Today was a great day. A day of PEACE in my apartment. I won’t see my boo anymore until Friday, which gives me time to write, and decide what I’m going to do with our friendship. If I decide to part ways with him, its going to be really sad for me because I enjoy being around him, he makes me laugh. I guess the reason why this is on my mind so tuff is because its hard for me to like someone. He is the first person that I’ve liked in years. I meet a lot of men, but either I’m not attracted to them, like they are to me, maybe its the baggage or the lifestyle.I dunno.
I met this guy about 2 weeks ago. I was standing in line at a gas station. When this guy walked in….. LOL He opened the door and looked at me like I was his wife. I smiled at him because he was good looking, had personality like myself, tall dark, handsome. He could NOT stop looking at me, it made me laugh in my mind because I know how I feel when someone catch my eye, I can’t stop staring, and I can STARE. He said to me, hey pretty when you finish come back here and keep me company while I heat up my food. I looked at him like…… heat your food up. He kept talking to me while I was in line, so after I finished paying for my gas, he made sure I came back to the microwave. He’s a truck driver and he stops there at his favorite gas station to heat up his lunch. We talked and laugh, I LOVE TO TALK JUNK * not sexual* we were going back and forth. So, I hand him my phone number, as I gave it to him, I looked down and spotted his WEDDING RING! I said “you’re married?” I said um um I can’t talk to you? He said “we can just be friends!” You know men love to run that line. It was so hard, but I turned around and walked towards the door. He said No, please, SO YOURE TELLING ME I WONT EVER SEE YOU AGAIN? I said YES… you have someone, I’m not going to get to know you, while you’re married!!!!!! He was sick when I walked out of the door. It was hard too. My mom was in the truck, so as I pumped the gas, I couldn’t stop laughing in my mind, and how he kept saying…. “So I won’t ever see you again”? I said NOPE!!!
No sooner than I got in the truck,PUMPED MY GAS, he came out of no where, and said wait wait… He opened my car door and I looked at him like……. ARE YOU SERIOUS? He said hi moms, talking to my mother, he said I’m going to call you, saying lets be friends. He called, and when he told me who his wife was I WAS TRIPPING, She’s the daughter of a FAMOUS FAMOUS GOSPEL SINGER. That was our last conversation. I told him, we aren’t even going to get to know each other AT ALL PERIOD. I’m glad that he got the hint, and if he ever called again I wouldn’t answer my phone. Temptation is deep!!!
He claim he just wanted to talk and be friends.But that’s how cheating starts right? Being friends!! I would be so offended if my HUSBAND was going around meeting NEW WOMEN but at the same time attracted to her. That’s opening the door to cheating…and all types of sin. I’m NOT doing that. I know what I want. I know what I’m looking for in a man, and I’m not spending ANY of my singleness with MARRIED MEN. I don’t waste my time like that.
Women do the same thing!!
In other news……I’m excited about seeing TYLER PERRY’S MOVIE TEMPTATION NEXT WEEKEND! ME AND MY GURLS ARE DOING IT BIG AS WE SHUT DOWN THE MJR VANDYKE. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE me some TYLER PERRY! SO, we will support him next weekend. If you are reading this…. DO THE SAME!
Cree
Tonight is one of those nights where my mind takes me back to some of the things that God told me in the past. Things that I never understood and never really thought about. But lately I’m starting to wonder about something’s. I HATE opening up new scenarios. But I guess sometime you have too. I don’t have the time …..N E way. I sent a special prayer up and I’m going to sit back and see what happens.
I’m special just like he told me.
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Tonight I was with my friend. I really enjoy his company, but its starting to be a problem…. I can tell. Why can’t he just enjoy my company? I’m not giving my 12-13 years up of celibacy. I DONT CARE WHO YOU ARE! See that’s the problem with most men today, they feel like if they like someone, they’re suppose to sleep with them. It don’t work that way with me. Its bad for gurls like me, who truly want LOVE and MARRIAGE…when all you meet is men who have been spoiled by women… especially those with low self-esteem. I DONT CARE WHO YOU ARE…. I love me. And no matter what I DONT SAY.. trust me I know. I already know that I’m different, I don’t do things according to how the world does it when it comes to my body, and my mind. Just because I’m nice and approachable….. I will “tear that azz up”. Then when I do that….they say I’m “RUDE”.
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I know this guy isn’t for me. But I really enjoying seeing him, BEING AROUND HIM, and talking to him. I just feel bad that he looks at me in a way, and in my mind I know he will NEVER have me. I’m thinking about going my own way…. its hard for him to be around me, and I understand. Now I’m asking… God where is MY HUSBAND?
Wow what a weekend!!!   I’m telling you, when you are in a NEW SPACE, NEW PLACE, NEW CHAPTER, AND  NEW PAGE…. you see clearly and people differently. This year I’m not for any mess, any drama, NOTHING. I’m not being nice when I need to be DIRECT. There is no reason to be that way, when I’m a straight up person. Anyway enough of that ENERGY! Talk Later!
OMG I miss my boo 🙂
As I sit here in a New Chapter of my life. I enjoy the fact that its only me. I love that. I can FOCUS on myself. I’ve never had time like this to really pay so much attention to who I am. Sometimes I admit I don’t know that to do with myself. LOL But one thing that has been on my mind for the longest, something so petty to the next person, but it has played a huge part of how I lived my life.
I’ve always had a beautiful shape, small waist and a behind that is noticeable. When I was young, guys who were older than me would always try to talk to me. They would always tell me how pretty I was, and how beautiful my shape was. I grew up with both my parents in the home, and my parents didn’t play that being fast mess. My daddy would kill us with his bare hands, if we were acting fast. As a matter of fact, I was shy, stayed to myself and never wanted any trouble. Because it was easy to see this in me, many men felt free to tell me about my body. I remember so clearly how people would say to me, “why is your booty so big”? This would bother me, because I hated attention, I wanted to be the gurl in the back ground. I didn’t know why my body was made this way. I didn’t know why men would look at me and want me. I didn’t know I would be molested and raped by several men in my life before I even left to be on my own at 22. I didn’t know that my body could cause so much chaos in my life.
When I was in my teens, I would always catch it with the older women about my body. They were the ones who really did me in on this subject. Making me feel that when God created me, that I was on some sort of assembly line and that I got in the “behind line” one too many times and he must have missed catching me. Making me feel as if I some how cheated and “got more” than what they had. They all made me feel so ashamed of myself. So, I started wearing extra long shirts, and sweaters to cover my body even more. I would pull at the bottom of my shirts, stretching them way out of shape. I made sure that no one saw my body anymore. Instead of wearing a regular shirt, that everyone else was wearing, I chose to wear everything long.
Its a shame how I didn’t know any better to understand that God made my body. And to tell these grown OLD women just that. I didn’t have any say on how he made it. I didn’t stand in a line to get it, I didn’t chose, beg, or pray. I didn’t do anything but come to this world to serve a purpose for HIM.
With all that said. I have gained so much weight over the years that I can’t believe that I let myself get so out of shape. As I can see myself in a different light BY LIVING ALONE AND BEING ABLE TO FOCUS ON ME. I have already started a SERIOUS workout plan to be healthy and beautiful as God has made me. I am 16 days into working out EVERYDAY. And I LOVE IT. I have never been so serious about this, and everyday I go to bed and I look forward to working out the next day, and setting short term goals…and MEETING THEM!!!!
No longer will I allow ANYONE to make me feel bad because of my body, or any thing else. Its funny how everyone had something to say about it then when I didn’t know any better, but now a days having a BIG BEHIND is in. People are getting booty shots, and DYING to have WHAT I WAS ALREADY BORN WITH.
I have and will always carry myself as woman. I will no longer misuse my body for ANYONE’S OPINION of me. If they have a problem take it up with God…. he’s my creator.
This is MY story about my BODY… but there are stories of people who are drop dead gorgeous, people who have light skin and dark skin. This is for people who have skin disorders, born without an ear, nose. For people who have large breast and people who stare at you, this is for anyone who has covered up their appearances because others made them feel bad. THIS POST IS FOR YOU!
Psalms 139:14, “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.”
Cree *photo ABOVE taken in Atlanta Georgia, July 1993
*photo here taken last month*
So, today I’m back on track.
Me and HE, have decided to be friends. He’s so funny and so cool. I love a man who has plenty of conversation. Sexy, handsome, thick, friendly, love helping people, love to laugh and talk. Um. So, with that said….. no phone calls to him, only talks in person when he’s here. I’m good with it. I learned the less you talk to a man and just listen, he loves that. I just hate that when men see me as a listener, that they think my mentality is weak. But then as soon as they get to know me… they say I want all the POWER, control, want everyone to see things my way, STRONG MINDED, bossy, when I make up my mind on something… ITS A DONE DEAL. So men stop thinking just because a woman listens to you that she is SUBMISSIVE AND WEAK. Stop that. Because when she shows you her other side, you will look at her differently….good or bad. I’m a sweet person, I HATE DRAMA AND GOSSIP… but I love to laugh, talk, take rides, city trips, go near water and just chill. In the meantime…. my book is calling.
I was reading an article that Oprah had about writer’s block. I found it very interesting. I was thinking something was wrong with me. I find that I can really write when someone has made me mad….. that’s strange. It also talks about NOT talking about what you’re writing because after you’ve said it, the desire to write is gone. LOL So true that made me laugh. I like to talk out loud when I’m alone, and after all my frustrations are out, I can’t write a thing on it. Wow.. funny.
*My sister and nieces toes*
Its been a long time since a man has got passed A with me.
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This one caught me off guard.
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My daughter can’t believe it, or my BFF.
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Me either.
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I told him today….. I refuse to KNOWILY be #3. Been celibate for 12 plus years…. aint no dayum way… IN THIS WORLD….have I been waiting for YOU.
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When a man tells you about ABOUT HIS LIFE, AND THE WOMEN IN IT…..take it as face value.
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He’s in my presence everyday…..this is going to be so hard
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Ignoring the calls….. then answering them…..he’s waiting for me downstairs….. opposite the Princess I will NOT go.
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Where is my track? I need to get back on it. Hot dayum….. Cree done fell off.
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Where is my pen and paper…. my book is calling me… haven’t seen it in almost 3 days….
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He notices everything about me, he remembers everything I say, he’s never touched me, but he turns me ON.
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The way his glock hangs off his holster, his swag, his non cockyness….
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I must stay away from him, for he is not for ME….
Walk into a room today and set THE ATMOSPHERE!!! Walk into an elavator and set the ATMOSPHERE… walk into your job and set the ATMOSPHERE. Smile, show yourself friendly. When you leave that area allow your fragrance of PEACE to LINGER.
Okay, so my phone is here. Yea…. so happy. Everything is in place.
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Met a guy this weekend… hmmmm my type. 🙂
He told me that I was different, but he couldn’t put his finger on why. If I’m feeling you, I wont give you any information about me…. NONE…. If I’m not feeling you, I can open up and tell you everything. I was quiet with him.. listening.
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Until I found out……He’s married…… not interested.
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In other news………In my meantime of waiting on Mr. Right….. I’m enjoying spending time with God and myself…
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New International Version (©1984)
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. Philippians 4:12
CREE
Okay, So my phone blinked out on me. I filled out a claim on line. Was told that the insurance I had didnt cover my screen blinking out. DENIED!!!
 Got up this morning went to Verizon Wireless, talked to the lady, she checked and said…. Nope… youre not covered. She did some more work on the computer and told me that my phone should be here in 2 days…. NO CHARGE…… FAVOR STALKS ME EVERYWHERE I GO!!!
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THANK YOU JESUS… Let me go and give some LOVE!!! TALK LATER!
Inside the mind of cree 