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                           #7
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Always in the Driver’s Seat: After Tony and Stephanie’s first few dates, she was the one driving the relationship forward. They had to do this, read that and work through problems he wasn’t even aware they had. At first Tony went along with it, feeling fortunate that he had such a strong and meticulous woman. But when they became engaged and he watched her drive the bridal party the same way she’d driven the relationship, he saw how put off everybody else was. Before long, he called off the wedding. He decided that rather than have Stephanie run his life, he would run in the other direction.
What Went Wrong: While it is useful to have high standards, if they are too high, too much time is spent trying to meet them and too little is spent simply basking in each other’s company. You may become a more impressive-looking couple, but you’ll have nowhere near the fun. Sometimes a woman takes a strong leadership role because her guy can’t or won’t so she feels she must. More often than not, through, her controlling tendencies are motivated by profectionism. Her rigid standards for a relationship are an extension of those she sets for herself. For her, good enough is never good enough.
Solution: When we lose some of the control, we may gain a partner who is willing to go the distance with us. Relax those rigid standards, loosen up and let serendipity rule.
 By Ronn Elmore
Inside the mind of cree 
A bossy woman, eh? LOL. Well, she was too much of a control freak and maybe too uptight. No telling what woulda happened in the marriage.
Can anyone say “hen pecked”?
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Whew weeeee ! you gonna strike a nerve wit some sistas on this one! And it’s soooooooo true that’s exactly how it is!
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You aint strike no nerve with me Cre cause I like the words of wisdom and LaMar is right that is how it works a lot of the time
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You know aint like a woman who wants to control everythang. I did that with my daughter’s dad. I was sooooo bossy. I look back at that relationship and wonder how in the world did he deal with me?????????
If I met a man who was as controlling and bossy as I was, we could never be. I dont think that’s Love at all. Love didn’t feel that way I made him feel. I had something to say about everything, cursed him out, called him names, and one day he was like its a wrap for us! WE are cool now, he’s married, and his wife is even bossier. Im like danggggggg he must attract those type of women. I dunno but I can say I am not that woman any more. Praise God!
I want the man to take the lead, to have the final say so, even if I dont agree. I love it when couples debate, then after wards some way the woman always submit and then the husband make the final decision, and its cool.
Where works of the flesh exists, there is NO joy
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Every woman says she wants a man to be in control and make the final decision but when he comes along and makes a decision that she doesn’t agree with it a fight . I’M GONNA LEAE THIS ONE ALONG BECAUSE I AINT MAD AT A BROTHA FOR LEAING HER I WOULD HAE 2
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I agree Milt. I was that same way too. I dont want a bossy man. You feel me. No boo you are right, no one is mad you re speaking the truth. You know if our gurl is with a bossy man who always want to rule something, you know her gurls would be in her ear!!!!!
cre
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I was very much so, in control of my relationships before I met this man I’m married to now. He’s no where near controlling & I’m not either. I thought I wanted a man that would put his foot down & tell me it’s going to be like this (baby)… I say baby because, I didn’t want them to say it in a mean way, But, like when I got bossy/controlling I wanted a man that would (Man Up) and tell me where to go with all that bullcrap. I thank God I’m no longer like that… We’ll say… Let me think about that… or I’ll see what I can do, when we don’t have an answer for that moment.
We “compromise,” at times he’ll get the final say & then there are times I’ll get the final say. But, more often than not WITH THIS MAN we’re on the same page… on things that are important. I feel more like a woman (acting like one) and letting the man be the man. Letting the man be the man doesn’t mean it’s what he says and that’s it. It means not belittling him saying or doing things that would make one question their manhood. It all boils down to hearing each other out & respecting each others opinion—then and only then you can move up and on from there.
We live by this and it works for us!
The five C’s!
COMMUNICATION
COMPROMISE
CONSIDERATE
COMMITMENT
&
CHRIST
I had to give a toast at my bestfriends wedding and I said; “In a marriage there must be the 4 C’s COMMUNICATION— You must communicate about everything, you’re in a marriage and you make decisions TOGETHER. The next one is Compromise— In a marriage, You must compromise it’s not his way or her way all of the time… this is where great communication comes in. The 3rd “C” is CONSIDERATE—You must be patient, kind and understanding with each other . The 4th “C” is Commitment—You both made a commitment not only to each other but you’ve made a covenant with the Lord. Let NO—Man or WoMan come in between you two. I saved the most important one at the end because I after saying all of this, this is the one I want make sure you remember…. CHRIST— With Christ in the center of it all, you can do all of the above & more.
My husband made a JOKE at his God Brothers wedding at the end of his toast he added a 6th “C” and said; “Fellas— the women may agree with is last “C” ‘CASH’ you can’t pay the bills without it. The next time I make a toast if I have to… I’m going to add another one “Cuddle” you must not only say you love each other you must show each other. :o)
When we give wedding gifts we’ll write it in the card if we’re not giving a toast. People seem to really love it and always mention it afterwards… If you like it…Try it, write more than just signing your name on the card.
~ T
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Ahhhhhhhhh I love this!!!!!! ; “Fellas— the women may agree with is last “C” ‘CASH’ you can’t pay the bills without it. The next time I make a toast if I have to… I’m going to add another one “Cuddle” you must not only say you love each other you must show each other. :o)
crease
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Yall know I jacked up the words up there… It’s not 4 C’s it’s 5… I typed it wrong up in the toast part. But, ya got me right?
I’ve been getting up early & going to bed early & seem to post right before I got to bed and I’m passssssssss my bedtime 2:46am.
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Dang! That should have read *Go to bed… See— I’m weepy the sand man is in my eyes… nite– Nite Cre
I’m a widdle baby & can’t hang. (LOL)
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Good Night Widdle baby! lollllll Inside joke yall she tells me that allllllllll the time. I be like gurlllll Im out, She;ll say good night widdle baby! lollll
love yall
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Hey gurl, I once was in a controlling relationship didn’t know what part i played but one day a movie came on tv it was the color purple now i’m not saying that i took the role of Danny Glover but i did take a part. I later learn from my law enforcement training class there three types of personalities (1) the parent, do as i say. (2) the child, why me why me or i can’t do it. then (3) the Adult, the one who thinks before the action or reaction. the point i’m trying to make is if we trust in yourself first and trust in the one u wit you would learn that leaves no room for any type of control over your lover in the relationship.. Just remember we all play a role in the relationship what part are YOU… Holla at ur Phat Daddy Boo.
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Well it shouldn’t be that a woman bosses her man but some men need to be bossed! And I’m just gonna keep it real with this one because I’ve been there and the reason being was because I was dealing with a man that had yet to “grow up and be a man”. And I know I’m not the only woman who has ever been in this spot before. I don’t know why I stayed in the relation as long as I did, but I do know that I gave invested alot in it to make it work. But as I said in one of the other blogs, the conflict of being the woman/mother/lover became too much for me to handle. I started feeling like the villain all the time because I was the one making all the decisions about everything. I used to say to him, “Don’t you have any ideas about anything?” It was frustrating!!! Bottom line is that some men just don’t know how to be men. And that relationship was a contributor to why I just said, “Lord, it’s not my way anymore but your way.” I can’t do this anymore.
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Forgive the mistakes….I got alittle hot under the collar. LOL
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Well I think as when you try to control children.. if you try to control a realationship you will come across instant rebellion. Once you understand that you only have control over yourself and how you react to others…all will be good. NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO… the actions of others depend on them…not you. So don’t think if a person does some you want that if was all because of you. It took me a while but I get it now … I only focus on controlling me .. Controling my reactions, my comments, and my actions… cause I can’t control what another person says or does , even if that person is my man …. being a beautiful, smart, women that can cook, isn’t the reason he comes home each nite.. cause you can find a millon fine , educated sista’s that can burn…. so its his choice….. its a good choice,(wink) but you gotta get the picture that its not 100% about what u do or don’t do that makes a person react or do certain things.. You have to believe they are more in control over their decisions than you are ….. And that’s just my 2 cents (smile)
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Ying Yang…give take…there must ALWAYS B A BALANCE….both teacehrs both students both lovers both friends………in this world there are too many titles, categories…too many restrictions, so people naturally tend to fluctuate from one extreme to another…and basically settling toward the extremes to fit in…u can’t b THE MAN and cry…same way this woman can’t allow anything to go wrong, SO SHE TRIES TO DICTATE HER LIFE AND THOSE AROUND HER….poor thing…all the anal retentive bs will only drive people away….people need Jesus to take the reins….sit bakk and enjoi the ride.
im sure i went off alil…its what came 2 me after reading this…..stay blessed sis!
~NYC~
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