So, lately I’ve been doing a “self examination” and I’m very honest about how I feel, the choices I make, and some of the things I say.
The VERY next day after writing my blog entry https://lacreasewalker.com/2013/07/25/who-r-u-part-2-crees-blog-entry-must-read/ “Who R U” Part 2 ……my daughter hesitated to share a story with me about what was going on at her job, “she said to me” “I don’t like telling you stuff momma, because you get mad”. Wow, that just blew me away. She had no idea of the blog entry that I had written the night before… so for your own child to say the same thing…. it MUST be true.
I picked her up from work this day, when she had this “sigh of relief” look on her face as she got in the van. I asked her …. what’s going on gurl? She turned to me as I was driving and said “ma, I’m going to share something with you, but don’t get mad. When she said that,…. all of a sudden my heart started beating fast, I could feel the anxiety kicking in, I could feel heat rising, anger setting in place, the MADEA in me coming out. I wanted to stop the van just in case I had to go back and confront somebody. I needed cold air to circulate to my whole body. I went into a daze. I just needed to hear the story, but she made me do all of these promising “NOT TO GET MAD” thingys for 10 minutes , and then she began her story.
As she shared the story of CORPORATE BULLYING *everything is good now* I invited God to come into the space of my mind, and intercept the anger, fear, and anxiety that I was having by listening. While driving, I had to make sure my facial expression didn’t change much, because I know my daughter, she will change the subject and never mention it again. To help me, I thought about the blog entry I wrote the night before about what my friend said. This is the part that stood out the most in her fiery email TO ME 5 years ago: “you really need to get-it-together with your anger–rage mouth!!! Its very difficult to share things with you when I know you gonna go nutts at the lips!!!!!!!” While my daughter told the story…. God was in my head space calming my storm, I started feeling relaxed. I felt as if I didn’t have to “fight anymore” or “feel the sense to confront” someone. I knew that God was saying to me, STOP FIGHTING EVERYONE LACREASE… I am in control NOT YOU! Even though my insides were on “fire” just hearing the story, I felt that God wanted me to feel every emotion so that I can know that they will arise, how to handle them, but at the same time learn to trust him when it comes to these situations.
This is what it felt like… I don’t like roller coasters at all PERIOD. I was in Cedarpointe one year and someone talked me into riding with them, it was my very first time. Well, I go on, and it got STUCK at the top for what seems like FOREVER. Once they got it running, I thought we were going to crash to the bottom, thinking that it wasn’t going to ever work properly until the engineers took a look at it. The feeling of the”climb” in the roller coaster… is how I feel as the person tells the story…. the “drop” of it is the thought of things I want to say to the aggressor, but when I calm down and let God handle the situation is the feeling I have when the ride is over and I SURVIVED IT. Its like okay…. it wasn’t that bad. WOW ISNT THAT DEEP?
With all of that said…. I’m learning how to control my emotions when someone shares something with me that I wont agree with. But in order to do that… I had to ask God….where did this come from?
You DO NOT want to miss….. Part 4 coming up!!!
Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy