Today was a great day. My mommy came over with my niece for a while. We had a good time talking and laughing.
Just sitting here thinking how all my life my dad stayed mad at his kids and my mom *4 of us* all the time. He taught us to make up and forgive ON THE SPOT, but he NEVER did what he taught. He’s been “mad” at me since April 10, and for the first time in MY LIFE… I’m making it my business to NOT call him first, so that I can see just how long he can go. No matter what…. I will always call him first, he’s so stubborn, I don’t see how he can LIVE LIFE LIKE THAT. As I think about this situation. I understand now why I Love to have Peace. Its because with my dad its always ciaos. I remember giving him money from my summer jobs when I was at home, just to “make up with him” and keep the peace around the house. I just wanted Peace so that I can do things without anyone/him being upset with me… especially him.
Now that I look back on my life up until 10 years ago, I always cared who was mad at me. I cared. I would call folks and make up even if I was wrong. I would knock on friends door and ask ” are you still mad at me”? Its like I couldn’t get on with my day… if someone was mad at me. I feel like crying thinking about this. I always wanted to be like others and say.. ” I don’t care if she’s/he’s mad at me and really mean it!!! But me on the other hand…I had to do something “extra” to make peace so that I can get on with my day. I’m at a place in my life, where I refuse to call him. No way. He called up everyone in the family and told them that he’s mad at me. SHM. But I know he never thought in a million years that I would not have called him by now. As bad as it sounds, I’m so happy. LOL LOL I’m really proud of myself in a ” MESSED UP KINDA WAY”. It’s something deep to see just how long he can go. It only tells me that in the past, had I not made up first, he would have never done it 😦 BUT this is how he is, very stubborn. None of his kids are that way. We make up when we’ve offended it each, we talk it out, we laugh it out, and we move on. Everyday my dad is mad at somebody in the family. This is the longest we’ve ever went, it has made me a strong person in this area…… 🙂 On this note… let me say this. Stop holding grudges… make up and let still stuff go. I learned to not care and take stuff to heart so much. People are going to be who they want to be…. and there is nothing I can do about it. My dad has been this person since I was born… I cannot change him.He LOVES to manipulate. If I even share why he’s mad at me, it would be so embarrassing . LOL * yeah its that petty* Thing is…. I didn’t do anything. No more catering to him. And I’m proud of myself.