God Told Me That I Was Getting In The Way With My Foolishness- PT 2/BLOG

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The following year, my daughter entered High School. She had a good 4 years, graduated, then decided that she would take a year off from school. That didn’t sit well with me at all. I wanted her to go straight to college because I know sometimes when kids take a year off, its hard to get back into the grove. But my baby was determined to go to college. She told me that she was tired, and that she really needed that time off.  I respect that, she broke it down and I got it. I didn’t want her to start a job either, because I KNEW that if she started working, it was a chance that she would get use to the money and never start college. That was happening to so many kids at the time. I made sure she didn’t need for anything.

Often times Nesha  and I would talk about that night God told me that I was getting in the way with my foolishness of who she was going to be. I was very conscience of everything I did, said, and exposed her to.  As I’m watching her grow up, I’m watching GOD work in her life. I’m watching every step of the way with excitement in my heart… asking just what is HE using my baby for? We both wanted to see where God was leading her, and sometimes its not what WE  have in PLAN.

On her way to an Event for her job

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She traveled in the summer with her dad, and when Fall came around she was ready for College. She wanted to become a Lawyer, so she went to school, did 4 years, and received her Bachelors in Criminal Justice. In her last year she went to work for the 36 District Courts here in Detroit where she worked in Forfeiture. She wanted to learn as much as she  could, so she sat with Judges, Criminal Prosecutors, and Defense Lawyers.  She also sat in the court room for every hearing of our former Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick.  It was a joy to see her on TV everyday.  Knowing in my heart how she felt about being in the presence of a court room and getting a feel of what she wanted to do. She was so well liked and known around the building for her ambition to learn. Several Judges wanted her to leave her department to work for them. She did. But as time passed, she started seeing in the court room how things were done and had a burning desire to help Women, Seniors and Children. She felt as if her need was elsewhere at that time, other than in the court room.

During that time, she helped me to put together The Feeding The Homeless Projects, and also my Youth Group Raisingurls To Women in my home. She enjoyed it and was a big help, more than I could ever explain.

She would always say Momma, I’ll go back to school later to become a Lawyer, but  right now I want to work with Youth and Family Services. I said baby…. this is YOUR LIFE…. you do what you are LEAD to do. She said I just dont want you to be disappointed. I told her NEVER THAT…. I’m just watching God do his work in you, I have raised you, you’re an adult now, you have your own relationship with God, you do what you want to do in life. With my Blessings (( in her heart)) she started working for a Non-Profit Organization. And when I tell you this gurl is doing her thing. I don’t have enough time to share it all. She went right in (( first job)) in 2012 worked her behind off, that THE CEO made her DIRECTOR OF FAMILY GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT !  Yess!!!!  She’s the Supervisor of 6 Clinicians . And I’m looking at God like…… Are you serious? You’re having me to witness all of this? And I’m so happy that he allowed me to share with her that night at 12 years old, that it was all about her. My foolishness had to end, so that I could focus on her, and raise her up, so that she could be used by him. What JOY I FEEL AS I WRITE THIS. THANK YOU JESUS, THANK YOU LORD.

Photo of her at 4 years old

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I don’t get a chance to see her work in person, and I have to make her tell me stories about what she does. She believes in helping others and not so much talking about it. But for me, its about seeing what God was talking about. Thanking him for getting me together so that I could raise her properly. So she shares some. But last week, I got to see for myself. We had planned to do a little shopping and get something to eat after she was done at work. She told me to pick her up at 5:00 but someone called and needed food and personal items because she didn’t have anything to feed her son. I told her that I would be there EARLY anyway (( I wanted to see the person)), the young lady jumped out of the passenger side of the truck and ran in the building. My daughter hand her this huge box full of food and items. It made me cry. This lady hugged my daughter so tight and kept Thanking her. I sat in the car saying to myself God, this is what you were telling me? Seeing my daughter help someone who had NO FOOD FOR HER SON… just did something to me. I thought my daughter would be putting criminals in jail, she’s putting food on the table for those we are in need. It made me cry, seeing this in person. She was just 12 years old, here she is 30 and I’m just in awe of God.

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This week she started school again!!!! She wants to go higher in her field. She wants to be a Therapist, its funny because they say Criminal Justice cross paths with it, so now to her it make sense why she switched off from wanting to be a Lawyer. Her boss told her, go to school….. bring me the bill! Wow amazing!  

When I tell you my daughter takes care of me…… it brings tears to my eyes. The gifts, the thoughts, the appreciation is over whelming sometimes. Because all I wanted was for her do what SHE wanted to do, and for me to see WHAT IS ALL THIS GOD WAS TALKING ABOUT. I SEE IT FOR MYSELF… Never in a million years when I did my Feeding The Homeless Projects  that she was watching in the background. Never knew that what she was helping me with… SHE RUNS AND DIRECTS. Below is her being honored here in Detroit by city officials, and other members and staff personal all over the city. It blew my mind to hear all of these kind words, and to REMEMBER WHAT GOD REVEALED TO ME THAT NIGHT!  And there is so much to come, and if The Lord say the same.. He’ll let me be here to SEE IT! AMEN!

ALSO, A Happy Happy Birthday to HER today (( 31)) September 3.. and I turned 50 TODAY AS WELL!

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God Told Me That I was Getting In The Way With My Foolishness PT 1/BLOG

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I was in my early 30’s when I was temporary SHUT DOWN ..by God.

Growing up we would have our water, lights and gas shut off and then turned back on, and I hated that. I said that when I “got grown” I’m going to make sure that I pay my bills off once it comes in the mail. And I made good on that promise. All my adult life, I hated to “pay” on a bill because it would catch up with the next month, and seem like it would be double. All my friends use to ask me why not just pay on it, but they didn’t know  the promise I made to myself and why once I was grown. Still till this day, I do NOT pay on my bill, I pay it off COMPLETELY.

One day, my car went down, I had to get a ride to work with my co-workers. Then right after that, we all lost our jobs due to selling of the plant we worked. So, that meant if I didn’t find work soon, my  home services would be cut off. Well, even though my cable was still on, my lights and gas went off because they were on the same electric company. Oh, I was DEVASTATED! I had NEVER in my adult life experienced all of my services being disconnected at the same time. It was cold outside and I couldn’t let my daughter stay in the house with me, so I took her to my parents house and let her stay over there until I heard from God.

I knew he wanted my attention. I have a relationship with him and I KNOW when he needs to speak to me. He knew how I paid my bills, he knew that if everything was turned off, that he would get my attention. He knew how to shut me down, and I KNEW he wanted to speak to me. I lost my job, so I got up in the daytime when it was warm to call around for job openings, and at night I would lay down to think and try to hear from him. My daughter missed her daily routine of how we did things at home and even though she enjoyed being with my parents, she started doing bad in school. I didn’t know it at the time, but I knew her behavior had changed and I didn’t like it one bit.

Nights turned into weeks, and still no word from God. I remember asking people who I knew could help me get my services turned back on, and they turned me down. I was SO MAD AT THEM. I remember writing it all down, so that I would never forget it. Weeks turned into a month and even though it was warming up outside, It was still cold at night, and I had not heard from God.  I wanted to hear from him to see what this was all about so that I could get back to my normal life. What was my normal life? Well, let me share.

There was a time  when it was all about me and my daughter, we would go to the movies weekly, go shopping, out to dinner all the time. Her dad took her to Disney World- Universal Studios- Island of Adventure, and I took her twice… yes a total of 3 times as a child. Her cousins would come over and spend the night, and she would go over to their house. By the time she was 13 years old, she had been to New York, New Jersey, Atlanta, Philadelphia, Chicago, Cincinnati, Florida…  several times with her dad. She loved to travel.

We slowed down going to the movies,  Church every Sunday,  dinner,  and doing things we were use to doing together. It was only her and I.  I was preoccupied doing other things. I started drinking all the time with my friends, having male friends come over at night when she was sleep, talking on the phone all day.  I was going out every single weekend, making sure I was looking good, going shopping EVERY FRIDAY I got paid…. I was something else. So, when my services were shut off, and I KNEW that paying bills was important to me, this was something bigger than paying bills. This is how God got my attention… I knew it….and I was listening.

Days and weeks went by, turned into a month and I was praying, crying, wondering, scared, thinking… I wanted to know what this was about. Why hasn’t God spoken to me yet? One night I went to my parents house to see my daughter and my dad had been playing the Michigan State Lottery since I was born. Every night when it came on at 7:32 pm… he wanted the house QUIET! NO TALKING. He wanted to see what numbers fell, read what he played, then we could talk. LOL Earlier in the day before I had even got there, I had been seeing this one number straight, like ALL DAY. Everywhere I went I saw this number. It was unreal to me. Well, that night in the lottery it came JUST AS I SAW IT. I got up from the family in TOTAL SHOCK and went into the kitchen alone to ask God why did that number come in the lottery? I said you know I don’t play the lottery, so why did it come? He said to me… I know you don’t play, that was to show you that I haven’t forgotten about you and I’m ready to speak.

I went home alone that night to a cold house, and even though he didn’t speak that night, he spoke the next day.

He said. ” La’Crease, the person that Nesha is going to be.. YOU ARE GETTING IN THE WAY WITH YOUR FOOLISHNESS”. I remember so clearly saying….  Who me? What I do?THIS IS ABOUT NESHA?. NESHA? NESHA?… my daughter? He said YESSS, you’re sleeping with men at night, talking on the phone all day and night, you don’t do anything with her anymore, you have totally neglected her, her grades have suffered. You spend all your time with these men and your friends. He said.. You are getting in the way of who she is going to be with YOUR FOOLISHNESS!!! I felt so bad.  I was so SHOCKED. People ask me how do you know that WAS GOD? I said would I TELL MYSELF THESE THINGS? WILL I SIT THERE AND HEAR MYSELF TELLING MYSELF THIS STUFF? WHO DOES THAT? NOBODY!!! This was not ME saying all this shocking stuff to myself. WHO OVER LOADS THEIR THOUGHTS WITH THEIR OWN SINS? These things were  furthest from my mind.

I started thinking about how true every word was. All I could say is God.. I hear you, I’m about to  change my life!!! He meant it, and it wasn’t talking about next week either… he meant NOW! I was so out done. I was done. I thought all that time he wanted to speak to me about ME, and blessings coming, and new place to live, new car, bills paid, husband.. all this other stuff. LOL LOL  LOL its so funny.. so so sooooo funny NOW.. What a naive person I was. One thang he made clear…… YOU BETTA CHANGE YOUR LIFE AND NOW!

I heard him LOUD AND CLEAR… he didn’t have to repeat himself. I got up that next day, made some phone calls and all my service was turned on in a few days. Help came from everywhere. I went and got my baby from my parents, that’s when I found out that she got F’s on her report card. I was mad a little, because my dad and daughter hid it from me. I promised myself that I would get all her grades up by next report card to A’s and B’s and that’s what I did. My car got fixed, and I got a job. I stopped talking on the phone all together. I HATE talking on the phone, if you know me, you know I hate it to this day! I’ll text, but I dont like talking on the phone and people respect that.

I cut off all my male friends sexually.. 18 years STRONG TODAY… yeaaa I know. But it’s worth it. I started spending all my time with my daughter and I was soo Thankful that God stopped Me from Me. I couldn’t wait to tell her what God had told me, she was waiting to hear it too. When I told her , she was just as shocked as I was. She was only 13 years old when this happened. All she kept saying is momma what am I going to be? I couldn’t answer her. I didn’t know the answer. All I knew was that she wanted to be a Lawyer. I knew that I had a special child. I knew that I had to stop all my foolishness. I knew that God had a plan for her life and I had to STEP ASIDE. I knew that God was serious and that he planned on using her, we just didn’t know how. I straighten all the way up, and its so funny now, she always tease me and say .. “Didn’t God whoop you over me?” LOL LOL WE LAUGH.. WE LAUGH.. WE LAUGH!!!!

Tomorrow, I will share where SHE is 18 years later.… GOD IS TRULY FAITHFUL!

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My Beautiful Raisingurl/BLOG

Meet Tasia!
Yess  Tasia was ONE OF MY RAISINGURLS!!! She was one of my babies when she first joined my group of teens at my home.She had just started Junior High and was one of the last group of gurls I had before I moved into my apartment. She’s doing so well and I’m so proud of her. Her last post was this…I will cross that stage June 7th with a 4.0 GPA mark my words!!! 
 

Crees Ramblings/BLOG

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Hey Family!!!

I’m here getting over a cold, haven’t had one in a long time, so I’m okay with it…. I guess. LOL

On Mothers Day, my baby daddy ** I love saying that** sent me a message and called…. something he always does.IMG_2336 But its so funny how long I’ve come  (((MENTALLY speaking)))  from  back in the day at age 18 when I met him.martonenecree I really really love him today, because of the relationship he has with our daughter. She loves that man. I talk to women all the time about the importance of making sure that they don’t run the fathers of their children away. Even if they have broken up, its important, and even more when they’re grown and need that adult/father/child advice on life. I’ll never stop talking about that. Now, I see why I went through so much, because God knew that one day when I was healed from it all, that I would talk to others about my experience till I’m blue in the face. And there is NEVER  a day where I am not doing just that.

 Last night at work, one of the Supervisors took me there. I’m a person that  does my work, anything asked… I’m doing it without any attitude, talking smart or eye rolling. Managers notice that. Why this one feel like, just because I make my job look easy, without complaints, minimum questions, with a smile on my face ALL NIGHT… that I want to do extra work that has nothing to do with me ? That burns me up. He made me so mad that I had to pull him to the side. And this is the reason why I don’t run behind, talk on a personal level, laugh and play with managers. Because just as they mean business…. LA’CREASE WALKER does too. The less I have to say about something that goes on, the more they want to know.. WHAT LACREASE THINK? Ummmm….. I think nothing, not going to empty my opinions and thoughts out to anyone on anything that has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with me. #sostoplookingatme #waitingonaresponse #nothoughtsonthematter #asksomeoneelse #thankyou  MY FACE

So, Im trying to fix up my apartment room by room. FullSizeRender (57) FullSizeRender (56) FullSizeRender (55)I love it here, I’m going to video record as soon as they finish the lobby and the convenient store. I don’t think I will ever go back to living in a house again, UNLESS I’m married.

Was in the office doing some computer work, FullSizeRender (64)when one of the employees walked into the office and asked MEE.. was that in the lobby at the desk… I jumped up out of my seat so fast… and it was HIM… So fione!!!!

Okay… I’m getting sleepy, off tonight.

I AM La’Crease (((  I don’t have to do anything else)))

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GOD Chose MEEEEEEEEEE…. CREEEEE?/BLOG

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Hello Family 🙂

Today I was laying in the bed thinking about how God works in my life. Its so unreal, makes me smile and LAUGH at the same time. When I was 19, I was so in LOVE with my daughter’s father. God told me that I LOVED that man, more than I LOVED him. I was devastated when God said that to me one day as I was washing dishes. Because for some reason, I felt it may have been true… not on purpose… but maybe a fact. I didn’t like that one bit, and I MADE SURE I DIDN’T LOVE ANY MAN like that EVER again. I know how to LOVE.. because I learned it from my parents and growing up with close siblings. So after God revealed that to me, I continued to show men LOVE… because its in me. While they thought I LOVED them so hard (((  but I was just loving how I was taught))).. they ALL were disappointed, sad, and in a state of disbelief when the relationship was over, and I walked away like a car tore up in a accident, with no scratches on my body. That’s one thing about me that I LOVE….. I can walk away and never look back… all while STILL LOVING you at the same time… but in a “out of your life” way.

I LOVE GOD MORE THAN ANYTHING… and just because I show you the LOVE and LOYALTY you may not have experienced from someone else outside of your family… doesn’t  mean LACREASE WALKER won’t walk away like I never knew you…. because I CAN….in a way that will make you ask yourself… “Did she even LOVE me in the first place?” And that answer is…Yes I did/do.

Okay, I got off track. I was so in LOVE with my daughter’s father, that it took me forever to get over him. That was one of the hardest things to do. Back then, there was no social media where you can read up on other stories and then come to the conclusion that this man is not the one for you. We didn’t have access to other women who was going through the same thing to connect with. We had to learn on our own. I was secretive, so a lot of things I went though alone. I didn’t know that SEX was the connection that kept me going back to him. When I cut off sex, I was able to move on. Took me years and years, and years to realize that. But here is the part that got me laughing and talking to God about. He is using MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…. to talk to the broken women who are going through the same thing in this time and day. SO MANY women email me, talk to me in person, send text and other messages about the same thing. At first I was like… “Ok God, why are these ladies coming to me… I had a hard time back in the day trying to get over the LOVE I had for my daughter’s dad?” He said because you are over that, and you are the one who can reach these women. WOW WHAT AN HONOR…. When I think back on those times.. I don’t feel qualified AT ALL!! MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE??????? God are serious? Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee? CREE?????? I was so broken, hurt, ashamed, embarrassed, depressed, lost, had an abortion, MEAN AND EVIL… any and everything you can think of.. and GOD SENDS ME TO HELP THESE WOMEN?????????? MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?

I must say… GOD KNOWS BEST…. because I have spoken with SO, SO, SO , SO, SO many women about relationships, hurt and things associated… that this is truly apart of my calling. I am helping these women to find themselves, and to get back to God. Women are a magnet to me when it comes to this area of their lives…. and I love it. I’ve been there. I know the pain. I know the hurt. I know the thoughts and the cries at night. I know it all. I just want to say THANK YOU LORD FOR CHOOSING ME! I WILL MAKE YOU PROUD AND SEND YOUR DAUGHTERS BACK TO YOU, SO THAT YOU CAN SEND THE MAN DESIGNED JUST FOR THEM!!!

I AM La’Crease ((( I don’t have to do anything else)))

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A Phone Call I Had To Make/ BLOG

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Last Monday I called my daughter’s dad and told him how much I loved the fact that he and Neisha are so  close. He has 2 kids, Neisha the oldest, and a son 15, by his now separated wife. I never thought a day would exist to see them as close as they are. She loves that man, and he loves her. They are BEST FRIENDS. She told me that she has 2 Best Friends as her parents.

 I’m so happy about the amount of time they spend together, they go out of town together, they go to dinner and lunch all the time, he even goes to her job just to take her lunch. I told her that when she was younger and we’d get into it, he had to have prayed to God that one day he wouldn’t have to communicate with me in order to be close to her. LOL LOL That when she was old enough, he could build his own relationship with her. And that’s exactly what happened. He told me that he loved me and that he is so proud of the way that I raised her. I told him I loved him too, and that I was so happy that he is the Father of my only child.

One thing that’s for sure, and we both tell her all the time. Whatever you do.. make sure you marry a decent man who loves and respect you. A man who doesn’t fight, or mental abuse you, because you know your dad loves you with everything in him, and he will NOT tolerate anything less.

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I wrote this to say… sometimes you have to make a phone call to those who are important, to tell them how you love and appreciate them. Things change, and people change. If anything ever happen to me or him, we both know that we LOVE each other and that whatever happened in the past between us is over and done with.

Thank you Jesus for LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING. 🙂

I AM La’Crease

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