to me.

I was always the one who people came to for advice. I remember as a teenager, I asked God for wisdom to help others in finding the truth and even though no one knew my prayer, they all came to see me. And I was happy. For years and years people would get mad at me for having someone else over because they needed to talk to me. I would cook for them, we would talk for hours and hours. I enjoyed that people listened to me, and that they made positive changes from our talks. But after so many years of doing this, it took a toll on me. I was changing, I was tired of talking to people day in and day out when I needed to get my life in order. People wanted all of my time, talking on the phone all day, all night. Then there were those who wanted to come over and talk face to face. OMG, I said that when I moved in my new house on Cadieux all of that would come to an end. And it did.

I hated talking on the phone, and I HATED COMPANY. I was done with the Therapist Life. It was time to do me!  I had a lot of male company .. but God put an end to that too. LOL I started reading my bible more going back to Church, I was done with everything and everyone. I needed a break from it all.

I’m a NERD now. LOL I love going to work and coming home to an empty apartment, being able to shower, change clothes and go the the Detroit River Walk alone. I love going to Belle Isle a huge park surrounded by nothing but water. I love planing trips and I’m also going on a cruise for a WEEK! I don’t have the time and energy to sit and listen to stories all day. I don’t have the patience for that. I don’t even watch TV because program after program can take up your time. I have  certain shows I watch and that’s it. I enjoy peace. I enjoy the company I keep. I enjoy going to the movies alone. Thing is, if I announce that I’m going somewhere, someone would want to go with me. For years I went everywhere with everyone, I’m just not that person anymore…. ALL THE TIME. Now don’t get me wrong, I have several weddings and bridal showers next month , game parties, a pamper session with my sisters,  and I still will listen to a friend who needs me. But, to spend all of my free time listening to others… that’s A NO NO!

I was always afraid of how others saw my change. People are use to being around me, and now I want to be alone, people don’t take that well. They think its them. Its not, its me. I’m always the listener in the car, over the phone, in person, Ughhhhhhhhhh, I’m tired of it. The only time I get to listen to my own thoughts is when I’m alone.

The best thing about this change is, I have options to be alone or go with a HOST OF FAMILY AND FRIENDS WHO LOVE BEING AROUND ME, AND I LOVE BEING AROUND THEM…. Is it selfish of me.. YALP…..After spending so many years “doing others”, it feels good to DO ME!

Back to Black

Posted on

Your life in a blink of an eye/ BLOG

A few days ago, I was driving home in busy downtown traffic. I came to a red turning green light when this car on a side street darted out in front of me without even stopping for the STOP sign he had. I was so angry and MAD, that for the first time in my life, I wanted to ram my car into the back of a car/his car. The blatant DISRESPECT he showed to me, my daughter and HIMSELF, almost took me there. To make matters worst, he turned on his blinker down the same street I was going. My mind was racing, I wanted to KILL this man. The anger that went through my body was unreal. I drove up to his bumper, looked at him and saw that he was an older ARROGANT white man. I laid on my horn and just then he threw his middle finger up at me. Oh the heat that came from my head!!! Just then God spoke to me…. saying THIS IS THE ANGER THAT PEOPLE GET JUST BEFORE THEY KILL SOMEONE. He told me to let it go. I turned off and let him go on by his business. God shared with me how easy it is to be in the heat of the moment. I’m blessed that I can hear God’s voice and chose not to ignore him.

That kind of anger is what get people in trouble everyday. We can no longer ignore his voice. He’s always talking us down from being in trouble. I now know and UNDERSTAND (( but will never condone it)) how people KILL each other because they get caught up in the moment of Anger. I felt what people go through. I left my mind. The emotion.

I was with my daughter, I could have hurt her. I thought about my parents and how disappointed in me they would have been to involve them in my court matters. I thought about my job that might be in jeopardy, my car would have been tore up, a man dead, or maybe me. What if he had pulled a gun on me and shot us? These are the things we MUST STOP to think about before we do something to hurt the next person. There are consequences to our actions, and for me… I don’t have that kinda time and energy to put into a stranger like that. Not La’Crease.

I thought that I would write my experience so that maybe it could stop someone from getting hurt when they’re in the heat of the moment. To stop and think about all the people you would effect. I understand that we come out of ourselves in these moments, but we have to get back to our mind and make the right choice. Its hard… but you will either LET IT GO, OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCE.

Als Script Regular

Design a site like this with WordPress.com
Get started