Compassion Fatigue

I just have to blog about this day. I have to in order to remember it. If I’m all over the place don’t worry about it, because this is for me.
Went to work today, had a wonderful day. My job is hard mentality, dealing with so many different SPIRITS. If it wasn’t for God constantly in my ear, I don’t know where I would be…….and that’s real talk. Some of those people I just look at, because I cant believe sometimes how they don’t look out for the person behind them when they are digging in their purses, and cutting in front of each other, pushing the cart because its in the way. These people really get upset. Most of them come in with such heavy hearts, I can feel it when they come up to me. That’s why its so important to have a relationship with God, and to read our bibles. This is the only way I stand daily. If I allow every persons Spirit to come into me, I would be in trouble daily. I stand on God’s word, he makes me happy, he feels me with PEACE. He cracks me up when I don’t feel like laughing, he CHECKS me when I’m wrong. He loves me, and I feel so bad to see so many people who are living this life without him. Everyday its a struggle for them to smile, and some to even get out of bed. Not saying that I don’t, cause sometimes I DO. But I don’t stay in that place too long, because its a dead in there. I personally can’t function . But anyway…..
I got off work today, had a few hours to get ready and be on the road to my Church Second Ebenezer to see Bishop TD Jakes. See, I like to do 1000 things before I leave the house, and I knew that in order to be there by 7, I had to cut down on those things to do and leave. But I messed around and got on the rode about 6:20. OMG Traffic was on the freeway exit, lines took forever to move, traffic was so thick it was unreal. There were so many people  parking their cars and walking a far distance. And those who wanted could ride the bus shuttle to the church. I never seen anything like it. Cars were parked blocks and blocks and blocks away, they were parking in businesses, and restaurants, on the street, it was really amazing on one hand, but on MY HAND…….. I was mad for playing myself like this. I know when we have our break through services, I have to leave the house at least 1 1/2  hours early to beat the traffic and fight for a good seat. Our Church seats 3000, there were so many people there we had a over flow of 3 rooms!!!! How is that possible? LOL Well, Imma say this, after thinking about it carefully and crying in the car ( yea I cried, cause I was mad at myself) I decided to stop and get me something to eat, and go home. I was disappointed and devastated  at the same time. I came home from work in way enough time to get dressed and go, but I’m always “pushing it”, and this is exactly what I get.
I got home, look at my  food I was turned off. Then I thought about it, I COULD PAY FOR IT ON PAY PER VIEW!!!!! I pulled out my credit card and ordered it. Just my luck for it to act up on me now. It came on, the choir was singing 2 long songs, I finally ate, and I was ready for Bishop. And soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon as he said his first word the  they were having difficulties. I was blazing, trying to be patient, the insides of me was on FIYAH. It seemed as Satan had beaten me. I refresh the page at least 40 times. All I could get was bits and pieces. I was so upset, after that long ride, long line, closed parking lost, cars parked everywhere, I was outdone. Tired from work, tired from the drive, and tired of trying to get this page to come back up. I read on line that they had the same issue last night, so I knew that I was in trouble. But…..just as soon as the tears flowed, and my frustrations grew, 10-15 minutes passed, and just as I said “that’s it…. I’m done trying”…. it came back up and NEVER went out. I knew Bishop would have a word for me, I just had to hear the word. I knew it, I knew it. I knew it. I can’t say it enough. The word came at the end when he said.. ” The Angels are coming for ME”. He talked about “Compassion Fatigue” and how I’m always showing compassion, and helping this person and that person, doing this and doing that, and watching everybody make it, and do their thang, and I’m happy for them, but at the same time suffering from Compassion Fatigue. I lost it on that part. That was it, after all the heat my body went through today, I felt a cold breeze when he said “The Angels are coming for ME”!!! Its gonna be my turn, I’m going to be happy, I’m going to do the things that I always dreamed of, being where I want to be. That was my break through. That sent me over for real. I’m so happy God saw how much and how badly I needed this word, I went through hell and high water tonight, but I got the word in my ear, and I’m holding on to that appointed time. I have enough strength to hold on. I can wait a little while longer. And I’m happy. Thank you Lord for that word tonight. Thank you 🙂
I come to realize that I know a lot of people. No matter where I go, somebody always recognize me from work, school and just by others. When I’m getting my nails and brows down, there are always people there who know me. I can go through the drive thru and the people say, heyyyyyyyyyyyy gurl did you work today? And I’m like huh? Then it comes to me. Sooooooo, many people come up to me all the time and I’m like why don’t I remember them? I realize the impression I leave and they remember me. That is such a blessing. They tell me how friendly I am, and how sweet I am, and its really good to hear that because I don’t always look how I feel. LOL That’s why God always tell me that we must represent HIM. Don’t pay me any attention……..see God through me, so this explains why I am always speaking on how important to smile, and show yourself friendly. My daily bread book says that ” Jesus is telling us that the way God knows we love Him is by how we treat people”. I just love that!!! I know God has to give me that push sometimes, and I know that since I already started something, I may as well keep it going. I would hate for people to see me on the streets and I’m acting mean, and ugly. How would that look for God? I have to really, really, really be careful, God has shown me that so many people watch me and its always good to just be ME…
Well, I’m off to bed….. I’m so sleepy. Good Night!

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