I’m a huge fan of Catfish the Show. I’m attracted to it because its so scary and it could happen to anyone! Its sad that people purposely live a life to deceive others over the internet. These people wake up everyday and have to come up with new stories and new conversations. As I watch the show and study the person doing the “catfishing”…. I can’t help but notice that there is always something going on with them. It could be loneliness, abandonment issues, attention, boredom and the list goes on. Sometimes they get so caught up in the lies they tend to believe it themselves. I also noticed that many of them never intended for the “catfishing” to go on so long. My thing is this…. what fun or “feeling” does someone get from this? Its time consuming, and not only that, but they become a person that’s not even REAL. How could that person leave the house and go on with life as normal and be connected to someone in the world as another person ?
That’s sick to me! SICK! SICK! SICK!
These people study their catfish on line, either on a BLOG Â FB, Twitter, Instagram and other social outlets. They know everything about them and will do anything to stay connected. Some use God’s name and Scriptures or whatever is important to that person to keep their attention. Its so sad how long they will allow themselves to LIVE THE LIE. Hurting other people is so wrong. I just hope that the catfish would get help and figure out what ever it is that’s in them that causes them to put time and energy into deceiving others. You are SICK! STOP IT!
 I realized what he was doing…..he was interviewing. I thought to myself…. “I know dayum well he aint the one doing the interviewing.” Now… I’m staring at him. He’s so dayum fine …he catches my eye. I found it hard to turn away. I was nervous. I can’t be interviewed by him because I know me… I’ll be nervous. Oh my GOD.. I thought to myself.. this is not happening to me. Not today. Not this time in my life. I have no control, I felt weak, and once he saw this in my eyes he would take me mentally to a whole new height.
So… I sat there. I tried to convince  myself that he wasn’t the one to interview me, that maybe there were several interviewers. I had to have went over this in my head about 20 times. He kept looking at me, so I decided that I was leaving. Nope, I wasn’t about to be interviewed by this man. He was NOT going to intimidate me. Nope not today. Now…. I have this thing about me, if I catch the eye of someone attractive and for me…. its one of MY “ugly” days, then I will NEVER be intimidated no matter how good he looks or turn me on. Because in my mind, I’m thinking Ok Cree….he thinks you’re cute today, just wait till he sees you looking good. So, that kinda helps me.
But on this day………………… I was looking good!!! My face was MAC FLAWLESS… skin beautiful, eyes *wish a brotha would look me into these marbles and not get caught up – lol*, lips poppin, hair on point * no wigs or fake hair*, smile… SMILING, eye lashes batting… had on my all black outfit with my boots…. couldn’t tell me nothing before I left out of the house. As I sat there…. I made up my mind that I was leaving. Wasn’t going to put myself through this.. I’ve been down this STREET a time or two of being CHEMISTRY intimidated and not able to get out of it. I stood up, grabbed my purse… just then I remembered that I parked valet and didn’t have my keys. Dayum.. I said to myself and sat back down. I decided that I was going to stay. That I was going to get through this interview and have full control. I fought myself all while he was still interviewing. I know me…. I’ve been though this before. There aren’t many times a woman look into a mans eyes and become star gazed on first site. Its a feeling that paralyzes you. But I must admit its one of the sexiest minutes to be apart of. But dang…. why couldn’t this happen while at the grocery store, mall or restaurant somewhere…… NOT A INTERVIEW. SHAT!
He stands up and shakes the hand of the person he just interviewed and the person leaves. My heart is pounding as he’s walking towards me to get to the desk to ask “whose next”. We make eye contact and we speak at the same time. I knew he was coming for me. I was in trouble. He goes to the desk and the gurl points at me. “DAMMIT” I said in my mind… he IS the one going to interview me. I embraced myself as he walked towards me looking me DEAD in my eyes, trying to “download” my every thought in my head…..through my eyes. We smiled and its a wrap for me…. I already know. He walks toward me and says ” LaCrease Walker?”…. Yes, I said as I stood up to shake his hand. He walks in front of me and says lets go over to this table * the one he was at while doing the other interview*. I was so dayum nervous… I started to say… “YOU KNOW WHAT?” I’m good on this job, it was nice for you to call me. I’m outta here. But I didn’t.
He sat in the chair and I sat on the couch. There was also a table there, that he had all of my information on. I couldn’t turn my mind off of how FIONE he was as he looked at my resume. He looked good from afar, but up close OH MY GAWD!!!! I kept telling myself…GURL….. get it together. It was silence as he looked down. He knew what he was doing. He was loading up on me, when he came up from that paper and asked that first question… I knew he would take FULL CONTROL. As he asked me the first question… he sat back and had his way with me. Looking me so deep into my eyes, downloading everything about me. Reading me, taking mental notes. Just dogging MEEEEEEE.. LOL Just like in the movie during the interview scene. All I could do was try to stay focus. The chemistry was so deep..so alive. So in my face. Then he asked more questions. Still staring me in my eyes as I spoke…so sexy and so sensual. I felt my body reacting to his stares. I tried to redirect my thoughts, but he kept looking at me. I know my eyes started telling him what my thoughts were… I couldn’t even help it. LOL I was slipping away yall.
Whenever he spoke about the company… that was my time to regroup my thoughts and get myself together. I kept having to have these inside pep talks with myself, because I didn’t know how much of these intense stares I could take. Just as I got myself together, there goes another question. A time for me to talk while he download my thoughts. THEN…… in the middle of me answering a question… he stops me and says… “Take off your coat”. To myself… I’m like “OH HELL to the N word NAW… um um you wont be seeing this beautiful shapely booty, my thick thighs and my waist line that carries it all. NOT TODAY!!! LOL LOL LOL I told him that I was fine. He insist. But the way he said it.. it wasn’t in a sexual way… or out of order…. NOT AT ALL… LET ME BE CLEAR…to him….. it only made sense to “get comfortable”… since I appeared to be ” NERVOUS” and the interview just started. I didn’t  want to do it…. if I ever had a chance to get out of it…. IT WAS GONE NOW.
I stood up which the space between his chair and the couch I was sitting on… placed me right in front of him.. LIKE RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. I stood up and began taking off my coat… I tried to turn my head as I did it.. but our eyes locked and I PROMISE ON every TRUTH IN ME…. this man took off my coat for me!!!! His eyes told my coat to come off… AND IT OBEYED LOL LOL I had never in my life FELT SOMETHING SO INTENSE. When I took it off and sat it on the couch.. I felt like my breast, vagina, behind everything was EXPOSED! Its funny now looking back on it… but it wasn’t then. Shat…. I don’t even remember the interview after that. LOL
Whenever he spoke and shared things with me about the company, I reloaded trying to get “the POWER” back that he  was “stealing” from me. LOL  When it was my turn to answer the questions… my mind started failing me again.. worse every time. I starting thinking about kissing him, laying on the couch…all of this sexual stuff started coming to my mind. I’m saying to myself… “guuuuuuuuuurl if you don’t knock it off!!!  I couldn’t even help it… I was under a spell. The way he was looking at me.. he knew what he was doing. I was so weak and he knew it. He controlled the whole atmosphere and he was loving it. FINALLY …. the interview was over. YES!!!! He said.. I’m going to set you up on for a second interview. I was happy about that. He told me what time to come back in 2 days. I got to my car sat in it….. and almost needed a cigarette. I don’t smoke cigarettes, weed, anything… don’t even drink.. but I needed a hit of something that day. I was in a daze all the way home. I kept hitting my wrist asking myself…. what the HELL JUST HAPPENED? The experience was GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAT!!! But dang….. not at a INTERVIEW!
I thought about that man all day and all night. I couldn’t even sleep the meet was that INTENSE. I had a plan for him.I was going to “get that ass back”. When I go back… I was going to be in CONTROL. I was not going to let him take over my mind, sexually and mentally again. I didn’t sleep for 2 days thinking about it. I remembered what he said…. he kept saying how he loved my bubbly personality. This time… I was going to be about BUSINESS . I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE that about myself. I can give you BUBBLY.. SMILES.. LAUGHS… COMMUNICATION…SEXY, everything… but when I put on my BUSINESS FACE…….YOU WILL NOT be able to figure me out… because I’m in control of MEEEEEEEEE. I LOOOOOOOVE Â that in myself.
The day and hour came for me to go back for a second interview… I walked up in there like  I WAS PART OWNER.. LOL LOL * Sho the FORK did*… Yalp had on my BUSINESS face like………..who WANTS TO SEE ME AND WHERE THEY AT? LOL LOL Guess who comes out to greet me.. looking BETTER THAN THE TWO DAYS BEFORE… GOOD GAWD…. um um ummmmm. One look into my eyes  as we shook hands to greet……and he said….. “you don’t seem as bubbly as you did before”… I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF IN MY MIND. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA YESSSS ITS WORKING…. He said you’re okay? I said yessss… I’m good!!!! 🙂  I’m saying in my mind as we lock eyes… “what you want me to sit around here naked in the second interview too”? NOT GONE HAPPEN BOO. LOL  LOL LOL I was so happy I had my POWER back. He was looking good though… but I was ready for him and his PARALYZING STARES. LOL He directs me to the same area we were in before. But this time I sat in the other chair that sits a table, the couch I was on and the chair he sat in. He leaves to get the person who wants to meet and interview me. They both come back, but only the guy who is doing the interviewing sits down and in the chair that *handsome* sat in last time. We got to talking about the job, then about his friends, dogs, homeless people, being sick.. kids, everything. We WERE KICKING IT.. I was so comfortable… I felt so good. He was so cool.
Then…………here HE comes…. didn’t he PARK his FIONE self on the couch between me and the interviewer… sat and stared at me THE WHOLE TIME. I’m saying to myself.. GOD MAKE HIM LEAVE!!!!! I cant take it. He watched my every move, heard every word I said.. analyzed me, captivated me, sexually intimidated me, took off my clothes without ONE touch, downloaded all my thoughts, made me apart of his atmosphere, and took all MY POWER away. I tried to ignore his presence… I tried to pretend he wasn’t there. I tried to believe this wasn’t happening to me. I tried to stop looking at him. He was loving it. He knew exactly what he was doing. I had no control. The guy who was doing the interview was so into his story and life.. he had no idea I “left the building”. LOL I was at Mr. “House”. LOL I couldn’t stop looking over at him. I was a mess. He got me. He got me good. After that… didn’t even matter. I was butt naked again.. in his presence. I just let myself go. What the hell I thought to myself… he won! My thoughts took over and my nipples got hard. My vagina walls started doing the Harlem shake, flips, cart wheels… and whatever thoughts came to mind….. my body REACTED. AT one point… I tried hard to get back FOCUSED…. but it was like little kids in my head with markers, crayons, pencils and ink pens… coloring and scribble scrabbling all over my thoughts. What ever conversation I tried to muster up.. I couldn’t because the kids in my head…. scribble scrabble on my thoughts. HE got me.. h Then came time for paper work. We had to get in the elevator ALONE together.. and oh boy…. NOT THE ELEVATOR…. so personal… so sensual. The chemistry…… can’t even explain. I will say… that I LOVED Â the experience.. I LOVED how I felt… I LOVED the attraction and chemistry between us… but it was the wrong setting.
Please go see Fifty Shades of Grey… if you love my story… you’ll LOVE that movie… So sexy and inviting. 🙂 Listen to another of my FAVORITE SONGS from the SOUNDTRACK… Oh.. I love this song.
The kind of movie that my MIND and BODY craves. I’m a mind exploring -sexual person this is the perfect movie for my appetite.  Chemistry, Romance, Body Language, Mind Games, Way with words. Take MEEEEEEEEEEEEE 🙂 lol lol
When the books first came out, I didn’t read it at all. Wasn’t interested, too many people talking about it, and I didn’t want anything to do with it. I didnt read what the books were about, all I knew that it was a lot of sex… that was it. Never thought about it again…
Went to the movies sometimes last year, saw the previews on the screen and thought to myself…. Ummmm…. “I gotta see that movie.” My first concerns were that I wasn’t attracted to Christian… and didn’t think Ana was all that either. Because in MY mind, in order for a movie to be good, the leads have to have great Chemistry to attract my eye right away. Put it this way…. I had never seen either of the actors before, and couldn’t attract myself to their atmosphere. I was wrong. Dead wrong. Never to Judge a book by its cover EVER again.  I knew the movie was coming out Valentines Day…. I decided that I would go.
FIRST encounters… CHEMISTRY, ELEVATORS, DIRECT EYE CONTACT, HALF SMILES *while shaking the head in agreement*, INTENSE LISTENING *hard stares*, SEXUAL INTIMIDATION, SEXUALLY PARALYZED, BODY LANGUAGE NEAR OR FAR…., DIRECT WORDS * usually VERY short sentences*, MYSTERIOUS *the look in his eyes is a BRICK WALL, INVITING, THE SMELL OF HIS COLOGNE, ALLOWING THE WOMAN TO WALK AHEAD OF HIM *taking full control*, Making himself a THIRD PARTY* usually someone else comes in and start talking* while he sits back, watches and listens to your EVERY WORD. All of these things are important to me when watching a ROMANTIC movie, and also MY REAL LIFE experiences. What ever I THINK…. MY BODY RESPONDS.Â
I know there are people who may read this who have not seen the movie yet, so I won’t spoil it for them. But the movie opens up to my gurl… Annie Lennox ….. I Put A Spell On You. I love this song, because I first heard it years ago by Screamin Jay Hawkins * youtube him*. The SOUNDTRACK…. is one I cannot explain. I have NEVER  heard a SOUNDTRACK that captures every scene to the point. I am in love with it!!! Please BLESS YOURSELF and purchase it. I have to share a few of the scenes in the movie that “did it for me”. I LOVE how in control he was, so disciplined. Controlling a little… but not over aggressive to the point that he would IRRITATE ME. Just enough to keep my interest to figure out what is it about him …………..mentally. The DIRECT *sureness*  of what he wanted when he looked into her eyes…. I fell in love. The swag in his body language… spoke volumes. The question I asked myself as I was watching the movie is….. out of all the women that worked for him, that he met from interviews, in passing, what was it about her, that he wanted so badly? Men with POWER AND MONEY…. is always in search of “that gurl”. She has to be special, she has to know who she is, and what she wants in order to attract him. In the beginning of the movie, she was so shy and so nervous as she interviewed him, he picked up on it and used it to his advantage. He controlled the whole atmosphere with his DIRECT STARES….. CHAIR TO CHAIR bouncing, and 10-12 word REPLIES. TURNED ME ON IN THE FIRST 5 MINUTES … LOL LOL Without telling the MOVIE…..it totally reminded me of one of MY EXPERIENCES.
A few months ago, I had went on several interviews searching for the right one for me. I was called to a 10:00 am appointment and when I walked into the lobby I was feeling GREAT and CONFIDENT. I  checked in, then sat on the couch and waited for the person to “come out” to get me. As I soaked up the lovely atmosphere, and beautiful interior decorations, I noticed a glance at me. I didn’t pay it any attention because I was busy looking around the place, but when he looked over at me for the  2nd and 3rd time…. I paid attention. I said to myself…… “is this man looking at me?” As I begin to focus on him.. I noticed that he was FIONE AS HELL. TALL*waves hand in the air*… handsome, sexy, thick, PRETTY WHITE TEETH, SUITED UP, beautiful in the face, eyes that says” come get it”, sexy lips, goatee, and very humble. I sat there trying to ignore him, because I know how my body respond to what I’m thinking and seeing. A INTERVIEW was the WRONG place for this. I kept trying to ignore his glances, until I realized what he was doing.
PART 2 COMING UP….TONIGHT * smiles*
I’ll leave you with this song… one of MY FAVORITES from the Soundtrack of Fifty Shades of Grey… * please listen to it*Â
I was talking to a friend last night, and our phone call conversation trigger several thoughts about being OUTSPOKEN at the wrong time. This is a subject that’s very serious to me, and I speak in COMPLETE BOLDNESS when it comes to it. I touched on this in the last blog entry…. but this one.. I’m going in.
Everyone who knows me know that when you call me, email, text, or we talk FACE TO FACE…I’m going to give you the real. I don’t add sugar to my conversations, ONLY salt.  I’m not going to short cut you, or baby you. I can feel when you’re leaving something out, and I can tell when you’re adding to it.I ask a lot of QUESTIONS… you already know. Many people come to me for advice because I can see the bigger picture. I use Godly Wisdom, and not worldly tickles. I’m not her. Period.
If I feel you’re holding back the complete truth, I’m going to shut down the conversation completely, and keep it moving. I will NOT hold a conversation with anyone, who doesn’t tell the full story…. it’s a waste of my time. I will never again hold 1 and 2 hour conversations just to listen * especially if the story is stupid and doesn’t need to be told* just because you want me to listen and not comment. FIND ANOTHER FRIEND FOR THAT. FIND A FRIEND WHO WILL LISTEN ONLY.. IM NOT HER…… AT ALL… PERIOD. I don’t have time to say.. “yeah, um um, I understand, right, yes, okay… all through the conversation without any input. I refuse to spend that kinda time on those conversations…. phone a friend who will. I’m not mad or anything… I’m just not that friend. PERIOD.
Listen.. as Christians we have to learn when to speak and when to fall back. When to stay in our own lanes, and when its okay to share lanes. Its very ignorant to be “OUTSPOKEN” on the wrong things. Its very ignorant to tell a friend… those shoes are ugly, where you get that ugly red hat from? Why you have on those pants, the style is ugly. When are you going to comb your hair? What time are you getting in the tub… I smell something? But then…. when its time to pay a bill and negotiate with someone.. you can’t do it. When you need to tell someone to stay out of your room, you can’t tell them. When you need a neighbor to turn down their music you can’t knock on their door. When you need to get pass someone and you can’t say excuse me, you rather wait until they notice you’re standing there. When you need to ask for a loan and SCARED of hearing NO.. or I DON’T HAVE IT. Instead of being able to ask these things… the excuse is ALWAYS…. “I don’t want nobody telling me NO… and If I say it, its going to come out wrong”. What is that? That’s stupid as hell to me. You can open your mouth and put your 2 cents into everybody else’s conversation, but don’t know how to work your own lane.
You can tell someone what their job is, and what they need to do, when they need to do it and why…. but you can’t knock on a neighbors door and tell them the’re too loud watching a Football game? That &&&& is retarded to me!!  You rather tell a friend their shoes are ugly…. IN THE NAME OF BEING HONEST. * because/whether they asked.. OR NOT”… but wont use that same honestly…. to knock on someone’s door and ask them to turn down their TV because its too loud.
As Christians.. we have to learn how to talk to people. The only reason why you feel its not going to “come out right” is because you catch attitude from people when they get mad at you for being in their business when you wasn’t invited. So now that its your business and its time for you to be a Boss, you can’t. We have to learn how to look at people in a non confrontational manner when speaking to them about an issue that would other wise cause conflict. We have to learn how to use voice control and direct eye contact with others. We have to usher in a Spirit of Peace when we speak. We have to go to God and ask him to calm us down before we ask a question or deliver a message to someone who may not take it well. This is a part of growing up, getting off milk and eating meat. You cannot be afraid “it won’t come out right”.. but at the same time… claiming how outspoken you are. Stop speaking when not asked., stop being so opinionated on things that doesn’t matter. Learn to pay attention to how things come on * a friend told me this*…. many times when you need an answer or something done, you need to learn how not to offend, so that the person can get it. That’s the whole key….. for them to GET IT. Stop feeling as if you have to say everything since its true….. when its not your story, important or necessary to say. Ask God to calm your storm before going to someone if you feel its going to lead to an argument or debate. Take YOU out of the situation and get things done people!!!
I know “outspoken” people who will tell you how dirty your car is….. but scared to ask the cashier for more ketchup because 1 isn’t enough. SMH!!!!Â
If we all told what we know of one another, there would not be four friends in the world- Blaise Pascal
Yesterday my mom invite me, my daughter, and niece over for dinner. We had a really good time talking and laughing at the dinner table. We got on the subject of being outspoken.
My niece was sharing the fact that she’s outspoken, but as she shared more conversations I realized that she was more outspoken when it came to asking questions about things she wanted to know. For example giving advice, and sharing personal stories. But when it came down to things that she really needed to outspoken in, she wasn’t. I taught her how to weed out things that wasn’t necessary to be outspoken and so drawn into, so that she could focus on the things that she needed to be outspoken in.
She shared with me that at her dad’s home she has her own bedroom. Someone went into her bedroom and took a few items out, that she saw else where in the home. There are only 2 people who live in the home. When I asked her why didn’t she confront the person* dad’s girlfriend* who went into her room and removed the items…. she felt that since she’s outspoken that it wouldn’t come out right, and that it would end up in an argument. I shared with her… see that was the time to be OUTSPOKEN. Someone  went into your room and removed your items without your knowledge and consent. Instead of her being “outspoken”  and to the point… but also direct to the person who did it to let them know that its not okay….. she didn’t say a word. This is a problem so many people like her have.
I find people to be outspoken, are outspoken about the wrong things!
I know because I use to be the same way. You cant go into a grocery store and go off on a cashier just because she tells you she can’t help you because she’s on lunch break, but at the same time offered to get you help. But then you get to the register to pay for your things, you stand there for 15 minutes waiting for a cashier to acknowledge your presence while her face is turned towards her coworker talking it up. That’s crazy to me. So many people do this and it drives me crazy. There reason for not saying anything is because ” if they say something ” THAT CLEARLY NEEDS TO BE SAID”,  may not come out right”. These people want to say what they want to say… but don’t want to face confrontation when its something personal. Well this is something you need to speak up on. Its stupid to stand there for 15 minutes while someone talks while you need your merchandise rung.Â
Then I realized….. some people don’t know how to talk to others without offending. They’re so use to being outspoken, they never learned to speak in a tone where people “get it”. They try their hardest not to offend people WHEN IT COMES TO THEIR PERSONAL ISSUES. Its easier for them to be outspoken when it comes to issues that is not their own. I know so many people like this. They look at it this way…. if I tell this person how I feel about my things and I know that I’m “out spoken” even though I’m right, this could end in a heated confrontation. They don’t want that to happen, so they shut down. But when it comes to someone else’s issues and story, they feel its  important to be “honest” and  out spoken, not caring how the person feels because “they’re telling the truth about it.To them….. when they’re honest its okay to be “outspoken”. But when it comes to their issue, they’re scared it may offend someone. Wow!
 The point I’m making is… learn how to talk to others so that they can “get it” and not be offended. Erase the word “outspoken” from your mind. It keeps you in a box to only be that way… when it comes to everybody else’s issue. Learn how to communicate, so that you can get your point across directly, clearly and in a non confrontational way..
I guess in this entry I’ll do some rambling. Lets start with RHOA.
I’m still stuck on Apollo and last nights episode. How the hell could he do what he did without thinking about his family and then TURN THE STORY AROUND ON PHAEDRA and accuse her of not being there for him? Do you see that type of thinking?…  I don’t be bothered with men like that. When they start talking “side ways” I will too, then after I get tired of that. I’ll start acting “dumb”.. after that…. then I’m done with the friendship/relationship because its pretty much going down hill. And in this case it  did. He got mad and asked her for a divorce…. SHE GLADLY ACCEPTED!
A. while you were fresh out of jail Apollo.. she loved you and married you. B. You decided not to go with the “family business” to run a funeral home and go at it as husband and wife. C. You wanted your own money and decided that scheming was the way to go.  I’m stuck on how he  figure that he could just skip over all that…. and discuss Phaedra not going to his sentencing. I’ll tell him…  look….. before we get to the “icing” we gon talk about the making of the “cake”. You did wrong to start with, didn’t think about me, didn’t think about the kids, didn’t think about our family, you thought more about money, and impressing people who are still walking around here Scott free. No one wants to run back and forth to a jail house with 2 BOYS..while you jail house talk me into staying with you for your return home. Women aint doing that “no mo”. We look at that situation as YOU LEFT US.. You did things that were more important than me and your kids. Women look at that as you LOVED US.. but not enough to do right so that we could all be together. Sorry I don’t feel any sympathy… especially, especially, especially when he tried to turn it all on her. Only in passing of a conversation will he acknowledge his wrong, never coming to the conclusion that what HE did …. is what got them in that situation in the first place. #SEEYOUIN5
 I’m speaking from experience. I was dating this guy and we were trying to get it together. He was the sweetest man, loving, kind.. and he LOVED HIM SOME LACREASE. But he kept going back to jail. I was there for him, going to court with him, writing him everything.I LOVED THIS MAN. I don’t have one bad thing to say about him. He got out, did the same thing, and went back. When he came home… I was done with him. Told him to come over and pick up his things a few pair of socks and papers. He was sad, knew I meant business, we kept in touch but our relationship was over.
He went back to jail!!!
Came home and got it together. By this time I was long gone. We kept in touch from time to time. He had gotten married, was happy and doing well. Years had passed one day he contacted me, I invited him over and we caught up on old times. Time went by again, he came over this time he was in a different place. Told me that I WAS THE REASON why things went downhill for him. Told me I was a good woman, and that he loved me more than anyone he’s ever been with, and that if I hadn’t left him in his time of need ((jail)), then his life would have been different. He tried to make me believe that I was the reason why his life was the way it was, saying had I hung in there with him, we would be together. I wasn’t happy with  that conversation, because just like Apollo, HE made  the decision to do illegal things.You’re not going to put that on MEEEEE I’m sorry. He left my house.
Two weeks later he sat on the edge of his bed and shot and killed himself in the head. For years… I thought about his last words to me. So after watching last nights episode it bought back many memories. I hope Phaedra continues to stand strong. I hope she takes the boys to see him, I would hate for her to keep them from each other, but as far as herself…. she has to keep it moving in order to have peace of mind.
Where are you? LOL Its getting hard holding it down baby. I’m meeting a lot of guys… but nothing serious.. So I guess… you’re still in the running. LOL You know I remember years ago asking God for you, but I clearly see that I wasn’t ready.  I’m learning so much about myself…. its crazy. I would have drove you nuts!
I guess the hardest part about everything is being/staying celibate. I’m very clear and upfront about it with men that I meet. I get tired of the “why” and the “when”. Then I feel they hate that decision, so they stay in the picture longer hoping I would give in. Not gon happen. My personal conclusion about it, turns into a challenge for them. And they KNOW.. that I’m serious. What they love about me is that I’m the kind of woman they want, but none want to go the distance with me, because they know I’M NOT THE ONE FOR THEM.  A man knows!!!
Today for dinner I made some Collard Greens, Fried Chicken and Corn Bread.. with a Pepsi and strawberry short cake for dessert. Yesss.. it was good too. Well, I’m closing for now, have to do some brainstorming for my gathering.
These last few weeks has truly been amazing for me.. Spiritually. That’s another blog.
Living alone has really forced me to pay close attention to ME. I’m really in tuned with myself, things I never paid attention to when I was raising my daughter… I guess because it was all about her. But looking back on my life and this is so funny to me.. So, so, so, so, so, so funny. And I’ll tell you why in a few, but when you learn your likes and dislikes you are building Character. There are things you will simply not deal with, and I so love that about myself. I don’t comply with things I don’t want to deal with. But let me share what I learned about myself…. and I wish I knew why.
There are these contractors that work in the building, they’re the nicest group of men you ever want to meet. They don’t have attitudes or anything. Well the Boss/Leader likes me.. and I like him too. Not only that, but several of his people are attracted to me as well. And he knows it. LOL I love to flirt and talk “junk” to him… but I am firm on my won’ts and don’ts.
I looked back on my life and realize that through the years.. I have dated members of management at my job. I’m always attracted to the Leader. I wonder why? I wonder if its something I’m putting out there and I’m not aware of it, or is it something in both of us that attracts each other. In this situation I will never flirt with his people, but I LOVE THE ATTENTION. LOL Its funny because I know it will never go further than flirting…. I’m just not a woman easy to catch like that.
When I’m walking to my car, the men working in the apartments will whistle at me and its so funny looking up at the windows and finding out who it is, only for them to blow me kisses. LOL They have never tried to come to my apartment or say anything out of the way… I love that about them. Even though I don’t flirt with them… I enjoy them flirting with me… because its always when the Boss is not looking. Men crack me up. I don’t even think the Boss knows my name. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA… see little stuff like that… I love discovering about myself. He doesn’t even know my name. LOL When I see him Monday… I’m going to ask him.
But also let me say this too. I’m very friendly and approachable. I don’t walk around with my face twisted, and mouth turned up. I’m always smiling and in a good mood. If I’m going through something.. I’ll leave that at home. I NEVER take it out on anyone. I do get quiet when something is bothering me, but I never transfer my Spirit onto another person. I make eye contact with people that cross my path. I smile and show myself friendly. And by me saying that… I believe that’s what attracts these men. Everywhere I go. I try to think positive and it shows on my face. Men like that.. they don’t want to be around a woman who always look mean and have something smart to say. Men don’t like that. I don’t like that in a man. Looking all mean and DISCONNECTED… get out of my face with that.
Anyway… women discover some things about yourself. I promise I love myself more and more everyday.
I know its been a minute since I’ve written.. my numbers are popping off the chain… even when Cree is away. LOL I love that.
So much is happening so fast….  I have shared much about what’s been going on with me in the last 2 years in my private FACEBOOK group. Me moving to Atlanta, not getting the apartment I wanted or the job I interviewed for, coming back home to Detroit. Having to live with my daughter for 3 months, moving into an apartment that I didn’t want to move in, working a part time job barely making ends meet. Having spiders bite me, losing my job a day before Thanksgiving, going BACK to Walmart for 4 days, while they try to pay me $7.80.. so I quit. From my van being stolen out of my parking lot of my apartment, to applying for Medicaid and Food Stamps. I shared my story and my pain to a selected 103. Now God said its the turn a round… When I tell you… what GOD HAS DONE FOR MEEEEE… I WOULD GLADLY REDO THOSE LAST 2 YEARS OVER AGAIN TO BE HERE….. BECAUSE I HAVE LANDED THE JOB OF MY DREAMS/CAREER.. INTERVIEWED.. RETURN INTERVIEW.. AND ORIENTATION IS NEXT WEEK!!! I AM OVER JOYED.. THANK YOU JESUS.. THANK YOU LORD!!!! Then to top that off. They have done a complete make over of my building. New fitness center, brand new store, business area with many computers… and once your lease is up.. you HAVE  to move out into a brand new apartment. And guess what? My lease is up next month.. I’m so excited. Living in the heart of Downtown Detroit. Wow, wow.. Hahaha… and I told God.. I didn’t want to move here. LOL He knew what my future held.Â
But what amazes me… is that someone can know all that you’ve BEEN through.. know the tears you’ve cried, the pain you suffered, the stories you told… and still they’re not AS happy as they can be for you.. Because they’re afraid that you may go higher than them. But you know what? I DON’T GIVE A DAYUM!!!! I’VE BEEN THROUGH TOO MUCH… TO LOOK OVER AT TWISTED FACES BECAUSE OF WHAT GOD IS DOING IN MY LIFE… QUIET -SILENT- PAUSES….Been looking over at people scared to fly.. I’m outta here. Lord.. I want ALL YOU HAVE FOR ME!!! ALL!
I love doing Quizzes on line. Most times they’re dead on. Well, I guess they would be from the questions they ask. THIS TEST IS ME!!!!! Â Here’s what I got today based off the question: What is your Biblical Profession?Â
In biblical times, you would be a Cup-bearer!Â
A cup-bearer is a high ranking royal official who is in charge of serving wine to the king. Due the the nature of the profession, the cup-bearer was one of the king’s most loyal followers. The cup-bearer had a close connection with the king, a connection that earned him the king’s highest lever of trust.
As the title describes, you are a very trustworthy person. You only surround yourself with the closest friends and family members, and you try to stay as far you can from trouble and mischief. People know they can trust you with anything, and that you will do your best to help them. Now beware of that poisonous wine in the king’s cup!Â
You are a true optimist at heart! You always see the bright side of life, always thinking positive thoughts and seeing butterflies and sunshine and unicorns everywhere! How awesome is that?? Deep down you know that no matter what happens to you, your attitude will always keep you happy and content. That’s the best way to live life, isn’t it?
It’s true, sometimes you get burned by trusting too many people and believing that everything will turn up fine, but it sure is better than thinking about every little thing that can go wrong with your life. Keep up with the sunshine and the unicorns and that smile on your face, will you?
You are such an endearing person with the best intentions always. Things don’t always go your way, but you make the best of any situation. You are a loyal friend.
YES.. I can stand to fall back! lol Im told this all the time. Very aggresive and can give advice a little too much. But as soon as I shut up… people want to know “whats wrong with you”. LOLÂ
Uh oh, someone needs to calm down a bit. And by that, I mean to not take everything so seriously. The world wasn’t made to be fixed by one person! You’re brutally analytical, a bit too harsh, and way, way too judgemental. Not everyone is perfect, and yes, this includes you! Resist the urge to glare at the girl who talks too loudly on her phone or the guy who chewed with his mouth open that one time. Take a deep breath, take a chill pill, and humble yourself a bit (or a lot).
Inside the mind of cree 