One day he came over and couldn’t find me, so he went a few doors down to my friends house (((his now sister -n- law))) and found me there. He was mad at me for not wanting to have anything to do with him. No matter how much he apologized to me, I didn’t want to hear it. He was really irritated with me, and decided that he was going to rape me again while my friend outside and her mother not home. How disrespectful is that?
He threw me down on the couch and tried his best to get my pants down, this time it was not going to happen. We then got into a fight. He pushed me and I pushed him back. My Sisters and friend heard it and went and told my dad, by this time I was able to get out of the house and go home. My dad was FURIOUS!! He told my ex boyfriend to never come over here again. AND HE DIDN’T. My dad said to me…. and I’ll NEVER EVER FORGET……. WE’RE moving, and when it happen.. HE BETTER NOT HAVE MY NEW ADDRESS!!!!! My daddy meant that.
Just before we moved , I met a new guy. He was everything all in one. Tall, handsome, sweet as pie, nice, and crazy about me. We hit it off well. I knew it was too early to start a new relationship, but I had to get over the last one, and this new guy helped me. I went to school everyday praying that I wasn’t pregnant by my ex boyfriend. How does a woman have a baby by the man who raped her? That means I would have to love the baby no matter what. I prayed and prayed. I worried everyday. How do I tell my parents? Why does a 17 year old have to deal with this? Everyday I woke up, it was the first thing on my mind. I came on and was so relieved.
Then I faced another problem. I hated the fact that my ex boyfriend raped me, and didn’t want him to be the last person inside me. After 3 months of seeing my new boyfriend I had sex with him. I wasn’t ready for that at all, but in my mind I had to do it. I became mean, and evil to everyone. I had MAJOR TRUST ISSUES, I hated myself and others too. I never associated my anger with the rape until years and years later. On Dec 4 1985, I got pregnant with my first and ONLY child. I had my daughter ON MY BIRTHDAY… September 3, 1986.
Years and years had passed, before I saw my ex boyfriend again. When I first laid eyes on him, the rape was the first thing that came to mind. I hated him even more, and hoped to never ever run into him again. In my late 20’s I was having the time of my life. Me and my daughters father had broken up and I was meeting new guys. Funny thing looking back. Mainly Police Officers. I wonder what was my attraction to them. Security? I’m not sure. By the time I was in my early 30’s and I started slowing down, the night I was raped started coming back to my mind. Late 30’s I started eating more and picking up lots and lots of weight. Early 40’s it was on my mind EVERY DAY. God always told me that it was going to come back like throw up. Everything that happened that night was going to come up. Because I had not dealt with it. I pushed it out of my mind for years. It was time….. and He was right!
One day God told me loud and clear, that when my ex boyfriend get out of jail he was going to come to my job at Walmart and through my line. For me to not be afraid. It happened just like he said. I even blogged about it on this site.. the same night GOD TOLD ME. When I saw him I froze, caught me off guard, couldn’t stop thinking about that night as he stood there waiting for his turn. I was so nervous, but my power never left from me. I was in control and I made it through the transaction. I had been hearing over the years that he believed my daughter was his. He told his family, his kids and our friends that I had his daughter. I never told anyone what he did to me, so it made me MAD!!!!!!!!!. Then people would think that we had consensual sex… WHEN WE DIDN’T. He’s the bold type to tell them how young he was , but raped and got me pregnant. Either way, it wasn’t true and I wished he would stop telling people that. I wanted to brush him and the whole story UNDER A RUG or BED SOMEWHERE!!!! Just as he was leaving my line, he said to me… Tell my daughter I said Hi, and I want to meet her. I know she’s my daughter. I WAS SO MAD AND SO ANGRY!!! I let him walk out of the store without saying a word. My daughter was in her teens by this time, and all the talk of my daughter being his, ….. PISSED ME OFF TO NO END!!!
PART 4 TOMORROW!
I AM CREE (( I don’t have to do anything else))
Last night I wrote about controlling men. https://lacreasewalker.com/2015/09/08/men-control-in-different-waysblog/
To the women. Do your part in the relationship to balance your man. If your man is on 10, its your job as his woman to bring the balance and make sure he gets back to 1. Its pitifully and sad to see couples, especially husbands and wives both on 10 and no one can leave the madness for a few seconds in their minds to calm the other down. That’s a lack of self control and one day, it’s gonna catch up with them both. Either on each other, or someone else.
Women set the atmosphere for the home. When a woman wakes up, she makes breakfast, sees her husband off, the kids, and then she goes on with her daily life. I use to love when my mom wake up in a good mood, that meant it was going to be a good day for school and a even better one when I got home. When she was in a bad mood, we would stay away from her the whole day. We literally got up and looked at her face in the morning before we started our day to see what type of day it would be. LOL She had no idea until we got grown how her mood effected us.
When my daughter was growing up I tried my best to get up in a good mood saying to her “Good Morning Princess”, “Good Morning boo”. Asking her how did she sleep? How she felt? We never had attitudes or that ” I woke up on the wrong side of the bed MESS!” Being quiet usually let the other person know, that they’re just trying to get their minds right to start the day. But NEVER with an attitude, yelling or twisted mean looking faces. And we RESPECTED that space.
Women, know in your mind that you set the atmosphere in the home. Yes, your husband is the man, and the head…… but you set the atmosphere. The family always acts according to how your mood is in the morning. Smiling, speaking with a calm tone of voice, but at the same time being direct in your communication. I promise you, your hubby will be happy, and your kids will have a WONDERFUL DAY!
I AM La’Crease ((( I don’t have to do anything else)))
My Sisters and I was having a conversation the other day about how I use to follow the rules all the time when we were growing up. I always thought twice about what I was doing when it was against the rules. But for some reason it was always in the back of my mind to stop.
As I got older, I realized that I was this same person as a kid . I would tell people not to do something that would make them have to pay the consequences LATER, they always looked at me like…”guuuuuurl it aint that serious.” I remember saying to myself… “why bring extra trouble to yourself?” When I got the reaction that I did, I started asking myself “why do you care if they have to pay the consequences of their actions?” I care because I am a Christian, and I hate to see people suffering when they could have prevented it.I learn through consequences, why not tell others? I’m a person who cares. Oh yes, I could easily watch people do wrong, not open my mouth and watch them pay. That’s easy to do. I’m not that person. But I will say this. I will run it by you once, twice, maybe three times, but I wont be calling you, bugging you, emailing you, texting you or anything like that. As a matter of fact I won’t bring it up again. God gives me visions of the consequences we have to pay when we don’t follow the rules and decide to use the “Free will” button.
There was a time in my life when I was clicking that “free will” button all day EVERYDAY. I remember one consequence I paid heavily just before turning 20. My BFF and I worked together, and when we would get tips we would put them in our tip jar, but when we were low on money instead of ringing up pastries and coffee, we would STEAL and put that money in our tip jar too. We started off doing it a few times a week, then we started getting addicted and depended on that change so we did it all day everyday. Eventually we quit that job we were working, and started other jobs. We were very, very, very, close did everything together, lived across the street from each other, went out together, took trips together, she knew my family and I knew hers. We LOVED each other like Sisters. We were so goofy , laughed all day everyday.
Well one day me and my BFF were running errands. She left her purse in the car to run in someplace (( don’t remember where)), but when she went to the next store she took her purse. As she walked to the car I could see that she was mad about something. When she got in the car, she asked me did I go in her purse and take $20.00? I said NO.. I WOULD NEVER DO THAT!!! She said well Creasy, it was in here when I left home. I said I didn’t go in your purse, I wouldn’t do that. We argued all the way home. We didn’t talk for YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS AND YEARS over that. She felt like how could you do that to me? I was your BFF. There was nothing I could say to convince her that I would never ever do anything like that to her.I was devastated. I prayed and asked God why is this happening?
He said…. when you and Lisa were working together, you both stole money. Even though you have never stolen from anyone, not out of their homes, not out of their purses, you have a history of being a THIEF. There was nothing you could say to convince her that it wasn’t you that took her money. That’s when it started to click in my head. She felt like… if I did it to our job, then I would do it to her. But I didn’t,and I paid for it. After no communication for years and years, when we finally grew up and started talking. She told me that she found out that it was her brother (( he started doing it regularly)) who went in her purse and stole her money, not me… she apologized. I was more happy that she didn’t think it was me, than anything.
Her only child and my God daughter Erika, had gotten big and didn’t know me 😦 We were in different places at this time, and no matter how much we talked, we never got that connection we had in the beginning. 😦 I learned a serious lesson in all of that. What we did together spilled out in our own friendship. There was nothing I could have said to convince her that I didn’t steal her money. The consequences of stealing from that company, was how I lost my BFF and the closeness/bond/friendship of my NOW AKA BEAUTIFUL GOD DAUGHTER!! I paid for that dearly. I will never forget this lesson. We are connected on FB and its so good seeing her and Erika. They’re both Christians who LOVES, LOVES, LOVES, LOVES, LOVES, LOVES, LOVES, LOVES THE LORD… and I’m so glad that we can laugh and talk about our past while moving on to our future. We’ll both be 48 this year and I Thank you Lord Jesus for that LESSON TO SHARE WITH OTHERS. AMEN!
I AM La’Crease (( and SHE doesn’t have to do anything else))
Hey Family!!!! 🙂 🙂
Tyler Perry wrote-May 27, 2015
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, and she was explaining to me how disappointed she was in people and the things that they do and have done to her. She went on and on about how upset and heartbroken she was, and has been, about some of her family and friends. She talked about how they hurt her and how she wished they would change and be better people. She wanted them to be different than the people they were.
Halfway through this complaint-a-thon, I asked her to take a walk with me in the backyard. Now, you have to know this particular friend of mine. She hates the heat, and it was a hot day. I said, “come on” so she reluctantly came with me.
We got outside and it was steaming hot. I could see that she was uncomfortable. Nevertheless, we kept walking around my backyard. As she was still complaining about people, I asked her what she thought of my grass. Mind you, in order to appreciate the grass you had to stand in the direct sunlight. She said “Wow, I love your grass. It’s beautiful, but it’s hot right here. Let’s cool off under that oak tree over there.”
So, as she started to walk to the tree I said, “No no, let’s stay here in the grass and cool off.”
She turned to me quickly and said, “We can’t cool off on this grass.”
Right then, I said to her, “But you just said the grass was beautiful.”
“I did” she replied. Then, I asked her, “Why won’t you stay here?” She said, because she was hot and the grass couldn’t cool her off. So, we walked over to the oak tree and sat there.
She said, “Now you see? This is what I needed.”
Then I asked her this question. “The grass was beautiful. You loved it. Why didn’t you get mad with the grass because it couldn’t provide the shade you wanted?
She was confused, so I went on to explain myself. “People in this world, whether they were created a certain way or became that way through life’s circumstances, are who they are. Stop wishing they will be someone else.”
I said, “The next time you get upset with someone because they can’t do, or can’t be what you want them to be, remember the grass. Never get mad at a blade of grass because it’s not a tree. Appreciate the grass for what it is. Let it provide to you what it can, but don’t expect more. Your life will get so much easier when you start letting people be who they are and stop expecting them to give you what they don’t have or don’t know how to give. Just like that grass couldn’t provide shade because it wasn’t made to, some people are not made to give you what you’re asking for. So, stop looking for it. You will be shocked at how much peace you find when you really get this.”
And the last thing I said to her was this. “You wouldn’t be so frustrated with people who are like the grass if you had more people who are like trees in your life.”
I could really go deep into this, but I gotta go back to work. Talk to me. What do you think?
Love y’all. Talk soon