As I laid on the couch last week talking to God. I asked him…… PLEASE TELL ME…. LORD, WHY AM I SO NICE? WHY CANT I JUST GO OFF AND LET THAT BE THE END OF IT? WHY DO I FORGIVE PEOPLE SO EASILY WHEN OTHERS WOULD NEVER SPEAK A WORD TO THE PEOPLE WHO HURT THEM? WHY IS IT SO EASY FOR ME TO KEEP IT MOVING AND STILL KEEP PEACE? WHY AM I SO NICE… I MAKE MYSELF SICK LORD!!!! WHY?
Again, growing up all I knew was how to LOVE. I was told by my parents I love you so much and not only that, but they showed us. My siblings and I wasn’t allowed to fight so in order to keep it moving, we had to kiss, and say to each other “I Love you”. So, now that we have all this LOVE inside us, we started experiencing people trying to make us feel bad about saying the words “I love you” in public. We thought that everybody told their family this. My sister and I are light skinned, and my brother and other sister are brown skinned. People played the color game on us, we wasn’t taught about different shades of skin so when people said it….. we were like…. we have the same parents all 4 of us…..what’s the big deal? After a while in life, I started to think we were the ones who grew up dysfunctional.
Looking back on our lives, we were very popular. Everybody in the neighborhood knew us. We were good people, with good friends, whose parents wouldn’t let us do any and everything. We had rules, and our parents didn’t play.
Going back to my last post. When my friend who slept with my daughters father when I was in my early 20’s did that to me. I was devastated, because I never knew people betrayed others like that. My aunts didn’t do it to their sisters, my dad is/was CLOSE TO BOTH OF HIS BROTHERS… my parents didn’t do that to each other, so here I am learning something I never saw first hand or experienced, and I had to learn forgiveness through this selfish act. *Wooosa Cree* After it was all said and done, even though I was an angry person before this happened, it humbled me, and I learned FORGIVENESS. PRAISE GOD 🙂
One day I was with my best friend Charlene, and I had seen my Mother. I gave her a hug and a kiss on her lip, and my friend was like WOW, you kiss your momma on the lips? And I’m like yeah…. don’t you? She was like No…. we just say Hi. My mother kept telling me she LOVED me, and I said it to her as well. My friend had never seen or experienced this. That’s how my family is…. this is all WE KNOW. This is how we grew up. When we go to each other’s house, only thing ANYBODY will be saying as they are reaching to HUG AND give a KISS is……. I LOVE YOU!!! We don’t just walk into each others house without hugs and kisses AND START A CONVERSATION. THAT’S DISREPECTFUL LOL LOL My daughter is 25 and my nieces are 21 and 17, my nephews are 18 and 21. WE all KISS ON THE LIPS. That’s how we are. And I came to the conclusion that THIS IS HOW WE LOVE EACH OTHER!!!! MY FAMILY. We don’t steal from each other, we don’t misuse each other, we don’t take advantage of each other..we never slept with each other men….. BUT WE LOVE TO ARGUE AND DEBATE!!! LOL LOL One day I’m going to VIDEO RECORD one of our debates when my sisters and brother get together at my house or theirs. Babbbbbby YOU WILL BE SCARED A FIGHT IS GOING TO BREAK OUT. LOL But what we learned is that…. growing up we couldn’t FIGHT PHYSICALLY, so we had to learn to ARGUE… we had to use words. We NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER GET PERSONAL. We stay on the subject and go at it for hours. IM THE OLDEST so I always WIN….* SIKE* You do not want to challenge me in a debate and I know I’m right. LOL LOL I did record one of our debates… maybe I’ll find it.
Going back to my previous blog entry….After I learned FORGIVENESS I started looking and loving people through the eyes of God. When people would say something or do something to me, I didn’t take it to heart… LIKE THE NEXT PERSON would. Because I know that hurt people, hurt people. And I had so much LOVE for others, that it was starting to seep through my pores. People saw it. It was like having on white pants, and people issues ,and their issues with me was seen on my pants. I attracted people who wanted to use me, or talked to me sideways. Not only did I tell people that I LOVED THEM…. but I showed it. And that’s when I learned that most people didn’t grow up with those words TAUGHT and SHOWN to them…. like I was. To tell someone you LOVE them in 2012 is like saying….. when I get my check I’m going to give you all of it. They don’t believe that. I didn’t grow up like that… and at one of our sit down gatherings, My Siblings and I learned that in our own personal lives, we all have struggles with the same issues. WOW .
I always said that its 2 ways to LOVE someone. Through the eyes of God, and an Earthly way to LOVE. To Love people in an earthly way is to…. be nice, but when they get out of order, you go back to your “childish ways” and handle it. Through the eyes of God is to be humble and communicative when two don’t see eye to eye. BE patient and let the other speak. Listen, and ask God to help you understand the issue at hand. That’s who I try to be, and so far is has worked for me.
So, I asked God why am I so friendly? Why when people do me wrong, I’ll still speak to them and be polite? When in my mind I want to ignore them and pretend their not even born? He said to me as I laid on my couch last week….. your mother PRAY AND PRAY AND PRAYED for the day that she would see you kind. She prayed that your anger would turn to LOVE as she taught you. He said it brings joy to her heart to see you happy and smiling without being mean and angry all the time. He said somebody PRAYED for you.
Siblings: My 2nd oldest Sister Na, Baby Sister Peedie, 3rd child only Brother Bobby, and ME~Cree
Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy