Just sitting here thinking about……. how in life you get all of these *signs* …. which at the time doesn’t make sense. Then something REALLY BIG happens, and you sit there, and you sit there, and you sit there, and you sit there. REALIZING… .. …..that these *SIGNS* from MANY DIFFERENT PEOPLE * in the last week* …. ALL have one word in common LIES. FREE UNEXPLAINED LIES.
And so, today, I sit here thinking…… hands over my mouth, staring into space…. hair all over the place * like a CRAZY person*, face disfigured from the many channels of my facial expressions. Asking God how did I come to this place……. where I just sit and *allow* this disrespect to happen over, and over, and over, and over? People coming at me sideways like I’m stupid….. while I sit back and I listen to God fill me in on their schemes and LIES.
The “old” La Crease would have ripped them apart LIKE AN APPLE IN A JUICER….. the *new* La Crease sits here and listen to God talk her down from it. Boy these people are so BLESSED.
People that I LOVE… people who I use to DEARLY LOVE, strangers-customers, and PEOPLE WHO WILL NEVER~ EVER BE APART OF MY LIFE AGAIN…. In silence, I listen to God, tears form, they fall….. how many more days do I have to stand behind this *fence* you have me in separating my teeth from these people? Is this my life? Tell me now? Lord, please Help me to stay in this fence. Its safer for me, and its safer for them. I know Lord, that you’re so deep inside me, that if I get them…..you’ll GET ME….and you know…. I don’t want any trouble from you * looking at you SMILING*.
For 8 1/2 years * at my job* I have shown myself friendly, I go to work to motivate, inspire and to encourage EVERYONE….EVERYDAY. So deep, and to the point where if I get upset about something…. they’ll come to me and stare…..asking…… Ms. La’Crease, I’ve never seen you like this before…are you okay? Its always expected of ME * because of what I put out*….what I’ve shown them throughout this walk….. this I know….. but, I am not perfect and I hate to be treated as if I do no wrong. My coworkers truly adore me this I know…. they have constantly showed me this in all ways. I have shown not only my coworkers this *new La Crease* side that God has introduced me to many years ago. But also to my favorite neighborhood customers that come to my store weekly.
So, now that they see YOU in me Lord….. I CAN’T go back to the “old” LaCrease. I get that!!! I have to stay this way. ….PLUS I LOVE IT HERE. But can I please ask this… why is it so HARD? Why? Why won’t people just let me BE NICE? Why do they LIE to me for no reason? Why do they come to me being FAKE and you know I KNOW THE TRUTH…. YOU KNOW I DO LORD…. “the old me” I would have hung up on them…… in the middle of their conversation and turned my ringer off FOR GOOD. How did I get tolerance for this mess? I don’t play this ? Are you serious?? I know mines is NOTHING compared to what JESUS went through…..
I’m really going through right now. I’m one of the strongest women I know. I admit.. I’m very strong* my siblings can tell it best*….but it seems EASIER TO PULL OUT MY SHARK TEETH and put bite marks into some of these *wackos* behind. LOL But I LOVE THE LORD TOOOOOOOO MUCH to go back to the *old* me. I love the FAVOR I RECEIVE EVERYWHERE I GO……everywhere I go people know me, people talk to me…. they recognize me all over the city….. Thank you for not having stranger eyes, and for being someone that’s approachable, Thank you for having/receiving the best customer service… my WISDOM… my ADVICE… MY LOVE …MY SMILE…. MY SPIRIT…. Lord, I love this side better….. all I ask is that you keep me behind the fence with YOU. Protect me…..keep me *new*.
Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy