My story of FORGIVENESS-RAPE 4/FINAL/BLOG

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That night after work, I went home and thought about what can make him come to the conclusion that my daughter was his daughter. I asked God to please tell me why is this man telling people this. And why would a person brag on having a child with someone, when they RAPED them and got them pregnant? What is that to brag on?

 Fast forward to this year when I went to see him, he asked me flat out was my daughter his daughter? He told me that he told all of his kids that he has a daughter out that and that he wanted them to meet her. I explained to him that its no way my daughter was his daughter and for him to stop saying that. Later on that night, I went to bed and prayed about it asking God to show me what am I missing to make him feel that my daughter his his child?  This man REALLY BELIEVES THIS OOOOOOOOO MY GOODNESS.. I promise if anyone says there is no God,, they deceive themselves. God took me way back to the days and went over everything. He bought back so many memories that I blocked out of my mind. I guess I didn’t want to think about it or even deal with that anymore and never thought it through. But I wanted to tell this man NO SHE’S NOT YOURS and have proof.

So, I laid there and started thinking. He raped me in August of 1985. I met my daughters father in September when I turned 18. I got pregnant in December 1985. And had my daughter on MY BIRTHDAY Sep 3, 1986. So I know for a fact that I wasn’t pregnant for 12 months… that already disqualifies him. BUT.. THIS IS THE PART THAT GOD MADE ME UNDERSTAND. He said LaCrease… when you stopped seeing your ex boyfriend and your dad moved the family to another home, he was NOT allowed to see you again. I was like OKAY.. So when he found out that you were pregnant,, he AUTOMATICALLY assumed that she was his child. THEN…… to top things off. God spoke to me saying…. you named your daughter MARNEISHIA.. BECAUSE HER DAD NAME IS MARTO. (( MAR))… THEN TO  MAKE  MATTERS EVEN ( WORST) COMPLICATED… my ex boyfriend name BEGINS with ((MAR)) AS WELL!!! I was soooooooooooooooo amazed how God spoke that to me. Explaining how my ex really thought and RIGHTFULLY that my daughter was his. I had to remember that I MOVED AWAY.. AND HE NEVER SAW ME AGAIN… SO WHEN HE HEARD I HAD A BABY AND FOUND OUT HER NAME… HE carried that in his mind and heart all his life. I finally got it. THANK YOU JESUS. This helped me to explain to him (( my ex)) what God had spoken to me. And he got it!

I found myself calling my ex everyday this year just to ask him questions about that night. Its like I became obsessed with him answering my questions with TRUTH and HONESTY. He was humble, he remembered every single conversation and detail about that night, and it made me feel comfortable. But after a month or MORE, he asked me.. “can we have a conversation without you asking about that night. He was right. Very right. He had been very patient with me, never making me feel any kind of way at all. He gave me everything and more. I can walk away saying.. that he’s truly a different person than he was 30 years ago. I even enjoyed his friendship and new life that he had built for himself after being locked up. He talked about the Lord and Praised him every time we spoke.

I recently made the decision to disconnect from him when his gurlfriend sent me an INBOX on FB. He told her all about me, and I believe that she felt uncomfortable with me in the picture and he speaking so highly of me. I told her that I would disconnect from him (( something I needed to do anyway)). Too bad she doesn’t know that I needed him to complete this puzzle in my mind. But its okay, because I got what I needed from him and I AM ABLE TO MOVE ON!! PRAISE GOD. I plan to start a serious work out plan to get this weight off physically, because I am healing fast mentally (( smile)). I had a breakthrough and I Thank God for that! I hope that my story of FORGIVENESS is helping someone out there reading this. Took me years to get my answers, but I have them now. Thank you Jesus 🙂

(( photo above is of my daughter and her dad))

I AM La’Crease (( I don’t have to do anything else))

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Women do your part too/BLOG

Last night I wrote about controlling men. https://lacreasewalker.com/2015/09/08/men-control-in-different-waysblog/

To the women. Do your part in the relationship to balance your man. If your man is on 10, its your job as his woman to bring the balance and make sure he gets back to 1. Its pitifully and sad to see couples, especially husbands and wives both on 10 and no one can leave the madness for a few seconds in their minds to calm the other down. That’s a lack of self control and one day, it’s gonna catch up with them both. Either on each other, or someone else.

Women set the atmosphere  for the home. When a woman wakes up, she makes breakfast, sees her husband off, the kids, and then she goes on with her daily life. I use to love when my mom wake up in a good mood, that meant it was going to be a good day for school and a even better one when I got home. When she was in a bad mood, we would stay away from her the whole day. We literally   got up and looked at her face in the morning before we started our day to see what type of day it would be. LOL She had no idea until we got grown how her mood effected us.

When my daughter was growing up I tried my best to get up  in a good mood saying to her “Good Morning Princess”, “Good Morning boo”. Asking her how did she sleep? How she felt? We never had attitudes or that ” I woke up on the wrong side of the bed MESS!” Being quiet usually let the other person know, that they’re just trying to get their minds right to start the day.  But NEVER with an attitude, yelling or twisted mean looking faces. And we RESPECTED that space.

Women, know in your mind that you set the atmosphere in the home. Yes, your husband is the man, and the head…… but you set the atmosphere. The family always acts according to how your mood is in the morning. Smiling, speaking with a calm tone of voice, but at the same time being direct in your communication. I promise you, your hubby will be happy, and your kids will have a WONDERFUL DAY!

I AM La’Crease ((( I don’t have to do anything else)))

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It’s NOT okay! BLOG

Lately, I’ve been having deep conversations with several young women, and it bothers me so deeply what many are allowing these men to do to them. As I listen, I can’t help but think about the time when I was their ages and allow men to say and do things to me as well. The hard part is, they have to go through the experience themselves. I can talk to them till I’m blue in the face, sometimes they listen to me, and sometimes they don’t. It is them who has to learn the lesson.

I always knew that there was an order in which abuse start. First come the cursing out, and calling the woman out of her name. Secondly, are the personal attacks, meaning personal things that was said is now used in a way to hurt the person mentality. Third, is the physical laying of the hands on the woman to tear down her appearance and self esteem. I really hope women pay attention to this. We have to stop being so gullible. Stop feeling that we have met the best man for us. If someone is calling you names, and punching on you, get out of that relationship because the one for you is still out there. We have to stop getting so attached so soon. That’s the very reason why its so hard for us to break apart when things go wrong. Its okay to forgive, but that doesn’t mean that you should stay with him. It is not okay to mentally and physically abuse a woman. The same goes for women abusing men. Talk to a family member or close friend if you’re going through this, talk to the person who is going to be truthful, honest and upfront.  And listen!!! Listen to these people who have already experienced it.  It just may save your life.

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Bill Cosby/ Tell your own STORY/BLOG

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So… I read that Bill Cosby went to court several years ago and admitted to giving women  the drug Quaaludes so that he could do what he wanted to do.

I’m sadden by this information but not shocked. I’m not shocked because he’s a man/human and we all make mistakes. I know this was done when he was younger, and with the mentality he has NOW, he’s probably ashamed  and embarrassed by his actions. Because I’m sure he doesn’t do those things anymore.

 I know he felt this secret would be sealed forever, well at least until he passed on, that would leave his wife with all the MESS in her lap to deal with. Can you imagine all the people who are going to delete his number out of their cell phones? There will be ones who will call him to show support even after knowing/reading the court documents ARE TRUE. And that’s cool. Then there will be ones who will shy away from him altogether. Sometimes I think God allows these things to happen, so that we can see for ourselves WHO WE ARE. I learned that people are quick to forgive you if you ADMIT your wrong, and ask for forgiveness. But when you deny, and make folks look money hungry when they’re telling the truth all along, people aren’t quick to forget that.

After and during The Cosby Show he was looked at as almost perfect when it came to family life of being a husband, a dad, and a role model. But you gotta remember your PAST WILL catch up with you. Somebody somewhere knows YOUR TRUTH. When faced with the questions… be honest, no matter how hard it is. People will forget all about the good you’ve done and said, and focus on the lies you told, and the things you covered up. People love to remind me of how I use to be, when they can clearly see that I am 30 years past all of that mess. It doesn’t bother me anymore…..because I TELL MY OWN STORIES!

Here is how it will affect everyone he’s connected to. His cast members will be hunted down and ask millions of questions. His adult kids, wife, and colleagues will also be asked questions. If Bill Cosby was MY friend…. I would love to tell them NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS HOW I FEEL ABOUT MYYYYY FRIEND….while keeping it moving!!! I’m BOLD like that. Sad thing about this… Bill Cosby will have to break his silence soon, or it would just look like arrogance on his behalf. People looked up to him, they listened to him. And even though we all fall short (( I know I do)) one thing I do know…. when you come clean and be honest… its easier to move past it. He will have to face the music with the lawsuits, even have to come off money, but at least he’ll be free from his past. Amen?

I AM La’Crease (( and SHE doesn’t have to do anything else))

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Cree’s Ramblings/BLOG

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Hey Family!!! I have lots to talk about tonight!! Lets jump right into it.

I’m a thinker, and this is one I’ve been thinking about for a while. Years ago when I was a young gurl before the age of 14, my dad always told ME.. that I had a sister out there. She was his step mothers  SISTER. It was a huge secret back in the day because at the time he was young and still at home, and if his dad knew this, he would have kicked him out of the house FOR GOOD. So the gurl had the baby, but it was a secret who the father was until later on in the gurls life when people started to talk.

For me…. I always wanted to meet her. I’m very close with my siblings and to find out that I have a sister out there was like heaven for me. I thought about her all the time. Asking my dad questions he didn’t want to answer sometimes. But one day he got a knock on the door.. and it was HER. Not only did she come for answers, but it was also told to her that her mom was raped by my uncle((( by marriage))) , and that it was a possibility that she was his child. My cousins (( his daughters)) wanted a blood test to know either way, but that never happened and it kinda devastated me.

One day she called and said that she was coming to Detroit to visit her family and that she wanted to meet up with me and my siblings at my dad’s house. We finally had the meet I PRAYED TO GOD FOR. I got to see her face to face, stare at her, hug her and just Thank God for that moment. But when she left, we didn’t communicate much at all, and when my uncle who she felt was her dad.. passed away…. she made it known that she felt HE was her dad. I was good with that part. Because I Thanked God for us meeting. God gave me exactly what I asked for… and that was to meet her face to face. But I expected more. I wanted to have a blood test taken, and if she was my Sister start a relationship with her,  my niece and nephews. I feel that I was “short changed” in a way. She decided not to take the test , and I had to be good with that choice she made. Its funny, how God will give you the desires of your heart, but he never reviled  the outcome. Thing is, he comforted me during those days after the meet. I cant be mad at him for how things turned out, because he gave me what I asked for… A MEET. There will always be a “what if” in the back of my mind  when I see her post on FB. I love her and Thank God all the time that I got a chance to meet her. 🙂  🙂  🙂  🙂

Which brings me to Tyler Perry.. another person who I always wanted to meet since I was introduced to Madea. I love me some Tyler Perry and the work that he brings to life on stage and on the screen. But since meeting my sister and having HIGH EXPECTATIONS… I’m good. Not that I don’t want to meet him, I want him to want to meet ME. I’m just not good with expecting something so great to happen (( a friendship with him and my sister as well)) and it not happen. If its God’s will.. it shall be. Other than that I’m Okay. I’m going to sit back and let God do this… I’m out of it. It feels natural that way 🙂 🙂 🙂

I AM La’Crease (( I don’t have to do anything else))

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My DREAM OF SAVING SOULS /BLOG

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Tuesday Morning June 23, 2015 I had a dream.

I couldn’t for the life of me relax my mind long enough to really think about what the dream meant. Of course its to the point. But I never knew what would happen on Friday June 26, 2015, that would wake me up from my spiritual NAP. The US Supreme Court declared that same sex couples can marry. That ruling has awaken my desire to win souls of Christ.

I had a dream that I was in this huge building with lots of rooms and people. In every room it had nothing in them except a BIG MIRROR.

I WAS IN CHARGE, like in all of my SPIRITUAL dreams.

We were surrounded by MIRRORS. And as I was telling people where the EXIT doors were, because I knew the world was coming to and end. If they didn’t listen to me, their faces would BURST INTO A BIG BALL OF FIRE, which meant they DIED. I was telling people where the EXIT signs were because I wanted people to LIVE (( which meant)) getting out of the building. But they were in another ((mind set)) and felt why was it necessary to leave…. in the first place? They couldn’t see what was going on, but I could. Instead of them focusing on leaving, they chose to put all their ENERGY in wondering…. WHY  I WANTED THEM TO EXIT SO BADLY.

Some people were looking at me like I was crazy and didn’t listen to me. I could sense that they felt that since I KNEW where the EXITS were, why wasn’t I heading for them? Why was I telling them to get out, when I could just leave myself? They were looking at me like, well since you know where the EXIT signs are why are you telling us? Why do you want us to go with you so badly? I was so deep into telling people where the EXIT signs where, that as this one person FACE BURST INTO A BALL OF FLAMES… I was too close and mines caught on fire too. I was dying. In my DREAM… it was like I came to myself (( knew I was dreaming)) and told God that I wanted to LIVE. I told him that I wanted to ((wake up from my death)) and go back into the building to tell the other people where the EXIT signs were. Well, God listened to me, and he permitted me to go back into this HUGE BUILDING with lots of rooms and people to tell the others where the EXIT signs were.

When I got back into my dream…  I looked into the mirror to tell this other person where the EXIT signs were, and saw that MY FACE was covered with a WHITE TOWEL. I could still hear my voice, it was my body, but my face was covered. My face was burned up so bad that God put a WHITE TOWEL over it. I remember not caring at all, because all I wanted to do was tell people about the EXITS. After telling so many people and going room to room, I heard GOD SAY TO ME LOUD AND CLEAR……now its time FOR YOU….. TO HEAD FOR THE EXIT. I heard him, and I got out of the BURNING BUILDING. All who didn’t listen to me…. perished.

I AM LaCrease (( I don’t have to do anything else))

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Let me share this dream I had . Me and my daughter was walking down this block and all of a sudden it started getting dark and spooky. My first reaction was to be scared. But then I remember in the bible about things to come and those who don’t know God wont be able to understand what’s happening. So I remembered the word. My daughter looked at me she knew what time it was too, so I grabbed her hand and said come on Neisha lets get across the street, that’s the only way we are going to be saved! It was like that side was safe, and the side we were on turned into Hell! It looked as if it was lighting, and storming, put it this way…………the end of the world had came.

We had to cross this big street that seem as if it was taking forever to get across. Once we got there, we saw lots of people, some were looking crazy some just was plain lost. So for some reason, I was in charge, I spoke up and said to the people. LOOK, LISTEN EVERYBODY, the world is coming to an end!! I said if you want to live you have to wake up!! In my own mind inside of the dream I knew that I wanted to live, so in order to live I had planned on waking up out of the dream, I just wanted to make sure that they knew what to do, since some of them didn’t know what was going on, I knew that I had a way out. So I said LOOK YALL, WAKE UP. I looked at Neisha and said boo, you wake up first, I couldn’t wake up without her going first. People were waking up because a bubble would burst in the spot that they were standing in. So I said Neisha go head and wake up. I looked at her and then saw a bubble. I told everybody wake up if you want to live, and THEN I BUBBLED OUT. (LOL)

 

 

I woke up out of my dream.

 

I looked around my house, I got up, walked around, and couldn’t stop thinking if those other people woke up. It was on my mind so tough. I couldn’t believe that I had a dream like this. So, I laid down and said I need to go back to this dream to see if those people left. I laid down went back to sleep, and guess what? God let me go BACK to see if those other people were there. I pop back in the dream like a bubble. It was only a few people left. I said WHY DIDNT YALL POP OUT?????????????

 

They looked at me and said: WE CANT WAKE UP.

I felt so bad for them, so bad. There was no way for me to help them, they had to pop out themselves. All I could say to them was well IM OUT!! Then I woke up out of the dream.

 

Deep? I’m always thinking about this dream, its one of the few I remember.

 

I love you all!

Lacrease

It was this  black lady who wore all black, something like a Levi pant and jacket outfit. She was always smiling, but EVIL as HELL. She had built this very large, what looked to be  an old school film projector that my teacher used at school back in the day.  This thing had wheels on it and did everything she told it to do. Everybody  was scared of the Power this woman had. She had terrorized the whole neighborhood, and was going block to block at any given time and was commanding this thing to shoot fire balls out on people. I was sooo scared in my dream I didnt know what to do. I remember peeping out my door and window just to see if her and this machine was going to come our way.

I was in the house with all my family members, we were together just in case we got killed. Somehow she got into my house and she kept looking at me. She said * Im about to do the paper work on you cause youre about to DIE*. She was staring at me, doing this dance and saying over and over again, that she was going to get her machine to set me on fire. She made me go outside but my family had to stay behind and watch me die looking out of the window. She was standing at a desk outside, still doing *paperwork* on me when I bust out and said. *Thats okay, you can kill me, but when God comes Im going to watch you burn in HELL!!! I said Im going to wake up again, but you are going to burn forever!! She was sooooo mad at me, but I kept talking and thinking that she was going to kill me anyway, so I should tell her how I felt. I looked down the street and here was her machine coming up the block. OMG I was so scared. I just kept on saying my peace to her, still she was doing her dances and telling me that I was about to die!!! I started praying and asking God to forgive me for all my sins, I told him that I loved him and my family and that I wanted to be with him forever.

 I felt peace.

 Then….. I looked up to the machine and she told it to KILL ME!!!! I fell to the ground,  I felt heat but only a little bit…………. then I died.

 As I was laying there in front of my house on the  side walk, all of a sudden this tall, HANDSOME, thick thigh , big stomach * like I like em man* PICKED ME UP off the ground and KISSED ME! When he did that I woke up. I was ALIVE!!! He had me hanging over his shoulders and he took me into the house with my family. He sat me on the couch and the lady that wanted me dead walked in. She couldnt see me at all but I could see her. Somehow she knew that once he kissed me and I was ALIVE, that she couldnt do anything with me  OR MY FAMILY EVER AGAIN. She was MAD too, because she wanted me dead. I was sitting on the couch watching it all go down.  He said a few words to her and she left. He told me that he was an Angel, and the way he looked at me, our vibe, and connection was strong. I knew right then and there that I was going to be his wife. Then I woke up…… I couldnt go back to sleep because that dream was so powerful. It felt so real. I was alive and she didnt have power over me anymore. My family was there they were so happy. I don’t know what this dream mean, but  I DO know its Spiritual. If someone who knows about dreams could comment or post, PLEASE DO SO!! PLEASE PLEASE! 

 Thanks for reading

Lacrease

Why You Mad?? My @tylerperry Response/BLOG

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Hey Family!!!! 🙂 🙂

Tyler Perry wrote-May 27, 2015

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, and she was explaining to me how disappointed she was in people and the things that they do and have done to her. She went on and on about how upset and heartbroken she was, and has been, about some of her family and friends. She talked about how they hurt her and how she wished they would change and be better people. She wanted them to be different than the people they were.

Halfway through this complaint-a-thon, I asked her to take a walk with me in the backyard. Now, you have to know this particular friend of mine. She hates the heat, and it was a hot day. I said, “come on” so she reluctantly came with me.

We got outside and it was steaming hot. I could see that she was uncomfortable. Nevertheless, we kept walking around my backyard. As she was still complaining about people, I asked her what she thought of my grass. Mind you, in order to appreciate the grass you had to stand in the direct sunlight. She said “Wow, I love your grass. It’s beautiful, but it’s hot right here. Let’s cool off under that oak tree over there.”

So, as she started to walk to the tree I said, “No no, let’s stay here in the grass and cool off.”

She turned to me quickly and said, “We can’t cool off on this grass.”

Right then, I said to her, “But you just said the grass was beautiful.”

“I did” she replied. Then, I asked her, “Why won’t you stay here?” She said, because she was hot and the grass couldn’t cool her off. So, we walked over to the oak tree and sat there.

She said, “Now you see? This is what I needed.”

Then I asked her this question. “The grass was beautiful. You loved it. Why didn’t you get mad with the grass because it couldn’t provide the shade you wanted?

She was confused, so I went on to explain myself. “People in this world, whether they were created a certain way or became that way through life’s circumstances, are who they are. Stop wishing they will be someone else.”

I said, “The next time you get upset with someone because they can’t do, or can’t be what you want them to be, remember the grass. Never get mad at a blade of grass because it’s not a tree. Appreciate the grass for what it is. Let it provide to you what it can, but don’t expect more. Your life will get so much easier when you start letting people be who they are and stop expecting them to give you what they don’t have or don’t know how to give. Just like that grass couldn’t provide shade because it wasn’t made to, some people are not made to give you what you’re asking for. So, stop looking for it. You will be shocked at how much peace you find when you really get this.”

And the last thing I said to her was this. “You wouldn’t be so frustrated with people who are like the grass if you had more people who are like trees in your life.”

I could really go deep into this, but I gotta go back to work. Talk to me. What do you think?

Love y’all. Talk soon

My Response:

I love Tyler Perry’s messages because they always make ME think. I wake up everyday to learn a new lesson, I may not get it sometimes, but trust me.. I FILE EVERYTHING IN THE BACK OF MY MIND, BECAUSE I KNOW ONE DAY, ONE DAY.. IM GOING TO NEED TO PULL IT OUT, EXAMINE IT, AND FINALLY GET THE LESSON.

In this lesson, it took me a long time to get how people were. I use to get mad at people for not acting the way I felt they should act, and I would be done with them. I learned that you have to meet people where they are!!! In this life you’re going to meet a lot of people,  we all have different personalities. When we meet someone ((( IN PERSON))), they are exactly who they act out. That’s who they are…. and its okay… BUT CAN YOU DIG IT? I learned that I didn’t have to stay in that persons life because they didn’t act how I felt they should have. I don’t have to be their enemy, or be angry/mad with them either. There is always a lesson and reason why we come face to face with people who do things differently and act differently. Some people try to put a size 10 shoe on a 5 feet. Meaning, you can’t make people fit into what you feel they should be. Take them for face value,  get the lesson you need from them, and KEEP IT MOVING. I’m so glad that I came to a place in my life where I can get along with ANYONE…. its so crazy because in my 20’s and early 30’s…. Um Um…. NOPE! LOL In my late 40’s…… listen… I come to your life for LIFE LESSONS… not to talk on the phone all day, not to gossip, but to exchange stories and life experiences that we may have that can heal us together, or even make us laugh.

For Example: My Sister Peedie…IMG_2134 is always late for EVERYTHING. It use to BURN me up when we would all meet over to our parents house for pizza and laughs, she would plan the party for 5.. but always be there after 6. She does this  for every function we have. If I say the gathering is at 4, she’ll blow my phone up asking me what time am I leaving, that way she would know how long she has to BS before leaving out her house. LOL.. I use to be MADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD at her. On fire. I use to wish that just one time, she would be on time. When God bought me to really examine this situation that bothered me so much… it BLESSED ME. He said.. your sister has been doing this for as long as you can remember. This is who she is. She won’t be on time, stop looking for her to be. This is your sister and how she does things. Get over it. Then I thought its OKAY.. ITS OKAY…. its funny now, because we make jokes and laugh about how late she’s going to be. I get it. I can’t make her to be a person on time, she’s always been this way. This is apart of her personality. ((( She’s always on time for work tho))) LOL LOL  I no longer “wish” she would be on time… I Thank God that she always shows up  ALIVE AND WELL

Now let me add this… I can call that SAME SISTER…. ask her for $20.00, she’ll bring me $40.00. One day I needed to borrow $20.00 she put a $100.00 BILL in my hand, we were talking so much, when she left, I realized what it was. If you call her for money SHE IS ALWAYS THERE. If you need a ride, she’s there ** late of course lol **, if you need to talk, she’s always there. If you need a favor or anything… she’s there. She always have it and if she don’t she’ll get it for you. God had to me to see that. I learned to look FOR STRENGTHS IN OTHER AREAS of a person, instead of focusing on their weakness. She wont be on time for anything, but if you EVER EVER EVER NEED HER… SHE IS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS THERE FOR ME AND ANYBODY ELSE!!!! So, after thinking about it…. ITS OKAY… IT REALLY IS OKAY.. that she’s not a person to be on time, because she has so many other things about her that I LOVE. I LOVE MY BABY SISTER.

I AM La’Crease ((I don’t have to do anything else))

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