A letter to God.

*Waving*

Have you ever felt like something was missing in your life, but you just couldn\’t figure out what it was? Have you ever walked around for days maybe a week and not know what was wrong with you?

That\’s what I was going through last week, and maybe the week before that.

For the last week or so I have been feeling * dead*. Feeling as if something was missing in my life. I didn\’t want to eat to much * something I love to do* , didn\’t feel like talking, I didn\’t feel like doing my hair, getting my brows done, or even getting my nails done * my daughter was even paying for them*. I didn\’t feel like cooking, going shopping with my daughter to buy a outfit for the Piston game were going to Sat night, I didn\’t even feel like going to get my gurls shirts * Raisingurls to Women* done at the T shirt shop. Didn\’t feel like going shopping for me a new outfit, didn\’t even feel like going to buy me and new pair of gym shoes * my daughter was buying me*. My gurls called and wanted to go out to dinner yesterday, I didn\’t feel like doing that either. I have been just moping around the house, hoping that what ever was going on with me would JUST PASS. Just go away. When my sister called to see if I was going to see my dad at his place, I didn\’t want to do that either. My best friend called and wanted to go see TD Jake\’s new movie * Not easily broken*, I didn\’t want to go and see that either, and *I always go opening weekend for my peeps* Met 2 nice looking men last week, didn\’t even call them. Went grocery shopping, hated to do that too.

Yesterday, I sat down on the couch and said Lord what is wrong with me? Why am I feeling this way? I\’m not sick, I just feel dead. I feel like crap. I want to live, that\’s not an issue at all. I\’m just not feeling like Lacrease. So, I sat there thinking, Ive been to this place before. I know this feeling. If I can just figure out what is it? If I could just sit here for a few more minutes, it\’ll come to me. There it hit me. It hit me. As bad as I wanted to cry when I realized what it was, all I could do is say God its you. Its you that my soul is craving. You are that void that is left in my heart to fill. I miss you. I haven\’t been talking to you, and praying as I should. I love you, and I need you. Please stop me if I ever go this long without spending that time **you know how we do it* that I\’m use to having with you. How did I go this long? What was I doing in this ole mixed up world that I neglected our friendship/daughter dad time? What was so important? Is that how we are suppose to feel when we are away from you? LORD please don\’t ever let me go that long again.I hated that feeling. I HATED IT. I HATED IT. I never want to visit that lonely place again without you. I was walking around like a zombie! I don\’t like being disconnected from you like that. My soul was crying out for you. I\’m use to you being in my life. I miss the talks.

Last night I pulled out my book called A woman and her Lord, and I read and stopped and laughed, and read, and stopped and talked, and thought, and cried. I felt so much better when I went to bed. When I got off work tonight I went home cooked, got comfy and pulled out my other book When Godly people do ungodly things. My soul is full of food of you. Before I knew it , it was almost 3 am this morning. I feel brand new. I\’m so full right now, and there\’s so much more of you. There is no end to your greatness. I have to have your attention and Love daily. I crave it, you spoiled me with it. You live in me and I must have a relationship. Lets make it stronger, lets do it how I\’m USE TO HAVING YOU. And that\’s daily!!! Lord, I love you, Thank you for showing me YOU.

Lacrease