How I Gained Back My Self Esteem/ PART 2/BLOG

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I was 24 years old (( 6 years in)) when I FINALLY came to my MIND. When I started talking to God about what I was going through. I thought that I would never get over my daughters father. The more sex I had with him, the more I loved him. That’s when I found out that SEX was the soul-tie that kept my mind on this man. The first thing I learned I had to do was, stop the sex. It was so hard. So so so very hard. Every time I saw him, we were a magnet and I had to give it to him. I knew if I could just stop the sex then I would be able to get over him. Sad thing about it,  I knew in my heart that he had to do something terrible to me, to turn me off from him, and that would be how I would be able to walk away. Its a shame that in order for me to get over this man, something bad had to happen. We never fought EVER, so I knew it wouldn’t be that, but it was something, and  when it happened…..I knew then that I had to let him go.

I started reading my Bible and separating myself from my friends to be more in tuned with God. I started reading how much God loved me no matter what I did. In my mind he was in charge of my LIFE. He was the man I had to please, and that’s when I started learning my worth. I was never a person who compared myself to other women, because it was clear to me that GOD MADE EVERYONE DIFFERENT. I enjoyed and loved the fact that I WAS THE ONLY ONE MADE LIKE ME. You can say, I favor this person or that person, but I was the ONLY LACREASE GOD MADE…and that made me HAPPY. So that alone made me NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER want or desire to be like anyone else,  because I KNEW.. that God loved me enough to make ONLY ONE of me, and I love ME.

Then, I had to learn and write down all the things God Blessed me with. I had to read it daily. I had to learn my worth all over again. I had to know it without a doubt. I had to live it. I had to think it, I had to see it ON ME. And here is what I started with.

NOW THIS IS MYYYYYYYYYY LIST…. you make your own list. Remember we are all different.

  • I grew up with both parents in the home, and they helped me with everything I needed.
  • I  got my  first apartment me and my daughter, and a job.
  • I was funny, loved people, loved to laugh and pretty
  • I had a beautiful shape, and wore clothes to compliment my body (( never disrespectful))
  • Had lots of friends and loved the Lord

One of the biggest conclusions IN MY LIFE that God helped me come to was that MEN wanted SEX. What I ( women)  have the men want !!! I had to learn the POWER in it. I learned it was OK to keep it to myself…. its mine. We women don’t have to give it away. Its so much POWER in the vagina. Its not to be shared with everyone. Its yours and all the boys want it. No! No! No! Learn this TODAY! You do NOT have to  give up your vagina.

Fast forward to today. I spend time with myself learning myself daily. Learning my wants/needs and don’t need. Learning things I will NOT ACCEPT. For example.. Married Men.

I met this guy at my job, he comes in often and he calls me “Momma cool”… why I dunno. This man is soooooo fine to me. He’s attracted to me and I’m attracted to him. He’s my type of man IF he wasn’t married. Now, I will NEVER EVER talk, meet, or see this man outside of my job. I will not engage in any conversation with a him or any married man, unless its work related, or God. That’s apart of building my self esteem. KNOWING WHO I AM. My self esteem stays ON 100 because I will not engage in anything not healthy for me and will disappoint God, especially when I know better.When you start crossing lines and doing things out of YOUR CHARACTER, that’s when your self esteem start going DOWN DOWN DOWN. Depression sets in, suicide, doubt , fear all that stuff starts to creep in. Cut off any thing that YOU KNOW is not good for you, because if you don’t you’ll find yourself in trouble. Stay inside of your worth!!! Married MEN ARE OFF LIMITS.. PERIOD! Once you exchange phone numbers….. THAT’S IT!

Take trips. Go to the park alone to spend time with God. Clear your mind. MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF.. MAKE IT HAPPEN! Go to lunch alone, you dont have to take the kids all the time. Think about yourself. Whats your favorite desert? Go to Dairy Queen alone. Stop feeling guilty because you didn’t take the kids this time.. ITS OKAY. I promise you. Go to Bath and Body Works and buy not one but 4 different scents of lotions, its OKAY. Learn what you like and will  buy the next time you visit. I will book a hotel an hour away from me in a minute! Book a room for the weekend. Have someone to watch the kids… Go alone, make plans to do things while you’re there.

Listen… I will jump in my car and go to the park and sit for hours in the sun enjoying myself. I may have music or I talk to God. I use to be “scared” to go to dinner alone, because I always took my daughter or a friend… YEAH OKAY… I WILL hop in the car and go sit my but down alone so fast. I love getting to know myself. I love me. God made me and there is no one else like ME, and guess what… JUST AS I LEARNED THIS ABOUT ME…. YOU CAN TOO!!! Be your own “to do list”…. life is not about having Sex all the time, sitting on the porch watching cars ride by, going neighbor to neighbor needing someone to go shopping with you. Get to learn yourself, know what you will and will NOT ACCEPT from a friendship, or relationship. Do YOUR own thang in your spare time, and treat yourself. ITS OKAY!!!

Be Blessed!

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How I Lost And Gained Back My SELF ESTEEM/BLOG/PART 1 OF 2

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When I think about my purpose in life sometimes, all I can think of is that I’m suppose to be helping other women. I say that because no matter where I am, or what I’m doing, women always talk to me, and its usually about their issues with themselves, men, and getting over past hurt.

I can remember so clearly many things I’ve been through, and I’m so happy that I don’t hold grudges at all. Maybe that’s why I can help others because I’ve moved on from so many things, and it just doesn’t bother me anymore. I can talk about it and help others at the same time.

With social media being so popular these days women often compare themselves to others, and that is a NO NO. They look at other women and what they have in a man, and how their body is shaped and they care so much in how to please a man, that they lose themselves. Sex these days is  to show off their sexual skills, and to be one of the first to do things differently to a man to make him feel good. Why are women doing this? Listen, when you start a job, you are a temp. You have to get past 90 days to impress your boss and even more days at some jobs to get benefits. Why are women giving these trial men benefits? What have they done to deserve all of that?  A woman will let a man come and stay with her and her kids after knowing him a month. But a man  will not even think about letting a woman come stay with him. Some of these men just wake up in the morning, and their is a women to do everything for him on that day. He won’t have to do a thing but breathe, and have sex with her. A woman who has no kids at him, living single, will NEVER let a man come stay with her. She loves and enjoys her freedom. He’ll have to have his own thing going on.

Some women are afraid to lose a man,  especially if she feels she doesn’t have a “grip” on him.  Sometimes women feel that if they don’t make happy the man they like, he’ll get away. This is why they’re settling for the man who show  the most attention. Who wants to stay with a man who cheats? Why do women give these men so many chances? Don’t they know that if a woman cheat on her man, and he finds out about it, he will DISS HER IN A NEW YORK MINUTE? Men don’t play that? They cannot stand the thought of another man up in their woman. No way! Women with low self esteem are the ones who give chance after chance, after chance after chance. They’re so afraid of being alone and not ever finding the right man, they will settle for a temporary until better comes along.

In the next blog entry, I will share my story of how I got my self esteem BACK!

Next Part 2.. How I built my self esteem up

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It’s NOT okay! BLOG

Lately, I’ve been having deep conversations with several young women, and it bothers me so deeply what many are allowing these men to do to them. As I listen, I can’t help but think about the time when I was their ages and allow men to say and do things to me as well. The hard part is, they have to go through the experience themselves. I can talk to them till I’m blue in the face, sometimes they listen to me, and sometimes they don’t. It is them who has to learn the lesson.

I always knew that there was an order in which abuse start. First come the cursing out, and calling the woman out of her name. Secondly, are the personal attacks, meaning personal things that was said is now used in a way to hurt the person mentality. Third, is the physical laying of the hands on the woman to tear down her appearance and self esteem. I really hope women pay attention to this. We have to stop being so gullible. Stop feeling that we have met the best man for us. If someone is calling you names, and punching on you, get out of that relationship because the one for you is still out there. We have to stop getting so attached so soon. That’s the very reason why its so hard for us to break apart when things go wrong. Its okay to forgive, but that doesn’t mean that you should stay with him. It is not okay to mentally and physically abuse a woman. The same goes for women abusing men. Talk to a family member or close friend if you’re going through this, talk to the person who is going to be truthful, honest and upfront.  And listen!!! Listen to these people who have already experienced it.  It just may save your life.

I AM  FullSizeRender (68) (( I don’t have to do anything else))