Last night I was lying on the couch thinking about how I use to be when I was young and at home with my parents. I had this terrible attitude. To be honest I can\’t remember a time being happy with myself, unless I was prancing in the mirror at my * light skin* *glass hour figure* and *long hair*. Boy was I lying to myself. I was truly unhappy. For one I was a virgin and raped by a boyfriend, and just couldn\’t get over the fact that I use to exercise my bragging rights that I was a virgin at 17. And when it happened my whole turned upside down.
Nothing about me was happy. I had an attitude if I had to pick up a piece of paper off the floor. I hated everybody who didn\’t agree with me, and woe if you cross me, I had a tongue so sharp that it could cut you mentally and physically and have you bleeding from the inside out. My parents use to warn me that if I didn\’t change my ways, that it would be hell to pay. She said people out in the streets ain\’t gon put up with your mouth and attitude like we do. I had a answer for that too. OH WELL and in the words of Morris Day * aint nobody bad as me*!!!
I had come from a very close family with the best brother and 2 sisters in the world, not to mention the best parents who put us first no matter what. When my attitude was full bloom in its cancerous state, my sister who was 3 years under me, was beginning to act just like me * but worse*.
*To be continued*
* Continued* ~ Sunday morning 4:17 am.
My sister was always getting into trouble at school, getting kicked out of a high school, and fighting every gurl who she didnt like. To this day, with the family we had, how in the world did we end up with terriable attitudes?
When I turned 22 I moved into my own apartment. I wanted to get to know me. I started partying and having what * I thought* was a good time. After many many years passed, I still didnt know who I was. My sister the one under me who also had a bad attitude, had gotten older , she finished High School with her high school sweetheart, and they both went to college and got their Associates Degree.
At some point in my life I started reading my bible. I felt that it was time for change in my life I knew God, and I wanted more than what I was experiencing. As I started reading books from the new testiment I had this strong connection with Paul. Paul was something else back in his day. Just as I was. When God began to work on my attitude, I began to change. I mean really change. The things that I loved to do so much I didnt like doing. When I would see young people with all this attitude, it would do something to me, because for the first time I got to see how I looked. I didnt like who I saw, and for some reason I always was in the presense of those kinda people. What I did the most, and didnt do anymore, I had to sit in the midst of . I saw first hand how it could ruin your life.
I use to be on welfare and when I had to talk to my worker about my case. I had to talk to her nice and if I didnt I knew she would prolong my case. At some point in my life, I didnt care that she was case worker, if she got wrong with me I would get wrong with her. Not even thinking or realizing MY attitude was riding on her decision to help me now or later. I was too stupid to see that connection.
The more I was trying to change my ways, the more God put people in my life that was just like me. I was looking at these people , like dang whats going on in their life that they are just funky acting? The more I saw them, the better my attitude became. It reminds me of Paul, just as wicked as he was before, when he became a *soldier* for God he had to *work even harder to gain back the people who was lost, and then gain NEW beleivers. Thats how it felt for me. Even to this day, its even harder.
Today at 41 Im alwaysssssssssss meeting or coming in contact with people with those attitudes. Its soooo funny to me, cause I see what God is doing. Who is better equipped to deal with these people THAN ME? LOL God said Im going to pair you up Lacrease with these types of people because you know first hand the roots of the problems, and you UNDERSTAND. And within the last 2 years I just realize this.
The first thing God trained me in this area is. That people\’s attitude is NOT about ME. For example. When I was mean and snapping at people, it wasnt about the actual person who Im giving the hard time too, it was about someting inside of ME. Something already there before I got to this person. So now that I know that, its easier for me to penpoint the problem when Im talking to someone about their attitude. And guess what else I found out? Sometimes its not that people have attitudes, they may just have something on their minds. I remember a time when I would get an attitude just because you had one. LOL Aint that crazy? Until I realized that it WASNT an attitude, it was that they had just lost a family member.
When I start my gurls group back up in April 2009, this is an area Im really going to teach on because there are a lot of gurls who walk around with anger build up inside of them, and it leads to having bad attitudes. After so many years of this, it can lead to very serious crimes. They need to learn how to FIND THE ROOT of their problems and get/ask for help in those areas.
My sister who was just like me, she\’s 38 and I cant remember the last time she had an attitude. LOL Its so funny to me, cause we use to be OFF THE CHAIN. The people we are today, we try to help people cause we know what they are going through. WE know that there is a root. We know how hard it is to break the cycle of a bad attitude. We both are constantly talking to people so that they can be happier in their lives when they penpoint the troubled areas and start smiling again. Its challenging yes, but I deal with soooooo many different Spirits daily, that even though its hard work, its so worth it. God gave me all the power I need to changed the lives of others in this area, and Im using it all!
God Bless You