Today, I came to realize that I’m fighting. I’m just tired.
Today, I went down to my basement to my prayer area, and I stripped down NAKED to talk to God. I cried, and cried. I’m just tired of fighting. I’m fighting back what I’m suppose to be doing that’s going to lead me to the next level. Today, I surrender. Its okay too. It really is. I felt ( up until today) that Ministering to people everyday is taking up my time. Because it’s so demanding. Being selfish. But I have to give up my life, that’s not to say that I can’t have fun and do the things that I want to do. Maybe I’m scared of that. I’m about to get geared it so I probably won’t be posting as much. I’m going to learn how to balance my time with God, family, to Minister, work, and play. There is no balance in my life. I can no longer live like this. I’m tired. I’m so tired. I can’t wake up tomorrow and do things the way they have been done. I can’t. It will surely kill me.
Theres a reason why people are always calling me,texting me, stopping me on the streets, in line, on-line, off-line, at work, in the stores, on the phone, in person, in and out-of-town. I can no longer be selfish. My time is not MY time, it belongs to God .I’ve been wasteful with my time, and I can no longer “sip on milk”. I have a gift to be able to touch and reach a lot of people. No one know half of what I know. And let me say this, to all those reading my messages daily. Don’t watch me go through these whoppings from God and not learn from it. I’m going through a lot Spiritually, you all just DONT KNOW, and I come here to share these things with my readers. Please don’t let me go through this for FREE. Take something from it.
Let me post a few Scriptures that speaks to me at this time.
Hebrews 12 (New International Version)
God Disciplines His Sons
1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2 Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
4 In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5 And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
6 because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.”[a]
7 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8 If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9 Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! 10 Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
12 Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 13 “Make level paths for your feet,”[b] so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.