Kenneka Jenkins/BLOG

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When I say I’m addicted to the Kenneka Jenkins case…. I’m gone! I stayed up all through the night reading messages and watching video footage. It just doesn’t make sense to me. If you’re not familiar with the case, please google her name. She’s a 19 year old from Chicago, she went to a hotel party with some friends, they were  all drinking and somehow she ended up in the hotel freezer-DEAD. Its one of those mysteries that no one can shake. Its like we need answers because we all fear that one day it could happen to our children… kids or adult. I’m not letting up on this case. I want to hear the results of the autopsy. That will tell a lot of what happened to her. Its so deep. A lot of people think the friends are behind it, but I don’t know just by watching the video. What others see, I don’t. I wish I could talk to the police in this case, to ask my own questions about it. For most people the video seals the deal as far as her being raped and set up by her own friends. But for me… that video didn’t answer any of the questions I want to ask these kids. I’m just not convinced about what happened just by looking at the video. Please google her name and share your thoughts. 

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/breaking/ct-kenneka-jenkins-freezer-death-interest-met-20170912-story.html

 

 

Took Me Long Enough.. But I Got It!/BLOG

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As long as I can remember I was ALWAYS that little girl that felt that if me and my family was going to the park, why not ask if my friend Michelle could go. Not knowing that it was family day. Meaning that my parents only wanted our family to go, and that was it.

For the life of me, I couldn’t UNDERSTAND why my friend couldn’t go to join in on the fun. I thought…. all we were doing was going to the park to swing and play! That never made sense to me. As a child, I didn’t realize that parents have a reason for doing what they did. Maybe they didn’t have the extra money to buy her snacks, maybe they had just enough just for us. Maybe it wasn’t enough room for her in the car, because they were picking up groceries on the way home. Maybe, we were going out to dinner afterwards and there was only enough money for our family. No matter how my parents explained that to my little mind, I still couldn’t understand why my friend couldn’t go.

Which takes me into my ADULTHOOD.

I know, I know a lot of people, and that my personality is big. I get that about myself.  I remember this one time, me and my friend Gloria was going to the movies and out to dinner. I hung up with her after making our plans, to call a few OTHER friends and invite them to go with us. In MY mind, I felt…. Well, they wanted to see this same movie, why not invite them. So, when we got there, Gloria asked me….. who invited them? Even though she knew them, and liked them, she just wanted it to be HER AND I. I couldn’t understand that. In MY mind…. (( going back to that little gurl)) I felt that if we all wanted to see the SAME movie, why not invite them? I did that to my friend so many times that it saddens me to this day. It saddens me because I didn’t get it. I didn’t get the fact that everything is not for everyone. Its OK, if she only wanted to be with ME. She wasn’t being selfish, like I thought. Its a time for a few, and its a time for all. I couldn’t get that. 

Thinking back I DID that quite often. Not only that. But I trust people too easily. Again, growing up we lived in a house where if you laid something down, it was there when you went back to it. We were taught, if we go visit someone, and they have money or anything that DIDN’T BELONG to us, laying around.. DO NOT TOUCH IT! DON’T GO NEAR IT! So, when I was grown and moved out. I lived by those standards. But what I didn’t know was that not everyone was taught that. Man, I had so many things to learn that was taught differently in my home. I had a hard time adjusting to how things were in the world versus how I was raised. I feel like crying right now….. tears.

I got hurt so many times trusting people. Believing that everybody was good. Picking up strangers on the way to where I’m GOING… got side tracked several years. Sent me spinning. I should have been to where I was going.

My mentality WAS that if I’m going to the same place you’re going… “lets hop a cab and split it”..  ((( in my Andre 3000 voice.. John Legend -Green Light))) never knowing that it was okay to pay the whole fare BY MYSELF!  I don’t need to ride with you. And I’ll still be good!

I realize that where I’m going, everybody can’t go. Same for others, I can’t go everywhere with them either.  Even if we’re going the same way, you have to take your own car. You can’t ride with me, because just like my friend Gloria where ever I’m going they may just want it to be me and them. I learned that you can’t tell everybody everything, because in the pureness if me telling my story from my heart, my same story will be heard differently by someone else. I had to learn that too. But you know, that will NEVER happen to me again. What I know.. I know.. My friend is MY friend, Where God wants me to go.. I’m going alone.

I’ve lost too much time, messing around with people who don’t mean me any good.. And oh, I know how to fall back. I just didn’t know if I should.

That Chapter is OVER FOR ME….. I’M ready to RECEIVE LORD!

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Chopin Script Regular

 

 

 

God Told Me That I was Getting In The Way With My Foolishness PT 1/BLOG

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I was in my early 30’s when I was temporary SHUT DOWN ..by God.

Growing up we would have our water, lights and gas shut off and then turned back on, and I hated that. I said that when I “got grown” I’m going to make sure that I pay my bills off once it comes in the mail. And I made good on that promise. All my adult life, I hated to “pay” on a bill because it would catch up with the next month, and seem like it would be double. All my friends use to ask me why not just pay on it, but they didn’t know  the promise I made to myself and why once I was grown. Still till this day, I do NOT pay on my bill, I pay it off COMPLETELY.

One day, my car went down, I had to get a ride to work with my co-workers. Then right after that, we all lost our jobs due to selling of the plant we worked. So, that meant if I didn’t find work soon, my  home services would be cut off. Well, even though my cable was still on, my lights and gas went off because they were on the same electric company. Oh, I was DEVASTATED! I had NEVER in my adult life experienced all of my services being disconnected at the same time. It was cold outside and I couldn’t let my daughter stay in the house with me, so I took her to my parents house and let her stay over there until I heard from God.

I knew he wanted my attention. I have a relationship with him and I KNOW when he needs to speak to me. He knew how I paid my bills, he knew that if everything was turned off, that he would get my attention. He knew how to shut me down, and I KNEW he wanted to speak to me. I lost my job, so I got up in the daytime when it was warm to call around for job openings, and at night I would lay down to think and try to hear from him. My daughter missed her daily routine of how we did things at home and even though she enjoyed being with my parents, she started doing bad in school. I didn’t know it at the time, but I knew her behavior had changed and I didn’t like it one bit.

Nights turned into weeks, and still no word from God. I remember asking people who I knew could help me get my services turned back on, and they turned me down. I was SO MAD AT THEM. I remember writing it all down, so that I would never forget it. Weeks turned into a month and even though it was warming up outside, It was still cold at night, and I had not heard from God.  I wanted to hear from him to see what this was all about so that I could get back to my normal life. What was my normal life? Well, let me share.

There was a time  when it was all about me and my daughter, we would go to the movies weekly, go shopping, out to dinner all the time. Her dad took her to Disney World- Universal Studios- Island of Adventure, and I took her twice… yes a total of 3 times as a child. Her cousins would come over and spend the night, and she would go over to their house. By the time she was 13 years old, she had been to New York, New Jersey, Atlanta, Philadelphia, Chicago, Cincinnati, Florida…  several times with her dad. She loved to travel.

We slowed down going to the movies,  Church every Sunday,  dinner,  and doing things we were use to doing together. It was only her and I.  I was preoccupied doing other things. I started drinking all the time with my friends, having male friends come over at night when she was sleep, talking on the phone all day.  I was going out every single weekend, making sure I was looking good, going shopping EVERY FRIDAY I got paid…. I was something else. So, when my services were shut off, and I KNEW that paying bills was important to me, this was something bigger than paying bills. This is how God got my attention… I knew it….and I was listening.

Days and weeks went by, turned into a month and I was praying, crying, wondering, scared, thinking… I wanted to know what this was about. Why hasn’t God spoken to me yet? One night I went to my parents house to see my daughter and my dad had been playing the Michigan State Lottery since I was born. Every night when it came on at 7:32 pm… he wanted the house QUIET! NO TALKING. He wanted to see what numbers fell, read what he played, then we could talk. LOL Earlier in the day before I had even got there, I had been seeing this one number straight, like ALL DAY. Everywhere I went I saw this number. It was unreal to me. Well, that night in the lottery it came JUST AS I SAW IT. I got up from the family in TOTAL SHOCK and went into the kitchen alone to ask God why did that number come in the lottery? I said you know I don’t play the lottery, so why did it come? He said to me… I know you don’t play, that was to show you that I haven’t forgotten about you and I’m ready to speak.

I went home alone that night to a cold house, and even though he didn’t speak that night, he spoke the next day.

He said. ” La’Crease, the person that Nesha is going to be.. YOU ARE GETTING IN THE WAY WITH YOUR FOOLISHNESS”. I remember so clearly saying….  Who me? What I do?THIS IS ABOUT NESHA?. NESHA? NESHA?… my daughter? He said YESSS, you’re sleeping with men at night, talking on the phone all day and night, you don’t do anything with her anymore, you have totally neglected her, her grades have suffered. You spend all your time with these men and your friends. He said.. You are getting in the way of who she is going to be with YOUR FOOLISHNESS!!! I felt so bad.  I was so SHOCKED. People ask me how do you know that WAS GOD? I said would I TELL MYSELF THESE THINGS? WILL I SIT THERE AND HEAR MYSELF TELLING MYSELF THIS STUFF? WHO DOES THAT? NOBODY!!! This was not ME saying all this shocking stuff to myself. WHO OVER LOADS THEIR THOUGHTS WITH THEIR OWN SINS? These things were  furthest from my mind.

I started thinking about how true every word was. All I could say is God.. I hear you, I’m about to  change my life!!! He meant it, and it wasn’t talking about next week either… he meant NOW! I was so out done. I was done. I thought all that time he wanted to speak to me about ME, and blessings coming, and new place to live, new car, bills paid, husband.. all this other stuff. LOL LOL  LOL its so funny.. so so sooooo funny NOW.. What a naive person I was. One thang he made clear…… YOU BETTA CHANGE YOUR LIFE AND NOW!

I heard him LOUD AND CLEAR… he didn’t have to repeat himself. I got up that next day, made some phone calls and all my service was turned on in a few days. Help came from everywhere. I went and got my baby from my parents, that’s when I found out that she got F’s on her report card. I was mad a little, because my dad and daughter hid it from me. I promised myself that I would get all her grades up by next report card to A’s and B’s and that’s what I did. My car got fixed, and I got a job. I stopped talking on the phone all together. I HATE talking on the phone, if you know me, you know I hate it to this day! I’ll text, but I dont like talking on the phone and people respect that.

I cut off all my male friends sexually.. 18 years STRONG TODAY… yeaaa I know. But it’s worth it. I started spending all my time with my daughter and I was soo Thankful that God stopped Me from Me. I couldn’t wait to tell her what God had told me, she was waiting to hear it too. When I told her , she was just as shocked as I was. She was only 13 years old when this happened. All she kept saying is momma what am I going to be? I couldn’t answer her. I didn’t know the answer. All I knew was that she wanted to be a Lawyer. I knew that I had a special child. I knew that I had to stop all my foolishness. I knew that God had a plan for her life and I had to STEP ASIDE. I knew that God was serious and that he planned on using her, we just didn’t know how. I straighten all the way up, and its so funny now, she always tease me and say .. “Didn’t God whoop you over me?” LOL LOL WE LAUGH.. WE LAUGH.. WE LAUGH!!!!

Tomorrow, I will share where SHE is 18 years later.… GOD IS TRULY FAITHFUL!

Chopin Script Regular

 

 

Life Lesson- Glad I Got A Chance To See Mom Cry/BLOG

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Growing up, I remember so clearly my mother crying many times after hanging up the phone from taking care of business.

My mother was the type to kinda “go with the flow”, when it came to her business over the phone back in the day. If it wasn’t anything immediate she would take what ever they told her, but when it  came to something she needed done now, she didn’t know the right questions to ask, and when she was rejected she’d cry and it would make me so MAD.

Can you imagine how I felt as a child, a person who knew how to express herself, knew what kind of questions I needed to ask in order to get business taking care of and couldn’t help or offend my mother? I hated when she cried. I remember saying, “When I get grown aint nobody gon make me cry”. I think back on this Life Lesson and I’m glad I got a chance to see her cry, because it helped me to learn how to take care of business. It made me strong to where I learned ways to communicate in order to get things done without cursing anyone out. Simply by knowing the right questions to ask.

When I got my first place, I remember thinking, I’m a mother now. I have to make arrangements over the phone, ask the right questions to get my business taken care of. I remember writing down questions I needed to ask before I made my phone calls, and each time they were answered AND UNDERSTOOD by me, I would go on to the next. If I didn’t understand I would ponder that question 3-4 different ways in order to get a true answer. I thought to myself, there is no way in the world that I’m going to hang up this phone and not have made progress. In person….. I’m nothing to toy with. I’m very very friendly and this is why I will not accept anything less than my business being taking care of.

I prefer in person, eye to eye contact. That way a person can understand MY ENERGY, MY PERSISTENCE, MY DIRECTNESS. I never ever ever, ask a person to go beyond the company policy to accommodate me. If you can do it, DO IT. Don’t give me the run a round, because I do ask for names, badge numbers, and phone numbers to your extension just in case I need to ASK MORE QUESTIONS. I’m not a pest, because I don’t want to stay on the subject no more than you do. If I’m speaking with you over the phone and I feel I’m not getting answers… TRUST AND BELIEVE…. I’M ON MY WAY UP THERE TO SEE YOU FACE TO FACE. I will never curse anyone out, and if that person cant/wont help me, then I’ll talk to a supervisor. Even with that, I ONLY talk to people who can get me results. PERIOD.

I watched my mother cry too many times in my childhood days. But I must add, TODAY.. .my Mother DO NOT PLAY. LOL LOL She says she learned from the best. All of her kids (4) are great communicators and baby when I tell you now…. SHE WILL EMBARRASS YOU, because she knows how to get her point across. Sometimes I have to walk away if we’re in a store or place of business LOL LOL . She wont stop until she get her questions ask. Its so funny because she has come along way. I’m proud of her.

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Chopin Script Regular

Sharing Your Deepest Secret To Help Someone/BLOG

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I know a lot of people, and sometimes when they share life their lessons with me, I most times will share a similar story about what I’ve been though. Opening up about some of the things a person has went through can be painful. But its always helpful that the person you’re sharing them with can relate.

I remember a time when this young gurl came through my line when I was working as a cashier. She was pregnant, and when I  asked her when was her baby due, she told me that she was going to have an abortion soon. I was horrified! I was horrified because when my baby was just 3 months old, I found myself pregnant again at 19 with my second baby, and in my mind there was NO WAY EVER, I was going to have that baby. I told my first daughter father, and he told me that what ever I wanted to do he would support me. I didn’t  tell my family because I didn’t want them to talk me into having it, because I knew they would. In my mind I felt embarrassed, and I felt that I wouldn’t be able to take care and handle 2 kids. So, I had an abortion and never told ANYONE.

There I was in my early 40’s talking a young gurl out of having an abortion something I wouldn’t let anyone talk me out of. I told her that I felt the same way at her age.  I felt that I couldn’t take care of another baby and that it wasn’t even up for debate. But, she let me talk to her. I told her, look, you CAN take care of this baby, it seems as if you cant right now, but had I depended on God a little bit more, I would have my baby in my life . I told her that the person I am today.. I HATE that I had an abortion. Back then I didn’t know that I could make it, but now I know that I could have. I begged her to please have her baby, because I knew it would bring her joy the moment she laid eyes on her/him. I didn’t know what her final decision would be, but I know she heard and listened to me well.

One day I was having lunch in the Subway inside of the store. This young lady came up to me with a baby in the stroller and said with a huge smile, do you remember me? I looked at her and said, you look familiar, but I don’t. She said I’m the gurl you talked into having my baby, and here he is! I just burst out crying. I was so emotional. She said THANK YOU SO MUCH for talking me into having my baby, she said now every time I look at him, I feel bad for having that thought. She said he brings me joy and makes me happy,  said I don’t know what would I do without him. I was so happy and very emotional. I told her how hard it was for me to share my story with her, because I was ashamed for so many years, but I didn’t want her to turn out like me. To live with regret years later wondering what sex my baby was, how would he/she fit into my life today, and the biggest thing, KNOWING NOW, that I COULD have made it with God by my side. She said because of you, my baby is here. She was so happy and so grateful for that talk we had. She was a complete stranger. Wow, I wonder where they are today.

Sometimes we have to give up our deep buried secrets to help someone. I wanted to take my secret to the grave with me, but  God wouldn’t let me. What I went through I didn’t want her to experience. I was in my early 40’s, and had healed from it. I was at a place in my life where I could talk about it, and wanted to share it with someone to help them. Thank you Jesus! Thank you!

Chopin Script Regular

 

 

 

How I Gained Back My Self Esteem/ PART 2/BLOG

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I was 24 years old (( 6 years in)) when I FINALLY came to my MIND. When I started talking to God about what I was going through. I thought that I would never get over my daughters father. The more sex I had with him, the more I loved him. That’s when I found out that SEX was the soul-tie that kept my mind on this man. The first thing I learned I had to do was, stop the sex. It was so hard. So so so very hard. Every time I saw him, we were a magnet and I had to give it to him. I knew if I could just stop the sex then I would be able to get over him. Sad thing about it,  I knew in my heart that he had to do something terrible to me, to turn me off from him, and that would be how I would be able to walk away. Its a shame that in order for me to get over this man, something bad had to happen. We never fought EVER, so I knew it wouldn’t be that, but it was something, and  when it happened…..I knew then that I had to let him go.

I started reading my Bible and separating myself from my friends to be more in tuned with God. I started reading how much God loved me no matter what I did. In my mind he was in charge of my LIFE. He was the man I had to please, and that’s when I started learning my worth. I was never a person who compared myself to other women, because it was clear to me that GOD MADE EVERYONE DIFFERENT. I enjoyed and loved the fact that I WAS THE ONLY ONE MADE LIKE ME. You can say, I favor this person or that person, but I was the ONLY LACREASE GOD MADE…and that made me HAPPY. So that alone made me NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER want or desire to be like anyone else,  because I KNEW.. that God loved me enough to make ONLY ONE of me, and I love ME.

Then, I had to learn and write down all the things God Blessed me with. I had to read it daily. I had to learn my worth all over again. I had to know it without a doubt. I had to live it. I had to think it, I had to see it ON ME. And here is what I started with.

NOW THIS IS MYYYYYYYYYY LIST…. you make your own list. Remember we are all different.

  • I grew up with both parents in the home, and they helped me with everything I needed.
  • I  got my  first apartment me and my daughter, and a job.
  • I was funny, loved people, loved to laugh and pretty
  • I had a beautiful shape, and wore clothes to compliment my body (( never disrespectful))
  • Had lots of friends and loved the Lord

One of the biggest conclusions IN MY LIFE that God helped me come to was that MEN wanted SEX. What I ( women)  have the men want !!! I had to learn the POWER in it. I learned it was OK to keep it to myself…. its mine. We women don’t have to give it away. Its so much POWER in the vagina. Its not to be shared with everyone. Its yours and all the boys want it. No! No! No! Learn this TODAY! You do NOT have to  give up your vagina.

Fast forward to today. I spend time with myself learning myself daily. Learning my wants/needs and don’t need. Learning things I will NOT ACCEPT. For example.. Married Men.

I met this guy at my job, he comes in often and he calls me “Momma cool”… why I dunno. This man is soooooo fine to me. He’s attracted to me and I’m attracted to him. He’s my type of man IF he wasn’t married. Now, I will NEVER EVER talk, meet, or see this man outside of my job. I will not engage in any conversation with a him or any married man, unless its work related, or God. That’s apart of building my self esteem. KNOWING WHO I AM. My self esteem stays ON 100 because I will not engage in anything not healthy for me and will disappoint God, especially when I know better.When you start crossing lines and doing things out of YOUR CHARACTER, that’s when your self esteem start going DOWN DOWN DOWN. Depression sets in, suicide, doubt , fear all that stuff starts to creep in. Cut off any thing that YOU KNOW is not good for you, because if you don’t you’ll find yourself in trouble. Stay inside of your worth!!! Married MEN ARE OFF LIMITS.. PERIOD! Once you exchange phone numbers….. THAT’S IT!

Take trips. Go to the park alone to spend time with God. Clear your mind. MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF.. MAKE IT HAPPEN! Go to lunch alone, you dont have to take the kids all the time. Think about yourself. Whats your favorite desert? Go to Dairy Queen alone. Stop feeling guilty because you didn’t take the kids this time.. ITS OKAY. I promise you. Go to Bath and Body Works and buy not one but 4 different scents of lotions, its OKAY. Learn what you like and will  buy the next time you visit. I will book a hotel an hour away from me in a minute! Book a room for the weekend. Have someone to watch the kids… Go alone, make plans to do things while you’re there.

Listen… I will jump in my car and go to the park and sit for hours in the sun enjoying myself. I may have music or I talk to God. I use to be “scared” to go to dinner alone, because I always took my daughter or a friend… YEAH OKAY… I WILL hop in the car and go sit my but down alone so fast. I love getting to know myself. I love me. God made me and there is no one else like ME, and guess what… JUST AS I LEARNED THIS ABOUT ME…. YOU CAN TOO!!! Be your own “to do list”…. life is not about having Sex all the time, sitting on the porch watching cars ride by, going neighbor to neighbor needing someone to go shopping with you. Get to learn yourself, know what you will and will NOT ACCEPT from a friendship, or relationship. Do YOUR own thang in your spare time, and treat yourself. ITS OKAY!!!

Be Blessed!

Chopin Script Regular

 

 

 

Losing yourself in a MAN/BLOG

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Hey!

I was talking to one of my closes friends a few days ago about how she should make it her business to be around couples who are doing well for themselves  ((mainly husband and wives)) so that she can see how it LOOKS to be happy. She’s going through a WHOLE lot with her on and off again children’s father, and it kills me to see her this way. I believe with all my heart that she has lost herself in this man, and just don’t know how to get out. She’s a beautiful person, sweet as pie, but she allows herself to be mistreated and FINALLY she’s starting to see his true colors.

I know what its like to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t value you or what you bring into the relationship to take it to another level. Yes, I had my faults too, but in the end, I saw that he just wasn’t for me….. and that’s okay.

Coming to the conclusion that someone is not for you, is one of the hardest things for women. They know deep down in their hearts that the man they love is not for them, but they stay and HOPE things change. At some point, you gotta say this is it. That time comes when you start to feel that your self-esteem is low and not building, you cry easily, your feelings are  hurt, you find yourself wondering what he’s doing (( especially if he has a history of cheating)), you’re checking his FB page for new women or subliminal stats, going through his phone and texts. That’s not how you live life. That’s not how a good healthy  relationship should go.

If you haven’t seen your man in a few days, and  he see’s you, he starts going thorough your phone, watch out for him! Because if he feels you can and will do something sneaky within those days you both haven’t seen each other, then he needs to be VERIFIED as well.. Um cuse me! Again…… this is NOT how healthy relationships grow. Not good.

Look at Donald Trump. You see the way his wife pulled away from him as they exit the plane? Clearly a sign of manipulation going on in the relationship. She is not happy in that marriage. She probably feels that now he’s the President, he exercises even MORE Power, and feels there is no way out without retaliation from the public and especially from HIM.  Relationships and friendships should be happy. Yes, there will be problems, issues, misunderstandings and things of that nature. But to help in the loss of self-esteem, is not something ANYONE should experience.

In closing ask yourself.. DO I LOVE ME? What is it about me that allows him to treat me this way? What am I doing over and over again to allow this to continuously happen? If I leave him, what do I THINK he will do to me? Am I scared? Ask God to show you a pattern of his behavior. Tell yourself, that YES its going to be hard at first, then ask yourself can you eventually get over him? Tell and REMIND yourself that YOU WILL have to give up something (((( money, car, nice home, comfort, sex with HIM, security ))) for your PEACE. If you want to talk to me about your situation please feel free to email me DIRECTLY  longnosenikon@gmail.com  

I am LACREASE, and I dont have to do anything else!

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You are the CEO of your life!

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Hey Family!

I’m sitting here on this lovely day, I really need to be at a park this morning, we have some rainy days coming and I wanted to be near water on Belle Isle. But Summer is just around the corner and I promise myself I will be there more often than last year.

As many of you know I am deeply into the growth of  women, when it comes to Life Lessons and Experiences. Seems like there is not a day that goes by when someone needs to talk to me and ask for advice. I’m very, very, to the point and honest with my answers. That’s what people LOVE about me, but sometimes when I dish it out they have a problem with my truth and honesty. And guess what? I don’t even care.

I was speaking with someone recently and they began to tell me that whenever she hits her boyfriend and fight him, he wont hit her, but, he will push her and leave marks on her body. She justifies the fact that she fights him, but he will only push her. I told her, one day…. one day… ONE DAY, he will not stand for her putting her hands on him and he’s going to fight back. She doesn’t believe it. That’s where the LIFE LESSON will come in at. I can tell her all day, but she’ll NEVER believe me, because it HASN’T HAPPENED to her YET. This is the part of my job, where I can’t help. She has to learn the lesson herself, and I hope that it doesn’t land her in the hospital.

We.. MEN AND WOMEN have to pay attention to the signs of any and all things. People are so afraid of being alone. They cannot see themselves alone. They rather deal with fighting and arguing, instead of saying… look we cannot get alone, lets go our separate ways. This is why so many men and women have self esteem issues. They stay in relationships that they are not suppose to be in.

Why is it so hard to leave? Fear of being alone, and seeing that person with someone else. SO WHAT!!! Especially if you’re not getting alone. Who wants to wake up arguing everyday, holding grudges and CONSTANTLY talking about the same issues day after day after day? I just don’t have that kinda time. Many people don’t like the thing of meeting someone new, getting to know new families, dating, meeting the kids and those kinds of things associated with meeting someone new. But its better than being in a relationship that clearly isn’t going anywhere right? Some will say, they just don’t want to put the time into it, so they stay.

I have plenty of things to say about this topic. Stay tuned.

I am La’Crease… and I don’t have to do ANYTHING ELSE!

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MY story of FORGIVENESS-RAPE/PART 2/BLOG

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Later on that night he called me and told me how good it was seeing me again, how pretty I still was, and how he told his family that I came to see him. We caught up on a lot of things, and still I couldn’t fix my mouth to ask him the REAL reason why I agreed to talk, not to mention, meet up with him face to face. I made it a point to talk to him several times a day just to get my nerve up to ask him everything I wanted and needed to know.

And that day came.

He was telling me how he was still very angry with the mother of his daughter because when he was in jail, he found out that his daughter was molested and raped by the mother’s boyfriend. And that even though he talked with his daughter over and over about it, she can’t seem to get passed it. That seem to bother him. I’m wondering because he couldn’t do anything about it being locked up, or because HE WAS A RAPIST HIMSELF? Which opened the door for me to walk right in.

I asked him… if he remembered the night he RAPED ME. He told me yes he did, and that he thought about it, and prayed about it over, and over, and over again while in jail. Told me that he was very sorry, he was young, and asked for forgiveness. I told him that I had forgiven him, but there are a lot of questions I wanted to ask . He told me that I could ask him anything I wanted to know.

My first question was… why did you do me like that? Why did you leave me bleeding in my own back yard and walked home afterwards?  His answer was that he was very young ( 19) I was 17. He told me that I use to tease him. I can look/think back on my personality back then and disagree.  I did brag a lot about being a virgin at 17, and not having sex like the other gurls my age. I was proud of having a boyfriend and not being sexually active. He took that as me teasing him, but it was only boasting on myself. I UNDERSTAND  now with a (((young person’s mentality))) how it could have made him feel some kinda way , BUT THAT DID NOT, AND WILL NOT EXCUSE WHAT HE DID TO ME.

As a 48 year old woman. I GET THAT.. even if I don’t agree with it. I get the mentality of a 19 year old man, who was in the presence of his gurlfriend everyday, and for several years never had a chance to touch her. When I asked him how could he leave me bleeding at 1 am in the morning, laying on the ground in my own back yard? His reply was…. “I thought you were on your period.”  Truth was he broke my hymen. I was bleeding heavy. I had to go in the house bloody, and hoped my parents wasn’t awake (( they weren’t)). I was shocked and devastated at what he did to me. We were really close, and saw each other everyday. We were that couple, everyone knew us.

I asked him what else did he remember from that night, it was my way of knowing, if he remembered it, or if I was helping him. What shocked me to the HEART…. was that he remembered EVERY SINGLE THING THAT HAPPENED THAT NIGHT!!! EVERYTHING!!! EVERYTHING!!! EVERYTHING!!! EVERYTHING!!! And for some strange reason.. it made me feel so GOOD. Still to this day I cannot describe the feeling that I have to know that he did. He went back in his mind and told the story to me just as it happened, just like I had remembered it. He apologized so many times. Told me how he never stopped thinking about me through the years, and how he hoped to see me again.

He began to explain how much he really loved me, and how he wanted me to be his wife and to have his children. When I asked him if he could take back that night, he told me that he hated the fact that he raped me, but he was glad to have been my first. At that point, it really pissed me off to hear him say that, and because he was happy about it. He seemed to feel that he deserved to be my first because we were boyfriend and gurlfriend for several years. I wanted to curse him out and hang up, but I’m much older now and I UNDERSTAND not AGREE… that people have their own truths, and no matter how I FEEL about it, this is HIS story and his feelings.

That night as he threw me on the ground like I was a man, and raped me, I felt my SOUL leave my body. I was in so much pain, that I looked to Heaven for comfort. My dad was calling my name and I couldn’t even answer him. All I could hear in my mind was, “you’re not a virgin anymore, you’re not a virgin anymore, you’re not a virgin anymore.”  I laid there and cried in my mind but tears ran down my face. After it was over, felt like God sent my soul back to my body, and I was able to get up and walk in my house.

I HATED him after that. After school I use to go see him, I stopped all of that. I was done, he violated me and shut me down. After about 3 weeks, I wanted answers. I went up to his job to ask him why did he do that to me, and all he could say was he wanted me, and then said ”  You were bleeding so much, I thought you were on your period”. That was it, I never wanted to see him again.

Part 3 Tomorrow!

I AM La’Crease (( I don’t have to do anything else))

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Bill Cosby/ Tell your own STORY/BLOG

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So… I read that Bill Cosby went to court several years ago and admitted to giving women  the drug Quaaludes so that he could do what he wanted to do.

I’m sadden by this information but not shocked. I’m not shocked because he’s a man/human and we all make mistakes. I know this was done when he was younger, and with the mentality he has NOW, he’s probably ashamed  and embarrassed by his actions. Because I’m sure he doesn’t do those things anymore.

 I know he felt this secret would be sealed forever, well at least until he passed on, that would leave his wife with all the MESS in her lap to deal with. Can you imagine all the people who are going to delete his number out of their cell phones? There will be ones who will call him to show support even after knowing/reading the court documents ARE TRUE. And that’s cool. Then there will be ones who will shy away from him altogether. Sometimes I think God allows these things to happen, so that we can see for ourselves WHO WE ARE. I learned that people are quick to forgive you if you ADMIT your wrong, and ask for forgiveness. But when you deny, and make folks look money hungry when they’re telling the truth all along, people aren’t quick to forget that.

After and during The Cosby Show he was looked at as almost perfect when it came to family life of being a husband, a dad, and a role model. But you gotta remember your PAST WILL catch up with you. Somebody somewhere knows YOUR TRUTH. When faced with the questions… be honest, no matter how hard it is. People will forget all about the good you’ve done and said, and focus on the lies you told, and the things you covered up. People love to remind me of how I use to be, when they can clearly see that I am 30 years past all of that mess. It doesn’t bother me anymore…..because I TELL MY OWN STORIES!

Here is how it will affect everyone he’s connected to. His cast members will be hunted down and ask millions of questions. His adult kids, wife, and colleagues will also be asked questions. If Bill Cosby was MY friend…. I would love to tell them NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS HOW I FEEL ABOUT MYYYYY FRIEND….while keeping it moving!!! I’m BOLD like that. Sad thing about this… Bill Cosby will have to break his silence soon, or it would just look like arrogance on his behalf. People looked up to him, they listened to him. And even though we all fall short (( I know I do)) one thing I do know…. when you come clean and be honest… its easier to move past it. He will have to face the music with the lawsuits, even have to come off money, but at least he’ll be free from his past. Amen?

I AM La’Crease (( and SHE doesn’t have to do anything else))

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