I was 18 when I first found out that I was pregnant. I was so in love ( so I thought) with my baby’s dad. We saw each other everyday, sometimes all day. I even remember the day I got pregnant. I was so scared to tell my parents because I knew how they felt. My mom was so happy, she spoiled me something terrible. But my dad ( in the beginning) felt differently. He was MAD at me!!! He felt that I was too young ( so did my mom) and that I should have waited or least married. Looking back, I don’t think that we even thought about getting married at that point. All we knew is that we enjoyed being around each other, and we both wanted a gurl.
During my pregnancy something started happening to me. I was turning into a different person. A woman and a mother. My body not only changed, but my mind did too. I starting thinking about doctors appointment for the baby, how expensive baby milk was, baby clothes, and then I started thinking……I never raised a child before, whose gonna show me how to do this? LOL Never knowing that when a women gets pregnant, just like a computer with its updates ,God start updating her mind about how to be a mom. So, now my mentality wasn’t about meeting up with my baby’s dad having sex, or going to the mall to buy matching jackets. We were having a baby , and the game has changed……..FOR REAL!
Not to take anything from MarNeishia’s dad, but Ionce I started showing in my pregnancy , seem liked he thought and talked about “getting himself” together ( another job, nicer car, and partying) when my mind, as a -soon to be -24 hour mom, wasn’t thinking about ME at all. Our mentalities started to change.All of a sudden we were on different pages. How could it be ? I remember crying many and plenty of times when I was pregnant, seem as if he couldn’t understand what I was going through. How could he? I was always nagging him, complaining, checking up on him, feeling SO fat and insecure, picking fights with him. I was a MESS ON WHEELS!!! LOL How did he deal with me for so long? I still ask myself that question…..almost 25 years later. (smile).
After our daughter MarNeisha was born, we had some good times, and we had some bad times. I never in my life knew how hard it was to raise a baby without being MARRIED That boyfriend, girlfriend…. break up and make up, stuff, wasnt working for us. See my mom and dad was married for 44 years. All my life, I have seen my parents doing things together. There was no YOU in my family, it was US. I didn’t live in the world of single parents, living in different homes. All of my friends had parents who were married, and so that was the life that I saw to live. So when I had my baby, and she needed milk, I would have to pick up the phone and call her dad and say……..hey……..the baby need milk and diapers. If he told me that he didn’t have the money, and couldn’t get it. We would hang up that phone and it would be up to ME to figure out how am I going to feed this baby without asking my parents ( whose house I STILL lived in). Many times I had to go to my parents and ask them for the money. I didn’t see that with my parents. They were married, they did things right. I’m the oldest, they were married before I was even born. So to pick up the phone and call my baby’s dad was very foreign to me and I hated it. Had we been married, we would have done things together, making decisions from the home in which we share.
When you have sex with someone (and you’re NOT married), and they end up getting pregnant, you’re messing around in a whole new realm. It’s one that you don’t even want to experience. You’re NOT even KNOCKING on the door, you’re BEGGING for trouble. If you’re not getting alone and can’t come to an agreement with child arrangements, money to purchase things, you will end up in court. And that’s another mental battle.
When you have sex with someone, make sure that person is your HUSBAND/WIFE, its not fair to the child, or the parents the things they go through living in a separate home. When you need mental support and that other parent is not there, it gets hard for that person. God designed Sex to be between husband and wife, not boyfriend and girlfriend, or friends with benefits ( more on that in PART 2) . Having a baby out of wedlock is a dangerous, dangerous, dangerous game, and its not to be played with. In the middle of the night when you’re so tired and can barely get outta bed to feed the baby, that’s when you Thank God for your husband so that he can pick up the slack. God will give that other parent strength to get up out of that bed. When you are alone…..who do you have ( God) of course, but lets keep it real……is he going to come down and feed that baby, when you know well that your husband or wife should be there with you? No.
Let me share what I call having a baby without a husband. It’s like baking a cake ( baby), without an egg (missing parent). Something will be missing. God designed for a family to be raised together in the home as a MARRIED COUPLE. If you don’t beleive my cake-egg-missing parent ……….try going to A CONCERT without a ticket. I BET YOU WONT GET IN!