Tonight is one of those nights where my mind takes me back to some of the things that God told me in the past. Things that I never understood and never really thought about. But lately I’m starting to wonder about something’s. I HATE opening up new scenarios. But I guess sometime you have too. I don’t have the time …..N E way. I sent a special prayer up and I’m going to sit back and see what happens.
I’m special just like he told me.
Tonight I was with my friend. I really enjoy his company, but its starting to be a problem…. I can tell. Why can’t he just enjoy my company? I’m not giving my 12-13 years up of celibacy. I DONT CARE WHO YOU ARE! See that’s the problem with most men today, they feel like if they like someone, they’re suppose to sleep with them. It don’t work that way with me. Its bad for gurls like me, who truly want LOVE and MARRIAGE…when all you meet is men who have been spoiled by women… especially those with low self-esteem. I DONT CARE WHO YOU ARE…. I love me. And no matter what I DONT SAY.. trust me I know. I already know that I’m different, I don’t do things according to how the world does it when it comes to my body, and my mind. Just because I’m nice and approachable….. I will “tear that azz up”. Then when I do that….they say I’m “RUDE”.
I know this guy isn’t for me. But I really enjoying seeing him, BEING AROUND HIM, and talking to him. I just feel bad that he looks at me in a way, and in my mind I know he will NEVER have me. I’m thinking about going my own way…. its hard for him to be around me, and I understand. Now I’m asking… God where is MY HUSBAND?
Yesterday at work, I had a older white lady and her care giver a young black gurl to come through my line. They were very friendly, so I asked the young gurl….. how did you become to be her care giver. YES… I ask my customers questions, because I like to learn things about people. She told me that she was waiting to be placed at a hospital which was coming up soon, and in the meantime she became the lady caretaker. I can tell they are very close and very trusting of each other. I asked the young gurl…… how did you know that you’re suppose to take care of the elderly, what was your break through in knowing that you enjoy this work? She looked at me and said… I’m going to share this story with you. She told me that when she was a little gurl, her momma would kill ANTS AND FLIES that was in the house, she said she would SECRETLY take them in her room, and try to nurse them back alive. She said she was very upset with her mother plenty of times for killing them, and she would do her best to bring them back to life. OMG … tears formed in my eyes because she said she knew then that she would take care of people. when she got older Her friends in school and her family would tell her the same thing. Her friends called her the “Bug Girl*. Wow!!! What a Testimony. God has to be smiling down on her. I believe that God plant early in our heads what he wants us to do.
I found that people like us, cant attach ourselves to others. We have to always have the Spirit of “keep it moving”. I say that because, we are always fighting for the underdog, we are popular people, but not with the things people do in the world. When it comes to my HOMELESS PEOPLE, I cant care how people feel about me giving them money or what they do with it. I don’t /cant allow those influences to take over me. People often say… gurl you don’t know what they do with that money”… and I say to them, and I don’t know what you do with it either when I give it to you. Same thing. See people don’t see or even know how far LOVE goes into helping and loving others, because they are always trying to get to THEIR next high of whatever MOTIVATES THEM.
There is no limit to LOVE that’s in my HEART. I pray that GOD SENDS the MAN for me to share it with.
Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy