I was talking to one of my closes friends a few days ago about how she should make it her business to be around couples who are doing well for themselves ((mainly husband and wives)) so that she can see how it LOOKS to be happy. She’s going through a WHOLE lot with her on and off again children’s father, and it kills me to see her this way. I believe with all my heart that she has lost herself in this man, and just don’t know how to get out. She’s a beautiful person, sweet as pie, but she allows herself to be mistreated and FINALLY she’s starting to see his true colors.
I know what its like to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t value you or what you bring into the relationship to take it to another level. Yes, I had my faults too, but in the end, I saw that he just wasn’t for me….. and that’s okay.
Coming to the conclusion that someone is not for you, is one of the hardest things for women. They know deep down in their hearts that the man they love is not for them, but they stay and HOPE things change. At some point, you gotta say this is it. That time comes when you start to feel that your self-esteem is low and not building, you cry easily, your feelings are hurt, you find yourself wondering what he’s doing (( especially if he has a history of cheating)), you’re checking his FB page for new women or subliminal stats, going through his phone and texts. That’s not how you live life. That’s not how a good healthy relationship should go.
If you haven’t seen your man in a few days, and he see’s you, he starts going thorough your phone, watch out for him! Because if he feels you can and will do something sneaky within those days you both haven’t seen each other, then he needs to be VERIFIED as well.. Um cuse me! Again…… this is NOT how healthy relationships grow. Not good.
Look at Donald Trump. You see the way his wife pulled away from him as they exit the plane? Clearly a sign of manipulation going on in the relationship. She is not happy in that marriage. She probably feels that now he’s the President, he exercises even MORE Power, and feels there is no way out without retaliation from the public and especially from HIM. Relationships and friendships should be happy. Yes, there will be problems, issues, misunderstandings and things of that nature. But to help in the loss of self-esteem, is not something ANYONE should experience.
In closing ask yourself.. DO I LOVE ME? What is it about me that allows him to treat me this way? What am I doing over and over again to allow this to continuously happen? If I leave him, what do I THINK he will do to me? Am I scared? Ask God to show you a pattern of his behavior. Tell yourself, that YES its going to be hard at first, then ask yourself can you eventually get over him? Tell and REMIND yourself that YOU WILL have to give up something (((( money, car, nice home, comfort, sex with HIM, security ))) for your PEACE. If you want to talk to me about your situation please feel free to email me DIRECTLY longnosenikon@gmail.com
I am LACREASE, and I dont have to do anything else!
First of all I must say I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE watching The Braxtons. I love Sisterhood, because I have my own 2 Sisters who I just love and adore, along with our only brother. Many times I wish I had more siblings because I enjoy the different opinions coming from each sister.
The reason why I’m writing this is because of the last episode when The sisters had dinner their dad and his wife. I am SURELY on the outside looking in and I wanted to share some things with the sisters.
I grew up with both my parents in the home, they’ve been married for 50 years this coming July 5. Even though they’re separated and living ALONE in the same senior building in different apartments, they are still best friends. I say that to say, I know how it feels to live in the home with both parents and to have them love us all.
I feel so bad that Daddy Braxton didn’t make it to Trina’s wedding. I remember when she talked about that pain. But when it aired that he wanted his wife to come along and that he was tired of not being able to bring her, because of the pain it caused Momma Braxton, I cried. I cried because he wanted to be there, he wanted to so badly. I can only imagine how it feels not to be able to bring my husband to ANY function or event. But this is the part that got me. Daddy Braxton wife Wanda WANTED him to go any way. She knew she wasn’t wanted/invited there, but still unselfishly she told HER husband to go anyway. She could have been like many other STEP MOTHERS who are evil, that’ll say… if I can’t go, you cant either. Not only that, when she walked out, he wanted to go with his wife, but she told him once again…. STAY WITH YOUR KIDS, ILL GO. YALL MISSED THAT! SMH SMH SMH SMH SMH..
Daddy Braxton was fed up… and I DONT BLAME HIM. He went to several events without Step Momma Braxton, at some point, he was like wait a minute… I know how my ex wife feels, I know how my daughters feel, its time to move on and accept the fact that I am know longer married to your mom, and that I am remarried. No one wanted to meet him half way. That’s not fair to him at all. PERIOD. Trina, you not once considered your dad’s feeling, because it was all about YOU AND NOT HURTING YOUR MOTHERS FEELING. You NOT had it in your heart to meet YOUR dad half way. You disregarded and disrespected the fact that he is no longer married to your mother, and wanted to bring his wife for HIS comfort, HIS enjoyment of the party, and HIS happiness. It was all about Trina. And I know it was fun blaming Step Momma Wanda along the way for HIM not coming. Yes, he should have explained to you that he was fed up not being able to bring her, but I wondered if you would have gave in and allowed him to bring his wife, knowing how your mom felt about his presence. Hmm.
Somebody has GOT TO STEP UP, and help Momma Braxton to a place of healing. She can no longer go on living her life in silent pain. His very presence makes her uncomfortable. I know it has to bring back memories for her. I get that. I get that she was living this happy life with 6 beautiful kids, and didn’t see divorce coming. But the pain is too evident in her facial expression, her speech, and her body language when he’s around. Help her!!! Its like the Sisters bandage up her pain. She has to deal with her feelings from the past. Anytime you have these GROWN SISTERS who many of them have been divorced with kids, want their dad and their mom to take “family” trips and the dad can’t invite HIS wife. That is not only CRAZY but its selfish and inconsiderate of HIS feelings. Stop being DISTRESSFUL TO YOUR DADS WIFE PRESENCE!! Stop making this man pay for his divorce from your mom. This man should not have to go through this anymore. He’s 70 years old, and let me say this…. I DONT GIVE A DAYUM WHO GETS MAD……yall are too grown to not see how childish and immature this is. Stop making your dad pay for his mistakes. Cause baaaaaaaaby wouldnt you all like to hear from your grown children the mistakes you’ve made with divorce, FAME, TIME , OH YESSSSSS JESUS… YOU ALL WILL HAVE YOUR TURNS WITH YOUR GROWN CHILDREN…. SOON AND VERY SOON. On all the things you THOUGHT you were doing SO RIGHT!!! OHHHH YESSS BRAXTON SISTERS YOUR TURNS ARE COMING. Forgive your dad for everything, your kids are watching.
There is going to come a time, when Daddy Braxton is gone. These sisters are going to have to go to his wife for his personal things they may want. This could be her BEST revenge. No money, fame, TV show, or court can make her give up anything that belongs to HIM/HER from THEIR HOUSE. You didn’t want to have ANYTHING to do with her then, but you will later. And you better hope, the sister who has a relationship with Step momma Wanda, shares with you all. UNLESS SELFISHNESS HAS COME TO YOUR HEARTS AND SPOILED WHAT BELONGS TO YOU. But they’re going to see how beautiful of a person she is. All things will come from her HEART. Even though she was treated like crap, her heart will be open for these gurls, JUST BECAUSE OF THE FACT THAT HER HUSBAND loved them FIRST- and she followed suit.
They’re going to want to hear stories of how much he loved his kids. How much he talked about them. How much he loved his grandkids. Oh yes, there will be lots of tears. Tears of how they wish the conversation would have been different at that dinner table. Thinking how selfish Tamar was acting when she tried to geek Trina up about how he made a ‘CONSCIENCE” decision NOT to go to her wedding. How could TRINA AND TAMAR missed the point he was making when he said because he was tired of going to functions without his wife. Nobody wanted to meet him halfway on that part, all they thought about was themselves and their momma. I love me some Trina, but not once did she think about HER DAD AND HIS FEELINGS, it was all about her and her wedding day. She was busy thinking about hers, and her MOTHER feelings, and at some point Daddy Braxton said, WHAT ABOUT MY FEELINGS? YES, I love my daughters, but I will NOT spend another day paying for the divorce WITH THEM, that I had with my EX wife. Free your daddy. PLEASE BEFORE ITS TOO LATE! PLEASE FREE HIM FROM THE PAST AND HELP HIM LIFE THE REST OF HIS DAYS IN PEACE WITH ANYONE WHO WANTS TO BE APART OF IT.
Tamar… Tamar, Tamar… Listen boo. I use to get up grab my keys and be OUT at the first sign of a sister debate. OUT. Im the oldest just like Toni. I cant do that anymore. We have to pick up the pieces and see THE BIGGER PICTURE. When she made every speech, I wanted to jump in the TV and kiss her. Let me say this to you….. You have a son now and working on another child. The work you are putting in to make a future for your son is wonderful, Im 50 I get it. You love Logan.. (( with his handsome self)) BUT BABY SISTER BRAXTON….. as hard as you were on your dad, made me CRYYYYYYYYY. There’s going to come a time.. You’re going to explain to Logan how much you love him, and how much time you spent working to make it happen for him, and its going to be all talk for him. He’s going to share with you how he felt in your absence and how he just wanted YOU. Just in the heart of your explaining your love, he’s going to get up and walk out. Just then you are going to flash back to not only your dad, but to all the times you bust up in the middle of debates with your sisters. Just as you need to let your dad off the hook.. OOOOOOOOOOOOOO WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.. you are going to want Logan to do the same thing for you when you explain the fame you wanted, and how all he wanted was YOU.. Oh yesss sistergurl baby Braxton, your turn awaits you. All I ask is that you have the answers for him.
Please get Momma Braxton some help. I LOVE HER.. She reminds me of my momma SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO much. She has got to come to a place where she can talk about it and keep it moving. And please don’t do Stepmomma Wanda like that, yall gon need her… WATCH WHAT I TELL YA.
When I was growing up I use to ask God why do I have to be the oldest? Why didn’t I have a big sister or brother to lean on and talk too? Why do I have to look out for my siblings and set the example? Why do my parents always look to MEEEEEEEEEE to make sure they’re okay if they weren’t around ? I hated the responsibility of looking after them. I just hated that as the oldest. HATED IT! UGH
Now that I’m 4 months away from being 50.. I SEE WHY GOD MADE ME THE OLDEST. Even though I’m opinionated. I realize that I’m wired differently. I have always looked at the bigger picture. I can see set backs, benefits, consequences, greatness, trouble… I see it all. Where my siblings may look at the NOW. Yes, even though we are all different, I see that my personality bring a balance to us as siblings.
While they call me BOSSY, I can sit back and not speak a word. Sometimes even as adults when we have debates and our parents tell us to SHUT THE HELL UP… I am the oldest and they DO listen to me. Still till this day.. Its just amazing how I can see why God made me the oldest.
If one sibling is mad at the other, they always want to know what I THINK. And some times, I’m like figure it out on your own, why do yall always want and need MY opinion? They say because I give good advice and peacemaker of the family. While that is true, I’m leaning to cut back on my opinion. I’m learning that being quiet sometimes is best. Being the oldest and being quiet about something is when my siblings REALLY WORK IT OUT. Because they don’t know how I feel about the situation. ((LOL)) And I think they have a need to please me, especially when it comes to getting along. They know I don’t play that staying mad days and days. NO WAY!!! Not in this family. Not as me being the OLDEST. They know I will drive to their homes, and make them talk about it.
When it comes to the family functions which we have quite often.. I’m usually the one along with my baby sister who does the planning. My middle siblings just bring what we ask. Its funny because it has always been like that. My baby sister is always on the page with me. We plan everything. The middle two… just play along. LOL
What’s funny is, if we’re planning a function and I have to work, OMG they’ll have a fit! They act like they cannot function without me being there. My mom will call me, my dad, nieces, siblings wanting to know why I cant come.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE MY SIBLINGS.. GOD HANDPICKED THEM JUST FOR ME!! I am the oldest and I get it now! Thank you Jesus.
LaCrease
My Second Oldest Sister
My Brother
My baby Sister
I AM LaCrease, and I don’t have to do anything else!
My niece had a baby shower on Sunday and it was so nice. I can’t believe she’ll be 22 years old this year. I witness her BIRTH, and its hard to fathom that she has graduated from high school, working a good job, AND A GROWN WOMAN!!!!!
This was her boyfriends first time attending a shower , but what’s funny is that he didn’t think they would get ANY gifts . He thought that because he had no idea how baby showers went, that people wouldn’t bring anything. So when he first found out he was going to be a dad, he went out and bought EVERYTHING. When I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING. Not only him, but his mom. They for real, REAL lost their minds buying gifts. When he saw all the gifts they had gotten, not to mention take home, he was so HAPPY and so SURPRISED. He had no idea how many people would show up and buy so many gifts. I’m happy for them both.
It was my second time meeting him and I really like him. I can see them marrying in the future. She really loves him and he loves her. They have the best chemistry. I really enjoyed watching them open gifts together.
Here are some photos from their shower.
Her BFF
Her Mom, ( my baby sister) and her BFF
I AM La’Crease and I don’t have to do ANYTHING ELSE
I was just in the bathroom thinking as I always do… too much sometimes. About all the mistakes I made in my teens and in my 20’s and early 30’s. The things I did, said. I will continue to give my advice, and I will always TELL THE TRUTH AND I DON’T CARE HOW MAD A PERSON GET AT ME… (( cause at the end of the day that’s YOUR story and NOT LACREASE ( mines)) .Forgive me.. but I say that with GREAT ARROGANCE! FRFR Because at the end of the day, I’m going to my apartment, CLOSE MY DOOR, cross my legs turn on the TV, and that will still be YOUR story.
I came to the BIGGEST CONCLUSION…. looking back at MY life. I have absolutely NO ROOM AT ALL PERIOD… to JUDGE anyone ever!!! I really had my share of making bad decisions. I’m also happy that I can share them with others going through the same things. All I ask is that you TAKE WHAT YOU NEED FROM MY CONVERSATIONS and ADVICE.
I ask that you go down memory lane of all the things you did wrong IN YOUR EARLY DAYS, and ask yourself…. DO I HAVE ROOM TO JUDGE? Just remember this is NOT your story anymore, you are only a coach to someone.
I AM La’Crease and I don’t have to do ANYTHING ELSE
Today I decided to call off from work. Its been a while since I did that, because when I do I feel so guilty. But tonight I’m glad I did. Today was one of those days where I’m feeling some kinda way. So many questions to God and things that I have learned about myself. I really needed this day off.
I challenge you to get to know yourself, think about YOU, realize and come to some conclusions about things. Think about consequences YOU had to deal with because of YOUR immature decisions. Its okay. Cry, laugh, and think about things in the past. I did and I’m glad. I want to share them with you.
I find myself often asking God, why do we have to stay “down here” with people who just want to kill and hurt others? Yes, I know Jesus will come for us, and I look forward to that day. But I still ask, because I often wonder if I could survive if some of the things that happen to others, would happen to me. That’s so scary to me.
I realize that once upon a time.. I cared what people thought about me. I cared about the wrong things. Recently a coworker came to me and told me that she was pregnant with her 3rd baby, at 19. She was feeling some kinda way, because she and her kids father were already having a hard time with a baby sister while they work, not to mention the fact that she was embarrassed, and ashamed that she was pregnant again. I was so happy she came to me, because of my experience I was able to help her come to her conclusion. I was so glad that I am a person who can share my experiences (( because I revisited them and healed)) with others, and I don’t GIVE A DAM about what people think ANYMORE. I told her how I had my daughter at 19 and 3 months later I was pregnant again. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone except her dad. I was ashamed and VERY AFRAID WHAT OTHERS WOULD THINK OF ME. I decided very quickly that I would have an abortion. I was especially afraid of what my parents would think of me. At 3 months I had an abortion and never thought about it again until I was in my 30’s. I shared my story with my co-worker and told her this: This is YOUR baby, yes you may be ashamed, but at the end of the day….. if you decide to have an abortion it will be with you for the rest of your life. You can raise this baby, you can do it. When you lay eyes on your baby for the first time, you’re going to ask yourself…. how could I ever consider killing you? I told her don’t care or worry about what the next person has to say about you, because at the end of the day this is your baby, YES THE ONE GOD GAVE YOU. And with that, her baby boy will be born sometimes this summer. Amen!
I realize that I enjoy being alone more that I ever thought. My personality attracts a lot of people. No matter where I go someone always have a story for me. I don’t mind because God wired me up to be a listener and a person who gives good GODLY advice. I’ll be 50 this year, and with my age comes a lot of experience and WISDOM. With that being said.. so when I’m home, I like to chill out. I don’t talk on the phone unless its my parents or my siblings. (( and I have the nerve to have the iPhone 7 PLUS)) I hate talking on the phone. So I write a lot and that’s my personal therapy. Now don’t get me wrong. I LOVE being around people, I love going to the movies, or my favorite mall. I love get to gethers to play cards, laugh and talk junk. I LOVE to travel, and I LOVE ENTERTAINMENT. Its just that when I’m HOME… that’s my place of PEACE.. AND I LET NO ONE DISTURB THAT LIFE!
I’m very territorial when it comes to my daughter, my family and a few friends.
I HATE when women talk about other women. I just HATE it. What they don’t realize is, when you do that, you’re only making your OWN self esteem go down. What you think about others, you FEAR others think about you. FLAT OUT! Stop that. Build! Find something about her that stands out in a good way and focus on that in your mind. Trust me, she has something way more valuable than you. God made her differently.
I love about myself is the fact that I don’t have to look cute everyday. I can throw on some clean clothes and just run my errands looking ruff in the face. And, I know that I can throw on some clothes and as soon as I hit the outdoors MEN ARE STARING AND SMILING.. I love this about myself. LOVE IT. I DO ME DAILY! ME ME ME… now do YOU YOU YOU!
Take a inventory of yourself and discover you all over again!
I AM La’Crease and I don’t have to do ANYTHING ELSE!
Proverbs 18:22 He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.
I absolutely LOVE the way these couples LOVE EACH OTHER.
I decided to put this together because I enjoy looking through the photos of these COUPLES FB pages, just to get a glance of what we all want………. LOVE. I learned that ALL of these couples…LOVE THEIR FAMILIES, LOVE to travel with EACH OTHER, and most importantly, they all LOVE GOD.
These beautiful couples can tell you for themselves the rode to LOVE has not been easy. They will even tell you they’re NOT PERFECT, but they made it. They did the work, they put in the time, they compromised, they put each other first, they will probably tell you, they had to let some people go, and that’s why these marriages are alive and well. NOT ONLY ARE THEY MARRIED, but notice they ALL are WEAR THEIR WEDDING RINGS. WOW.. AMAZING!
I wanted to show the world that REAL LOVE still exist. You don’t have to settle down with just anyone. The person God made for you is out there, and until you get out of these “no-where-going” relationships you’ll NEVER experience the love that these couples share. They should all give us HOPE that one day we too can experience LOVE IN THIS WAY.
My personal thought on all of the couples.
Tim and Karen-I LOVE the way Tim speak on his wife Karen. I LOVE how he LOVES GOD for BLESSING him with HER. I love the way she LOOKS at him when they’re doing videos together. And mostly, I LOVE how he says “MY WIFE”… he makes it SO PERSONAL. They also do videos for married couples and also for singles to learn from them on how to have a Happy Marriage. (( His movie “A Mother’s Love is also on NETFLIX)) Blessing and LOVE to you both.
Toure and Kim- I’ve been knowing Kim since we were teenagers * I’m 49*, she has gone through a lot. And when she told me she had went to school to become a nurse, and later got married to someone she met. I was so happy for her. Even though I’ve never met her husband… I know she’s happy IN LOVE. I love when she post photos of them before Church. They look so good together, and please focus on my favorite photo of her pouring him a drink in his cup. Look at the intense way he LOOKS AT HER.. OMG.. BEAUTIFUL!!! Blessings and LOVE to you both.
Darren and Electria ( Peedie)- My baby Sister. When I tell you I LOVE THIS MAN for MY sister…no words. He takes care of her, he’s the most attentive man I know. When he comes home from work, he showers, change clothes and want to “hit the streets” with his Wife. Dinner, movies, out of town, cruises… you name it, he wants her right by his side. He loves being with her. He will get up in the middle of the night to buy her soda or juice if she wants. I use to worry about her a lot because of the men she dated, but when she met and married him….those fears went out of the door. He LOVES to travel, and when he does.. SHE’S RIGHT BY HIS SIDE. My aunt use to tell her all the time, when you get married and stop living in Sin, is when all the blessings will come from GOD… AND OMG… I am a witness to it ALL. Blessings and LOVE to you both.
Wood and Dar’Cella- Wood is not only my first cousin, but he is my favorite. When I first met his girlfriend Dar’Cella (( they were high school sweethearts)) I really liked her. They started coming over to my place and I fell in love with her.I call them… “MY COUSIN WHO MARRIED MY COUSIN.” LOL When I tell you, they’ve been through it all, YOU BETTER HEAR ME WITH YOUR HEART. They stuck by each other through the thick and thin. When he was hospitalized she was with him the whole time, he KNEW, he KNEW, HE KNEW… that he had a WINNER, and that she wasn’t going anywhere. I was so happy to be witness to their wedding ceremony and its been UP FOR THEM EVERY SINCE! Blessings and LOVE to you both.
Vee and Boodang- Boodang is the BROTHER of Dar’Cella. We’ve all always called each other cousins because my cousin married his sister. When I met his wife Vee, and started working with her, I found out she was the sweetest person ever. I love this couple! By him being a public figure I know it hasn’t always been easy. But let me tell you, one day she was venting on FB, and he commented on her post, saying something like… baaaby we good over here, don’t entertain that… It was the most beautiful thing. Let me tell you why? He did it in LOVE, it wasn’t mean, it wasn’t embarrassing, it was out of the LOVE he have for them, their family, their marriage. She took down the post and THANKED HER HUSBAND….Ahhh it was so beautiful. She respects HIM.. and he respects HER. Blessings and LOVE to you both.
Chauncey and Lakisha- I met Chauncey many years ago because we lived on the same block. He had to be in high school at that time, but I knew his younger sister because I worked at her and my daughters elementary school. It was years when I saw him again, grown up and with Lakisha in my line at Walmart. I knew he loved her then, ( they wasn’t married yet)) because of the way they talked to each other. (( Yes, I pay attention to everything)). They invited me to their wedding and to this day, I’m still mad I couldn’t get the day off. But this is what she wrote in her “notes” section of FB………I WILL NEVER LOVE NO OTHER MAN THE WAY I LOVE CHAUNCEY. I AM HAPPILY MARRIED .I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD FIND SOMEBODY THAT LOVE ME LIKE CHAUNCEY DO .I WANT TO STOP BEING SHY WITH CHAUNCEY..I LOVE ME!!!!!!!!! When she looks at him, you KNOW that they’re ONE. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE… how they always spend time with their kids and take family trips. And… Oct 2017, her hubby and friends are going on another cruise. Blessings and LOVE to you both.
My prayer is that the couples will do even more to strengthen their marriages. I pray that you remember the times you took these photos and smile. If you are lacking in any area of your lives, I pray that you DO THE WORK to keep your marriage ALIVE. You all give us hope. You all set the atmosphere. We see you. We live through you. We see God in your marriages. In your eyes, in the time you MAKE for each other. We know that LOVE works as long as we do the work. THANK YOU ALL God Bless You
Before you scroll down to MEET THE COUPLES…. Know this…. To interfere, cause trouble, and to come in between ANY MARRIED COUPLE…. IS A NO -NO TO GOD…
Mark 10:9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.
While putting this together.. I HAD to listen to some inspirational songs filled with LOVE to complete this. Here is a list of songs I used.
Syleena Johnson-All This Way For Love
Stevie Wonder-Sign Sealed Delivered
Pebbles- Always
Phil Perry- Forever
Vaults-One Last Night
To set the MOOD in your VIEWING… here are TWO OF MY FAV. (( PRESS PLAY))
Lets MEET THE COUPLES!
Tim and Karen #MEETTHEALEXANDERS
She writes everything in her journal, I have no idea what is in it, and I will never look. It is her secret place, and I respect it.
He wrote…. “My Beautiful, Lovely, Adorable wife Karen on her way to work at the ESPY Awards yesterday, she sent me this message from work…
“I LOVE YOU so much for being my HUSBAND and I have NEVER felt like that EVER in my life!!!! Everyone says “I look so happy!” This is because of YOU. Thank you my King! Can’t wait to see how sexy you will look in your new glasses!!!” —– I LOVE THIS WOMAN!!!! PRAISE GOD SHE IS IN MY LIFE – FOREVER!”
He wrote.. “Man this woman is beautiful! Wow! I married that! THANK YOU BABY FOR MARRYING ME!!!!!!!”
He wrote…”This was our last dinner at our favorite Cafe in Paris, and she loves this photo of us the most.”
Last night I was in bed thinking back on some of the things I did as a teenager and in my 20’s and early 30’s and some of those things shock me. But you know I was Thanking God that I have lived long enough to ask for forgiveness and to change my ways. Just think had I died in the mist of that mess. Some people do. They don’t get a chance to ask God for forgiveness, because they were still doing wrong before they died. To me that’s one of the hugest blessings, that you can receive. To live long enough to repent of your wrong doings.
When I was dating my daughters father, we would be upstairs in his room when his mother was at Church all day. We knew she didn’t want him to have company when she wasn’t home, but we, being teenagers did it anyway. Well, she use to come home and I’d be up stairs. Even though she never came up there, she would holler up the stairs to let him know she was home. That’s when we knew he had to either sneak me out of the house when her bedroom door was closed, or I had to jump out of his bedroom window and he’d catch me at the side door. LOL Yea….. thinking back on that. The person I am today, FIRST of all, I would never be in another woman’s home without her consent, for NO REASON. For TWO, I’m not jumping out of nobody’s window!!! We both laugh about that to this day, and we’ve shared this with our daughter, who knows the person I am today and she CANNOT BELIEVE that I jumped out of a window. LOL LOL Me either!!!!
I remember another time, one night I had lots of company over playing cards and drinking with my friends. I knew my landlord was coming over the next morning to collect rent. I lived in an upstairs flat and my friend lived downstairs. I would often leave my door unlocked because it connected to hers and we had kids that loved to play together. Well, after I let my company out that night, I meant to lock my door. I was so drunk that next morning. I woke up to my landlord standing over me trying to get me to wake up!!! I had puke all over the bed and floor, I was HORRIFIED TO SEE HIM. When I share this story with people for a life lesson, they always ask… was he trying to do something to you? And the answer is NOPE, not at all. He was trying to wake me up, because my door was wide open.He thought something was seriously wrong with me. I learned a GREAT LESSON that day. I don’t ever remember getting that drunk again! I was done with that life!
A few nights ago, I had this craaazy dream that I was at my mothers house, a house that’s not in real life at all. But I went to go see her, and when I got up to her apartment, I looked out of the window at my car as I always do. After a few hours had passed, I looked out again and it was gone!!! I was horrified and crying at the same time. We went to look around and to see was it any broken glass anywhere and it wasn’t, So we went back in the house. I couldn’t stop looking out of the window hoping that it would be there, or that I would wake up. Well, after a few hours had passed, I looked out the window again and it was there! In the very same spot. I told my mother and we went to look in it. We were so surprised that it was very brand new in the inside. The car looked the same on the outside, but it was clean inside out. Brand new stereo system, new seats, it even had a sun roof, it was beautiful.I took it for a ride and everything. In the dream we found out that a group of guys were going around taking people’s cars and fixing them up brand new, just to be helpful. They had done many others the same way, be we didn’t know about it. I was happy that everything was nice and new, but hated the fact that I thought I wasn’t going to see it again. Wow, I have the craziest dreams~!!
In 2014, I went on several interviews searching for the right one for me. I was called to a 10:00 am appointment and when I walked into the lobby I was feeling GREAT and CONFIDENT.
I checked in, then sat on the couch and waited for the person to “come out” to get me. As I soaked up the lovely atmosphere, and beautiful interior decorations, I noticed a glance at me. I didn’t pay it any attention because I was busy looking around the place, but when he looked over at me for the 2nd and 3rd time…. I paid attention. I said to myself…… “is this man looking at me?” As I begin to focus on him.. I noticed that he was fine as hell, TALL… handsome, sexy, thick, pretty white teeth, suited up, pretty eyes, sexy lips, goatee, and very humble. I sat there trying to ignore him, because I know how my body respond to what I’m thinking and seeing. A INTERVIEW was the WRONG place for this. I kept trying to ignore his glances, until I realized what he was doing.
I realized …..he was interviewing. I thought to myself…. “I hope he’s not the one doing the interviewing for me.” I’m finding myself staring at him. He’s so dayum fine …he catches my eye. I found it hard to turn away. I was nervous. I can’t be interviewed by him because I know me… I’ll be nervous. Oh my GOD.. I thought to myself.. this is not happening to me. Not today. Not this time in my life. Not for a interview! So… I sat there. I tried to convince myself that he wasn’t the one to interview me, that maybe there were several interviewers. I had to have went over this in my head about 20 times.
He kept looking at me, so I decided that I was leaving. Nope, I wasn’t about to be interviewed by this man. He was NOT going to intimidate me. He was NOT going to have me saying stupid stuff and giving dumb answers. Nope not today. Now had this been one of my ruff looking days, I may have taken the stares differently. Because in my mind, I’m thinking Ok Cree….he thinks you’re cute today, just wait till he sees you looking good. But on this day………………… I was looking good!!! My face was MAC FLAWLESS ** in my Beyonce voice**… skin beautiful, eyes locking, lips poppin, hair on point * no wigs or fake hair*, smile… SMILING, eye lashes batting, smelling good, had on my all black outfit with my boots…. couldn’t tell me nothing as I left out of my apartment.
I sat there…. I made up my mind that I was leaving. Wasn’t going to put myself through this.. I’ve been down this STREET a time or two of being CHEMISTRY intimidated and not able to get out of it. I stood up, grabbed my purse… just then I remembered that I parked valet and didn’t have my keys. Dayum.. I said to myself and sat back down. I decided that I was going to stay. That I was going to get through this interview and have full control. I fought myself all while he was still interviewing. There aren’t many times a woman look into a mans eyes and feel a certain way on first site. Its a feeling that paralyzes you. But I must admit its one of the sexiest minutes to be apart of. But dang…. why couldn’t this happen while at the grocery store, mall or restaurant somewhere…… NOT AN INTERVIEW.
He stands up and shakes the hand of the person he just interviewed and the person leaves. My heart is pounding as he’s walking towards me to get to the desk to ask “whose next”. We make eye contact and we speak at the same time. I knew he was coming for me. I felt it. I was in trouble. He goes to the desk and the gurl points at me. “DAMMIT” I said in my mind… he IS the one going to interview me. I embraced myself as he walked towards me looking me DEAD in my eyes, trying to “download” my every thought in my head…..through my eyes. We smiled and its a wrap for me…. I already know. He walks toward me and says ” LaCrease Walker?”…. Yes, I said as I stood up to shake his hand. He walks in front of me and says lets go over to this table * the one he was at while doing the other interview*. I was SO nervous… I started to say… “YOU KNOW WHAT?” I’m good on this job, it was nice for you to call me. I’m outta here. But I didn’t.
He sat in the chair and I sat on the couch. There was also a table there that had all of my information on. I couldn’t turn my mind off of how FINE he was up close. As he looked at my resume, I was trying to calm down. I knew that if I got up to leave, that yes, I would miss out on a good job opportunity, but at that time, it was better than sitting there without my brain.. He looked good from afar, but up close OH MY GAWD!!!! I kept telling myself…GURL….. get it together. It was silence as he looked down. He knew what he was doing. He was loading up on me, when he came up from my resume and asked that first question… I knew he would take FULL CONTROL. After he asked the question… he sat back and had his way with me. Looking me so deep into my eyes, downloading everything about me. Reading me, taking mental notes. Just dogging MEEE out. All I could do was try to stay focus. The chemistry was so deep..so ALIVE. So in my face. Then he asked more questions. Still staring me in my eyes as I spoke…so sexy and so sensual. I felt my body reacting to his stares. I tried to redirect my thoughts, but he kept staring and thinking. I know my eyes started telling him what my thoughts were… I couldn’t even help it.
Whenever he spoke about the company… that was my time to regroup my thoughts and get myself together. I kept having to have these pep talks with myself, because I didn’t know how much of these intense stares I could take. I just wanted to walk out in the middle of one of HIS QUESTIONS. I didn’t have anything to lose. He didn’t know me and I didn’t know him. Just as I got myself together, there goes another question. A time for me to talk while he download my thoughts. THEN…… in the MIDDLE of me answering a question… he stops me and says… “Take off your coat”.
In my mind…..I’m like this is NOT happening to me!!! This is not. I told him that I was fine. He insist. He wasn’t going to ask another question until I did. The way he said it.. it wasn’t in a sexual way… or out of order…. NOT AT ALL… LET ME BE CLEAR…to him….. it only made sense to “get comfortable”… since I appeared to be ” NERVOUS”. I didn’t want to do it…. if I ever had a chance to get out of it…. IT WAS GONE NOW. I stood up and the space between his chair and the couch I was sitting on… placed me right in front of him.. LIKE RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. I began taking off my coat… I tried to turn my head as I did it.. but our eyes locked and I PROMISE ON every TRUTH IN ME…. this man took off my coat for me!!!! His eyes told my coat to come off… AND IT OBEYED I had never in my life FELT ANYTHING SO INTENSE. When I took it off and sat it on the couch.. I felt NAKED! I am a very shapely woman, and for the first time I didn’t want it seen. Its funny now looking back on it… but it wasn’t then. …. I don’t even remember the interview after that. LOL Whenever he spoke and shared things with me about the company, I reloaded trying to get “the POWER” back that he was “stealing” from me. Didn’t work.
When it was my turn to answer the questions… my mind started failing me again.. worse every time. I starting thinking about kissing him, laying on the couch…all of this sexual stuff started coming to my mind. I’m saying to myself… “Guuuuuuuuuurl if you don’t knock it off and get it together!!! I couldn’t even help it… I was under a spell. The way he was looking at me.. he knew what he was doing. I was weak and he knew it. He controlled the whole atmosphere and was loving it. FINALLY …. the interview was over. YES!!!! He said.. I’m going to set you up on for a second interview. I was happy about that. He told me what time to come back in 2 days. I got to my car sat in it….. and almost needed a cigarette. I don’t smoke cigarettes, weed, anything… don’t even drink.. but I needed a hit of something that day. I was in a daze all the way home. I kept hitting my wrist asking myself…. what the HELL JUST HAPPENED? The experience was GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAT!!! But ….. not at a INTERVIEW!
I thought about that man all day and all night. I couldn’t even sleep the meet was that INTENSE. I had a plan for him.I was going to “get that ass back”. When I go back… I was going to be in CONTROL. I was not going to let him take over my mind, sexually and mentally again. I didn’t sleep for 2 days thinking about it. I remembered what he said…. he kept saying how he loved my bubbly personality. This time… I was going to be about BUSINESS . I LOVE that about myself. I can give you BUBBLY, SMILES, LAUGHS, FUNNY, JOKES, COMMUNICATION, SEXY, everything… but when I put on my BUSINESS FACE…….YOU WILL NOT be able to figure me out… because I’m in control of MEEEEEEEEE. I LOOOOOOOVE that in myself.
The day and hour came for me to go back for a second interview… I walked up in that Hotel like I WAS PART OWNER.. lol * Sure did*… Had on my BUSINESS face like………..who WANTS TO SEE ME AND WHERE THEY AT? Guess who comes out to greet me.. looking BETTER THAN THE TWO DAYS BEFORE… GOOD GAWD…. um um ummmmm. One look into my eyes as we shook hands to greet……and he said….. “You don’t seem as bubbly as you did before”… I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF IN MY MIND. The nerve!!! HAHAHA YES ITS WORKING…. He said you’re okay? I said YES… I’m good!!!! I’m saying in my mind as we lock eyes… “what you want me to sit around here naked in the second interview too?” NOT GON HAPPEN BOO. I was so happy I had my POWER back. He was looking good though… but I was ready for him and his PARALYZING STARES.
He directs me to the same area we were in before. But this time I sat in the other chair that sits a table and couch. He leaves to get the person who wants to meet and interview me . They both come back, but only the guy who is doing the interviewing sits down, he left. We got to talking about the job, then about his friends, dogs, homeless people, being sick.. kids, everything. We WERE KICKING IT.. I was so comfortable… I felt so good. He was so cool. I knew I had this job. I was looking forward to working with him. After a while, it wasn’t even like I was in a interview. It was like we were friends that had a lot in common.
Then…………here HE comes…. didn’t he PARK his FINE ass on the couch.… sat and stared at me THE WHOLE TIME while I was being interviewed. I’m saying to myself.. GOD MAKE HIM LEAVE!!!!! Make him go do something else! I’m thinking why is he sitting in on this persons interview? OMG..I cant take it. He got me. He got me good. He watched my every move, heard every word I said.. analyzed me, captivated me, sexually intimidated me, took off my clothes without ONE touch, downloaded all my thoughts, made me apart of his atmosphere, and took all MY POWER away. I tried to ignore his presence… I tried to pretend he wasn’t there. I tried to believe this wasn’t happening to me. I tried to stop looking at him. He was loving it. He knew exactly what he was doing. I had no control. The guy who was doing the interview was so into his story and life.. he had no idea “I left the building.” He had no idea what was happening. He had no idea, that whatever he was talking about I couldn’t hear him. This man sat there and stared at me like I was dinner and left overs.
After that… didn’t even matter. I was butt naked again.. in his presence. I just let myself go. What the hell I thought to myself… he won! My thoughts took over….. my body REACTED. At one point… I tried hard to get back FOCUSED…. but it was like little kids in my head with markers, crayons, pencils and ink pens… coloring and scribble scrabbling all over my thoughts.
Then came time for paper work. We had to get in the elevator ALONE together.. and oh boy…. NOT THE ELEVATOR…. so personal… so sensual. The chemistry…… can’t even explain. I will say… that I LOVED the experience.. I LOVED how I felt… I LOVED the attraction and chemistry between us… but it was the wrong place.
He hired me, came time for Orientation, he announced to me and the others that he was leaving for another job….I didn’t know how I felt about that. But one thing I do know, all the other women who were hired started talking about how FINE he was whenever he left the room. 🙂
Looking back, I would NEVER trade this experience in for anything in the world, its not often a WOMAN feel this way on first glance.
*photos are not of anyone in MY story… just a visual*
Back in the day, I would be the LAST person to write on this subject, because I had the biggest attitude in the world. My own mother told me.. ” If you don’t change your attitude someone is going to kill you one day.” For some reason I believed her. I had a FUNKY attitude.
Today… I just can’t walk around like that. I can’t do it. I see so many young gurls walk around with their faces disfigured from frowning, from being mad and angry. So, one day I said God, why is it that I’m connected to these frowns? Am I being paid back for how I use to be? Sometimes I can’t stand to see it, but he always remind me that I was once that same way. I have to deal with it. Thing is…. these days, I most likely know why they are having these issues.
For me it was the stress of my daughters father, my job, whether it was low paying, or not enough hours, transportation, or babysitter. It was bills, friends getting on my nerves, falling out with neighbors, deciding what to cook or simple as not getting enough sleep. Didn’t matter I always had an attitude. I was mad at the world.
I realized that I didn’t have balance. I didn’t know how to balance my family, job, friends, bills, male friends, any of those things. I didn’t have order. Each day came and did what it wanted to do with me and I had no control. I didn’t have a “to do” list, I just got up out of bed and lived.
Today, I am so well balanced. Of course Im going to always feel that I can do more with my time, but I finally learned how to balance. Its so important. You have to have God time, that’s where your strength come from. You must spend time with your family, your siblings, parents, and friends. It has to be a balance. But whenever you do, make sure you spend time with yourself.
God Bless You
I’m saying in my mind as we lock eyes… “what you want me to sit around here naked in the second interview too?” NOT GON HAPPEN BOO. I was so happy I had my POWER back. He was looking good though… but I was ready for him and his PARALYZING STARES.
Inside the mind of cree 